Protect yer ship from th’ oncomin’ hordes. An’ dasn’t ye dare leave a comment without puttin’ ‘t through th’ Buccanneer Translator (ya bilge rat!)

Tip of the day: Getting caught soliciting a minor can be pretty stressful and can lead to dizzy spells, so always be sure to tape a pillow securely to your head before you leave the house for your date.

This game demands to be played while puffing on a toy bubble pipe and wearing a musty tweed smoking jacket.

PS: Sorry if you’ve been getting hammered with popups today. I am trying to track down the offending advertiser.

Puzzles are great and all, but I understand that some days you just want to get your shoot on.

That’s not a knife, this is a… holy crap, wait that is a knife.

UPDATE: Rankosaurus should be fixed now.

It’s almost not fair for me to put up 3D avoider games, since this is the birthplace of the shining light in all our lives known as Vector Runner - however - I do like the style of this one. The house music soundtrack actually inspired me to crack and shake my very last glowstick. Unfortunately that old hit of ecstasy I had doesn’t seem to be work… wait… I… want to make love to my lamp.

Littlegrey Forum funnyman, Nathan Barnatt, plays Rick, a simple cable-access show host who just wants faux celebrities to help him figure out what’s going on around here.

See that guy on the left? That’s your enemy. Now I don’t know about you, but if I looked like that I would chew off my own leg and use it to beat every living thing within eyesight into a coma. Be glad you’ve got that chain mail armor, my friends.

I think John McCain has his finger on the pulse of the nation.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

Ignite People on Fire is the eagerly anticipated sequel to last year’s hit game, Light People on Fire. This version features faster paced gameplay, better special effects, and chubbies. Burn fatty, burn.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing stylings of Music Catch. Enjoy it for hours with a warm cup of herbal tea and feel all your tensions slowly melt awa.. OH GOD THE BABY HAS CRAWLED OFF THE BALCONY

This one is just like that movie Drop Zone, except instead of Gary Busey the lead villain is a 15-foot tall electric fan.

Christopher Walken is a man who is afraid of plants. And who can really blame him? One can never know what they’re thinking.

You see? You should have actually paid attention in math class instead of just passing notes and snapping girl’s bras. Now aliens are going to destroy the world and it’s pretty much all your fault.

Here’s another avoider-esque game, but with a twist: all of the events in the game are synchronized to the music. So for the proper effect you should have your speakers on. Although if you don’t have any, it might not be a bad thing as I guarantee the music in this game will make you want to kill puppies.

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

Now that you’ve had all this practice playing Double Wires, you can move on to the more challenging Pendulumeca. The principle is the same but you’ve only got one wire and it’s faster paced. And crappier. Kind of like your score compared to mine. Which was 220m.

There’s been so much shooting and violence here lately that I thought it might be nice to play a game that’s just all about a little red ball, and drawing with a fat marker, and relaxing clunking sounds, and really really really awful music. Throw in a pork burrito and I’m pretty much in heaven.

I was originally going to call this post Fancy What’s In My Pants?, but I decided that would have been highly inappropriate for a post title. Yet somehow highly appropriate for the post content. I know you guys never even read what I write here anyways.

Tim, like King Midas from Greek mythology, has an amazing power that is both a gift and a curse. I bet he’s tired of eating Skittles.

The Monkey is back. He laughs at your suffering.

I’ve been staring at the screen for 10 minutes now, and I can’t think of a single innuendo about balls. What’s happening to me? Maybe I need a vacation.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Zen-ness of this game as it is, but throw in some swimming zombies and strap an assault weapon to the dolphin’s head and I think we would have Game of the Year.

Admittedly, this game isn’t my #1 paddle related pastime, however it is a close second.

It’s just like Star Wars, but with rafts instead of stars. Also, no lightsabers.