That’s right my pretties, it’s time for another installment of Guess Today’s Game. Is it “Sicksquid” a top-down shooter staring a projectile vomiting octopus, or “Pictogrid”, a challenging puzzle game where you slide blocks around with the arrow keys? Click to find out!

Believe it fruitcakes. If you have an iPhone or iPod Touch, just do the clickity-click to get yourself the greatest app since iBoobs. And I know you all don’t have iPhones to appreciate this with, so to celebrate I’ve re-released the original Flash version of Vector Runner and added 3 new achievements.

Well fruitcakes, it’s Christmas time, when we let in light and we banish shade. Wait, what? Nevermind. Anyways, I hope you all have a great Christmas (or whatever other holidays you baby Jesus haters might participate in), and remember – if you don’t get the gifts you want, don’t be sad, just make someone pay.

These are my pants. There are many like them, but these ones are mine. My pants are my worst enemy. They are my death. I must master my pants as I must master my life. My pants, without me, are useless. Without my pants, I am invincible.

Finally, R&B is tolerable. Thank you barnyard animal.

Sure, if a dog sneaks into an orangutan sanctuary people use terms like “heart-warming” and “touching”, but when I break into the orangutan sanctuary all I hear is “not you again”, “where are your pants?”, and of course the familiar sound of a twelve gauge being cocked.

If there’s one thing people love, it’s money. Woah, that’s not what I meant to say. I meant porn. Ah! No, no, no… What I really meant was people love stories about animals making friends with other kinds of animals and lots of cute pictures of them hanging out together. And why? Honestly I’m not really sure. But here you go anyway.

For the next seven days I will be posting a segment from this hilarious, ultimate review of The Phantom Menace. It’s a Christmas miracle!

Oh, and don’t go peeking ahead. You’ll just spoil your supper.

Gay Wilkinson is really trying hard to dispel the rumors about his sexual orientation.

The amazing follow up to the already amazing Carl Sagan – A Glorious Dawn music video. Download the MP3s at The Symphony of Science.

Governor Schwarzenegger has an uncanny ability to find dumbbells, even in the burned out ruins of houses.

Finally, once and for all, Stephen Colbert has proven that nuclear bombs are awesome.

Ah, riding a bike with no pants. I can think of nothing more pleasurable, except for perhaps chasing butterflies though a summer field, with no pants.

Now I have a place I will never go in my car as well.

When I first read the title of this game I assumed they meant Sass! Zombie Assault, and that all the characters would be… uh.. doing whatever sassy people do. But it gave me the idea that we should have a little game and try to come up with what we think SAS means. First person to give the correct answer is a moron.

A big ad. There’s not much more I can say. Just watch it. (By the way, this is also a very LOUD ad, you may want to lower your volume before it starts).

…he came up with the idea after some of his friends decided to wear hats to a party but he could not find one to wear. “Mi an dem fi go a di party but di three of them had caps an’ mi had none so mi get two mirror one behind mi and di other in front of mi an’ mi trim mi hair like a cap an’ go a di dance,” said Housen. Nuff’ said.

The comments feature for the site has been enabled. Now you can say whatever you want behind the anonymous shield of daddy internet. Let us know how brilliant you are! Start fights with strangers because you’re bored and you think you’re better than them! Let loose all the hate and aggression that is bottled up inside your tiny black heart! Let the good times roll!

Mr. Tew, a 21-year-old student from England, created the home page milliondollarhomepage.com and divided the screen into 10,000 small squares of 100 pixels each. His plan was to sell the squares to advertisers at a price of $1 per pixel. He is currently $644,600 towards his goal.

I like to call it ‘The Wall of Spam’. But that’s probably because I’m jealous.

We’re going to be upgrading our server, so the site will probably be down for a while at some point during the next couple of days.

If you have been in a coma for the past few years, you may have missed the Badger Song when it first appeared on the internet. If that is the case, I have come to your rescue like the great hero I am!
Badge badger badger
Mushroom mushroom!

Gary Slossen was in the process of creating another mediocre Flash animation when suddenly, and completely inexplicably, the animation came to life and tried to escape the confines of his monitor! Did Gary manage to destroy the animated horror, or was he devoured alive? Watch and find out.

Three years ago Matt from Connecticut quit his day job and decided to travel the world. The result is a video of him doing a cute little dance in every corner of the globe. For maximum depression, this video is best watched from your cubicle at work.

Sorry for the site being MIA the past couple days. Things have been going really well lately, and to celebrate I whipped down my pants and urinated all over the server. That, as it turned out, was not a good idea.

