Here we have one of the first true 3D Flash game with animations, texture mapping, particle systems, and the whole shebang. How exciting! Hopefully we’ll start to see some really cool 3D games in the near future and can finally put this deluge of uninspired zombie games behind us.

Angry Husky: The only rebuilding I’ll be doing today is to the backside of my jeggings. I blew them out when I dealt with Admin’s shoe for posting yet another zombie game. What? The image of a husky in jeggings disturbs you greatly? Tough noogies.

Wonderputt reminds me of Wünderputz – something you can ask for in any respectable German “massage parlor”. Just don’t be surprised when a “masseuse” walks in holding a 3 foot homemade knackwurst sausage, accompanied by a baby cow in a gimp suit.

What the hell Clint Eastwood?

I know how much you guys like seeing children get shot…

Chuck Testa’s Ojai Valley Taxidermy specializes in the most life like animals. Period.

What if other celebrities had Michelle Bachmann’s eyes from the infamous Newsweek cover?

Believe it or not, I stole a diamond once. It was an adventure that ended with me sipping cocktails in the Maldives with a gorgeous native girl. That’s how I remember it, but my therapist says I stole a Neil Diamond record and my mom caught me making out with a pillow while listening to Sweet Caroline.

Look, just because I own a villa in Aspen it doesn’t mean I know how to ski. I just got it so when I bring supermodels there they have a reason to wear those cute fuzzy boots.

It’s like a 4th of July fireworks celebration in that guy’s pants.

Today’s game is a preview of the latest DYOG exclusive – it’s like Vector Runner meets Audiosurf meets a party in my undies. I’ve linked to the game on Kongregate because I entered it into a contest they’re having. If you have a Kong account do me a solid and give it a good rating!

People on Facebook who think The Onion is real.

So not only are the Japanese planning to crush us with their human controlled robots, but IBM has created an artificial intelligence to best even the great Mormon scholar Ken Jennings.

If you’re thinking about starting your own company, let me offer you some humble advice:

a) public interest in DIY liposuction kits is not as high as you would expect.
b) a 50% discount on used q-tips is apparently not tempting enough.

This a 10 year old girl rocking out on an electronic organ, which is an instrument I only just learned existed.

Stick around until the lyrics start. It will blow your mind.

Sweet mother of mercy all I want to do is ride a damn pig.

If I could play god and reinvent the world from scratch I have to admit I wouldn’t do much differently. I would however forgo the giant armored sea spiders in favor of something a little more useful, like say a mix between a puppy and a vending machine.

You know, I like this game, but the only problem is that its logic really doesn’t conform with what my brain tells me. How does woman + lust not equal Kelly Brook? And how does gluttony + chaos not make the Bellagio Buffet in Vegas?

Just don’t forget your Flood Survival Tips.

Just put on a shirt people, and no, not your swastika one!

When you absolutely, positively got to accidentally set yourself on fire.

Insane Clown Posse have come out with the greatest video of the year, and it’s only April. Looks like my work here is done! Oh, and like all ICP craziness, this video is NSFW.

Those of you who are old enough will immediately recognize the genius of this. For the rest of you, educate yourselves.

Sure, this might look impressive, but in my daily life as an International Webmaster of Mystery, I routinely skateboard down killer volcanoes erupting sharks and jellyfish.

Having been in a coma myself a few times (I mentioned I was a Hollywood stunt man before becoming a surgeon, right?) I can verify 100% that this is exactly what a coma is like. Except there are usually less things to talk to and more giant earwigs. Comas suck.

A prerequisite for being a news reporter these days must be mental retardation.
(Yeah, the audio’s not in sync, but this is the news station’s official Youtube channel. I think this lends evidence to my theory.)

Our official fan page is a land of bizarre socialization, no pants, zero Mark Zuckerbergs, and maybe if you’re lucky, just a little love. There’s also a Video Fantastica! fan page which will post the most popular video of the day on your wall, so now you don’t even have to use your stupid typing fingers. Stupendous!

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the lab (garage) doing science (disassembling bicycles).

I’ll admit I was expecting something a little different when I read the title – something involving UAC marines, cyber demons, and a BFG – but this is cool too.

Jack Black’s dance on the kid’s show Yo Gabba Gabba is mesmerizing.

SO disappointed. With a name like Juggerdome I was expecting at least one performance by Insane Clown Posse and some Pauly Shore standup. I guess I’ll have to wait for the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos.

Whenever I find myself in a room with a dead hooker *cough* I mean girl, I follow these three simple steps my dad taught me: “Stop, Drop, and Roll”. That stands for: stop what you were doing, drop everything, and roll on outta there.

There’s an age-old saying where I come from: if it looks like Tetris, if it feels like Tetris, and if it tastes like Tetris when you smother your monitor in long loving licks, then it is Tetris.

That will be immediately before it shreds your legs.

This is one cat that shouldn’t be thrown onto the New Jersey Turnpike.

Twitter: For friendless narcissists.

This has the opportunity of being the best real fake TV show of all time.

Traversed by a grey skinned fellow,
With tusks a whiteish-yellow,
and kisses like shots of Grape Jello.

Note to self: That is one crazy, crazy bitch.

I have no time for hipsters.

I don’t want to nitpick, but I would assume the 3rd Little Pig used mortar when building his brick house. Also, I don’t think the Three Little Pigs counts as a legend.

I wonder what an actual ninja brawl would sound like. Probably like old ladies whispering.

One day they won’t be called vending machines anymore. They will be called REPLICATORS, and cruiseships will be called starships and everyone will wear tights. Everyday will be a new and exciting adventure, except for days in the holodeck. Those will be kind of boring.

There’s still time to buy your ticket to the 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos. Afterwards, I’ll meet you in the Fresh Ass Comedy Tent. Dy-no-mite!

