Unfortunately my degree in advanced human neuroscience didn’t cover fish anatomy, but my suspicion is that Fishy McFisherson here might have a tapeworm.

You thought I was kidding about Fish Week didn’t you? Honestly I had my doubts as well, but I tell you – it doesn’t matter how crazy your dream is, with a little elbow grease and some help from your friends, anything is possible. Especially if one of your friends is the baby Jesus.

A new day is dawning on The Great Fish Week of 2008. We’ve nearly reached the end, and I tell you I couldn’t be more excited. In celebration, I’ll be shoving a live trout down my trousers, and I suggest you do the same. It’s delightful!

And so The Great Fish Week of 2008 comes to a close. Truthfully, I’m a little sad. We had some good times with those slimey little guys, but all good things must come to an end. Anyways, I gotta get this trout out of my pants now.

(Use your prettiest fishiest picture for the highscores!)

In my version of heaven, I’m running around buck naked in a town painted in all primary colors. Every time I push three like-colored objects together they explode in a shower of skittles and puppy dog kisses, to the sound of wind chimes and children’s laughter. Oh, and there are strippers everywhere.

The game may not look like much, but you should give it a shot. Believe me kids, looks aren’t everything. I realize that might sound silly coming from a man who has amassed a multimillion dollar fortune through male modeling contracts, but a little bit of heart goes a long way too.

You guys just go ahead and let me know if this game is any good or not. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t engage in any leisure activities inspired by the idea of balls being crushed.

I’ve got nothing folks. Here we have yet another game featuring a screen full of balls, but after all these years there is not a single joke left in the great Encyclopedia Balltanica. I am in desperate need of some new material! Maybe someone could create a game where you have to strangle chickens? Or punish a naughty monkey…

Ever since the beginning of THE WAR ON TERROR, one has to be very careful about using the B-word in public. You know what I’m talking about, right? The B-thing that does the e-thing? Yeah? The… you know… a… *cough* bomb *cough* So anyways, this game OH GOD THEY’VE FOUND ME PLEASE I’M A WEBMASTER NOT A TERRORI-

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is:

a) coated 200 mg Advil tablets.
b) more cowbell.
c) raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

How are y’all enjoying your summer holidays? I got a little something for you here, since I thought you might be missing your maths.

It’s almost not fair for me to put up 3D avoider games, since this is the birthplace of the shining light in all our lives known as Vector Runner – however – I do like the style of this one. The house music soundtrack actually inspired me to crack and shake my very last glowstick. Unfortunately that old hit of ecstasy I had doesn’t seem to be work… wait… I… want to make love to my lamp.

What would you do if you owned a real life UFO? Take a trip to the moon? Abduct some cows? Right at this moment, I personally would take it to Dairy Queen. Peanut Buster Parfaits and chicks – need I say more?

Although my motocross racing days are behind me (thanks to a massive groin injury), I can still enjoy this… hmmm? Oh, no, the groin injury wasn’t caused by racing. How? Well, I really can’t get into it here… but let’s just say it involved Petra Nemcova, 20 gallons of grape jello, and a full grown whippet.

Missile Command + magnetic fields + eye of newt + 2 tbsp salt = M.I.R.C!

In today’s adventure you’re a lowly fly, flying your way through a big bad machine. And if you see any dog poop on the way – what the heck, take a few bites. Let’s see what all that fuss is about.

What? A tower defense game? I have no idea what you guys are talking about. No, you’re crazy.

Grab the parrot, throw on your sexiest pair of tights, and buckle your swashes (swash your buckles?) – there is treasure to be found, but only the fastest pirate gets the boot-boot-booty.

For a little extra enjoyment, turn down the lights, throw on some Slayer, and treat this game as the latest advancement in mosh pit simulation.

♫ Dance with the dead in my dreams…

Do not be fooled loyal followers! I have learned that the delicious looking baked goods in this game are not in fact frosty cupcakes, but rather tasteless, crumbly muffins. The developer responsible for this is nothing but a vile temptress, and I will never forgive him for this cruel deception.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing stylings of Music Catch. Enjoy it for hours with a warm cup of herbal tea and feel all your tensions slowly melt awa.. OH GOD THE BABY HAS CRAWLED OFF THE BALCONY

It’s tough for me to decide what I like better, Bejeweled clones, or Poppit clones. It’s kind of like trying to decide between death by fuzzy puppy kisses, or death by Brazilian supermodel kisses. It just depends on my mood.