I have to admit that I don’t care for this video at all. I wasn’t even going to post this, but then everyone started talking about it and I even heard it mentioned on the radio. “It must be good, and I probably have no taste” I thought, so here you go!

We’re going to be moving over to a new server this weekend, so don’t be alarmed if the site doesn’t work at some point. The comments will probably be locked Friday evening and throughout the weekend to prevent us from losing any during the switch. Technically the migration should be transparent, but technically no human’s beauty should rival that of a greek god’s, and, well… here I am.

An oldie but a goodie. If cats spent more time doing stuff like this and less time barfing in my shoes and trying to scratch out my eyes, I would like them a lot more.

Even after you realize what’s going on, it still manages to be entertaining.

Oh noes! You’re the switchboard operator at a hugely important company, and the phones are ringing off the hook! And because your boss didn’t purchase Nortel’s Business Communication System, you’re pretty much going to have to cut off your eyelids just to make it through the day. BLINKING IS FAILURE.

FileSwap is in the same vein as SketchSwap. Upload a file and receive a random file in return. Will it be porn or will it be a virus? Will you get fired for masturbating at work, or for taking down the corporate network? It’s always an adventure with FileSwap!

Here’s another avoider-esque game, but with a twist: all of the events in the game are synchronized to the music. So for the proper effect you should have your speakers on. Although if you don’t have any, it might not be a bad thing as I guarantee the music in this game will make you want to kill puppies.

This weekend we are moving the site over to a new server, and subsequently a lot of site features will be disabled (commenting, submitting highscores, etc). Hopefully you’ll soon see a comment from me on this post and that will mean you’re viewing the site on the new server. Benefits of the new machine will include faster load times, a more handsome webmaster, and free backrubs.

I’m not sure that this game is any good or not, but damned if it isn’t the most relaxing thing I’ve ever played. The sounds are really gentle, and even the enemies are all slow and laid back. They’re like, “Chill dude, we’re coming to get you, we’re just gonna grab some lunch first; haven’t eaten all day mon amigo!”

This game is, as the French say, ‘wickedly awesome’. The performance can be pretty bad, so before starting I recommend you go into the game’s configuration menu and turn motion blur and FPS Stability to OFF. Then tape a LEAVE ME ALONE note to the back of your head because you’ve got places to be (your computer) and people to see (zombies).

Okay fruitcakes, we’ve put up some forums. If you have a Littlegrey Network account (those are the accounts you use for this site) it will already work with the forums. So drop by, introduce yourself, and start tormenting each other. That’s what forums are for, right?

Aggressive Alpine Skiing mixes guns, skiing, radical jumps and an original soundtrack reminiscent of bad European techno. Awesome!

Although this game is fantastically cool, I cannot help but think of how much cooler it would be if these talented game developers had made it about a pirate and not a ninja. Instead of lasers there would be cannonballs, and instead of all this silly jumping there would be swashbuckling. And there would also be ale, and a parrot, and eyepatches. I think I’ve made my point.

There’s only one thing you need to build a house, and that one thing is your brain. Wood, nails, hammers, ladders, all that stuff is for wussies. You just need your brain and maybe some large yellow cubes. Your house will suck, and you’ll die if you live in it, but that’s still all you need!

If you’ve ever wondered how a computer virus attacks a network, this game is actually a 100% accurate simulation of how it is done. Although in real life the ice cannons are not quite as poweful, and the flamethrower has a slightly wider attack angle but with less range.

One step up on the neo-retro evolutionary scale from Dot Action 2!, comes the pixelriffic Gamma Bros. A story of two brothers and… I’m not sure actually, seeing as there’s no story. Let’s just say they’re looking for their lost parents. Space parents. And there’s an evil villain. Probably a giant space cat.

This isn’t really a game per se, but it does recreate those halcyon moments of burning ants with a magnifying glass, and all without any of that nagging guilt afterwards.

The greatest minds in computer science have banded together to create a revolutionary new gaming experience. And if anyone knows anything about it, let me know. In the mean time here’s a game featuring some triangles and circles that makes you hate your hands.

We’re finally back, and now running on a brand new server! It took a little longer than expected, partly because the first thing I did when I got it was pour maple syrup into the fan intake (I thought it would be delicious, but it was not). There will still be a few disabled features but everything should be back to normal by the end of the weekend.

Nintendo deemed these games inappropriate for their target Wii Play audience, so we were stuck with Fishing, and Table Tennis. It’s a real shame, because WiiPii looks like fun.