By just reading the title you might assume this game is about poops – but don’t worry, that would be gross. It’s actually about a water logged corpse.

Before he married his step-granddaughter, Morgan Freeman played Count Dracula on The Electric Company.

There’s a what going on in Ira… wah?

Whenever I wake up and find myself crashed on an unknown planet, I just follow these simple steps for survival: 1) cry hysterically, 2) see if there are any cats on board that can be used as food, 3) pee on my shirt and wrap it around my head to prevent dehydration, and 4) take a nap. I always end up waking up a little later, safe and sound at home in my bed. And also covered in urine.

I recently had a conversation with my brother about food poisoning, and like many brothers before us we came to a deadlock on the age old question – which is worse, explosive diarrhea or vomiting? Thankfully we can now solve this problem scientifically using a poll.

No wonder Canada is so full of terrists. *

* Not actually true.

British comedy duo Mitchell & Webb ask the question at least some SS soldiers must have been wondering.

I feel a little bad posting this game, since it’s such a screaming clone of Winterbells, but I love the gameplay and this version has leaderboards we can use. But at least the guy came up with an original theme – bloons and a monkey. Oh, wait…

In the same vein as the Big Lebowski television edit, we have Snakes on a Plane as made safe for TV audiences. Why do they even bother showing these movies?

I eat Jell-O in slow motion every chance I get. Nom… nom… nom.

Kanye West realizes what he really is, and goes home to the sea.

There are two things wrong with Karl. Try and guess what they are. (Hint: It’s not his hat.)

James Marshall has been freed after spending 12 years in prison for the fatal bear attack of Janet Kelly.

Everybody loves Christopher Walken!

The Big Lebowski is full of obscenities and nihilists, so you can imagine that things might get a little strange when it is edited for broadcast on American television.

World famous celebrity superstar Nathan Barnatt has made some videos promoting DigYourOwnGrave.com, and they are as sexy as you’d imagine.

Oh Family Guy, is there anything you can’t make wonderful?

I’m not going to go into details, but the last time I experienced a giant diamond being tossed into the ocean under a beautiful sunset was my famous botched wedding proposal of 1997. Note to self: next time try waiting for the restraining order to expire before proposing.

I’m Batman.

Life is unfair. The sooner you kids learn this, the better off you’ll be. When you get older you can expect everyday life to be exactly like this game. Well, you don’t die as much – unless you count dying on the inside.

For some reason the first totem in this game reminds me of RuBot. And for some reason Rubot reminds me that the end of humanity is nearly upon us. So go ahead and enjoy the game while I try and enjoy the last danish I will possibly ever eat before the machines come to solve my Rubik’s Cube and cut my limbs off.

Performance art group Improv Everywhere cheers up the commuters of New York with free high fives.

I was pretty torn up trying to decide who to link to in this post – The Real Life Shopping Cart Hero or my favorite Lil’ Jukebox Hero. And then it got me thinking… in a fight to the death, who would win?

I may not know where Sassari is, but if they made one of these for Taco Bells and strip clubs within a 10 mile radius I would destroy you guys.

I always face a bit of a moral quandary when I post a game involving drugs. In the end I usually dedide that it’s not my place to try and tell you whether or not I think drugs are bad. That’s something you have to decide on your own. By taking mountains of drugs. And seeing if they make you feel awesome or not.

Watch out fellow patriots, Comrade Obama is trying to foist communism on our great nation. Do not let him bespoil her supple fields of grain.

Quite possibly the greatest game in the history of mankind. And probably the only game in the history of eternity to feature a ‘Critical Slap’.

You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the beans?

PS: Who is your favorite bean?

So you thought you did well at Statetris? Well let’s see how you do a little farther from home, with Statetris: Europe Edition. For those of you that don’t know, Europe is a magical land, filled with nations smaller than Delaware and people that speak with silly accents.

The funniest thing ever to be associated with Jimmy Kimmel (excluding Sarah Silverman) is the Nervous Kid.

Okay, I admit this video is really juvenile, but the enjoyment Terry gets out of giving women the finger brings a tear to my eye. (Note: Not work safe due to some swearing. So if you have headphones, rock on!)

I’ll be honest, I was looking forward to a lot more screaming.

The Christmas season is upon us, so here is a Family Guy clip only tangentially related to Christmas. I can’t get this stupid song out of my head.

Make Albert Einstein write whatever you want on the chalkboard of this iconic picture. Will you turn him in to a brilliant botanist, or an uncouth upperclassman?

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

Even after you realize what’s going on, it still manages to be entertaining.

Does it make me a bad person if I laugh out loud every time I watch this? No? Okay, good. So what about if it turns me on? Not that it does or anything, but that’s no big deal right?

Janice!

Pretend like a terrorist, and smoke yourself out of a hole with these nifty missile balloon car accessories. Never has Freedom and Democracy been so much fun!

It turns out that all that was missing to make rollerblading cool was crime and tubes!

I’m amazed I hadn’t heard about this story until a couple of days ago. Maybe I’m losing my touch, or maybe my resolution to continually drink martinis throughout the day is starting to negatively impact my life. That being said, I don’t think I’d be able to duplicate Wesley Autrey’s subway heroism without being constantly inebriated.

I like to create the most beautiful woman I can, followed by a horrendous guy. I then pretend that he’s her boyfriend and that upon seeing the adonis that is your administrator, she dumps his ass and makes out with me. Uh… what I mean by that is that I’m incredibly attractive and have sex with many real women!

I don’t know what God has against sloths, but this Deadly Sin sure has adorable babies.

You just know this guy was feeling pretty confident that he was going to bluff his way out of this situation.

It’s not a tumour!

Last night me and this squirrel hit a party at my friends house and we got like SOOOOOOOOOO wasted on JD and fermented pumpkin juice. The squirrel was licking carpet and talking all this crazy sh*t and I don’t even know cause I was so drunk. I think we hooked up with these smoking hot chicks too. That squirrel is so awesome.

