Use the arrow keys to guide your trouser snake to the target. Woah woah woah, who just said that? That was totally not me. You guys are perverts.

If I built a castle and it looked even half as silly as some of these, I would construct a trebuchet using the bones of my wife, the tendons from my children, and the hide of my dog. I would launch my own body at the castle over and over until it was completely destroyed and any trace of the shame it brought to me was erased from existence.

Halitosis, more commonly referred to as “bad breath”, can be quite a serious problem if one isn’t vigilant about maintaining proper oral hygiene. Thankfully, I can say that it’s never been a problem for me. Isn’t that right ladies? Uh… ladies?

Personally I was hoping to evolve an extra eyeball or maybe a second head, but I guess a monocle is pretty cool too. Chicks love monocles.

I was pretty torn up trying to decide who to link to in this post – The Real Life Shopping Cart Hero or my favorite Lil’ Jukebox Hero. And then it got me thinking… in a fight to the death, who would win?

So the other day this pretty influential guy was talking to me, and he was like, “Admin, you are so super cool the way you make games and stuff”. And I was like, “Thanks God, you’re pretty cool yourself, the way you created the universe and stuff. Oh, except for the part where you made testicles on the outside.” Seriously, what’s up with that?

Not satisfied with their growing crime syndicate of denim thievery, rogue pandas are now branching into space travel to continue their illicit activities outside the watchful eye of the law.

I’ve been playing this game for over 15 minutes now and I still haven’t run into Falcor. Maybe he doesn’t show up until episode 2?

(no, not that Falcor, this Falcor)

Remember that time you had Taco Bell and then had to find a bathroom really (really really) quickly? This game picks up where that fateful afternoon left off.

PS: Contains NSFW language. Lots of it.

The most annoying thing about monstars is that they’re scary and occupy valuable closet space. The most annoying thing about Death is that he’s always trying to end my life and sometimes he forgets to flush. So Death wins this round in my books.

Music Catch – so relaxing it’s guaranteed to make you forget to breathe, or at the very least poop your pants. Here’s hoping for the latter.

For those interested, the music in the game is by Isaac Shepard.

When I see a game entitled “BO: Secret of Steel”, I expect a two things: body odor, and a deodorant strong enough for a man but made for a woman (possibly being applied to a pair of sweaty armpits by the DC comicbook hero Steel). Surprisingly, this game contains none of the above.

I realize that after playing a game like Arachnophilia, no other spider simulation could possibly satiate your arachnid appetites as efficiently, but that’s what you get for hanging out in a place as awesome as this. Oh, and pinkeye too.

I don’t know what a Usagi is, but I bet it would feel great if I put a few down my pants.

It’s like the Special Olympics for your fingers.

From the creators of Charlie the Unicorn and Detective Mittens, comes a really sadistic ferret.

In case you were wondering – and I know you were – a squid is not a fish, but is actually a cephalopod.

This fact could one day save your life.

A game based on animals performing ritual suicide is great and all, but to make it really excellent there needs to be a way to make all the cats go first.

It’s just like Starship Troopers, except with no busty babes and no Doogie Howser. Sadly, I’m not sure which I miss more.

Snowboarding looks pretty cool, but personally I prefer sports that are performed in a much warmer climate. And don’t require a space helmet for safety. Or bind my legs. Or make me hemorrhage into my skull. I’m just not a big fan of brain swelling.

I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!!!

Running, lasers, upgrades, giant flying saucers, etc. etc. But in other news, did you know that if you leave lettuce in your fridge for long enough, it turns into a liquid? Smells too.

It’s a proven scientific fact that whenever you combine two things, it makes a new thing that’s better than both the original things. Like for instance, a side-scrolling shooter and a tower defense game. Or say, a golden retriever puppy and a stripper. That’s cute and sexy. Oh, but… crap, does that mean I’m a furry?

Well here I was thinking this was a Halloween game, but turns out those aren’t piles of zombies – they’re piles of clones. I suck. Halloween is ruined.

Main Entry: rage
Pronunciation: \ˈrāj\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin rabia, from Latin rabies rage, madness, from rabere to be mad; to be forced to wear pants

I really wanted to make up for yesterday’s blunder by ruining your weekend extra badly today. However, today’s game has turned out to be quite fun, relatively easy, and somewhat short. As punishment, I shall spend the entire weekend in not just pants, but snowpants, listen to 50 Cent’s new album in it’s entirety, and eat only gluten-free foods.

