There better be a talking dog after level 12. And it better frickin’ love me even though it just met me.

Crying candies. My gosh, have you ever heard of anything so sad? Somebody give those little guys a cuddle!

Bringing the F-U-N back into racial segregation!

It’s a little known fact that before I wrote my screenplay and became a famous website Administrator, I worked as a bartender to help make ends meet. And let me tell you – I couldn’t be happier that now I have this awesome game to remind me of those horrible, horrible times.

How are y’all enjoying your summer holidays? I got a little something for you here, since I thought you might be missing your maths.

Going back to yesterday’s discussion about RPGs, I will say they do have one common upside – no techno soundtracks.

Trees. For centuries, man’s most hated enemy. A day has never passed in my entire life where I haven’t fallen to my knees and prayed for the end of their retched race.

I like the pretty colors, but the only circuits I’ll be completing today are in my Scuderia Ferrari F2007.

Just remember… it’s never lupus.

I’d like to order a fat slice of love. Double cheese and extra-saucy please.

One day they won’t be called vending machines anymore. They will be called REPLICATORS, and cruiseships will be called starships and everyone will wear tights. Everyday will be a new and exciting adventure, except for days in the holodeck. Those will be kind of boring.

Now now everybody – let’s not get bogged down in semantics. Oh wait, that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

If you were a pirate and you ran out of cannonballs for your cannon, what would you do? That’s right, you’d start firing your pirate buddies out of your cannon instead. Because you are a pirate, and you are so crazy-out-of-your-mind that it’s awesome. If you were a ninja you’d probably just cry.

You thought I was kidding about Fish Week didn’t you? Honestly I had my doubts as well, but I tell you – it doesn’t matter how crazy your dream is, with a little elbow grease and some help from your friends, anything is possible. Especially if one of your friends is the baby Jesus.

Well you have to hand it to the Japanese. They may be weird, but they sure know how to come up with original game ideas. And awkward toilets. And poodle-human exercise videos. And eyelid glue. And creepy cartoon pornography. Oh I could go on and on and on…