Aggressive Alpine Skiing mixes guns, skiing, radical jumps and an original soundtrack reminiscent of bad European techno. Awesome!

This fight scene has everything from oily men to cheesy gore. It also has something I don’t even know how to describe… grunting? Lots of grunting. Non-stop grunting.

Apparently sea otters hold hands while resting together so that they don’t float away from each other, but we know the truth. It’s because they’re married.

Rolling a bowling ball towards a large ramp from a fast moving car. What could possibly go wrong?

Who better than the three most articulate Muppets – Beaker, Animal and the Swedish Chef – to sing the beautiful Irish love song Danny Boy?

There is a stinky grey coconut shaped thing inside your skull. Some people call it a “brain” although you may have heard it referred to as “the enemy of the thing in your pants” or perhaps “your greatest disapointment”. Anyways, you’re going to need it for this one…

There’s a prominent practice whereby companies make the process of cancelling a service so egregiously difficult, some people will just give up and keep their subscription. That’s why companies hire retention agents. Listen in as Vincent Ferrari tries to cancel his AOL dial-up account. Any of you readers who use AOL have my sympathy, for yours is a fate worse than death.

I have no idea whether this is real, but I’m definitely not going to be playing online poker for money anytime soon. Do you play? Is it everything you dreamed it could be?

If you add a roll of Mentos to a bottle of Coca-Cola, you get a very large stream of pop shooting out of the top. If you do it 101 times in a synchronized fashion, you get an impressive recreation of the giant fountain at the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

Probably definitely the creepiest commercial you will ever see. Unless you’re normally into hairy beard snakes?

Until 5 minutes ago I never knew what a supercell was. I still don’t really know what one is, but if I ever see one in real life I will empty my bowels so quickly I think it will make a mini-supercell in my pants.

A rented house in Ogden, UT was discovered to have accumulated some 70,000 empty Coors Light cans in eight years of tenancy — the cans covered the furniture and blocked the entrance.

Seriously? Coors Light?

I just don’t know where to begin with this one. All I can say is that as soon as I heard the lyrics “on the day of rockening” I had a new favorite band.

We have two options open to you:
1) Apply through official channels.
2) Have some guy hollow out a car dash board, stuff you in there, and attempt to drive you across one of our many border crossings.

Amir Massoud Tofangsazan allegedly sold his broken laptop on eBay, neglecting to inform the buyer that it was broken. Unfortunately for him, the buyer found many embarrassing pictures of, and apparently taken by, Amir on the laptop’s still functioning hard drive, and of course he posted them on the internet for everyone to see.

This is a pretty cool technique for making 3D images that don’t require you to wear goofy cardboard glasses or cross your eyes until your head hurts. For the paranoid or prude, watch out, there are a couple of ‘nudes’ in these pictures. Including a naked penis if you look closely. Uh… not that I looked closely or anything. Someone else told me actually. I don’t look for stuff like that.

Guy Kewney, a computer expert, has spoken of his astonishment at seeing a taxi driver interviewed on BBC television news in the mistaken belief it was him. The cabbie had been waiting for his fare in reception when he heard the name Guy Kewney called out. He raised his hand – and found himself being ushered into a studio and fitted with a microphone…

Ever wonder how long it takes to get fired? Looks like about 2 seconds.

Another ‘kids icon meets west coast gangsta rap’ video. Really, you can never get enough of these.

“Life ain’t nothin’ but bitches and money” – Elmo

This site shows a series of pictures of one woman taken over a period of 15 years. They are 12 mug shots, taken during a life of addiction on the street.

Don’t do drugs! Eat your greens!

This is a very unique and addictive puzzle game. It’s all about balance. Unfortunately it doesn’t have any metric for scoring or levels, so I’ll just say I got as far as the big gray head and that as usual I am the best and you all live in my shadow (which is also awesomer than you and gets more chicks).

I remember when I was a wee-kiddo I used to spin my Led Zeppelin records backwards and try to hear the hidden satanic messages. Now, thanks to the Internet and technology I can’t even begin to understand, all we have to do is press buttons! Oh! And Britney Spears has backwards messages too!

NASA scientists, no doubt in a down period between shuttle explosions, give spiders various drugs and take photographs of the resulting webs. There’s a prize for guessing which drug results in the most dysfunctional web! (The prize is love.)

A family in Argentina have been taking pictures of themselves on June 17th every year since 1976, creating a fascinating look at the aging process. They were lucky, because unlike my family they completely missed out on the giant-clown-glasses phase of the 80s.

Duelling Banjos is inherently cool, but throw in a squirrel, a penguin and the Dukes of Hazzard and you have something totally awesome (or retarded)!

Can you tell the hard-core programmers from the hard-core murderers? I sure can’t, and will probably wind up dead by morning.

There is no point to what is at the other end of this link, but I bet you $100 that you’ll spend at least 30 seconds playing with it. I’m serious. If you can honestly say you don’t play with this wiggily little guy for at least 30 seconds, send me your address and I’ll send you $100. Also send me your girlfriends address. And a pack of smokes.

Pictures of walls with messages on them that make you think, or sometimes make you laugh, or make you feel good, or feel really sad.

Enjoy what you have.

He’s got the heart of a champion!

Just what the title says folks. Pretty sweet. And while your Simpsons juices are flowing, why not revist the endlessly fun Simpsomaker?

Holy smokes! Flying dogs are WAY cooler than regular dogs.

The Partnership for a Drug-Free America has put together a disturbing little site featuring “before and after” shots of meth-heads. If you’ve ever wanted to try meth, you should probably have a look at this link. And if you’ve ever wanted your face to be covered in strange disgusting scabs, then you should probably try meth.

