There’s an important lesson to be learned here – as a Roman emperor, if you base your reign upon cruelty, extravagance, and sexual perversity, you get awesome online games made in your honor. If you base your reign upon political and military conquest, you get a salad named after you.

omg I want a cat elevator

Finally, a way to enjoy the challenges of golf without exposing yourself to harmful UV rays. And harmful human contact. And harmful pant fibers.

An amazing new innovation that eliminates the need to be an actual self-respecting human being.

Traversed by a grey skinned fellow,
With tusks a whiteish-yellow,
and kisses like shots of Grape Jello.

Clearly I need to start playing World of Warcraft… Who am I kidding? Clearly I need to have a shower.

Spoiler Alert: Grandma gets eaten.

Since actually airing the abortion episode of Family Guy would get Fox firebombed, the cast instead had a live reading of the episode.

Wrah wrah wrah wrah wrah.

Mena-mena-mena-mena!

F.E.A.R. 2 will soon have slow mo deathmatch. I have no idea what that means, but if this video is any indication it will be pudgy and entertaining.

Hooray! It’s the weekend. Who’s got exciting plans? I’m not doing much, just gonna catch up on True Blood episodes and pick the porcupine quills out of my lips. Hey, don’t judge – those things look just like groundhogs from far away.

Looks… delicious.

I’ve always had trouble with the word “shuriken”. I just want to say “shrunken”, and trying to say it the right way makes my lips pucker up like I’m kissing a wet piece of liver and the sound that comes out is more like chronic stuttering than it is human speech. So I just call them throwing stars.

The Joes were not as cool as you remembered. Destro and Baroness on the other hand…