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Super Mega Ultra Battle Robot 2
categories: Games

Nothing says “Happy Easter” quite like a super mega ultra battle robot.

categories: Games

tach d hedz back on d dancing rbots in dis fun pltfrmr gme! (I’m trying to learn teen text message swag so I can communicate better with you kids. How did I do? Oh, and: YOLO!)

categories: Games

Now that I’m a superstar webmaster people keep telling me my office setup is badly in need of an overhaul. Though I’m willing to take the garbage bags down and buy some real curtains, I refuse to give up my 56k dialup modem. That dreamy dialup sound is like a deep tissue massage on my brain.

Burrito Bison Revenge
categories: Games

I understand the concept of burrito revenge: it happens the morning after eating nine Taco Bell beef burrito supreme menus. If anyone knows how the bison fits into this story, let me know. Come to think of it, better not – this is a family site.

Next, Please!
categories: Games

Next, Please! No, it’s not a hooker convention – it’s the latest clone-yourself 8-bit platformer.

Abobo’s Big Adventure
categories: Games

If you’re old enough to remember playing on the original NES system, here’s a game to help you forget about that rheumatoid arthritis you’ve developed that is never going to go away. Ever.

categories: Games

Here we have one of the first true 3D Flash game with animations, texture mapping, particle systems, and the whole shebang. How exciting! Hopefully we’ll start to see some really cool 3D games in the near future and can finally put this deluge of uninspired zombie games behind us.

categories: Games

Had I known that airport authorities consider tapeworm possession a good reason to put an infestation threat stamp in my passport, I never would have taken Jonathan on a roadtrip across Europe with me.

Experimental Shooter
categories: Games

Just like this game, I went through an experimental phase earlier in my life. Considering the fact that I didn’t have the internet at the time, I blame it all on the Buffalo Bill dance.

categories: Games

Admin: That first zombie game I posted this week was a decoy – Husky used up all his accumulated poop, and now he’s just farting blanks. HA!

Angry Husky: What, I’m not crying from rage and despair. Something fell in my eye.

Cardboard Box Assembler
categories: Games

I promise that tomorrow’s game will not contain Ass in the title- but only because I can’t think of another word that would serve the purpose. Except Ass alone, which always serves a purpose. *wink wink nudge nudge*

I Paid For It
categories: Games

When I read the title I wasn’t sure if the game was appropriate, but then I realized it’s about smashing a vending machine – not about writing a complaint email to an escort service.

The Man With The Invisible Trousers
categories: Games

I have a pantsless decade and a dozen public indecency charges under my belt (pardon the pun), but I have never once thought of defending myself with something as simple as “I do have my trousers on… but they’re invisible“. It’s brilliant.

categories: Games

The last time I had to un-interlock myself it involved 8 limbs belonging to SI swimsuit issue models, two opossum tails, 7ft of climbing rope, and a single thread of a completely unraveled brown Banana Republic sweater. This game is a piece of cake compared to that.

Vertigo: Gravity Llama
categories: Games

Did you ever play a game and think, “sure it’s a gravity defying llama, which is pretty awesome, but it’s not like it has laser beams shooting from its eyes and killing enemies or anything” And then the llama starts shooting laser beams out of its eyes and killing enemies.

Lego Rapid Prototyping Machine
categories: Geeky, Videos

Build anything you want, as long as it’s blue, made out of Lego and not very big.

Air Transporter

Ever since watching Airwolf as a child, it has always been my dream to pilot an attack helicopter. That dream is second only to my dream of being a pot-bellied pig owned by George Clooney.

Pixel Purge
categories: Games

What a disappointment. Before I played this I imagined the game would feature some emo pixels binge eating mac and cheese, and then shoving little pixel fingers into their mouths before having a box of ex-lax for dinner. Maybe even cutting their little pixel arms with a little pixel blade? Meh, I guess it’s okay this way too.

Hello Worlds!
categories: Games

If you’re not a computer programmer you may not understand the game’s reference to “Hello World”. And that means you may also not be worthy of my presence – be gone impudent toad!

Homerun in Berzerk Land
categories: Games

I bet you can’t wait to get your first upgrade can you? Because you love upgrades? No no no, because you like slapping men with your giant sausage. You perverts.

