Not long ago, you had to Escape the Kitchen. Now that you are free, unfortunately you also have to escape the living room. Because, heaven forbid, you wouldn’t want to accidentally sit down on a comfy couch and watch some television.

Can there be a better way to put an engineering education to use than to develop a game simulating the fluid dynamics of mucus? Well if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

Bombs, skulls, explosions… throw in some hookers and it’s practically GTA 4.

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time ’till touchdown brings me round again. To find I’m not the man they think I am at home, oh no no no…

This is kind of like the anti-Guitar Hero. Lots of work involved, and even when you get it right it still sounds wrong. Good times my friends. Good times.

So long as there is breath in my lungs and movement in my fingers, I will never be able to resist the siren song of the colored block game.

Quick! Escape the kitchen before it’s too late! Lord knows you wouldn’t want to accidentally make yourself a delicious sandwich.

Before the invention of the photocopier, copiers were people who worked in large warehouse-like rooms, copying polygons for the military so that the United States did not fall behind in the Shape Race. Prepare to relive this exotic history with Dupligon.

Being blind should give a person license to pee wherever and whenever they want. It’s only fair. We get to see, and they get to pee… on us.

I’ll be honest, this game isn’t really what I had imagined when I fantasize about being a zombie. First off, armor? Second, friends? And I had imagined a lot more brain eating. Also - less talking, more groaning.

I’ll be honest with you, I haven’t taken the time to figure out if all the levers and dials in this game actually do anything special. I’m a busy man, I’ve got important things to do, and this chest isn’t going to shave itself.

Time to blend up some pig snouts and meat scraps! You’ve just started a new job as a hot dog vendor on the busy streets of New York, and the hungry customers are already beginning to line up. And don’t worry if a pigeon or rat falls into your hot dog mix - any real hot dog fan knows that’s just extra flavor.

It’s just like Star Wars, but with rafts instead of stars. Also, no lightsabers.

This is one of those tower-defense-type games, only with this one you get in on the action a little bit. It’s been around for a while, but unlike me not everyone is a walking Flash game encyclopedia, so I thought I’d share. And also unlike me not everyone has the figure and features of a Greek god, but unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about that.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

If 2007 was the year of games about my balls, then 2008 is shaping up to be the year of games about playing with yourself. Man, game developers are perverts.

I was originally going to call this post Fancy What’s In My Pants?, but I decided that would have been highly inappropriate for a post title. Yet somehow highly appropriate for the post content. I know you guys never even read what I write here anyways.

This is a 2D version of Valve Software’s innovative game Portal. The goal of the game is to use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device to complete a series of increasingly difficult room puzzles, all so that you can eat some delicious cake and listen to the crazy Portal song until you throw-up.

The Scales of Justice need balancing. Unfortunately this game has nothing to do with that. But hey, funky music! Boop boop boop boop boop beep boo-dee-dooo…

Finally a point-and-click adventure that doesn’t involve a supercomputer to calculate the solution by clicking every permutation of every pixel on the screen in every conceivable order just to pass the first level. Plus, it’s getting close to Halloween and this game is frightfully delicious (and magically nutritious).

It places the ball inside the basket or else it gets the hose again.

Look, I don’t want to scare any of you out there, but zombies are coming to eat your brains, and soon. Like tomorrow. Probably around 3pm. We’re planning on grabbing some Taco Bell first, so we may be a little late. Excuse me, they might be a little late. Heh.