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As I Lay Dying!

Ever since the talented Mr. Teale Fristoe released his first game Arachnophilia, there has been public outcry demanding another of his creations to worship. Gaming nerds have camped on his lawn like it’s Harry Potter release night, and tides of women have offered him their first born, almost enough to make my harem of supermodels seem insignificant (I said almost). Well my friends, today is the day.

Vector Conflict: The Siege

I know you guys think I spend all my time oil wrestling supermodels and saving forest animals from the California wildfires, but honestly that’s only about 95% of my day. The other 5% I spend making terrific games like this one. It’s sort of a retro post-apocalyptic shooter with – UH OH GISELE HAS ME IN AN ARMBAR BRB

Autotune the Carl Sagan

If you wish to make an awesome game from scratch, you must first invent the universe.

Sneak Peek: Xaat Disi
categories: Games

Teale Fristoe, the man and the magic behind Arachnophilia, is hard at work on a new game called Xaat Disi: The Salmon Run Game. Today we’re offering you a special 2 level sneak peek. You may see a short survey after you play – filling it out will help Teale make the game better, and help me deal with these painful foot bunions.

Superstar Combo

So the other day this pretty influential guy was talking to me, and he was like, “Admin, you are so super cool the way you make games and stuff”. And I was like, “Thanks God, you’re pretty cool yourself, the way you created the universe and stuff. Oh, except for the part where you made testicles on the outside.” Seriously, what’s up with that?

Arachnophilia: The Spider Web Game

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

Deep Sea Dive
categories: Games

This one is just like Bejeweled – except instead of sparkling gems, you have smelly fish. Also, when you lose you suffocate and die on the bottom of the ocean. And although they don’t show it, I’m pretty sure those same smelly fish start eating your body (sort of like this). But otherwise it’s exactly like Bejeweled.

Blocky
categories: Games

Just look at all those sad faces. Thankfully it’s not an Elliott Smith concert, it’s just the new hit game Blocky! Now it’s up to your to free all those frowns or who knows what they’ll do. Thank goodness they don’t have arms…

Vector Runner

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!

Chasing Wabbits
categories: Cute, Funny, Videos

Who do you think this little rascal is chasing down in his dream? I bet it’s a dandelion field full of fluffy bunnies. But I’ll tell you why he should really be running… because I’m after him, and when I catch him I’m going to zurbert that pink little belly of his. It’s all part of my tough love program.

Mr. Lickers
categories: Cute, Funny, Videos

Mr. Lickers usually wasn’t allowed to give his owner slobbery wet kisses, but for some reason this time his owner didn’t seem to mind. This made Mr. Lickers very happy.

Oh, the Huge Manatee!

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.

The Worst Rap Battle Ever
categories: Funny, Videos

It’s time to revist the epic saga of Raindrop vs. Mike Glambin: the Worst Rap Battle Ever. Will Raindrop’s stylin’ flows be able to withstand the cutting rhymes of Mike “I don’t know what to say” Glambin? Watch and find out.

Guy Freaks Out

Life is full of nasty surprises. Nobody wants a lizard to jump on them. Nobody. But if a lizard does jump on you, you need to know how to handle the situation properly and in a way that will impress the ladies. This guy can show you how its done.

Bubble Shooter
categories: Games

If right now you have the option of trying this game or instead heading to the bathroom and smoking a giant brick of crack cocaine, I would highly recommend that sweet, sweet crack cocaine. It’s scientifically proven to be less addictive, and who needs teeth anyways?

DICEWARS
categories: Games

It’s just like Risk, only faster and funner. And you don’t have to talk to people. And I can’t stop playing it. Every time another side takes over one of my areas my rage is so great I want to rip their dice right out of the computer monitor and devour them. And every time my dice win I want to hug them and squeeze them until they explode! Such joy!

The Five Stages of a Giraffe in Quicksand
categories: Funny, Videos

Most of you are probably familiar with the 5 stages a giraffe goes through when he gets stuck in quicksand, but if you aren’t then here they are. Tomorrow’s lesson: the five stages of nerdly-arousal I go through when I watch Battlestar Galactica.

RE4 vs. KHII
categories: Funny, Videos

If, like me, you were having trouble deciding whether your next videogame purchase should be Kingdom Hearts II or Resident Evil 4, this little video narrated by mc chris should clear up the decision for you.

Manatee Squash
categories: Cute, Funny, Videos

Does it make me a bad person if I laugh out loud every time I watch this? No? Okay, good. So what about if it turns me on? Not that it does or anything, but that’s no big deal right?

The Craziest Animal Friends

If there’s one thing people love, it’s money. Woah, that’s not what I meant to say. I meant porn. Ah! No, no, no… What I really meant was people love stories about animals making friends with other kinds of animals and lots of cute pictures of them hanging out together. And why? Honestly I’m not really sure. But here you go anyway.

Knock ‘Em Out!
categories: Games

A little earlier tonight I found this odd little game, played it, and decided it stunk. It’s been about 3 hours now and for some reason I still haven’t stopped playing it. I’m getting really hungry, I’m pretty sure I’ve wet myself at least twice, and I think the kitchen’s on fire. But I’m up to 360 points! 360. Believe it.