When I heard the Iranians were renaming danish pastries “Roses of the Prophet Mohammed”, I thought it was pretty silly. But then I figured it’s probably a better way to express your anger than violent, deadly riots. And then I remembered the whole ‘freedom fries’ thing, so I guess pretty much all humans are idiots except me. And you guys. I love you guys.

The Simpsomaker lets you design your own Simpsons character. The guy to the left is based off of me. Not surprisingly he turned out to be the coolest, cutest, best Simpsons character there has ever been. Fancy that!

This is a funny little article about some local residents who are upset because kids keep stealing their fancy ‘Gaywood Road’ sign. It reminds me of this friend I have who lives on Colon Street. He’s all like “it’s pronounced cologne“, and I’m all like “whatever, you live on the poop-shoot street”. It’s just tough love that’s all.

It’s often hard to convince people that Olivo Barbieri’s aerial photographs are real. They look uncannily like hyperdetailed models, absent the imperfections of reality. He achieves this distinctive look by photographing from a helicopter using a special tilt-shift lens.

Another simple little flash game. The point of this one is to throw your knives directly into the girls face. And it’s pretty damn hard unl… hmmmmm? What? Well that’s what I said: throw the knives into the targets without hitting the girl in the face. Duh.

No, you’re sick.

Derek Glover, a 72 year old man who lost his hearing 15 years ago, was 7,000 feet up on a ski lift in the Italian Dolomites when he heard a loud pop and his hearing returned.

#10: Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Here is a funny little Australian beer commercial. I love it because it features the combination of all my most favorite things in the world: a sexy brunette, a hot tub, and Steve Irwin. No! I mean beer. Yeah, beer beer beer. I gotta go.

A pretty image collection featuring things being smashed, taken using high-speed photography. Me like to smash things good. Me like pretty pictures.

It’s been one year since Owen the baby hippo got swept away by the tsunami waves and washed straight into the arms(?) of Mzee the century-old tortoise. Let’s see how they’ve been doing. Sit back and get ready to be sucker-punched by the iron fist of cuteness.

Here’s another game. This one is a little easier to figure out and it only has two objectives: 1) throw the cards into the hat, 2) don’t die of boredom.

Well now that this secret has been exposed it shouldn’t take too long for a few ‘internet videos’ to appear with people trying this experiment themselves. Only they’ll probably have the bottle aimed at their face or maybe up their ass. That’s what you get when you mix science with the Internet.

The National Safety Council has put together a very useful document providing you with the odds that you will die from all manner of deadly incidents. For example, in your lifetime you have a one in 5,766 chance of dying from ‘slipping, tripping, or stumbling’. Keep that in mind the next time you get up to go to the bathroom.

Go to futureme.org and write yourself an email to be delivered to you up to 30 years in the future. I already tried it and asked myself how LOST will end, or more specifically what happens if they don’t press the button and will Jack and Kate ever do it, but so far I have not heard back.

A recent Exxon Mobil promotion offers gift cards in exchange for donating blood. I wonder where they got the idea to give blood for oil… and I wonder why all those protestors are so against donating blood. Oh well.

I may be a little late posting this seeing as it did happen a whole entire week ago, but I’ve only just returned from my yearly fox hunt. So without further delay I present to you the now-famous Letterman clip of the kid who nearly explodes from boredom while standing behind George Bush giving a speech.

This story is kinda old, but I’m sure there’s a few people out there who haven’t seen it. And the pictures are enough to make grown men coddle their computer monitors and coo like babies, and that sort of power should not be kept under wraps.

At first I felt bad for this girl, with her Elaine-esque dance moves, but after she pouted into the camera a couple of times I was ready to see her get humiliated all over the internet. So here you go…

Several kids with steaks attached to their heads insert their heads into a “lizard arena” where a giant lizard is encouraged to “menace” them. The lizard is reluctant at first then goes berserk! Hilarity ensues.

Here is a funny little commercial from our French friends the French. Someone needs to stuff that kid’s mouth full of freedom fries and send him off to war. Then we’ll see if he still wants to kick a fit over a bag of bon-bons.

As if there wasn’t enough trouble for Florida alligators…

“Even as one of the ultimate predators, the alligator can still fall victim to the ‘teamwork’ strategy brought out by the pack mentality and social structure of canines…”

photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine (and not for the squeamish)

This must be some sort of new bunting technique or something. It looks like it worked out well for him.

I find this incredibly hypnotizing, and I think I went to highschool with this girl. Actually, I think everyone went to highschool with this girl. (Warning: Loud music out of nowhere!)

George Bush doesn’t care about white trashy people.

Unfortunately we don’t have a ‘Horse Sex’ category, so this one is just going to have to get filed under ‘disturbing’.

If you’re trying to find the video of this ‘event’, you should go to this link.

Michelle Kosinski of NBC’s Today gets caught trying to make the northeast flooding look worse than it actually is. All she wanted was just a little hurricane and maybe a breached levee. Was that too much to ask? Mother Nature, you can be so cruel!

A neat trick you can do with your desktop background image. People match the wallpaper with what is behind their monitor to make the screen look invisible.

Oh I get it now. So THATS who voted for Bush…

If I had any friends you can be sure that I would invite them over for a light switch rave! Afterwards I would probably be back to having no friends. Ah the circle of life.

What is that nutty dog trying to do? He’s going to hurt someone! Either that or burn down the farm! Sheeeeeeesh!

For all you guitar players (or aspiring guitar players) out there. The ability to change out of standard tuning to any tuning you want is particularly useful. Be sure to press the ‘Strum’ button!

Photographers catch George Bush writing Condi Rice a secret note during the Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit. Behind every great man…

You’ll lose your job. Your significant other will leave you. Your children will starve. You will be entertained for the rest of your life. StumbleUpon adds a button to your web browser that when pressed, presents you with a random web page based upon your selected interests. When you’re bored with the page, just press the button again for more entertainment. And again and again and again and…

Avast, it’s Talk Like a Pirate Day, so grab some grog and learn to speak like one you bilge rat!