Some things are just so ridiculous that they command respect. Like for instance, this game, or the Hungarian Komondor.

You guys just go ahead and let me know if this game is any good or not. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t engage in any leisure activities inspired by the idea of balls being crushed.

Protect yer ship from th’ oncomin’ hordes. An’ dasn’t ye dare leave a comment without puttin’ ‘t through th’ Buccanneer Translator (ya bilge rat!)

Ever since the beginning of THE WAR ON TERROR, one has to be very careful about using the B-word in public. You know what I’m talking about, right? The B-thing that does the e-thing? Yeah? The… you know… a… *cough* bomb *cough* So anyways, this game OH GOD THEY’VE FOUND ME PLEASE I’M A WEBMASTER NOT A TERRORI-

To get an idea of what playing this game is like on a laptop touchpad, copy the following simple steps:

1) If you are right-handed, place the mouse in your left hand (or vise versa).
2) Wrap the mouse cord around your neck and leap out the nearest window.

Molten lava is no laughing matter. Unless you pour it down your friend’s pants – then it’s hilarious!

Relieve your childhood dreams in this surrealistic art game. Now… not to split hairs, but my childhood dreams usually involved Transformers and GI Joe. Maybe they show up in the later levels?

This game is quite the bang for the buck. As well as being a relaxing way to spend a Tuesday afternoon, you can also collect the blood that sprays out of your ears when the music starts, and keep it in your fridge if you ever need a transfusion.

There’s nothing I like more on a Friday night than kicking back with a good flash game, a buttery Chardonnay, and a brick of aged Swiss. What about you?

There is a great war waging among the stars above us. A war that only non-epileptics can win.

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is:

a) coated 200 mg Advil tablets.
b) more cowbell.
c) raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

There is really no reason to fear us zombies. We’re just like you. We like sleeping in late. We read the paper in the morning over a danish and a cup of dark roast. Okay, it’s a brain danish. And a cup of dark brains. And it’s not so much “sleeping” as it is hunting human flesh. But it’s all good, we’re cool homie. What’d you say your address was?

Unfortunately my degree in advanced human neuroscience didn’t cover fish anatomy, but my suspicion is that Fishy McFisherson here might have a tapeworm.

You thought I was kidding about Fish Week didn’t you? Honestly I had my doubts as well, but I tell you – it doesn’t matter how crazy your dream is, with a little elbow grease and some help from your friends, anything is possible. Especially if one of your friends is the baby Jesus.

A new day is dawning on The Great Fish Week of 2008. We’ve nearly reached the end, and I tell you I couldn’t be more excited. In celebration, I’ll be shoving a live trout down my trousers, and I suggest you do the same. It’s delightful!

It’s a little known fact that before I wrote my screenplay and became a famous website Administrator, I worked as a bartender to help make ends meet. And let me tell you – I couldn’t be happier that now I have this awesome game to remind me of those horrible, horrible times.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

This is definitely one of the neatest games I’ve seen so far this year. And as an added bonus, if you make enough bumps it actually starts to look a little like my abs.

This Nintendo Bomberman clone really reminds me of the gaming days of my youth. And what’s really cool about it is, it has a two player mode so I can play against my imaginary friend. Wait, I mean my real friend. My girlfriend actually. She’s a supermodel. I have 10 of them.

Halloween is coming, and I for one am so excited that every time I think about it I pee in my pants a little bit. To help set the mood, let’s start the week off with some decapitations!

Look, I don’t want to scare any of you out there, but zombies are coming to eat your brains, and soon. Like tomorrow. Probably around 3pm. We’re planning on grabbing some Taco Bell first, so we may be a little late. Excuse me, they might be a little late. Heh.

This game is pretty gross, but hey, what’s Halloween without a little blood and body parts? Why, it would be like having Christmas without snow! (and blood and body parts.)

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!

The directions for this game are a bit complicated, so read carefully: CLUB SMASH, CLUB SMASH HEAD. SMASH GOOD. Spacebar will pause the game, and SMASH GOOD, OG LOVE SMASH.

Can you solve the mysterious puzzle of Heady Steinberg? There’s a prize if you can! (The prize is hugs and cuddles.)

Quite possibly the greatest game in the history of mankind. And probably the only game in the history of eternity to feature a ‘Critical Slap’.

This one’s a bit like Unreal Tournament, only without that overrated third dimension. And without limbs either. Those are overrated too.