Although every fiber of my being rejects the concept of defending cabbage, those rabbits are freaky looking enough that I can still make this work. All thanks to my belief that anything ugly should be destroyed.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

Live ordinance falling all around you. Fat guy in speedo behind you. Girls beach volleyball tournament ahead in the distance. Run, my friends. Run.

I implore you, EAT THE COOKIES FASTER.

Put on your yalmulka, here comes Hanukkah. It’s so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah.

Can there be a better way to put an engineering education to use than to develop a game simulating the fluid dynamics of mucus? Well if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

I remember when this game was called Moai. I also remember when I put on my pants this morning. Oh wait… no I don’t.

The day I see a cupcake lying on the ground and don’t immediately eat it is the same day I put on a Wonder Woman suit and ride around town on a flying pig. I’m sorry guys, but for this game you’re on your own.

I don’t know what sort of shady stuff you guys have been clicking on over there, but these little guys are not very happy with you.

This one is just like Bejeweled – except instead of sparkling gems, you have smelly fish. Also, when you lose you suffocate and die on the bottom of the ocean. And although they don’t show it, I’m pretty sure those same smelly fish start eating your body (sort of like this). But otherwise it’s exactly like Bejeweled.

Dragons. Goblins. Slaughter Bonus. ‘Nuff said.

It should come as a shock to no one that the creator of today’s game is this guy.

Touch all the black and white shapes before they reach the bottom of the screen. But don’t touch any of the colored ones, or this cute little puppy gets it.*

* it = big kiss on the forehead

Boom Chicka Boom. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

Never before has molecular engineering been so much fun. And never before have my pants felt so tight.

I never realized dogs had such strict building codes for their castles. No wonder Mr. Scruffers ran away on me.

Admin’s Corollary: Penguins are black and white. This game is black and white. Therefore, this game is a penguin.

It’s time to throw building codes to the side, and enter the international race to build the world’s tallest tower. Put on your hardhat and get to it – your country is depending on you!

Since many of you are suffering through the worst snowfall you’ve seen in years, I thought it might be appropriate to put up a snow-themed game. To, you know, torture you even further.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

Only a true master of counting can defeat this game. Someone whose obsession with counting is almost… perverse. Someone like this guy.

Things start getting interesting once you’re a few levels in. That is assuming, of course, that you find a dull pain behind your eyes and a growing fury inside your heart to be “interesting”.

Grab your quad-laser, because it’s time to deliver a beat down to a bunch of squares! And I apologize in advance if that concept brings back bad memories for any of you.

Have you ever fantasized about being the pilot of your very own giant Mech? Well now that perverse fantasy is only a click away! Although if the Mech in your fantasies had the ability to move, you might be a little disappointed.

They may look like cute little stuffed animals, but when I think of Pickies all I can see is a jar full of scabs with with the label pIckIeZ scotch taped to it. Don’t ask. You don’t want to know.

Woo-hoo, 16 mini-games all rolled into one. Does this mean I can take the next 16 days off?

Here is a game for when you are bored at work that simulates you being bored at work. Ingenious? Ingenious.

I’ve gotten 10 in a row so far. I must be pants!

In the future, mankind will travel the vast interstellar void of space in square ships that can only travel in four directions. It will make about as much sense as Dune.

You see? You should have actually paid attention in math class instead of just passing notes and snapping girl’s bras. Now aliens are going to destroy the world and it’s pretty much all your fault.

Jump from skull to skull to make your way down the river. You know, just how you’d make your way down a river in real life.

So long as there is breath in my lungs and movement in my fingers, I will never be able to resist the siren song of the colored block game.

Not since R.S.V.P – The Racial Segregation Party have I been so disgusted with a game. How many years has it taken us to overcome our prejudices? And then a little game like this comes along and tries to teach us that it does matter whether you’re black or white. Well shame on you game developers. SHAME ON YOU!

