Abracadabra you’re a musician.

Now you can fool your friends in to thinking you’re a skilled hacker just like the terrible actors on NCIS or CSI. Just press Hack! and start typing like a retarded actress.

Somebody give that chubby pixel a Graham Cracker!

It wouldn’t be so bad if it was the one with Megan Fox and the butterscotch pudding.

If I could play god and reinvent the world from scratch I have to admit I wouldn’t do much differently. I would however forgo the giant armored sea spiders in favor of something a little more useful, like say a mix between a puppy and a vending machine.

Although you might not expect an accomplished neurosurgeon to have the rugged qualities associated with a bona fide “Mountain Man”, I am proud to say that I am often confused with one none the less. It could be the beard, it could be the long hair, or maybe it’s just the groundhog skin loincloth.

This is an unfinished version of the second Bullet Bill game, where your goal is to guide Bullet Bill through the Super Mario Bros. universe while avoiding obstacles. Booya!

Well if game developers can start releasing games without finishing them, then I don’t see why I can’t publish posts withou

If you’re not a computer programmer you may not understand the game’s reference to “Hello World”. And that means you may also not be worthy of my presence – be gone impudent toad!

Christian Van Vuuren and his TB powered super body have spent more than 150 days in quarantine now, but if that means we keep getting these awesome songs I hope he never gets out. (Just kidding Christian!) If you like the video, why not donate to help some fully sick kids get fully vaccinated.

So what would you do if you could clone yourself? Most people would probably send their clone to work in their place, but that would just mean mine would be sitting here on the couch beside me all day. And I definitely don’t want that, because he smells like old salami and he keeps putting his hand on my leg.

This game reminds me of a dream I had when I was 14. It involved me developing the ability to fly, Eddie Van Halen giving me his guitar, winning the lottery, and my Samantha Fox poster coming to life.

Every once and a while a game comes along that really pushes the limits of… my html layouts. I’m serious, this thing is frickin’ wide.

Once more you are being asked to protect a bunch of jittery citrus fruits from the the horrors of acid rain. Is it an innocent online game, or more global warming scare tactics from a liberal government whose only agenda is to convert America into a communist state populated by godless hippies? YOU DECIDE.

Ah, the elusive female g-switch.

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!

With a title like that, this game needs no description.

Pro Hot Tip: Of all the things to possibly save money on for your wedding, make sure the cake isn’t one of them.

This is from a few years back, and oh so hilarious. A helpful neighbor is trying to return a lost “cat” to its owner.

People have already removed Garfield’s thought bubbles from Garfield comics with surprisingly good results, but this goes that logical step further – removing Garfield from the equation entirely. The result is a darkly humorous comic about the depressions of modern life.

Pork.

Can you solve the mysterious puzzle of Heady Steinberg? There’s a prize if you can! (The prize is hugs and cuddles.)

In this game you have to try and save Sir Whitey McBlockster from a deadly pool of rising lava. It takes a combination of luck, strategy, and patience to do well, but with practice you can actually get some pretty high scores.

You’re not going to let me keep that gold, are you?

Continuing the tribute to The Muppet Show, which was apparently the most entertaining variety show ever, I present to you those pink guys that sing that catchy song. Do do do do

Who’s a kitty-cat? Who likes to dance dance dance?

Draw a sketch, submit it, and have some random person’s sketch sent back to you. It’s pretty fun! And because the submitted sketches are moderated you don’t get sketches of penises, boobs, or ‘FaCKs YOUz LoOS3R’s like you would expect from your fellow ‘humans’ on the internet.

Bad-ass shirt-folding techniques from the ninjas in asia. The shit works, I just tried it. Possibly brought to you from the same people who provided the helpful video on How To Not Look Asian.

Some of you young ones may not fully understand the credit crisis, but in a nutshell it’s the reason your dad cries so much these days, and also why you’ll need to become a stripper if you want to go to college.

Submit your score as M.SS (M-minutes, SS-seconds).

This is a very cool little puzzle game that I think even the non-gamers will enjoy. All you have to do is get the bloxor into the hole. It’s sort of like golf, only with a big brick instead of a ball, and no clubs, and you don’t hit anything, you just sort of roll around. So like I said, nothing like golf.

It’s like the Special Olympics for your fingers.

If I had a Hi-Fi, I’d listen to this Weird Al song all day.

