Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

Can there be a better way to put an engineering education to use than to develop a game simulating the fluid dynamics of mucus? Well if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

During the 1990s, Bill Geerhart wrote letters - posing as a 10-year-old boy named Billy - to serial killers and politicians alike, asking for their advice on whether he should drop out of school, and what type of McDonald’s food they like. The responses range from the helpful, to the bizarre.

Modern Toilet is a chain of scatological-themed restaurants in Taiwan, where the patrons sit on toilets and eat off of covered sinks and bathtubs.

Tim, like King Midas from Greek mythology, has an amazing power that is both a gift and a curse. I bet he’s tired of eating Skittles.

In the spring of 1999, the Family Learning Channel commissioned animator Don Hertzfeldt to produce promotional segments for their network. The cartoons were completed in five weeks. The Family Learning Channel rejected all of them upon review, and they were never aired…

Did you get an Amazon gift certificate for Christmas? Not sure what to use it for? Now your very own facial deformities and terrorist weapons are only a one-click purchase away.

Life is unfair. The sooner you kids learn this, the better off you’ll be. When you get older you can expect everyday life to be exactly like this game. Well, you don’t die as much - unless you count dying on the inside.

Who do you think this little rascal is chasing down in his dream? I bet it’s a dandelion field full of fluffy bunnies. But I’ll tell you why he should really be running… because I’m after him, and when I catch him I’m going to zurbert that pink little belly of his. It’s all part of my tough love program.

There’s been so much shooting and violence here lately that I thought it might be nice to play a game that’s just all about a little red ball, and drawing with a fat marker, and relaxing clunking sounds, and really really really awful music. Throw in a pork burrito and I’m pretty much in heaven.

Now before you try and tear out my heart through your modem, please note that I am not just reposting an old game, but have in fact supplemented an old game with our spanking new High Scores feature. Yes, now all you obsessive lovelies can log your high score screenshots on the Dig Your Own Grave Leaderboard for official ranking. Click the gold medal in the upper right and check it out!

If 2007 was the year of games about my balls, then 2008 is shaping up to be the year of games about playing with yourself. Man, game developers are perverts.

The New York Times recently did a neat photo essay comparing real-life gamers to their in-game avatars. It’s worth knowing that the next time you’re playing Lineage II and feeling all proud of yourself for chatting up some cute little number in pigtails and a miniskirt, it’s probably just Mr. Bubble-Tea over there.

It can be hard to win the heart of that beautiful young Mexican woman during your day trip to Tijuana, when you’ve only had one semester of Spanish class.

Most of you are probably familiar with the 5 stages a giraffe goes through when he gets stuck in quicksand, but if you aren’t then here they are. Tomorrow’s lesson: the five stages of nerdly-arousal I go through when I watch Battlestar Galactica.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

If you hate your children and want to hurt them, but are worried about the inevitable jail sentence, buy them a trampoline. They will love you for getting them such a fun toy, and you can rest assured that it’s only a matter of time before they get seriously injured.

You young whipper snappers! You’re so spoiled by your fancy videogames these days. A real game doesn’t need more than 20 pixels on screen at any one time. And 4 colors is plenty! Any more than that and the developer is just compensating for an incredibly small penis.

If there’s one thing that bees love, its coins. And stinging other bees. And thus is the paradox of your life as a bee. Collecting coins but not getting stung by your fellow bees while you do it. And rocking hard, don’t forget you always got to rock it hard.

Wake up silly sleepy-heads! Charlie’s going to Candy Mountain, a land of sweets and joy and joyness. It’ll be an adventure!