AAHHHH!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAHHHH? Ah? Ah! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh…

Click groups of three or more like-colored blocks to make them disappear. Don’t let the blocks reach the top or something bad will happen. I’m not going to say exactly what, but it may involve your mom, three stray cats, 1 jar of spaghetti sauce, former UFC heavyweight champion Tim ‘The Maniac’ Sylvia, and a lightbulb.

In the game of Multiball Madness, I can guarantee you will experience two things. The first is balls. Multiple balls. The second is madness. Pure, unadulterated madness.

You’re on your own for this one guys. I have a fear of spiders that is all too real, and a reaction to seeing them that is all too feminine. As soon as those fat mutants started crawling down the screen I yelped like a chihuahua and ran straight into the bathroom.

You may have wanted to kill yourself while playing Paint Wars, but it was necessary in order to get your wrist in tip-top shape for today’s game. You see? I wasn’t doing it to punish you, I’m just trying to make you into a better gamer. And give you carpal tunnel syndrome. Play on medium or hard for highscores.

The screenshot may look pretty, but 5 minutes in and you’ll be wishing for death. Lucky for you suicide will be difficult because the tendons in your wrist should have seized up by then.

Remember that crazy Snowball game from a couple years ago? Well it’s back, and now it’s in glorious 3D. Use your giant icy balls to defeat the forces of evil in the Olympic Kingdom.

If you’re having trouble with the keys, you need to update your Flash Player.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

I don’t know what my problem is, but I have way more fun blowing up the trees in this game than I do the enemy tanks. Maybe it’s because my parents were killed by a rogue tree.

Admittedly, this game isn’t my #1 paddle related pastime, however it is a close second.

Yipes! Evil tar bugs are invading the garden and it’s up to you to take command of the seed army and save the day. Personally I’d just unload a few cans of Raid ® Extra Strength Bug Armageddon, but hey whatever works for you.

Well here’s your last game for 2007. And there have been so many games! So which one was your favorite? Vector Runner? How about besides Vector Runner? Oh, the Huge Manatee? Oh gosh, you guys flatter me.

Merry Christmas Fruitcakes!

PS: If you don’t celebrate Christmas, have a happy Tuesday anyways. Oh yeah, and the baby Jesus hates you.

A little stock tip for you guys: don’t trade in your Google shares for ‘precious sparkle gems’. Turns out that’s not even a real form of currency.

Bringing the F-U-N back into racial segregation!

With the imminent deployment of the National Missile Defense System, the great country of America no longer needs to fear the once dreaded “Mutually Assured Destruction” doomsday scenario. Now we can focus our fears on issues closer to home, such as, “Is there something under my bed?”, “Will I die alone?”, and “OMG I just burped in her face I hope she couldn’t smell that”.

Littlegrey Media Legal Notice: As an established publisher of online interactive media, this website is required by federal law to post any game involving magical goats and time travel.

If I had known gold digging was this easy I might have considered another career path. Being a male model can be so tiresome…

I’ve been staring at the screen for 10 minutes now, and I can’t think of a single innuendo about balls. What’s happening to me? Maybe I need a vacation.

It’s just like Star Wars, but with rafts instead of stars. Also, no lightsabers.

Time to blend up some pig snouts and meat scraps! You’ve just started a new job as a hot dog vendor on the busy streets of New York, and the hungry customers are already beginning to line up. And don’t worry if a pigeon or rat falls into your hot dog mix – any real hot dog fan knows that’s just extra flavor.

I, for one, welcome the imminent zombie invasion. First off – immortality? Sign me up. And then throw in a diet of nothing but human brains? Nutritious and delicious.

Now before you start getting all up in the comments with your NOT ANOTHER TOWER DEFENSE GAME!!!!!!1s, I want you to turn off the capslock and ask yourself, do I see any towers? Am I doing any “defending”? Actually, forget that last question. Just answer the one about the towers.

I decided that for this year’s Thanksgiving post I would do a Google search for “shoot turkeys and or pilgrims game” and take the first relevant result I could find. And this is it. And it’s also the last time I’m ever going to do that.

Fly your dragon through the crazy tunnel maze and don’t hit any walls. Where do you think he’s going in such a rush? Dragon Happy Hour? A custody hearing? Maybe he just has to go to the bathroom.

