I’ll admit I’m being a bit selfish with this post. If you don’t play the guitar, the following video will just be a dork wearing giant tinfoil boots. But if you are a guitar player, well… better loosen your pants.

Someday I hope someone pumps 10 tons of cement into my house to see how I live.

Whenever I’m having a bad day, I load up this video and it always makes me feel better. I wish I could buy him on Amazon.com and feed him never-grow-up-pills.

I think I remember this game - only when I played it I was on my stomach behind the television trying to figure out what was wrong with the surround sound. And it suuuuucked.

The Germans have done it again! First they gave us the master race, and now they bring us cheeseburger in a can! Whether you’re camping in the wilderness, or just a big sad weirdo, you can now enjoy this delicious(?) treat for yourself. I suggest one of our European readers orders this product, then videotapes themselves opening and eating it. I’ll post it on the site. You’ll be famous.

Not since R.S.V.P - The Racial Segregation Party have I been so disgusted with a game. How many years has it taken us to overcome our prejudices? And then a little game like this comes along and tries to teach us that it does matter whether you’re black or white. Well shame on you game developers. SHAME ON YOU!

Space, the final frontier… for your bum. Nobody said being an astronaut was easy.

AAHHHH!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAHHHH? Ah? Ah! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh…

I applaud this kid’s initiative, but in the end he still posted a video of himself flexing in the living room while wearing cardboard taped to his pyjamas, as his mom makes grilled cheese sandwiches in the background.

Click groups of three or more like-colored blocks to make them disappear. Don’t let the blocks reach the top or something bad will happen. I’m not going to say exactly what, but it may involve your mom, three stray cats, 1 jar of spaghetti sauce, former UFC heavyweight champion Tim ‘The Maniac’ Sylvia, and a lightbulb.

Snowball the dancing cockatoo is back, and he’s clearly been practicing. If I owned this bird, he and I would dance all night… and I would be naked.

In the game of Multiball Madness, I can guarantee you will experience two things. The first is balls. Multiple balls. The second is madness. Pure, unadulterated madness.

In the future, all battles will be fought with small dogs, ponies and arachnid-like robots, just like in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

You’re on your own for this one guys. I have a fear of spiders that is all too real, and a reaction to seeing them that is all too feminine. As soon as those fat mutants started crawling down the screen I yelped like a chihuahua and ran straight into the bathroom.

Simple as it may be, this is probably my favorite Aqua Teen Hunger Force moment. Ho ho, the screams.

You may have wanted to kill yourself while playing Paint Wars, but it was necessary in order to get your wrist in tip-top shape for today’s game. You see? I wasn’t doing it to punish you, I’m just trying to make you into a better gamer. And give you carpal tunnel syndrome. Play on medium or hard for highscores.

Secret research I have conducted has shown that fully 58.98864% of my readership is pregnant women, so I’ve decided I should do my part to help ensure that the children of tomorrow are not as hopeless as the children of today.

Before the invention of the photocopier, copiers were people who worked in large warehouse-like rooms, copying polygons for the military so that the United States did not fall behind in the Shape Race. Prepare to relive this exotic history with Dupligon.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I may need to reconsider my sweeping assumption that the Japanese have no respect for pooping. Because this, my friends, is awesome.

A most excellent prize awaits you at the end of these 40 levels. It’s not a badge or some silly cyber-trophy, it’s a little something I call self-respect. That’s right folks. Better clear out your calendars.