Some people say that violent video games are a bad influence on our children, but I say we should just shoot those people to make them shut up. Try to break the logic in that statement my friends. It’s a little something I like to call absolute brilliance.

Yellow. Black. Running, gunning. And evil robot alligators. I just don’t know what else to say. I guess they could be evil robot crocodiles. Heck, maybe they’re not even evil. Maybe they’re just misunderstood.

Here is the eagerly anticipated summer-blockbuster game Bowman 2. Not that I’ve ever played Bowman 1, but I’m sure this one is miles ahead in both special effects and plot twists. Be sure to try ‘Bird Hunting’ mode; pretend they’re all pigeons and exterminate with extreme prejiduce!

It’s been a while since we put up a shooter, but before you start hammering your spacebar back into the stone ages, read the instructions. The point of this one is to build up points by doing combos. Using your mouse you can lock onto multiple targets at once and blow them to bits with a single shot. The more points you get, the longer the game lasts.

You might think that because this game is called ‘Red’ that it has something to do with Communism. And you would be absolutely right. I base that statement on nothing other than extreme paranoia and what some have called a ‘wild, dangerous’ imagination. Use your breast-shaped turret to blast those commie rocks back into the potato fields of Mother Russia. Freedom and Democracy are counting on you!

Hell of Sand is yet another game with no point other than to waste time. It is also an oddly titled game. I would have called it Joy of Relaxing Sand. Make sure you experiment with all of the options at the bottom.

What is it about kittens that makes a person want to let them plummet to their deaths, or to fire them out of a cannon?

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

Here’s a fluffy white snowball game to start off your week. The object of the game is to roll your balls so that they are at least as big as my balls. And mine, if I hadn’t mentioned it already, are absolutely gigantic. You have your mission.

Question 1: When you guys ask me to put up a game, what do I do? Answer: I put it up. Question 2: Why do I do that? Answer: Because I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Question 3: Why am I so awesome? Answer: Not entirely sure, maybe genetics.

This game is similar to the falling sand game. Half of you will hate it and will probably say I suck, because the game has no point. The other half will fall in to a relaxation induced coma while learning about gravity and/or magnetism.

This is one of those tower-defense-type games, only with this one you get in on the action a little bit. It’s been around for a while, but unlike me not everyone is a walking Flash game encyclopedia, so I thought I’d share. And also unlike me not everyone has the figure and features of a Greek god, but unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about that.

My strategy with hand-to-hand fighting games has always been to smash as many buttons as I can, as quickly as I can, all while acting like I know exactly what I’m doing. It’s the same strategy I use at work when sitting in front of the computer, and it has worked as well for me there as is does in this game. And that is to say very, very,very, badly.

You fruitcakes asked for it, and now you’ve got it: Nanaca†Crash!!. So pause that episode of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and put down your Jigglypuff doll. It’s time to save the world, crazy-ass Japanese style!

This game is, as the French say, ‘wickedly awesome’. The performance can be pretty bad, so before starting I recommend you go into the game’s configuration menu and turn motion blur and FPS Stability to OFF. Then tape a LEAVE ME ALONE note to the back of your head because you’ve got places to be (your computer) and people to see (zombies).

Although this game is fantastically cool, I cannot help but think of how much cooler it would be if these talented game developers had made it about a pirate and not a ninja. Instead of lasers there would be cannonballs, and instead of all this silly jumping there would be swashbuckling. And there would also be ale, and a parrot, and eyepatches. I think I’ve made my point.

There are two distinct things you hear while playing this game. The first is the oddly enjoyable soundtrack, and the second sound, which is sort of like a high pitched whine, is your eyes drying up into little white raisins because you haven’t blinked for the past 10 minutes.

Here’s another game with hypnotically soothing music. But don’t be fooled! It’s only purpose is to mask the sound of the tendons in your wrist crying out in pain.

Use the ‘SCORE’ value for highscores.

It is a time of great magic and chivalry. You are an über D&D nerd, sitting behind a… oh wait, I mean you are a brave knight, defending your kingdom from the onslaught of the enemy hordes. Your skills with myspace pages are… oh damn, I mean your skills with the bow-and-arrow are legendary. Go forth and defend your kingdom, brave knight!

This is a very cool little puzzle game that I think even the non-gamers will enjoy. All you have to do is get the bloxor into the hole. It’s sort of like golf, only with a big brick instead of a ball, and no clubs, and you don’t hit anything, you just sort of roll around. So like I said, nothing like golf.

The time has come again my friends. It’s time to whoop some stickman ass. These dudes went and shot down the Chickencopter! Nobody shoots down the Chickencopter and gets away with it.

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

We all know what happens when you heat up popcorn kernels, right? As the kernel is heated, it turns the internal moisture into a superheated, pressurized steam. The hull ruptures rapidly, causing a rapid expansion of the steam, which expands the starch and proteins inside into an airy foam. And then a baby comes out.