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail-in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.

Have you ever wondered what a stack of one million pennies looks like? How about a trillion? Or maybe one quadrillion? Perhaps a quintillion? Did you even know there was such a number as one quintillion? I didn’t. This site is all sorts of useful.

I like this video because if I got to be a killer whale for a day this is EXACTLY what I would do. That, and eat tons of fish and maybe some yummy plankton.

The comments feature for the site has been enabled. Now you can say whatever you want behind the anonymous shield of daddy internet. Let us know how brilliant you are! Start fights with strangers because you’re bored and you think you’re better than them! Let loose all the hate and aggression that is bottled up inside your tiny black heart! Let the good times roll!

Peter sings Cleveland a song to comfort him after his wife had an affair and subsequently left him.

Newsmap is a Flash application that visually reflects the constantly changing landscape of the Google News news aggregator. Its objective is to demonstrate visually the relationships between data and the unseen patterns in news media.

A funny little animated gif of a guy smashing himself to bits and pieces at his computer.

We are the Digital Youth Optimized for Gratification. How appropriate.

It’s a good thing he plugged his nose. I hate getting concrete up my nose. It burns! (animated gif)

This sort of reminds me of when I was a kid and my dad would pick me up by the arms and swing me around in a circle. Fun stuff. Except usually my dad wouldn’t hurl me into a wall at the end. Also, I’m not a cat.

“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully…”

“This Texas Tech University freshman got the once in a lifetime opportunity to be the football team’s “bell ringer” during their games…”

And then things get funny. I won’t say why but it has to do with masturbating, and masturbating is almost as funny as farting.

I like bicycles, so I think this is pretty cool. It’s also quite nauseating, so if you’re trying to lose weight…

An interactive website user interface that doesn’t require using mouse clicks. Works better than you might think…

This one’s a bit like Unreal Tournament, only without that overrated third dimension. And without limbs either. Those are overrated too.

If David Bowie writes a song about you, you gotta take what you get. His musical genius speaks only one language, and that is the language of truth.

In this game you have to try and save Sir Whitey McBlockster from a deadly pool of rising lava. It takes a combination of luck, strategy, and patience to do well, but with practice you can actually get some pretty high scores.

You’re not going to let me keep that gold, are you?

Jack Black is Computerman, and he’s just trying to compute the outside world with his best friend Eugene, whom is not a computerman.

And now, a dramatic reading of a real breakup letter from a real person.

Although not well known, Jesusasaurus Rex was by far the most feared of the dinosaurs, possessing the ability to rise from the grave and bore other dinosaurs to death with speeches about kindness.

This makes me wonder how many penises have been hidden in all the cartoons I’ve watched over the years.

Ah, the American college experience. Do students behave like this in other countries?

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

We all know what happens when you heat up popcorn kernels, right? As the kernel is heated, it turns the internal moisture into a superheated, pressurized steam. The hull ruptures rapidly, causing a rapid expansion of the steam, which expands the starch and proteins inside into an airy foam. And then a baby comes out.

Those Japanese bastards have done it again. Is nothing sacred to these animals?

David Letterman: Patriot or explosive-vest toting terrorist? You decide.

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.

She’s got a blanket, clothes, and four pacifiers!

The ability to set Dig Your Own Grave Favorites has now been added to your accounts. To add or remove a post from your favorites, click the little heart in the titlebar of the post. To view your favorites, click the ‘Favorites’ link at the top of the site. Today’s post will take you to my own set of favorites from over the years. Enjoy!

Some people say that violent video games are a bad influence on our children, but I say we should just shoot those people to make them shut up. Try to break the logic in that statement my friends. It’s a little something I like to call absolute brilliance.

Science has proven that even a Proboscis Monkey can spot the differences between these sets of pictures. You’re smarter than a crazy penis-nosed monkey, aren’t you?

This is a 2D version of Valve Software’s innovative game Portal. The goal of the game is to use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device to complete a series of increasingly difficult room puzzles, all so that you can eat some delicious cake and listen to the crazy Portal song until you throw-up.

The Scales of Justice need balancing. Unfortunately this game has nothing to do with that. But hey, funky music! Boop boop boop boop boop beep boo-dee-dooo…

Apparently this video was created for Alfa Romeo, but I don’t understand it. Maybe their cars are slow.

Halloween is coming, and I for one am so excited that every time I think about it I pee in my pants a little bit. To help set the mood, let’s start the week off with some decapitations!

Look, I don’t want to scare any of you out there, but zombies are coming to eat your brains, and soon. Like tomorrow. Probably around 3pm. We’re planning on grabbing some Taco Bell first, so we may be a little late. Excuse me, they might be a little late. Heh.

This game is pretty gross, but hey, what’s Halloween without a little blood and body parts? Why, it would be like having Christmas without snow! (and blood and body parts.)

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!

Ever since discovering the 3D greatness that is Vector Runner, I realize you must regard any game with the term 3D in it’s title with great skepticism. However I can assure you that this game does involve a well rendered three dimensional cube, and the last version was pretty cool so you should at least give it a chance.

Fear not, citizens of Earth! When goofy galactic robots invade, you will be there to fight off the invasion. The government has surgically removed your skeleton to provide you with greater agility, and attached powerful automatic weapons to your hands for combat (they are also auditing you for the 2006 tax year to increase your aggression).

It’s good to have a hobby, but I think these kids should find a new one, because this is pretty fruity.

It places the ball inside the basket or else it gets the hose again.

Today brings a video blast from my past – one of my favorite Tom Green sketches. The set-up is simple enough. Tom has dressed up like an injured person and is walking around on crutches. What ever could happen next?