Hurray, hoorah, it’s another DDR keyboard game. But this one throws in color-matching to infuriate the color blind, and an excruciating soundtrack to lobotomize anyone unfortunate enough to own computer speakers. And why you ask? Because life’s just not hard enough.

Crying candies. My gosh, have you ever heard of anything so sad? Somebody give those little guys a cuddle!

Next time you have a hard day at the office, try firing up this game when you get home and smashing some cities. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay more effective than yoga my friends.

We’re all pretty smart here. ‘Edumacated’ and what not. I know you don’t need me to tell you about Newton’s most famous Law, the Third Law of Motion. That one that states for each and every reaction there is another thing that happens, and that I’m super cool, and score with all the ladies, and all that. Common knowledge, right?

Phew! Check this game out. I haven’t seen that many polar bears since the Furry Convention back in Schaumburg last year. Not that I was there or anything. I just heard about it from some friends who were there. Friends who aren’t Furries. Friends of friends, actually. I’m completely hairless truth be told.

Fear not, citizens of Earth! When goofy galactic robots invade, you will be there to fight off the invasion. The government has surgically removed your skeleton to provide you with greater agility, and attached powerful automatic weapons to your hands for combat (they are also auditing you for the 2006 tax year to increase your aggression).

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
What happened to the old highscores?

Halloween is coming, and I for one am so excited that every time I think about it I pee in my pants a little bit. To help set the mood, let’s start the week off with some decapitations!

I like things with simple self-explanatory titles. Strategy Defense. It just says it all. Strategy, and defense. It’s like my name. Handsome Webmaster. Handsome Wicked-Smart Webmaster, if you count my middle name.

Just look at all those sad faces. Thankfully it’s not an Elliott Smith concert, it’s just the new hit game Blocky! Now it’s up to your to free all those frowns or who knows what they’ll do. Thank goodness they don’t have arms…

Looks like someone’s farted in the pool again, and it’s up to you to collect all those stinky bubbles before they reach the surface and distribute their noxious fumes.

The rules of the game are simple enough. Destroy everything in your path in the virtual world, all while destroying your ENTER key in the real world. Make sweet love to the wind, and poop out some tornado babies.

Today’s game is brought to you by the colors red, green, and blue. And by the letter M. And by plasma weapons.

In honor o’ this most excellent seafarin’ hearty game, all comments must be port in official seafarin’ hearty speak. Ya lily livered scurvy dog!

Some people say that violent video games are a bad influence on our children, but I say we should just shoot those people to make them shut up. Try to break the logic in that statement my friends. It’s a little something I like to call absolute brilliance.

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.

There’s an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, smash those *#$&%s into the ground with the largest club you can find. Fill the streets with their sour citrus blood until not a single one is left whole”. Or… something like that.

Simple enough. Spin around and collect the stars. Green is good, red is bad. It’s like Christmas in space! Without presents!

In this game you have to try and save Sir Whitey McBlockster from a deadly pool of rising lava. It takes a combination of luck, strategy, and patience to do well, but with practice you can actually get some pretty high scores.

You’re not going to let me keep that gold, are you?

Here is yet another games about balls. It’s creator goes by the name of Robin K. I just want to make sure you’re clear on this, since holding the #1 spot on the leaderboard will obviously make you the undisputed master of Robin K’s Balls.

Good news, it’s time to finally put your civil engineering degree to use. Somebody needs you to build the tallest tower in the world, and they don’t care if you use the earthquake building codes as toilet paper. So what are you waiting for? Get off your duff and get into that crane!

You kids and your trendy ‘old skool’ 8-bit games… Bah! When I was a kid we only had 1-bit games and our monitors were 1×1 resolution. Basically the screen would just flash black and white until you vomited, so don’t you dare complain about this sweet little Atari 2600 Dodge ‘Em knock-off.

In an attempt to add some excitement to an otherwise very mellow game, the rest of this post will be in German. Die Luftblase Schweine ausrotten, die deinen desktop Schirm eingedrungen haben! Dein Land hängt von dir ab!

Atom Juggler is like that old Juggler game, but in this one you get to juggle atoms. Just like those clown scientists you always see downtown. Anyways… don’t forget you can press pause during the game and buy powerups for your paddle!

