Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a missile? Yeah… me too. In fact it pretty much consumes my every waking thought. I used to think about it so much that it cost me just about everything. My job, my wife, my hair, my beloved hamster Sir Hamerstien… but now thanks to this game I can finally get my life back together. Thank-you The Missile Game 3d!

If, like me, you were having trouble deciding whether your next videogame purchase should be Kingdom Hearts II or Resident Evil 4, this little video narrated by mc chris should clear up the decision for you.

Most people aren’t aware that the Governator is a big fan of hippity hop, but that’s all going to change with the release of his cover of Ludacris’ Area Codes. It’s all just clicks and whistles to me though.

I know, I know, this is incredibly cruel. But the music! And the picture! I can’t help but laugh. I’m going to hell aren’t I?

Can you defeat the evil Gingivitis in this rhythm game? With my high score of 51.25%, I’m pretty sure I can’t.

Since the first episode of I’m Not Racist received such a monumentally positive reception [/sarcasm], I have concluded that you’re all racist and need to watch the second episode in order to be cleansed of your bigoted ways.

Finally a game that takes me back to my roots! Anyone who says they can beat my top average speed of 0.192 seconds will be accused of lying, sentenced to death, executed, reincarnated as a sheep, and promptly tranquilized by me in well under point 2 seconds. I am just that good.

If it weren’t for the fact that the lighting allows the men in the back to be seen too easily, I think this would be more impressive than the ping pong version.

This rap ballad comes from Hungary, and it brings with it a message of peace and love. It also features the whitest backup singer on the planet. He’s like an anthropomorphic stack of copy paper.

Weeeeeeeeee!!!! OH GOD *boom*

and repeat.

This game is not Pacman. It is something far better. It is Pacxon. Do not play Pacxon if you are sensitive to or have ever had an allergic reaction to it. Do not play Pacxon for at least 14 days after taking a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAO inhibitor) such as the antidepressants Nardil and Parnate. Pacxon and MAO inhibitors may interact to cause a sharp, potentially life-threatening rise in blood pressure.

Now that you’ve had all this practice playing Double Wires, you can move on to the more challenging Pendulumeca. The principle is the same but you’ve only got one wire and it’s faster paced. And crappier. Kind of like your score compared to mine. Which was 220m.

Today brings a video blast from my past – one of my favorite Tom Green sketches. The set-up is simple enough. Tom has dressed up like an injured person and is walking around on crutches. What ever could happen next?

Don’t turn your back on this one. It may look straight forward, but it will mess with your head. It wants to break your mojo. It will insult your mother. It’s got the hots for your sister. It will steal your dog and rename him ‘Douche’. It has no respect for you or your silly three dimensions. You’ve been warned!

Have you ever wondered what happened to 1980′s comic McGillicutty? You know, the guy that smashed watermelons? No, not Gallagher, the other guy that smashed watermelons. Turns out he got into a little trouble with the P.C. Police, but now he’s back with a new reality show to prove that he’s not racist!

It’s amazing that this video of ‘the worst rap battle ever’ is also coincidentally the video of ‘the greatest rap battle ever’. The kids in it look like they walked right out of a Ren and Stimpy cartoon. SERIOUSLY.

What do you get when you combine some kind of animated lizard with a guy from Elizabeth, New Jersey? Well, I’m not sure myself, but whatever it is, it’s this video. (NSFW due to language.)

This game is, as the French say, ‘wickedly awesome’. The performance can be pretty bad, so before starting I recommend you go into the game’s configuration menu and turn motion blur and FPS Stability to OFF. Then tape a LEAVE ME ALONE note to the back of your head because you’ve got places to be (your computer) and people to see (zombies).

Meow meow meow
Meow meow meow meow meow
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

With the way this guy behaves, is it any wonder that nobody likes him and his little hat?

And now, a dramatic reading of a real breakup letter from a real person.

I am so there.

Barry! What are you doing? What is wrong with you? Do not open anything else! What is that? Barry, no!

Look, I don’t want to scare any of you out there, but zombies are coming to eat your brains, and soon. Like tomorrow. Probably around 3pm. We’re planning on grabbing some Taco Bell first, so we may be a little late. Excuse me, they might be a little late. Heh.

Cows, tired of being mutilated, are fighting back against their alien overlords. The fate of the planet is in their hooves.

Fear not, citizens of Earth! When goofy galactic robots invade, you will be there to fight off the invasion. The government has surgically removed your skeleton to provide you with greater agility, and attached powerful automatic weapons to your hands for combat (they are also auditing you for the 2006 tax year to increase your aggression).