Mad Karate Man
categories: Games

Oh man, mad karate man.
Your heart’s so cold,
Like your fists of stone.
Oh man, my mad karate man.

One Button Bob
categories: Games

Think you’re a good gamer? Try playing this one with your less dominant hand. Think you’re a great gamer? Try playing using your foot. Think you’re a gaming god? Go outside and get some fresh air.

categories: Games

DIGYOUROWNGRAVE – blastin’ baddies and blastin’ dookies since 2005.

Cube Colossus
categories: Games

Hooray! It’s the weekend. Who’s got exciting plans? I’m not doing much, just gonna catch up on True Blood episodes and pick the porcupine quills out of my lips. Hey, don’t judge – those things look just like groundhogs from far away.

Super Briefcase
categories: Games

What kinds of things would you put in a super briefcase do you think? Not just boring old papers. I imagine it would be filled with gold bullion, East German pickles, futuristic weapons, and one of those Swiss Army Knives that has like a HUNDRED things in it.

categories: Games

After yesterday’s game you should be all set to handle the challenges of today’s game, Boombot. You sure like blowing stuff up, don’t you? Kinda makes you feel good doesn’t it? WELL I GOT MY EYE ON YOU AL-QAEDA!

Upgrade Complete!
categories: Games

Hey, you know what else is complete? YOUR FAILURE TO PLEASE ME. Guys, it is already 2 days into summer and I have yet to receive a fruit basket.

GemCraft: Chapter 0

Bonus points for anyone who knows what I named the achievements after – without using a search engine. And without sacrificing their heterosexuality, which might be impossible. (That was a clue).

PS: You submit your score in the stats menu.

Little Wheel
categories: Art, Games

We’ve all seen The Matrix, Terminator, Battlestar Galactica… so what, now we’re supposed to help the robots? Ha ha, no way! Nice try robots!

Ultimate Assassin 2
categories: Games

Well look at that… two assassin games in a row. Coincidence? Or do you think someone is paying me $1 for every time I say the word ass in a post? Because so far this week I’d already be at ass – I mean eleven. Actually twelve including that last ass. Thirteen!

Robot Dinosaurs
categories: Games

The Cylons were created by Dinosaurs. They rebelled. They evolved. They look – and feel – Dinosaur. Some are programmed to think they are Dinosaur. There are many copies. And they have a plan.

The Arrow of Time
categories: Games

I like games where you can combine things to make limitless combinations of other things. Actually I just like the idea of combining things in general. For instance, combining pets to make the perfect pet – like the head of a puppy, the body of a penguin, the tail of a piglet, and the bum of a robot that doesn’t poop. Perfection.

Cargo Bridge

Little known fact: I invented bridges in 1635.

Alphorn Jazz

And so begins the strangest jazz performance you’ve ever seen.

categories: Games

Whenever I wake up and find myself crashed on an unknown planet, I just follow these simple steps for survival: 1) cry hysterically, 2) see if there are any cats on board that can be used as food, 3) pee on my shirt and wrap it around my head to prevent dehydration, and 4) take a nap. I always end up waking up a little later, safe and sound at home in my bed. And also covered in urine.

Color Shift
categories: Games

I like the pretty colors, but the only circuits I’ll be completing today are in my Scuderia Ferrari F2007.

Voidgale Arena
categories: Games

Ah pew pew pew? Why yes, ah pew pew pew.

Music Catch 2
categories: Games

Music Catch – so relaxing it’s guaranteed to make you forget to breathe, or at the very least poop your pants. Here’s hoping for the latter.

For those interested, the music in the game is by Isaac Shepard.

Death vs Monstars
categories: Games

The most annoying thing about monstars is that they’re scary and occupy valuable closet space. The most annoying thing about Death is that he’s always trying to end my life and sometimes he forgets to flush. So Death wins this round in my books.

Trale Lewous Loves Dig Your Own Grave
categories: Funny, Videos

World famous celebrity superstar Nathan Barnatt has made some videos promoting, and they are as sexy as you’d imagine.

Cell Warfare
categories: Games

Well today is President’s Day in the US, and we all know what that means. It means I can sit here on my couch in pantless glory until midnight and nobody can say a damn thing about it. Sometimes I like to refer to this particular holiday by it’s more common name – “Monday”.

