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Bloons Tower Defense 5
categories: Games

If you have a hunger that only monkeys, inflatable rubber, and large sharp pins can cure, then today is your lucky day. Meet me in the alley behind the Arbys.

Bloons 2 Spring Fling

Everyone’s favorite monkey is back! And no, it’s not the one at the zoo that keeps throwing his feces at kids and touching his swimsuit area.

Bloons 2 Christmas Pack

After I discovered this Christmas edition of Bloons 2, I admit I had one of my minor “episodes” and had to take a fistful of pills to settle down. But now that I’m all chillaxed I couldn’t care less if they make one for each of the 12 days of Christmas and OH GOD MY HANDS ARE HUGE

Bloons 2

Instead of spending a day on the yacht with my three Brazilian supermodels wives, I decided to stay in and make not only an achievement for this game but also ones for Truck Loader and Nuclearoids. Now you can stop raping my inbox with all those “you’re a lazy good-for-nothing bum” emails. No wait, those are all from my dad.

Bloons Super Monkey
categories: Games

In my dreams the bloons and the monkey are reversed. I am in control of a flying Super Balloon, plowing through waves of airborne monkeys with a hailstorm of darts, showering the forest below in a rain of primate hair, blood and organs.

Bloons ‘Christmas in Hell’ Edition
categories: Games

The Monkey was originally planning on ruining your Christmas cheer by licking all your candy canes and pooping in your stocking, but instead he has chosen to make you suffer through 50 excruciating Christmas-themed Bloons levels.

Bloons Tower Defense 3
categories: Games

I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got the monkey?

Bloons ‘The Blood of a Thousand Monkeys’ Edition
categories: Games

hhheeeeeeeeeee’ssssss baaaaaaack…

Bloons Pop Three
categories: Games

It’s tough for me to decide what I like better, Bejeweled clones, or Poppit clones. It’s kind of like trying to decide between death by fuzzy puppy kisses, or death by Brazilian supermodel kisses. It just depends on my mood.

Even More Bloons
categories: Games

As if Mondays weren’t bad enough already…

Bloons ‘I Haven’t Bathed in 3 Weeks’ Edition
categories: Games

The Monkey is back. He laughs at your suffering.

Bloons Tower Defense II
categories: Games

After seeing today’s game, you may find yourself asking, “How many Bloons games is too many Bloons games?”. However, the sophisticated among us will stick to more important questions like “should I not have eaten that?”, or “say, do you mind if I put that down my pants?”, and my personal favorite, “can I speak to my lawyer now?”

Bloons ‘When Will the Suffering End?’ Edition
categories: Games

I’ll tell you when the suffering will end. It ends when that monkey is lying face-down in a pool of his own blood.

Bloons Tower Defense
categories: Games

I told myself I was done with tower defense games, but along came that damn monkey and his balloons again. I swear he must have been a crack dealer in another life.

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