We have your grandmother. She is tied to her rocking chair and suspended above a giant pit of cobras, spiders, wet cats, and drunk bridesmaids. To get her back safely you must follow this link and then keep the little blue square inside the big orange square for at least 60 seconds. Do it, or granny goes bye-bye!

The greatest minds in computer science have banded together to create a revolutionary new gaming experience. And if anyone knows anything about it, let me know. In the mean time here’s a game featuring some triangles and circles that makes you hate your hands.

I can’t promise you you’re going to ‘rock out’ when you play this, but I can promise a sharp pain behind your eyes, and possibly some bleeding out of the nose and ears. Have fun!

Catch the children. Feed them to the eagle babies. Eagles are an endangered species*. Small children are not. So don’t feel bad.

*maybe not anymore, but whatever.

Yes, it’s the Fourth of July, and hey look, a fireworks game! I’m not going to try and tell you that this is an awesome game, but I want to point out that if you play this for half an hour it’s as good as going out in public and watching the real ones. And staying inside on holidays is always a good idea. Especially when you don’t have pants on. Learn from my mistakes people.

This one is easy enough, and it’s also a good test of your hand-mouse-eye coordination. Just click on the discs while your cursor is hidden. If you miss, you lose (and somewhere in the world a puppy dies).

Drunken souls… gosh, such a nuisance. I swear I get the apartment sprayed at least once and month and they still keep coming back.

There is a stinky grey coconut shaped thing inside your skull. Some people call it a “brain” although you may have heard it referred to as “the enemy of the thing in your pants” or perhaps “your greatest disapointment”. Anyways, you’re going to need it for this one…

One sure-fire way to produce a hit game is to take two classic games and merge them into one. But if you want your new game to be extra awesome, then you also need to incorporate pooping. For poop makes everything better – it’s a scientific fact.

Don’t ask me how to play because I didn’t bother reading the instructions either. Just make your own pixel monster, press some buttons, and at some point take a screenshot so you can show him off to the rest of us. My guy over there is modelled off of me in that he is very skilled at smashing things but at the same time not nearly as good-looking.

Don’t turn your back on this one. It may look straight forward, but it will mess with your head. It wants to break your mojo. It will insult your mother. It’s got the hots for your sister. It will steal your dog and rename him ‘Douche’. It has no respect for you or your silly three dimensions. You’ve been warned!

One step up on the neo-retro evolutionary scale from Dot Action 2!, comes the pixelriffic Gamma Bros. A story of two brothers and… I’m not sure actually, seeing as there’s no story. Let’s just say they’re looking for their lost parents. Space parents. And there’s an evil villain. Probably a giant space cat.

It fires the potion at the hordes, it does this whenever it’s told. It fires the potion at the hordes or else it gets the hose again. Now it places the potion in the basket…

Wake up everyone! It’s time to get your squishy lazy brains back into shape with a soothing math game. I know that ‘math’ and ’soothing’ don’t exactly sound exciting, but if you don’t do well at this game those blue circles will literally crawl out of the screen and eat your face. I’m not kidding!

Folks, get ready to do some arrow key smashin’ and swear-word cussin’, because these rude little SOBs do not want to let you through. By the way, Pushies is another great recommendation from our Forum Fruitcakes. If you’ve got a Dig Your Own Grave account you can jump right in and have your say too!

Luminara is the by-product of Ellipsis and the classic arcade game Asteroids getting together and making sweet, sweet, videogame love. And it’s not gross, it’s a perfectly natural way for two videogames to show that they love each other.

Here’s another game with hypnotically soothing music. But don’t be fooled! It’s only purpose is to mask the sound of the tendons in your wrist crying out in pain.

Use the ‘SCORE’ value for highscores.

Sure you guys may be great at shooting zombies and performing lethal back kicks with stickmen, but how are your bubble popping skills? Not bad you say? WRONG. THEY ARE WEAK. And you are weak. Now get in there and burst some bubbles. I demand no less than excellence from my Flash warriors.

Boomshine is another great suggestion from our Forums. Turn up the soothing music, click the circles, and watch them s-plode. And remember, you can never actually lose in this game, you can only quit. You’re not a quitter are you?

