In honor o’ this most excellent seafarin’ hearty game, all comments must be port in official seafarin’ hearty speak. Ya lily livered scurvy dog!

Science has proven that even a Proboscis Monkey can spot the differences between these sets of pictures. You’re smarter than a crazy penis-nosed monkey, aren’t you?

The directions for this game are a bit complicated, so read carefully: CLUB SMASH, CLUB SMASH HEAD. SMASH GOOD. Spacebar will pause the game, and SMASH GOOD, OG LOVE SMASH.

You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the beans?

PS: Who is your favorite bean?

If I were a brilliant electrical engineer, I… wait a minute, let me start over… Being one of the world’s most brilliant electrical engineers, I find it silly that people like building robots for fighting. Robots should be created for much more noble purposes, like medical procedures or washing my car.

Okay, everyone all together now:

NNNNNNNNNNnnn… BRAINNNNNNNnnns…

Ah, Death by Hinge. Not quite as desirable as Death by Puppies, but still a preferred alternative to Death by Frilled Shark if you ask me.

This one’s a bit like Unreal Tournament, only without that overrated third dimension. And without limbs either. Those are overrated too.

Some people say that violent video games are a bad influence on our children, but I say we should just shoot those people to make them shut up. Try to break the logic in that statement my friends. It’s a little something I like to call absolute brilliance.

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

The time has come again my friends. It’s time to whoop some stickman ass. These dudes went and shot down the Chickencopter! Nobody shoots down the Chickencopter and gets away with it.

There’s an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, smash those *#$&%s into the ground with the largest club you can find. Fill the streets with their sour citrus blood until not a single one is left whole”. Or… something like that.

Rumor has it the creators of this game are on the run from the law. They’re being brought up against federal charges for having released a sproingy game without the inclusion of springy-sproingy sounds effects. It’s only a short jail term in the US, but they’re actually facing the death penalty in Singapore.