In this game you have to try and save Sir Whitey McBlockster from a deadly pool of rising lava. It takes a combination of luck, strategy, and patience to do well, but with practice you can actually get some pretty high scores.

You’re not going to let me keep that gold, are you?

The time has come again my friends. It’s time to whoop some stickman ass. These dudes went and shot down the Chickencopter! Nobody shoots down the Chickencopter and gets away with it.

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.

Who do you think this little rascal is chasing down in his dream? I bet it’s a dandelion field full of fluffy bunnies. But I’ll tell you why he should really be running… because I’m after him, and when I catch him I’m going to zurbert that pink little belly of his. It’s all part of my tough love program.

All Dig Your OwnGrave Multiplayer Games are currently undergoing public beta testing. Please look at the Dig Your Own Grave Multiplayer Games forum thread for more information, and to report bugs or ask questions.

All Dig Your OwnGrave Multiplayer Games are currently undergoing public beta testing. Please look at the Dig Your Own Grave Multiplayer Games forum thread for more information, and to report bugs or ask questions.

The ability to set Dig Your Own Grave Favorites has now been added to your accounts. To add or remove a post from your favorites, click the little heart in the titlebar of the post. To view your favorites, click the ‘Favorites’ link at the top of the site. Today’s post will take you to my own set of favorites from over the years. Enjoy!

This is a 2D version of Valve Software’s innovative game Portal. The goal of the game is to use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device to complete a series of increasingly difficult room puzzles, all so that you can eat some delicious cake and listen to the crazy Portal song until you throw-up.

If you look at the animation after the link and see a girl spinning clockwise, then you are a ‘right-brain thinker’ (creative). If you see a girl spinning counter-clockwise, then you are a ‘left-brain thinker’ (logical). If all you see is a set of boobies, then you are ‘male, likely between the age of 13 and 65′.

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!

The directions for this game are a bit complicated, so read carefully: CLUB SMASH, CLUB SMASH HEAD. SMASH GOOD. Spacebar will pause the game, and SMASH GOOD, OG LOVE SMASH.

Pork.

Phun is a free, downloadable 2D physics sandbox. You can do pretty much anything in it. I was actually able to model Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and send a crudely drawn square back in time to kill it’s own parents, thereby erasing itself from existence. Either that or I pressed the undo button, I’m not sure. Video of Phun-in-action after the jump.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

This is definitely one of the neatest games I’ve seen so far this year. And as an added bonus, if you make enough bumps it actually starts to look a little like my abs.

Hey, I could have sworn just a second ago this game was about a redneck upgrading his trailer? And not an epic battle to defend the earth from incoming asteroids. Someone must have put peyote in my coffee again…

I can neither confirm nor deny that this is the world’s hardest game, simply because I cannot get past the first level.

It should come as a shock to no one that the creator of today’s game is this guy.

This is kind of like the anti-Guitar Hero. Lots of work involved, and even when you get it right it still sounds wrong. Good times my friends. Good times.

This one is just like that movie Drop Zone, except instead of Gary Busey the lead villain is a 15-foot tall electric fan.

Jon Dyer is on a quest to grow every facial hair type on this list. Now that’s the kind of life purpose I can go for. Forget enlightenment, or even happiness – I’m gonna grow myself an Anchor.

Oh sure, it’s cool now, but just wait until it forms a giant solid metal spear and stabs you in the throat.

See that guy on the left? That’s your enemy. Now I don’t know about you, but if I looked like that I would chew off my own leg and use it to beat every living thing within eyesight into a coma. Be glad you’ve got that chain mail armor, my friends.

Since what I wrote for the last Sling Jumper post confused so many people, this is actually the perfect opportunity for me to try and clarify. 1) Some folks call it a slingblade, Karl calls it a kaiserblade. 2) Karl likes french fried pertaters.

Consider yourself schooled.

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is:

a) coated 200 mg Advil tablets.
b) more cowbell.
c) raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

You thought I was kidding about Fish Week didn’t you? Honestly I had my doubts as well, but I tell you – it doesn’t matter how crazy your dream is, with a little elbow grease and some help from your friends, anything is possible. Especially if one of your friends is the baby Jesus.

Looking at today’s thumbnail, two questions may spring to mind: 1) is it Dig Your Own Grave Fish Week or something? And 2) is that goldfish swinging a mace? The answers to your questions are 1) I’m thinking about it and 2) hell yes.