I’m glad I didn’t go to a school with school lunches, because these pictures of the lunch options from the Harrisonburg, Virginia school system, are truly disgusting.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like you to meet Meat Boy. GET IT? You see what I just did there? That is how you roll a pun my friends. Damn! I am good. Okay, nap time.

Natural selection at work my friends.

Why did she think getting on the table in the first place was a good idea?

There is a common misconception that pandas are cute and cuddly, but a select few of us know the real truth: pandas are bastards. They’re only interested in three things: stealing, panda gangbangs, and sneezing. Shoot on sight I say!

Bringing the F-U-N back into racial segregation!

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.

Although not well known, Jesusasaurus Rex was by far the most feared of the dinosaurs, possessing the ability to rise from the grave and bore other dinosaurs to death with speeches about kindness.

So you thought you did well at Statetris? Well let’s see how you do a little farther from home, with Statetris: Europe Edition. For those of you that don’t know, Europe is a magical land, filled with nations smaller than Delaware and people that speak with silly accents.

You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the beans?

PS: Who is your favorite bean?

Behold, the dancing inmates of CPDRC prison in the Philippines. Why do they dance? Because the music flows through them. They live the music. They breathe it! Also, they’re in prison and pretty bored.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

Can there be a better way to put an engineering education to use than to develop a game simulating the fluid dynamics of mucus? Well if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

During the 1990s, Bill Geerhart wrote letters – posing as a 10-year-old boy named Billy – to serial killers and politicians alike, asking for their advice on whether he should drop out of school, and what type of McDonald’s food they like. The responses range from the helpful, to the bizarre.

Modern Toilet is a chain of scatological-themed restaurants in Taiwan, where the patrons sit on toilets and eat off of covered sinks and bathtubs.

Tim, like King Midas from Greek mythology, has an amazing power that is both a gift and a curse. I bet he’s tired of eating Skittles.

In the spring of 1999, the Family Learning Channel commissioned animator Don Hertzfeldt to produce promotional segments for their network. The cartoons were completed in five weeks. The Family Learning Channel rejected all of them upon review, and they were never aired…

Did you get an Amazon gift certificate for Christmas? Not sure what to use it for? Now your very own facial deformities and terrorist weapons are only a one-click purchase away.

Life is unfair. The sooner you kids learn this, the better off you’ll be. When you get older you can expect everyday life to be exactly like this game. Well, you don’t die as much – unless you count dying on the inside.

Who do you think this little rascal is chasing down in his dream? I bet it’s a dandelion field full of fluffy bunnies. But I’ll tell you why he should really be running… because I’m after him, and when I catch him I’m going to zurbert that pink little belly of his. It’s all part of my tough love program.

There’s been so much shooting and violence here lately that I thought it might be nice to play a game that’s just all about a little red ball, and drawing with a fat marker, and relaxing clunking sounds, and really really really awful music. Throw in a pork burrito and I’m pretty much in heaven.

Weeeeeeeeee!!!! OH GOD *boom*

and repeat.

If 2007 was the year of games about my balls, then 2008 is shaping up to be the year of games about playing with yourself. Man, game developers are perverts.

The New York Times recently did a neat photo essay comparing real-life gamers to their in-game avatars. It’s worth knowing that the next time you’re playing Lineage II and feeling all proud of yourself for chatting up some cute little number in pigtails and a miniskirt, it’s probably just Mr. Bubble-Tea over there.

It can be hard to win the heart of that beautiful young Mexican woman during your day trip to Tijuana, when you’ve only had one semester of Spanish class.

Most of you are probably familiar with the 5 stages a giraffe goes through when he gets stuck in quicksand, but if you aren’t then here they are. Tomorrow’s lesson: the five stages of nerdly-arousal I go through when I watch Battlestar Galactica.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

If you hate your children and want to hurt them, but are worried about the inevitable jail sentence, buy them a trampoline. They will love you for getting them such a fun toy, and you can rest assured that it’s only a matter of time before they get seriously injured.

You young whipper snappers! You’re so spoiled by your fancy videogames these days. A real game doesn’t need more than 20 pixels on screen at any one time. And 4 colors is plenty! Any more than that and the developer is just compensating for an incredibly small penis.

If there’s one thing that bees love, its coins. And stinging other bees. And thus is the paradox of your life as a bee. Collecting coins but not getting stung by your fellow bees while you do it. And rocking hard, don’t forget you always got to rock it hard.

Wake up silly sleepy-heads! Charlie’s going to Candy Mountain, a land of sweets and joy and joyness. It’ll be an adventure!