This isn’t really a game per se, but it does recreate those halcyon moments of burning ants with a magnifying glass, and all without any of that nagging guilt afterwards.

You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the beans?

PS: Who is your favorite bean?

Although this game is fantastically cool, I cannot help but think of how much cooler it would be if these talented game developers had made it about a pirate and not a ninja. Instead of lasers there would be cannonballs, and instead of all this silly jumping there would be swashbuckling. And there would also be ale, and a parrot, and eyepatches. I think I’ve made my point.

If there’s one thing that bees love, its coins. And stinging other bees. And thus is the paradox of your life as a bee. Collecting coins but not getting stung by your fellow bees while you do it. And rocking hard, don’t forget you always got to rock it hard.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Zen-ness of this game as it is, but throw in some swimming zombies and strap an assault weapon to the dolphin’s head and I think we would have Game of the Year.

Mondays… Now I don’t want to be at work any more than you do, but there are easier ways to get fired. So put your pants back on and let’s do it the right way by playing flying hamster games on the company dime. This one is a lot like Kitten Cannon, only it’s a little less random because you can use your mouse to control how the hamster glides.

What is it about kittens that makes a person want to let them plummet to their deaths, or to fire them out of a cannon?

This is an unfinished version of the second Bullet Bill game, where your goal is to guide Bullet Bill through the Super Mario Bros. universe while avoiding obstacles. Booya!

Here’s a fluffy white snowball game to start off your week. The object of the game is to roll your balls so that they are at least as big as my balls. And mine, if I hadn’t mentioned it already, are absolutely gigantic. You have your mission.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a missile? Yeah… me too. In fact it pretty much consumes my every waking thought. I used to think about it so much that it cost me just about everything. My job, my wife, my hair, my beloved hamster Sir Hamerstien… but now thanks to this game I can finally get my life back together. Thank-you The Missile Game 3d!

Although my motocross racing days are behind me (thanks to a massive groin injury), I can still enjoy this… hmmm? Oh, no, the groin injury wasn’t caused by racing. How? Well, I really can’t get into it here… but let’s just say it involved Petra Nemcova, 20 gallons of grape jello, and a full grown whippet.

It’s almost not fair for me to put up 3D avoider games, since this is the birthplace of the shining light in all our lives known as Vector Runner – however – I do like the style of this one. The house music soundtrack actually inspired me to crack and shake my very last glowstick. Unfortunately that old hit of ecstasy I had doesn’t seem to be work… wait… I… want to make love to my lamp.

No matter how cute you try and draw a cartoon hedgehog, it will never, ever, ever ever ever, look as cute as a real life hedgehog. I think it’s one of the laws of physics.

Wake up silly sleepy-heads! Charlie’s going to Candy Mountain, a land of sweets and joy and joyness. It’ll be an adventure!

Dragons. Goblins. Slaughter Bonus. ‘Nuff said.

Swim away fugu fish, swim away, or you might get pulled in to the vortex of Steve’s negativity and not enjoy this new Charlie the Unicorn adventure.

The day I see a cupcake lying on the ground and don’t immediately eat it is the same day I put on a Wonder Woman suit and ride around town on a flying pig. I’m sorry guys, but for this game you’re on your own.

Can there be a better way to put an engineering education to use than to develop a game simulating the fluid dynamics of mucus? Well if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

This is kind of like the anti-Guitar Hero. Lots of work involved, and even when you get it right it still sounds wrong. Good times my friends. Good times.

Live ordinance falling all around you. Fat guy in speedo behind you. Girls beach volleyball tournament ahead in the distance. Run, my friends. Run.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing stylings of Music Catch. Enjoy it for hours with a warm cup of herbal tea and feel all your tensions slowly melt awa.. OH GOD THE BABY HAS CRAWLED OFF THE BALCONY

See that guy on the left? That’s your enemy. Now I don’t know about you, but if I looked like that I would chew off my own leg and use it to beat every living thing within eyesight into a coma. Be glad you’ve got that chain mail armor, my friends.

Now if you’re not going to promise to shout “Weeeeeeeeeee!” while you play this game, I don’t want you to even try it. I’m serious. Don’t you dare click that link.

I really have no idea how to play this one, but I do know I’m planting trees! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee! Oh wait, we did the wee thing yesterday… sorry. (weeeeeee?)

In today’s adventure you’re a lowly fly, flying your way through a big bad machine. And if you see any dog poop on the way – what the heck, take a few bites. Let’s see what all that fuss is about.