Doesn’t the existence of this game contradict the very existence of it’s predecessor? I’m not sure the space-time continuum can handle these shenanigans. It’s like it just went back in time and killed it’s own mother for god’s sake.

Puzzles are great and all, but I understand that some days you just want to get your shoot on.

Everyone knows that inhaling helium will cause your voice to become very high. Inhaling sulfur hexafluoride on the other hand, will turn you into a demon. No, I’m serious. You literally turn into a demon.

CERN switched on the LHC yesterday (September 10th, 2008) at 10:28 AM local time, and to prove to all those wackos that a black hole isn’t going to form and suck in the planet, they’ve setup some webcams so people can watch what’s going on in the facility.

If ever a cat was going to kill you during the night, it would be this one.

While you’re wasting your time building little machines that make the pink thing go into the other pink thing, I will be using the the tools in this game to construct the ultimate virtual girlfriend. She’ll have the most beautiful eyes and be my intellectual equal in every way. Plus branches for arms and wheels for legs.

Best. Screenshot. Evaaaaaaaar, folks.

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.

It is a well documented fact that decorated World War II Air Chief Marshal Sir Foxley Neilson, refused to wear pants while flying missions on Wednesdays. Henceforth, Wednesdays have been commonly referred to as “Nopantsdays”, and only jerks wear pants on this, the most sacred of all weekdays.

Well here I was thinking this was a Halloween game, but turns out those aren’t piles of zombies – they’re piles of clones. I suck. Halloween is ruined.

Finally, a little game for the Emo in all of us.

Having been a keen student of evolutionary algorithms during my academic years, I was able to really apprecia… wait, what? No, I’m serious. I did! What, have I ever lied to you guys?

This hilarious book of bad news postcards is the perfect gift for that special someone in your life that is afraid of confrontations. Now they can use cute and cuddly animals to deliver bad news like, I’m sleeping with your wife, and It’s not you, it’s me.

It’s like the Special Olympics for your fingers.

From the creators of Charlie the Unicorn and Detective Mittens, comes a really sadistic ferret.

Your wildest Plinko fantasies have just come true.

Personally I was hoping to evolve an extra eyeball or maybe a second head, but I guess a monocle is pretty cool too. Chicks love monocles.

I had my own real life ultimate crab battle once. Actually it wasn’t that bad, you just get this special shampoo and it clears it right up.

Remember that time you had Taco Bell and then had to find a bathroom really (really really) quickly? This game picks up where that fateful afternoon left off.

PS: Contains NSFW language. Lots of it.

The most annoying thing about monstars is that they’re scary and occupy valuable closet space. The most annoying thing about Death is that he’s always trying to end my life and sometimes he forgets to flush. So Death wins this round in my books.

So, the game is good and all but… what exactly am I looking at here? Are those little guys the storks? I fully understand the process of human procreation – it starts with kissing and ends with a room full of babies, but I’m a little hazy on the in between details.

My concept of lab survival is nothing more than protecting my beautiful face from all the deadly acid and possible explosions. Male supermodel and facial burns do not a good sandwich make.

The Cylons were created by Dinosaurs. They rebelled. They evolved. They look – and feel – Dinosaur. Some are programmed to think they are Dinosaur. There are many copies. And they have a plan.

Can Charlie save the future, all the while declining the advances of a particularly possessive starfish?

There are two things wrong with Karl. Try and guess what they are. (Hint: It’s not his hat.)

Kanye West realizes what he really is, and goes home to the sea.

When the world of professional photo retouching meets the world of everyday incompetence, only good things can happen. You have to dig through some of the posts to find the real gems, but they’re in there.

With a title like that, this game needs no description.

I also hate drama, pants, cold fingers, and smelly towels.

Do you know what else I love? Papercuts. I love them.

Teale Fristoe, the man and the magic behind Arachnophilia, is hard at work on a new game called Xaat Disi: The Salmon Run Game. Today we’re offering you a special 2 level sneak peek. You may see a short survey after you play – filling it out will help Teale make the game better, and help me deal with these painful foot bunions.

A popular corollary to Godwin’s Law states that anyone who uses a Nazi comparison in an internet argument automatically loses said argument. A less popular corollary to Godwin’s Law (created by me) states that anyone who plays a flash game involving Nazis is a douche. So go ahead and click the link McDouche.

I eat Jell-O in slow motion every chance I get. Nom… nom… nom.

In the same vein as the Big Lebowski television edit, we have Snakes on a Plane as made safe for TV audiences. Why do they even bother showing these movies?