In Crayon Physics Deluxe, the things you draw come true. It’s a lot like this academic program, except it’s actually a game and you should hopefully be able to buy it without requiring several rounds of academic funding.

I decided that for this year’s Thanksgiving post I would do a Google search for “shoot turkeys and or pilgrims game” and take the first relevant result I could find. And this is it. And it’s also the last time I’m ever going to do that.

Finally, a geography game that targets the entire world. Now all of you showoffs can prove how worldly you really are (with a Rankosaurus screenshot of course). I would post my own score, but honestly I can’t find my own apartment most nights. Thank goodness for bus shelters.

It’s the day after Thanksgiving, and most Americans, after a day of nothing but eating and watching football, will now be the shape of this boy. They too will probably require motorized transport in order to get around. I just hope they’re better at it than this guy.

600 pounds of men, a woman that’s a little plump, and a 13 year-old girl can not be satiated with 12 ounces of sausage, a couple of dozen eggs and some T-bone steaks. They require another four ounces of sausage for their mighty hunger. Don’t try and get them to eat the maple or sage flavored sausage either – those are Yankee flavors.

Kellie Pickler, from American Idol, appeared on the game show Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?, and well, she wasn’t. Honestly, I’m not sure if she’s smarter than a lamp shade.

I can only assume that in Japan when you need your apartment cleaned, the maid service sends over a man dressed as a traditional Japanese cleaning insect. He then banishes your dirt to the land of wind and ghosts, and if he does an inferior job, your wife-servant is allowed to soak his face in lye.

Do you like the brain puzzles? Are you obsessive compulsive? Do you need to do anything today other than sit in front of the computer until your butt goes numb? If you answered yes to all of these questions, do NOT click the link.

Don’t worry if you keep getting these wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re color blind, it could just be that your monitor’s color balance is screwed up. That, or you’ve got a brain tumor. It’s probably a brain tumor.

Songwriters aren’t even trying anymore are they?

Those crazy Japanese bug men are back, and this time they’re trying to close some patio doors. Should they fail, the bug women are waiting in the wings to blow stinky tube breath in their face.

Well here’s your last game for 2007. And there have been so many games! So which one was your favorite? Vector Runner? How about besides Vector Runner? Oh, the Huge Manatee? Oh gosh, you guys flatter me.

It turns out that being an idiot and riding on the outside of moving trains is actually an extreme sport. EXTREME!

Welcome to Ganesha’s jungle, baby. You’re gonna die.

I was originally going to call this post Fancy What’s In My Pants?, but I decided that would have been highly inappropriate for a post title. Yet somehow highly appropriate for the post content. I know you guys never even read what I write here anyways.

Before the invention of the photocopier, copiers were people who worked in large warehouse-like rooms, copying polygons for the military so that the United States did not fall behind in the Shape Race. Prepare to relive this exotic history with Dupligon.

Someday I hope someone pumps 10 tons of cement into my house to see how I live.

Remember that game Spin The Bottle we used to play as kids? The one where you’d sit in a circle and spin a bottle, and whoever it landed on would have to make out with a girl in the closet? Only your friends tricked you and instead you made out with another guy, permanently scarring you and causing lasting trust and relationship issues that haunt you to this day? Well this game is nothing like that.

This action thriller stars Jon Voight and Eric Roberts as two escaped skateboarding convicts trapped in a drainage tube, with no brakes and nobody driving.

It’s just like Risk, only faster and funner. And you don’t have to talk to people. And I can’t stop playing it. Every time another side takes over one of my areas my rage is so great I want to rip their dice right out of the computer monitor and devour them. And every time my dice win I want to hug them and squeeze them until they explode! Such joy!

There’s apparently a theme park for every occasion. Have an unhealthy fecal obsession? Want to (not) get raped by a guy dressed as Mario in his basement? Want to visit a fake ocean directly beside a real one? These parks and many more await you. (Warning: Some parks awaiting you are not work safe.)

The Mythbusters are exploring the myth of whether you can shoot down a tree with a gun, or something. Inquiring minds need to know.

If only I had some Mentos when I was a lad. I would have given that Carrie Ferguson something to laugh about!

Phun is a free, downloadable 2D physics sandbox. You can do pretty much anything in it. I was actually able to model Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and send a crudely drawn square back in time to kill it’s own parents, thereby erasing itself from existence. Either that or I pressed the undo button, I’m not sure. Video of Phun-in-action after the jump.

It’s a little known fact that before I wrote my screenplay and became a famous website Administrator, I worked as a bartender to help make ends meet. And let me tell you – I couldn’t be happier that now I have this awesome game to remind me of those horrible, horrible times.

People have already removed Garfield’s thought bubbles from Garfield comics with surprisingly good results, but this goes that logical step further – removing Garfield from the equation entirely. The result is a darkly humorous comic about the depressions of modern life.

Godwin’s Law states that: As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. O’Reilly’s Law is pretty similar.

#@@!$!% %$##!@ %$^@!$!%

Finally, a game that scientists and creationists can both enjoy equally. The logical among you will appreciate the realistic simulation of the Laws of Physics, while the faithful can marvel at the mystical crayon powered by the magic of Jesus.

In Japan, there are (lucky) people that have the job of pushing passengers onto the trains during rush hour. See, the trains are so full that they need to push people inside for the doors to be able to close.

There are two valuable lessons that can be learned from today’s game. First, by working together a team of people can achieve more than any single individual. And second, lesson one only holds true if there’s just one person in charge.

I think as a practical joke on the Japanese, we should convince them to film one of their hidden camera shows in Texas.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

I think ‘ol Bob must have been off his meds the day they taped this episode.

When I see this documentary about live-action role playing, I’ll be in the front row wearing my robe and wizard hat.

Baby sloths are much cuter than baby humans, so I hope one day to be the father of a human-sloth chimera.

