I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got the monkey?

This is one of those videos that I desperately wish I knew the story behind. Whose kitchen is the lynx in? Why is the lynx in their kitchen? Enquiring minds demand to know.

It’s common knowledge to those of us in the science community that spiders (known to the more educated as arachnids), are actually the direct descendants of giant lizards, monsters, the devil, Stephen King, and cats.

Now this is an Olympic event I can get into. The suspense!

It’s time to dust off your copy of Hagakure and put that warrior spirit to good use. There’s a plague of evil wannabe samurais loose in the fields, and they need their bodies separated from their heads – post haste!

So this is why so many hip-hop songs are obnoxiously vocoded these days.

I’m still not sold on this whole gravity business. I know a while back we determined that gravity makes pooping more pleasant, but beyond that I’m still not seeing many positives. In my version of heaven I’m just floating around town in my underwear. Oh, and don’t forget about the puppies. There are floating puppies everywhere.

All that’s missing is a stove for the cats to slam into.

So you call yourself a gamer?

Driving is really confusing, but this video straightened some things out for me. Now I never leave home without a bag of fireworks and a lighter.

There is a great war waging among the stars above us. A war that only non-epileptics can win.

I remember the good ‘ol days when Vice Presidential picks weren’t publicity stunts.

I have been called many things in my time… lover, fighter, hero, douchebag, and yes, even a maverick.

Learn about the importance of personal hygiene from a couple of creepy marionettes and a scary clown.