Do you hate balls? How about primary colors? Circles get you down? Then for the love of god don’t go anywhere near this game. It hates you as much as you hate it and it will sleep with your wife, make friends with your children, and tell your boss what you really do at work all day.

If there’s one thing that bees love, its coins. And stinging other bees. And thus is the paradox of your life as a bee. Collecting coins but not getting stung by your fellow bees while you do it. And rocking hard, don’t forget you always got to rock it hard.

If you were a pirate and you ran out of cannonballs for your cannon, what would you do? That’s right, you’d start firing your pirate buddies out of your cannon instead. Because you are a pirate, and you are so crazy-out-of-your-mind that it’s awesome. If you were a ninja you’d probably just cry.

There are two distinct things you hear while playing this game. The first is the oddly enjoyable soundtrack, and the second sound, which is sort of like a high pitched whine, is your eyes drying up into little white raisins because you haven’t blinked for the past 10 minutes.

Aggressive Alpine Skiing mixes guns, skiing, radical jumps and an original soundtrack reminiscent of bad European techno. Awesome!

The controls in this game make me want to pry out my teeth with a spoon, but once you get the hang of them the game is pretty cool. Especially the way the guys blow up and one of their body parts looks like a honey baked ham. A delicious honey baked ham. It’s really the only reason I play.

This is a very simple endurance game involving a bunch of balls. And now that we have that out of the way we can begin the mandatory ‘I love playing with balls’ comments in three, two, one… go!

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Zen-ness of this game as it is, but throw in some swimming zombies and strap an assault weapon to the dolphin’s head and I think we would have Game of the Year.

Welcome to the offices of Gung-Ho Ltd., a company where subordinate workers slave 14 hours a day to assemble plastic products with badly spelled labels. If this game hits a little too close to home, I apologize. If you’re still in school, well… welcome to your future!

Folks, it’s time to take your Xtreme sports pastime to the next level. Leave your parachute at home, but don’t forget a bag of Doritos and a six-pack of Monster Energy Drink. We’re going Cliff Diving. Xtreme Cliff Divingâ„¢.

You fruitcakes asked for it, and now you’ve got it: Nanaca†Crash. So pause that episode of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and put down your Jigglypuff doll. It’s time to save the world, crazy-ass Japanese style!

I hate to disappoint you guys, but today’s game has nothing to do with defecation or flatulation. But you know, that’s what imaginations are for, right? Like right now I’m imagining that I’m sitting in a beanbag chair with no pants on. And it’s totally awesome.

I was shocked to hear that some people were a little offended by yesterday’s donkey-dung kicking game. To those that were offended I humbly offer you my apologies, and also an alternate game for you to play that has nothing to do with pooping or farting. It is called ‘Fart Fart’ and it is about farting.

People, this is a donkey that kicks poo. Why are you even reading this? Get to it!

The Japanese have no respect for Flash games. What are these little totem guys? Where is the shotgun? Shouldn’t there be zombies somewhere? I demand bad techno music!

Hey, I think I’ve got a better name for this game. Maybe TOO DAMN HARD Syndrome or perhaps ARE YOU KIDDING ME Syndrome. I was also thinking that it might be easier if you didn’t have to create those loops to clear away parts of the board, but instead you had some sort of explosive device, maybe like grenades or a low-yield nuclear weapon.

What do you get when you cross today’s brightest minds in software engineering with the latest advancements in graphical acceleration technology? You get a game with two geometric shapes and two colors. But it is kinda fun.

I’m not sure what is more challenging, keeping my bug going for as long as possible, or stopping myself from clicking so fast that I skip right over my score and start the game again. I’ve never yelled so much at my finger in my life; it’s like it has a mind of its own. A cheeky mind.

What do you get when you cross the classic stylings of Asteroids with Macromedia Flash, 32 bit color, love, modern peripherals, a webmaster who only wears pants by court order, and delicious carrot cake? A frickin’ good time, that’s what.

It’s not as pretty as Storm the House, but it’s a little easier to play. And you get to blast helicopters. Would it cause you discomfort to know that the helicopters are piloted by puppies and kittens? It’s true. And they’re awfully cute. In fact I think they’re wearing bow-ties! Adorable!

