Destroy the other tribes so you can rule the jungle (until the Spanish come and take everything).

There’s an age-old saying where I come from: if it looks like Tetris, if it feels like Tetris, and if it tastes like Tetris when you smother your monitor in long loving licks, then it is Tetris.

I know you feisty Canadians are probably getting all aroused seeing that orgy of U’s on the instructions page – but know this! I am coming for you. I’m wearing a cowboy hat, driving my H2 hummer with a Coors Light in one hand and a Walmart brand rifle in the other, and all your precious free health care won’t be enough to save you from my wrath!

Better red than dead.

Russian game meets rushin’ game.

You see what I just did there? Rushin game. Genius!

Obechi, what a pity, you don’t understand. You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand…

Admittedly, this game isn’t my #1 paddle related pastime, however it is a close second.

This is a very cool little puzzle game that I think even the non-gamers will enjoy. All you have to do is get the bloxor into the hole. It’s sort of like golf, only with a big brick instead of a ball, and no clubs, and you don’t hit anything, you just sort of roll around. So like I said, nothing like golf.

I know you guys think I spend all my time oil wrestling supermodels and saving forest animals from the California wildfires, but honestly that’s only about 95% of my day. The other 5% I spend making terrific games like this one. It’s sort of a retro post-apocalyptic shooter with – UH OH GISELE HAS ME IN AN ARMBAR BRB

Dear Notebook, today at school we learned how 2 make a lvl 10 lighting bolt spell. Boooooooooring. But Notebook, Stephen Watson actually came up and talked to me!!!!!!!! To me Notebook!! But then that stupid B-I-T-C-you-know-what Melony came up and started flirting with him right in front of me! I HATE HER SO MUCH NOTEBOOK!!!!!!

Well here’s your last game for 2007. And there have been so many games! So which one was your favorite? Vector Runner? How about besides Vector Runner? Oh, the Huge Manatee? Oh gosh, you guys flatter me.

Physics + Balls = Edutainment.

One day they won’t be called vending machines anymore. They will be called REPLICATORS, and cruiseships will be called starships and everyone will wear tights. Everyday will be a new and exciting adventure, except for days in the holodeck. Those will be kind of boring.

Although I have lots of practice taking naked pictures of myself in the mirror, I was never smiling in any of them – until the phalloplasty, that is.

I have no time for hipsters.

There is a stinky grey coconut shaped thing inside your skull. Some people call it a “brain” although you may have heard it referred to as “the enemy of the thing in your pants” or perhaps “your greatest disapointment”. Anyways, you’re going to need it for this one…

After yesterday’s game you should be all set to handle the challenges of today’s game, Boombot. You sure like blowing stuff up, don’t you? Kinda makes you feel good doesn’t it? WELL I GOT MY EYE ON YOU AL-QAEDA!

It’s just like Risk, only faster and funner. And you don’t have to talk to people. And I can’t stop playing it. Every time another side takes over one of my areas my rage is so great I want to rip their dice right out of the computer monitor and devour them. And every time my dice win I want to hug them and squeeze them until they explode! Such joy!

If you’re not sure you want to spend the time to learn how to play today’s game, it might encourage you to know that Warlords: Call to Arms is the sequel to the immensely popular Supermodels: Call to Swimsuits, and prequel to the highly anticipated Cheetos: Call to my Stomach.

Bonus points for anyone who knows what I named the achievements after – without using a search engine. And without sacrificing their heterosexuality, which might be impossible. (That was a clue).

PS: You submit your score in the stats menu.

Well look at that… two assassin games in a row. Coincidence? Or do you think someone is paying me $1 for every time I say the word ass in a post? Because so far this week I’d already be at ass – I mean eleven. Actually twelve including that last ass. Thirteen!

This application allows you to view Flickr photos that are predominantly made up of the color of your choosing. Perhaps not that interesting in and of itself, but almost every photo I’ve seen through this has been gorgeous.

Touch all the black and white shapes before they reach the bottom of the screen. But don’t touch any of the colored ones, or this cute little puppy gets it.*

* it = big kiss on the forehead

I’ll be honest, this game isn’t really what I had imagined when I fantasize about being a zombie. First off, armor? Second, friends? And I had imagined a lot more brain eating. Also – less talking, more groaning.

Electricity is all sorts of useful. For instance, electricity is used to power snowmobiles, to make cars move (but not hybrids), and without electricity there would be no plants or animals. Think of how quiet and lonely the world would be without electricity! It would just be us and the robots.

So the other day this pretty influential guy was talking to me, and he was like, “Admin, you are so super cool the way you make games and stuff”. And I was like, “Thanks God, you’re pretty cool yourself, the way you created the universe and stuff. Oh, except for the part where you made testicles on the outside.” Seriously, what’s up with that?

Finally, a little game for the Emo in all of us.

Do you remember that game Armor Picross? Of course you do, it’s the reason your wife left you. Well in the off chance you’ve been able to start up a new relationship, here’s another Picross game to send that one down the toilet.

Sure, it starts off innocent enough. Turn left, turn right, move forward. Flip on the light. Then next thing you know SkyNet goes online and there’s a nuclear storm raging across the planet, searing the flesh from our bones and reducing Mother Nature to ash. But go ahead, play your little game.

It may not be Spy Hunter, but it does the job. And a giant man hug to whoever can figure out what the guy is saying in the game over music.

I’ve got nothing folks. Here we have yet another game featuring a screen full of balls, but after all these years there is not a single joke left in the great Encyclopedia Balltanica. I am in desperate need of some new material! Maybe someone could create a game where you have to strangle chickens? Or punish a naughty monkey…

In my version of heaven, I’m running around buck naked in a town painted in all primary colors. Every time I push three like-colored objects together they explode in a shower of skittles and puppy dog kisses, to the sound of wind chimes and children’s laughter. Oh, and there are strippers everywhere.

Live ordinance falling all around you. Fat guy in speedo behind you. Girls beach volleyball tournament ahead in the distance. Run, my friends. Run.

What? A tower defense game? I have no idea what you guys are talking about. No, you’re crazy.

In today’s adventure you’re a lowly fly, flying your way through a big bad machine. And if you see any dog poop on the way – what the heck, take a few bites. Let’s see what all that fuss is about.

How are y’all enjoying your summer holidays? I got a little something for you here, since I thought you might be missing your maths.

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is:

a) coated 200 mg Advil tablets.
b) more cowbell.
c) raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.