I think I’ve seen that William guy before at Club Buck. Uh… not that I’ve ever been there. Just someone I know said he saw him there. Not that I know anyone who goes there. Just like heard it from a friend of a friend. Nevermind.

Has there ever been a bigger disappointment in gaming than the original Ninja Turtles on Nintendo?

Just a heads up fruitcakes, the week after Christmas is slim pickings for games. For the most part, all the new releases are Christmas games that didn’t make it out in time for Christmas – and there’s nothing sadder than that. Except maybe a dog with one of those lampshade things around it’s head.

I could really go for some smooth tasting Bud Light.

Merry Christmas goofballs! Have a great weekend, and don’t do anything the baby Jesus wouldn’t do.

Don’t die before Christmas.

My ritual of high-fiving everyone after a successful poop was appreciated during college, but for some reason seems almost frowned upon in the office. I don’t understand why, a flawlessly executed bowel movement is totally worthy of a high-five.

Don’t these kids know they’re breaking the Temporal Prime Directive?

I don’t know what you guys are complaining about, this is totally a Christmas game. The guys are red and green, just use your imagination. And while you’re at it, I’m hungry- so imagine me eating lasagna with no pants on.

Can you do me a huge favor guys?

Speaking of coins, if anyone knows a good brothel that still accepts payment in small change… let me know.

Because of this NSFW commercial, I am now a Scientologist.

If you ever come across a movie called Santa’s Blast – don’t watch it. I thought it would be a light hearted movie with Tim Allen turning into a magical reindeer or something, but I failed to notice that the main actor is a guy called Seymore Butts.

Quick, somebody throw a bucket of water on it!