I’m not sure that this game is any good or not, but damned if it isn’t the most relaxing thing I’ve ever played. The sounds are really gentle, and even the enemies are all slow and laid back. They’re like, “Chill dude, we’re coming to get you, we’re just gonna grab some lunch first; haven’t eaten all day mon amigo!”

If right now you have the option of trying this game or instead heading to the bathroom and smoking a giant brick of crack cocaine, I would highly recommend that sweet, sweet crack cocaine. It’s scientifically proven to be less addictive, and who needs teeth anyways?

Mondays… Now I don’t want to be at work any more than you do, but there are easier ways to get fired. So put your pants back on and let’s do it the right way by playing flying hamster games on the company dime. This one is a lot like Kitten Cannon, only it’s a little less random because you can use your mouse to control how the hamster glides.

We haven’t done a puzzle game for a while have we? I’m pretty sure we haven’t. This game was originally created ten thousand years ago circa 21 A.D. by ancient Mesopotamian goat farmers as a way to pass the time between their morning chores and Viking attacks. Aaaaaaaand… I just made that up.

If Ragdoll Avalanche and Squares 2 went and had hot, sweaty Flash game intercourse, then Jazzy Ragdoll would be their love child. And as an added challenge to this game, try listening to the music in the opening menu for over 5 minutes without going completely insane. Two games in one! Hurrah!

This game brings back such fond holiday memories for me. Every Christams me and my dad used to play a real-life game that was very similar to Sober Santa. My dad would be Santa, only without the santa costume or white beard, and instead of picking up presents he would throw potted plants at me and call me “fairygirl”.

Join the age-old battle between the bees against the wasps! You are the last line of defense for your hive, and unless you defend it there will be no more delicious honey for us to put on our toast and in our tea. Yes that’s right, tea without honey. You know what you need to do…

One of the oldest and most popular games on Dig Your Own Grave is Cubefield. It’s so simple a two-fingered monkey could play it, but at the same time it’s so fun that you will spontaneously burst into tears of joy while playing it. And, we’ve just set it up with our new High Scores system, so you might want to check that all out before you officially become the lamest lame-o on the block.

Weeeeeeeeee!!!! OH GOD *boom*

and repeat.

I like this game because it has three different game modes. And that means I can dominate all of you in three different ways using only a single game. It’s like triple-domination time, baby. Prepare to be dominated. Three times.

Arcade: 47 stars/71.70 secs, Countdown: 106 stars, Sprint: 18.43 secs

This game is not Pacman. It is something far better. It is Pacxon. Do not play Pacxon if you are sensitive to or have ever had an allergic reaction to it. Do not play Pacxon for at least 14 days after taking a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAO inhibitor) such as the antidepressants Nardil and Parnate. Pacxon and MAO inhibitors may interact to cause a sharp, potentially life-threatening rise in blood pressure.

Here’s a fluffy white snowball game to start off your week. The object of the game is to roll your balls so that they are at least as big as my balls. And mine, if I hadn’t mentioned it already, are absolutely gigantic. You have your mission.

Now that you’ve had all this practice playing Double Wires, you can move on to the more challenging Pendulumeca. The principle is the same but you’ve only got one wire and it’s faster paced. And crappier. Kind of like your score compared to mine. Which was 220m.

I love these little games that only take 15 seconds to play. 15 seconds to demonstrate my complete dominance over a pair of balls. Uh… wait… Well anyways, 18.148 seconds to be exact. Beat that show-offs!!

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

What is it about kittens that makes a person want to let them plummet to their deaths, or to fire them out of a cannon?

Oh noes! You’re the switchboard operator at a hugely important company, and the phones are ringing off the hook! And because your boss didn’t purchase Nortel’s Business Communication System, you’re pretty much going to have to cut off your eyelids just to make it through the day. BLINKING IS FAILURE.

Click… click.click..clickclick click.. click. clickclickclickclick. Click your way to a painful yet well-deserved RSI in this pretty little mouse-clicker. Honestly, I’ve never been so mad at a yellow square before in my life. By the way, Level 21 is as high as you can get. Why? Because that’s as far as I got and nobody is better than me. Duh.

Can you defeat the evil Gingivitis in this rhythm game? With my high score of 51.25%, I’m pretty sure I can’t.