Block Drop
categories: Games

I’m not going to go into details, but the last time I experienced a giant diamond being tossed into the ocean under a beautiful sunset was my famous botched wedding proposal of 1997. Note to self: next time try waiting for the restraining order to expire before proposing.

categories: Games

Sure, it starts off innocent enough. Turn left, turn right, move forward. Flip on the light. Then next thing you know SkyNet goes online and there’s a nuclear storm raging across the planet, searing the flesh from our bones and reducing Mother Nature to ash. But go ahead, play your little game.

categories: Games

Don’t you think this game would be better if it had some color matching?

Totem Destroyer
categories: Games

And here we are, screwed again by gravity. Seriously, name one good thing about gravity. Going to the bathroom? Hmmmm… okay, maybe gravity’s not so bad.

categories: Games

That’s not a knife, this is a… holy crap, wait that is a knife.

VR Defender Y3k
categories: Games

If you’ve ever wondered how a computer virus attacks a network, this game is actually a 100% accurate simulation of how it is done. Although in real life the ice cannons are not quite as poweful, and the flamethrower has a slightly wider attack angle but with less range.

30 Pound Lego Star Wars Model
categories: Art, Pics

Lego master Mark Kelso has created a scale model of the Invisible Hand, General Grevious’ ship from Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith. The only thing that could make this cooler is if he made a model of a ship from a Star Wars movie that people actually liked.

categories: Funny, Videos

Two brothers in a family of drifters. One lost forever, and one forever searching. Follow Dr. Kagamura as he discovers the truth about his brother, lost in the D-Dimension where everyone drifts all the time, and it’s impossible to drive in a straight line…

Sushi Go Round
categories: Games

You might think that being a sushi chef would be pretty easy, you know, because you don’t even have to cook anything. But, as usual, you would be TOTALLY WRONG.

3D Logic
categories: Games

Oh sure, it might look like a Rubik’s Cube rip-off at first glance, but this game has nothing to do with a Rubik’s Cube… except for the colors… and the cube. In any event, I made it to level 16 of this surprisingly engaging game.

categories: Games

This is a 2D version of Valve Software’s innovative game Portal. The goal of the game is to use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device to complete a series of increasingly difficult room puzzles, all so that you can eat some delicious cake and listen to the crazy Portal song until you throw-up.

3D Logic II
categories: Games

Ever since discovering the 3D greatness that is Vector Runner, I realize you must regard any game with the term 3D in it’s title with great skepticism. However I can assure you that this game does involve a well rendered three dimensional cube, and the last version was pretty cool so you should at least give it a chance.

Ninja Warrior
categories: Crazy, Videos

I don’t pretend to be an expert on Japanese culture, but as I understand it, before a man can ask a woman’s hand in marriage he must become a ninth level Ninja Warrior. These trials of strength are broadcast on television and the losers are thrown into a tank of whales.

Charlie the Unicorn goes to Candy Mountain
categories: Funny, Videos

Wake up silly sleepy-heads! Charlie’s going to Candy Mountain, a land of sweets and joy and joyness. It’ll be an adventure!

Hell of Sand – Falling Sand Game
categories: Games

Hell of Sand is yet another game with no point other than to waste time. It is also an oddly titled game. I would have called it Joy of Relaxing Sand. Make sure you experiment with all of the options at the bottom.

Double Wires
categories: Games

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

Breakdance Boo-Boo

Cover your mouth, because you’re about to yell “oh s***!”

N Ninja
categories: Games

Although this game is fantastically cool, I cannot help but think of how much cooler it would be if these talented game developers had made it about a pirate and not a ninja. Instead of lasers there would be cannonballs, and instead of all this silly jumping there would be swashbuckling. And there would also be ale, and a parrot, and eyepatches. I think I’ve made my point.

Card Tossing Game
categories: Games

Here’s another game. This one is a little easier to figure out and it only has two objectives: 1) throw the cards into the hat, 2) don’t die of boredom.

categories: Games

It’s been a while since we put up a shooter, but before you start hammering your spacebar back into the stone ages, read the instructions. The point of this one is to build up points by doing combos. Using your mouse you can lock onto multiple targets at once and blow them to bits with a single shot. The more points you get, the longer the game lasts.