Do you hate balls? How about primary colors? Circles get you down? Then for the love of god don’t go anywhere near this game. It hates you as much as you hate it and it will sleep with your wife, make friends with your children, and tell your boss what you really do at work all day.

This one’s a bit like Unreal Tournament, only without that overrated third dimension. And without limbs either. Those are overrated too.

In this game you have to try and save Sir Whitey McBlockster from a deadly pool of rising lava. It takes a combination of luck, strategy, and patience to do well, but with practice you can actually get some pretty high scores.

You’re not going to let me keep that gold, are you?

Do you love Guitar Hero? Do your parents not love you enough to buy it for you? Well stop crying cry-baby! Now thanks to the internet you can play this two-dimensional Guitar Hero clone that features a collection of songs by people who aren’t famous!