Pork.

This video is actually a favorite of mine from back in the time before I had broadband Internet access. It is the tale of a group of intrepid young video game characters playing Dungeons & Dragons for the first time.

Hurray, hoorah, it’s another DDR keyboard game. But this one throws in color-matching to infuriate the color blind, and an excruciating soundtrack to lobotomize anyone unfortunate enough to own computer speakers. And why you ask? Because life’s just not hard enough.

Fly your dragon through the crazy tunnel maze and don’t hit any walls. Where do you think he’s going in such a rush? Dragon Happy Hour? A custody hearing? Maybe he just has to go to the bathroom.

It’s just like Star Wars, but with rafts instead of stars. Also, no lightsabers.

Remember that crazy Snowball game from a couple years ago? Well it’s back, and now it’s in glorious 3D. Use your giant icy balls to defeat the forces of evil in the Olympic Kingdom.

If you’re having trouble with the keys, you need to update your Flash Player.

Littlegrey Media Legal Notice: As an established publisher of online interactive media, this website is required by federal law to post any game involving magical goats and time travel.

Don’t worry if you keep getting these wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re color blind, it could just be that your monitor’s color balance is screwed up. That, or you’ve got a brain tumor. It’s probably a brain tumor.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

Here is the eagerly anticipated summer-blockbuster game Bowman 2. Not that I’ve ever played Bowman 1, but I’m sure this one is miles ahead in both special effects and plot twists. Be sure to try ‘Bird Hunting’ mode; pretend they’re all pigeons and exterminate with extreme prejiduce!

Help the poor little boneless man avoid the metal spikes raining down from the sky! I was able to dodge 135. Coincidentally that is the same number of pushups I do every morning. Right before I head off to male supermodel school. Just some little facts I thought you might be interested in… *cough* ladies.

Now that you’ve had all this practice playing Double Wires, you can move on to the more challenging Pendulumeca. The principle is the same but you’ve only got one wire and it’s faster paced. And crappier. Kind of like your score compared to mine. Which was 220m.

Question 1: When you guys ask me to put up a game, what do I do? Answer: I put it up. Question 2: Why do I do that? Answer: Because I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Question 3: Why am I so awesome? Answer: Not entirely sure, maybe genetics.

One of the oldest and most popular games on Dig Your Own Grave is Cubefield. It’s so simple a two-fingered monkey could play it, but at the same time it’s so fun that you will spontaneously burst into tears of joy while playing it. And, we’ve just set it up with our new High Scores system, so you might want to check that all out before you officially become the lamest lame-o on the block.

Hell is a bad, bad place. There are burning lakes of fire, chains around ankles, endless physical labor, and even though the chicks are wearing next to nothing they are super needy. Little Loki wants out real bad, and only you can help!

I hate to disappoint you guys, but today’s game has nothing to do with defecation or flatulation. But you know, that’s what imaginations are for, right? Like right now I’m imagining that I’m sitting in a beanbag chair with no pants on. And it’s totally awesome.

This game is, as the French say, ‘wickedly awesome’. The performance can be pretty bad, so before starting I recommend you go into the game’s configuration menu and turn motion blur and FPS Stability to OFF. Then tape a LEAVE ME ALONE note to the back of your head because you’ve got places to be (your computer) and people to see (zombies).

Boomshine is another great suggestion from our Forums. Turn up the soothing music, click the circles, and watch them s-plode. And remember, you can never actually lose in this game, you can only quit. You’re not a quitter are you?

I don’t think we do enough educational stuff on this site. Sure we have some fun, but in what way do you exercise your mental muscle by visiting Dig Your Own Grave? WELL THAT ALL CHANGES TODAY. It’s time to figure out some wordz and your gonna need to do sum spellinz and if you don’t you’re going to die a horrible, horrible, horrible death.

Good news, it’s time to finally put your civil engineering degree to use. Somebody needs you to build the tallest tower in the world, and they don’t care if you use the earthquake building codes as toilet paper. So what are you waiting for? Get off your duff and get into that crane!

There’s an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, smash those *#$&%s into the ground with the largest club you can find. Fill the streets with their sour citrus blood until not a single one is left whole”. Or… something like that.

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

Finally a point-and-click adventure that doesn’t involve a supercomputer to calculate the solution by clicking every permutation of every pixel on the screen in every conceivable order just to pass the first level. Plus, it’s getting close to Halloween and this game is frightfully delicious (and magically nutritious).