You might be thinking that now is the time to buy that cheap Chinese automobile, but as this crash test video shows, you should probably hold off for a while and protect your precious bones.

So let’s look at what we have here… A big burly man. Tight pants. No shirt, leather vest. Handlebar mustache. Hangs out with a… bear. Look at that, I solved the mystery of Reemus without even pressing Play.

Power companies prefer not to shut off high-tension electrical lines just for maintenance, so instead they round up homeless people from the streets of New York and get them to work on the live lines in exchange for a bag of bagels and a thimbleful of scotch.

Ignite People on Fire is the eagerly anticipated sequel to last year’s hit game, Light People on Fire. This version features faster paced gameplay, better special effects, and chubbies. Burn fatty, burn.

In 2008, the largest particle accelerator ever created, the LHC at CERN’s particle physics lab in Switzerland, was activated for the first time. Many scientists celebrated, and many particles accelerated.

Oh sure, it’s cool now, but just wait until it forms a giant solid metal spear and stabs you in the throat.

For some of you out there, this post will remind you of an old board game called Stratego. You’re probably the same group of people that remember televisions weren’t always in color, and telephones actually used to have little bells inside them. I’m serious! Bells!

I think John McCain has his finger on the pulse of the nation.

Now if you’re not going to promise to shout “Weeeeeeeeeee!” while you play this game, I don’t want you to even try it. I’m serious. Don’t you dare click that link.

Nothing says Little Red Riding Hood like forest creatures with pendulous bosoms.

crazy japan man
cool yourself, jump in the ice
shiny red panties

In Peekaboo – SaveAnAlien, it’s your job to save little alien clones by… uh… electrocuting them with probes? Oh, and Peekaboo!

Good news OCDers, today we’ve launched a new feature that lets you earn shiny achievements for your profile by playing Dig Your Own Grave games. So get to it! Anyone who doesn’t have them all by the end of the week is, as the French would say, une odeur de cochon avec de petites testicules.

If you’ve got a thirst for thrill rides even more dangerous than those manned by travelling carnies, head on down to Indiana and give Joph Ivers’ backyard coaster a try.

When Dimitri the Lover left Olga two messages on her answering machine, she clearly didn’t know what she was missing by not calling him back.

Believe it or not, all of these photos are of real, life-size objects and locations. They have been made to appear like miniature models through the process of tilt-shift miniature faking.

Since what I wrote for the last Sling Jumper post confused so many people, this is actually the perfect opportunity for me to try and clarify. 1) Some folks call it a slingblade, Karl calls it a kaiserblade. 2) Karl likes french fried pertaters.

Consider yourself schooled.

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is:

a) coated 200 mg Advil tablets.
b) more cowbell.
c) raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

What Muppet does (non) funny-man Jimmy Kimmel look like? What about Dave Chappelle or Carrot Top? The answers to these questions and more await you in TMZ’s star-studded Muppets lookalike gallery.

So it turns out those Amazonian fish mentioned in movies that swim up penises… yeah, they’re for real.

Or to be more accurate, oobleck, a mixture of corn starch and water. It has the properties of a non-Newtonian fluid, which behaves like a solid when force is applied.

You see, Christianity is a lot like a pickle shoved into an electrical socket.

Some things are just so ridiculous that they command respect. Like for instance, this game, or the Hungarian Komondor.

I’m glad I didn’t go to a school with school lunches, because these pictures of the lunch options from the Harrisonburg, Virginia school system, are truly disgusting.

After yesterday’s game you should be all set to handle the challenges of today’s game, Boombot. You sure like blowing stuff up, don’t you? Kinda makes you feel good doesn’t it? WELL I GOT MY EYE ON YOU AL-QAEDA!

As a graduate of Coney Island College, these schools don’t seem so bad. Go, Whitefish!

Hexiom – it’s just like Dungeons and Dragons, only minus the goblins, trolls, magic missiles, dungeon masters, dark caves, taverns, elves, dwarves, dice, nerds, more elves, chainmail armor, potions, orcs, half-elves, dragons, spells, super-nerds, giant lizard birds that you can fly, kinghts?, maidens, wizards, warlocks, witches, and… what I’m really trying to say is this game has hexagons in it.

This is another one of those situations where you have to wonder what all those involved thought would happen. (NSFW due to potty mouths.)

A full-face helmet would have come in handy here… or maybe not.

From the Renaissance to Impressionism to Contempory art, Star Wars improves everything it touches.

Everyone knows that inhaling helium will cause your voice to become very high. Inhaling sulfur hexafluoride on the other hand, will turn you into a demon. No, I’m serious. You literally turn into a demon.

Socotra is an archipelago of four islands off the Horn of Africa, where all the plant life looks like it was transplanted from another planet. I think they should call them the Tuber Islands.

Relieve your childhood dreams in this surrealistic art game. Now… not to split hairs, but my childhood dreams usually involved Transformers and GI Joe. Maybe they show up in the later levels?

CERN switched on the LHC yesterday (September 10th, 2008) at 10:28 AM local time, and to prove to all those wackos that a black hole isn’t going to form and suck in the planet, they’ve setup some webcams so people can watch what’s going on in the facility.

The not-so-Ambiguously Gay Duo from the land of Fredricus are back! Reemus and his furry friend (or friend the Furry?) need to find a king, or a princess, or something like that (although I think his priority should be a shirt). Anyways, don’t worry about it, just click stuff. Clickity click, Barba trick.

Some people must have been born without the ability to realize when an idea is truly dumb.

This is Loops of Zen, sequel to the lesser known but equally enjoyable game, Poops of Zen. Played by me. This morning. On the toilet.

I have been called many things in my time… lover, fighter, hero, douchebag, and yes, even a maverick.

So you call yourself a gamer?

So this is why so many hip-hop songs are obnoxiously vocoded these days.

