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Undefeated Spider
categories: Games

Ah yes, I had one of those living in my bathtub. After a long and excruciating battle, my only choices were to burn the apartment or never use the bath again. I chose the latter, and now every time new neighbors move in they call the police reporting “wretched decaying carcass smell coming from the apartment 3C”.

Raiders Took My Dog
categories: Games

I wish raiders (whoever they are) would take my dog. He pees on the carpet, chews on my shoes and seduces all my lady friends I bring over. Actually two of these things are my doings, and I don’t have any lady friends. Or a dog.

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Sum Links
categories: Games

Ah yes, a math game. It’s like going to a relaxing spa weekend, and instead of massages getting your colon irrigated and your anus aggressively waxed.

Cube Escape: Birthday
categories: Games

Happy Hump Day, fruitcakes! Play this depressing game to remind yourself how fleeting life is, and you’re probably spending it on a job you hate, sleeping, and eating trans-fats. Great, now I’m craving hot pockets.

Learn To Fly 3
categories: Games

I don’t wanna be a Debbie Downer, but it seems these penguins will never learn how to fly. Just like I will never learn how to properly clean my nether regions, some things are just not meant to be.

Cleopatra’s Escape
categories: Games

Bleh, Monday. And I have one more reason to hate it- that’s when my court-ordered mandatory weekly shower is. Apparently showering every 30th in the month is not “socially acceptable” anymore- according to my coworkers. What a bunch of deodorant loving wussies.

Ultimate Tower
categories: Games

Did you ever wake up thinking it’s Friday, while in reality it was Thursday? I can’t find the exact data anywhere, but I’m pretty sure this particular disillusion is the cause of at least 15% of global suicides.

Blacksmith Lab
categories: Games

Everyone always tells me my body looks like it’s been forged in a blacksmith lab, except it doesn’t and even if it did I don’t know anyone who would compliment it.

The Big Pig Game
categories: Games

Finally, a game about your mom. That’s right, I went there.

Happy Family Day!
categories: Misc

You really didn’t think I’d forget this, did you? Rest assured that 2000 years into the future when the Earth is a scorched wasteland and what is left of humanity lives in suspended animation in spaceships journeying to another galaxy – I will still be posting this video.

The Gatekeeper
categories: Games

When I was a teenager my mom made me wear underwear called The Gatekeepers, and to this day it’s not quite clear was her intent to prevent stuff from coming out or going in.

categories: Games

I enjoy putting up games that make colorblind people cry in the corner while they relive the emotional collapse they had when they were 9 and found out they couldn’t be pilots.

Escape The Car HD
categories: Games

Learning how to efficiently escape a moving vehicle is a useful skill when you hitchhike as much as I do. Every now and then you run into someone who wants to take you home, make you dinner, and worship your toes. I do have unusually beautiful toes (and I wear flipflops year-round), but it’s still creepy.

Deep Underground
categories: Games

With the weekend ahead, I’d like to remind you not to drink and drive, text and drive, masturbate and drive, and drive and drive. In fact, it would be better if we all just stayed in and not operate giant metal murder weapons.*
*I may or may not have developed a severe motorphobia in the past few days.