I said ear flap, ear flap, ear flap.

I know you guys love the achievements, so I spent the weekend adding some to a few of the older games: Pickies, Boomstick, Ninja Glove, and I added a hard achievement to Cargo Bridge. Now… just to be clear that’s not all I did this weekend. I also watched some Friends reruns. And cried. There was lots of crying.

Captain Picard delights and educates with song.

A little over one year ago, we broke the story on a bizarre feat of German engineering – Cheeseburger in a Can. After much debate over the actual appearance and palitability as described in the catalog, our loyal European reader Nika offered to hunt down the elusive hiker’s meal and answer all of our burning questions. These are her discoveries.

Can you recognize the Internet meme with all of the famous players removed and just the background left?

There’s a what going on in Ira… wah?

Hey, you know what else is complete? YOUR FAILURE TO PLEASE ME. Guys, it is already 2 days into summer and I have yet to receive a fruit basket.

This game is purdy, unlike your comments, which will still be plain and anonymous looking because I haven’t fixed that bug yet. I’d get to it sooner, but this lack of fruit baskets is really affecting my productivity.

A little tip for the guys out there, there is nothing – nothing – better for picking up chicks than a monocle. A monocle says a) I’m rich, b) I’m smart, and c) I’m so off my ass crazy that I will stalk you and boil your pets alive if you don’t love me forever so don’t even humor the idea of rejection.

Texting while driving? Can anyone actually do that? My hands are way too busy flipping people off and putting on eyeliner.

A solar eclipse doesn’t look so world ending when viewed from space.

I don’t want to nitpick, but I would assume the 3rd Little Pig used mortar when building his brick house. Also, I don’t think the Three Little Pigs counts as a legend.

(Mild) Animal (cat) cruelty is hilarious.

Patrick Stewart’s seen everything.

Note to self: That is one crazy, crazy bitch.

Twitter: For friendless narcissists.

That will be immediately before it shreds your legs.

Werewolves are nothing to be afraid of, just think of them as really grumpy furries. If you trap them in a room with internet access they’ll be quite happy using the time to update their LiveJournal page instead of eating you.

Kitten: “Yum yum yum, this food is delicious.”

My favorite episode was the one where the Andy Dick hologram acted all scared and fruity.

There better be a talking dog after level 12. And it better frickin’ love me even though it just met me.

I know you guys think I spend all my time oil wrestling supermodels and saving forest animals from the California wildfires, but honestly that’s only about 95% of my day. The other 5% I spend making terrific games like this one. It’s sort of a retro post-apocalyptic shooter with – UH OH GISELE HAS ME IN AN ARMBAR BRB

Some things are better left unknown.

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends.

So that’s how he does it.

Huzzah! Vector Conflict: The Siege has made it to the final round of the 2BeeGames Indie Game Competition. The winner is chosen by votes, so if you love me then click this post and vote for Vector Conflict in the poll on the right hand side (under the blue VOTE HERE! banner). The winning game could be ported to a console! (PS: If you voted last week you can vote again now!)

If you view this video, someone, somewhere in the world who you don’t know, will die.

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

Are those gems in my pockets? Gosh no, I’m just happy to see you. Very happy. Alright you got me, those are gems.

This is supposed to be a game about Japan, but I’ve been playing it for at least a half hour now and I still haven’t seen any aliens with morning wood or cats with droopy ears. Therefore, not Japanese.

If you love trousers made of leather, or just not wearing any trousers at all, you’ll love this song. Yama yama ha.

That’s not a knife, this is a… holy crap, wait that is a knife.

The story is that people enjoy playing Guitar Hero because it makes them feel like they can actually play the guitar. So does that mean that people enjoy playing this game because it makes them feel like their parents actually love them enough to buy them Guitar Hero?

Good news OCDers, today we’ve launched a new feature that lets you earn shiny achievements for your profile by playing Dig Your Own Grave games. So get to it! Anyone who doesn’t have them all by the end of the week is, as the French would say, une odeur de cochon avec de petites testicules.

Weiner dog… weiner dog? Weiner dog! Weiner dog weiner dog weiner dog.

(dachshund)

Tim, like King Midas from Greek mythology, has an amazing power that is both a gift and a curse. I bet he’s tired of eating Skittles.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing stylings of Music Catch. Enjoy it for hours with a warm cup of herbal tea and feel all your tensions slowly melt awa.. OH GOD THE BABY HAS CRAWLED OFF THE BALCONY

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.