It’s time to dust off your copy of Hagakure and put that warrior spirit to good use. There’s a plague of evil wannabe samurais loose in the fields, and they need their bodies separated from their heads – post haste!

I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got the monkey?

Speaking as a software engineer, all I can say to this is “Huhwah?”.

I’m a guy that enjoys all sorts of ballin’. But without a doubt my favorite type of ballin’ is eyeballin’. I like eyeballin’ fancy cars, eyeballin’ purdy ladies, and especially – especially – eyeballin’ geometries.

Mother nature must really want us dead.

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.

Mirrored glass can really get a goose angry.

Do you remember that game Armor Picross? Of course you do, it’s the reason your wife left you. Well in the off chance you’ve been able to start up a new relationship, here’s another Picross game to send that one down the toilet.

I could watch this cute-dancing-Japanese-girl clock all day.

In the future as I see it, air combat will still be air combat, however instead of advanced jet fighters, the pilots will command large lumbering balloon airships with pirate cannons as weapons. And of course, the balloons will be filled with urine.

It is a well documented fact that decorated World War II Air Chief Marshal Sir Foxley Neilson, refused to wear pants while flying missions on Wednesdays. Henceforth, Wednesdays have been commonly referred to as “Nopantsdays”, and only jerks wear pants on this, the most sacred of all weekdays.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like you to meet Meat Boy. GET IT? You see what I just did there? That is how you roll a pun my friends. Damn! I am good. Okay, nap time.

I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!!!

I’m on your side when times get rough, and friends just can’t be found. Like a wooden path over a somewhat turbulent stream.

Why did she think getting on the table in the first place was a good idea?

Natural selection at work my friends.

Well here I was thinking this was a Halloween game, but turns out those aren’t piles of zombies – they’re piles of clones. I suck. Halloween is ruined.

I think this guy drowned.

It may not look like a Halloween game, but I assure you it’s very scary. I just spent an entire hour on that level to the left, and I STILL haven’t figured it out. Somebody put me out of my misery, please?

I think we can all agree that Zombie Baseball is about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball. But let’s be honest, clipping your toenails is also about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball.

You might not think that stacking blocks would be fun, be let’s not forget you felt the same way when I told you to try pouring butterscotch pudding down your pants. And now you can’t leave the house without a little pudding in the pants, can you? It’s just so gosh darned… butterscotchy.

Finally, a little game for the Emo in all of us.

Okay, I realize yesterday’s game might have been a little too academic for some, so today we’re just going to blow holes in stuff. Blow holes in your knowledge of architecture and geography that is! Huzzah!

Ah, sweet sweet crude, aka petroleum, aka “The Black Gold”. Not to be confused with “The Brown Gold”, known to many by it’s consumer name, Nutella. I would smear that stuff into my eyes if it made the taste last longer (it doesn’t, I tried).

Now that’s what I call extreme! *pterodactyl noise*

Well instead of 2008 being the year of playing with yourself, I think it’s definitely shaping up to be the year of physics puzzle games. So it turns out game developers aren’t perverts, they’re just gigantic nerds.

Nobody does a better erotic Dracula than Yenz Von Tilborg.

Boca Raton, baby!

If I had a Hi-Fi, I’d listen to this Weird Al song all day.

I long for the old days of airfish travel. Those were simpler, more civilized times.

If you’re anything like me, the first thing that comes to mind when you hear ‘pool’, is ‘swimming pool’. And thinking of a swimming pool makes me want to pee in it, because it’s such a warm, friendly feeling. And by this point I’ve usually wet my pants.

After their journey to the Royal Palace to meet the King, Reemus and Liam rewarded themselves with a weekend spa and deep chemical peeling. Their pores never felt cleaner and tighter, but the bliss would soon come to and end – trouble was lurking not far away…

Snowboarding looks pretty cool, but personally I prefer sports that are performed in a much warmer climate. And don’t require a space helmet for safety. Or bind my legs. Or make me hemorrhage into my skull. I’m just not a big fan of brain swelling.

How does it feel to be entangled… in my love?

It’s like the Special Olympics for your fingers.

If there’s one thing that the internet has taught us over these past few years, it’s that it’s fun and perfectly safe to play with fire.

This video would be even cuter if the parrot’s claw didn’t look like a terrifying tarantula.

I tried this game a couple weeks ago and it nearly put me to sleep, but apparently THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE INTERNET thinks it’s the bees knees. So now I’m in this bizarre situation where I have to consider that I might have actually been wrong. Let me know what you think – I’ve got my seppuku blade sharpened and ready to go.

If I built a castle and it looked even half as silly as some of these, I would construct a trebuchet using the bones of my wife, the tendons from my children, and the hide of my dog. I would launch my own body at the castle over and over until it was completely destroyed and any trace of the shame it brought to me was erased from existence.

“A lot of people think I’m nuts.”

Yes, that tends to happen when you’re nuts.

You know who would be good at this game? This guy.

Press L to submit your score. Use any game mode you want.

This game takes physics out back and shoots it because physics was rabid.

That purple globular mass may look like grape jelly, but this webmaster can assure you that it most definitely is not. It neither tastes like grape jelly, nor possesses the soothing qualities of grape jelly when placed in the trousers. It is nothing more than a cruel electronic facade.

Going back to yesterday’s discussion about RPGs, I will say they do have one common upside – no techno soundtracks.

It’s like having a deja vu that you’re having a deja vu!

Press L to submit your score at anytime.

My record for the most t-shirts worn at once has fallen, and these guys beat me by 119 shirts. I hear the largest shirts they used were 8XXL which means some people are really really fat.

2D and 3D were never meant to interact like this. It’s an unnatural union, and although I can’t say for certain I’m pretty sure God would not approve. Neither does my brain for that matter.

If this ridiculously catchy song is any indication, Halo 3 will destroy your marriage and eat your children. Not a bad deal for $60.