A little earlier tonight I found this odd little game, played it, and decided it stunk. It’s been about 3 hours now and for some reason I still haven’t stopped playing it. I’m getting really hungry, I’m pretty sure I’ve wet myself at least twice, and I think the kitchen’s on fire. But I’m up to 360 points! 360. Believe it.

You might think that because this game is called ‘Red’ that it has something to do with Communism. And you would be absolutely right. I base that statement on nothing other than extreme paranoia and what some have called a ‘wild, dangerous’ imagination. Use your breast-shaped turret to blast those commie rocks back into the potato fields of Mother Russia. Freedom and Democracy are counting on you!

It’s been a while since we put up a shooter, but before you start hammering your spacebar back into the stone ages, read the instructions. The point of this one is to build up points by doing combos. Using your mouse you can lock onto multiple targets at once and blow them to bits with a single shot. The more points you get, the longer the game lasts.

Put aside your feelings about mice and help this little rodent stuff his belly with mountains of delicious cheese! I’m just going to leave my highscore in the comments. If I wrote it right up here the demoralizing wave that would blast out of your computer when you read it would probably kill you.

Do you hate one-eyed one-horned monsters? Me too! Let’s smash their heads with a hammer. This game may seem easy at first, but it starts messing with you after a while… trust me. And if the game doesn’t seem easy at first, it’s because you’re playing it with the number keys at the top of the keyboard and not the ones on the number-pad silly!

Help the poor little boneless man avoid the metal spikes raining down from the sky! I was able to dodge 135. Coincidentally that is the same number of pushups I do every morning. Right before I head off to male supermodel school. Just some little facts I thought you might be interested in… *cough* ladies.

Always wished you could juggle? Me neither, but give it a try it anyways. And as an added bonus you get to see what happens to your eyes when you don’t blink for 5 minutes straight. Fun! Fun! Fun!

This game seems almost impossible at first, but once you learn to use the shadow of the ball to help you position your tiles it gets pretty fun. Currently I hold the highscore of 3600, which makes me the Poom-Master, or ‘Poomaster’ for short. Hey, wait a minute…

This game is exciting! I got to stage 9 before I took one to the chest. Don’t expect to get as far as me though unless you have lived a hardened life on the street and dodged bullets in real life. I’ve taken a few to the chest in real life too and lived to tell about it. Calm down ladies, there’s plenty to go around, just send in an application.

If this game was about falling puppies I would master it. I would play it until I could play it forever without letting a single adorable little puppy die. It is all I would do until the end of time. Kittens… meh.

Well you have to hand it to the Japanese. They may be weird, but they sure know how to come up with original game ideas. And awkward toilets. And poodle-human exercise videos. And eyelid glue. And creepy cartoon pornography. Oh I could go on and on and on…

Finally a game that takes me back to my roots! Anyone who says they can beat my top average speed of 0.192 seconds will be accused of lying, sentenced to death, executed, reincarnated as a sheep, and promptly tranquilized by me in well under point 2 seconds. I am just that good.

Those of you that like the reflex-type games are going to have a good time with this one. And if you also like really crappy euro-house music from the ninties that loops every 2 seconds then you can take this game straight to the bank! As usual I will set the bar impossibly high with my best score of 3897. Oui, oui… how you say… eat it?

YOU: Hey, this game is just like the last drunken beer balancing game you put up!
ME: Yes it is.
YOU: You’re an idiot! Your website sucks! You’re gay!

There, I saved you the trouble.

Move yer mouse left and right to help me keep me pint steady. TRY NOT TO SPILL ALL MY BLOODY BEER.

Now that’s pants!

Another simple little flash game. The point of this one is to throw your knives directly into the girls face. And it’s pretty damn hard unl… hmmmmm? What? Well that’s what I said: throw the knives into the targets without hitting the girl in the face. Duh.

No, you’re sick.

Here’s another game. This one is a little easier to figure out and it only has two objectives: 1) throw the cards into the hat, 2) don’t die of boredom.

It’s been a dogs age since we posted a game so I thought it would be nice to find a great one and put it up for you. But this isn’t it. This is just some strange game about flowers with really soothing background noises that I just can’t stop playing. Which is odd because I haven’t even figured out the rules yet.