I know you guys were looking forward to the latest Hannah Montana Kissing Cousins game, but you’re going to have to settle for this new DYOG exclusive instead. If you want a mental picture of this beast, imagine Vector Runner mixed with Dolphin Olympics, but with more vectors and an extra serving of dolphin sexual assault.

What would it really be like if toys came to life? Not pleasant.

(NSFW because of swearing)

My concept of lab survival is nothing more than protecting my beautiful face from all the deadly acid and possible explosions. Male supermodel and facial burns do not a good sandwich make.

At Jones’ Big ASS Truck Rental and Storage, Toby Jones will store anything for $10.99 a month!!!

Okay okay okay, she doesn’t eat the car, but that would be fantastic wouldn’t it? Bet you’d click on that link. But this is pretty good. Sit back and enjoy the story of the granny, the Benz, and an airbag.

Call me crazy, but I think this kid is drunk!

A family in Argentina have been taking pictures of themselves on June 17th every year since 1976, creating a fascinating look at the aging process. They were lucky, because unlike my family they completely missed out on the giant-clown-glasses phase of the 80s.

This news report is one giant pot of comedy gold from beginning to end. And it has also introduced me to my new most favorite expression:

“Could be a crackhead!”

David Blaine Meets His Match, in the form of a puppet that isn’t afraid to call him a dangling douche.

Everyone knows that inhaling helium will cause your voice to become very high. Inhaling sulfur hexafluoride on the other hand, will turn you into a demon. No, I’m serious. You literally turn into a demon.

A full-face helmet would have come in handy here… or maybe not.

This is pretty nuts. I can’t stop watching it. It’s like something from a cartoon!

From the Olympics of Ancient Greece, to the epic ladder races of today, humans have created some truly stupid sports. Seriously though, this is pretty impressive. When I get half way up a ladder, I freeze because I imagine myself falling to my death from the incredible six foot height.

Well hooray for Superbowl weekend. And we all know that means I won’t be around for a couple of days. Because I’ll be playing. In the Superbowl. On the winning team. And saving babies and puppies from burning houses. It also maybe means there might possibly be a couple of funny commercials (perhaps). Like this one! Look! it’s a rocket-sled!

Thank god American babies aren’t made like that. Gross.

I think ‘ol Bob must have been off his meds the day they taped this episode.

Here is a handy little test you can use to find out if you are a psychopath. I’m glad I found it because my last test totally wasn’t working. I was supposed to count the number of people I’d bludgeoned to death with a rolling pin in the past week, divide the number by 3, and then kill 2 neighborhood cats. This test makes way more sense!

I can only assume that sometime within the next couple of weeks the lawyers at Philips Norelco (who have obviously been out of town for a while) are going to come back to work, check out the new online ad campaign for the Philips Bodygroom, laugh, cry, fire every employee in the company, and finally take down this crazy ad. So watch it while you can.

Secret research I have conducted has shown that fully 58.98864% of my readership is pregnant women, so I’ve decided I should do my part to help ensure that the children of tomorrow are not as hopeless as the children of today.

Bad-ass shirt-folding techniques from the ninjas in asia. The shit works, I just tried it. Possibly brought to you from the same people who provided the helpful video on How To Not Look Asian.

During the 1990s, Bill Geerhart wrote letters – posing as a 10-year-old boy named Billy – to serial killers and politicians alike, asking for their advice on whether he should drop out of school, and what type of McDonald’s food they like. The responses range from the helpful, to the bizarre.

This video, which comes to us all the way from Japan, has about eight thousand different Rube Goldberg machines in it, and all you Rube Goldberg fans will be in Rube Goldberg heaven! Rube Goldberg. It also has an awesome Japanese jingle. Does anyone know what they’re saying and what it means?

This guy was damned if he did, and damned if he didn’t, but in retrospect, reversing and destroying the crossing guard barrier would have been the better choice.

Not a lot of people know this, but Sesame Street isn’t for children anymore. In their efforts to reach the coveted young adult demographic, I think they’ve crossed the line.

The directions for this game are a bit complicated, so read carefully: CLUB SMASH, CLUB SMASH HEAD. SMASH GOOD. Spacebar will pause the game, and SMASH GOOD, OG LOVE SMASH.

jeffgoldblumiswatchingyoupoop.com encourages it’s viewers to cut out a picture of Jeff Goldblum, and stick it to the inside of public restroom doors. It is so unfair that I can’t come up with ideas like these.

UPDATE: The site has been taken down, but here’s a YTMND tribute to it’s memory.

As a world renowned rocket surgeon, I don’t get much downtime, so I really relish the hour a week I spend at the salon getting my locks moisturized. Now with this holophonic recording of a barbershop, I can recreate that relaxing sensation in my rocket laboratory. Make sure you listen to this with headphones, and close your eyes and picture yourself in a barbershop for extra effect!

“Professional” wrestling is hard core, and full of chairs.

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is:

a) coated 200 mg Advil tablets.
b) more cowbell.
c) raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

Ah, so that’s what they mean by ‘Low Clearance’.

This charming music video about courtship is most definitely NSFW (not safe for work), unless of course you have headphones and your coworkers enjoy nipple tassels.

Another optical illusion. Stare at the cross in the center of the circle and try not to move your eyes off of it. Eventually the outer circles should appear to fade or disappear entirely.

An animation about the joys of multiple homicide and apartment living.

Make Albert Einstein write whatever you want on the chalkboard of this iconic picture. Will you turn him in to a brilliant botanist, or an uncouth upperclassman?

Stephen Colbert razzes Stephen Hawking and then does a picture perfect impression of him.

While I don’t know too much about boxing, it turns out that Mike Tyson is quite the poet. Some of the quotations on this page are absolutely brilliant. Most notably one in which he was at a zoo with Robin Givens (his wife at the time) and offered a zookeeper $10,000 to get in a cage with a gorilla so he could “punch it in the snotbox”

…fantastic? Handsome? Both? Surely not both.

Fantastically handsome?

Remember that Ocean’s Eleven movie where a group of master thieves simultaneously rob three Las Vegas casinos and net millions of dollars in a single night? Yeah, nothing like this video.

Godwin’s Law states that: As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. O’Reilly’s Law is pretty similar.

Tim, like King Midas from Greek mythology, has an amazing power that is both a gift and a curse. I bet he’s tired of eating Skittles.

Texan rockers Complete are going to take us on a musical journey – a journey to the mystical Hoogie-Boogie Land. A land where there is no war or hate, and your ears hurt all the time.

Welcome to Ganesha’s jungle, baby. You’re gonna die.

Being blind should give a person license to pee wherever and whenever they want. It’s only fair. We get to see, and they get to pee… on us.

If, like me, you were having trouble deciding whether your next videogame purchase should be Kingdom Hearts II or Resident Evil 4, this little video narrated by mc chris should clear up the decision for you.

If you’re not familiar with World of Warcraft’s Leeroy Jenkins, then you should take a moment to acquaint yourself with the over-zealous young paladin. If anything this video demonstrates that no matter how inappropriate you act, as long as you shout LEEEEEEEEEEEEROY JENKINS before you do it, it’s totally okay.

Barry! What are you doing? What is wrong with you? Do not open anything else! What is that? Barry, no!

If I had known gold digging was this easy I might have considered another career path. Being a male model can be so tiresome…