Penguins are the new Stickman.

Huzzah! Vector Conflict: The Siege has made it to the final round of the 2BeeGames Indie Game Competition. The winner is chosen by votes, so if you love me then click this post and vote for Vector Conflict in the poll on the right hand side (under the blue VOTE HERE! banner). The winning game could be ported to a console! (PS: If you voted last week you can vote again now!)

The store’s for regular walking, not for fancy walking.

I know you guys think I spend all my time oil wrestling supermodels and saving forest animals from the California wildfires, but honestly that’s only about 95% of my day. The other 5% I spend making terrific games like this one. It’s sort of a retro post-apocalyptic shooter with – UH OH GISELE HAS ME IN AN ARMBAR BRB

Sadly, Steve never did make it through flight school.

I was such a bimbo before Dr. Steve Brule’s helpful advice for everyday living.

One day they won’t be called vending machines anymore. They will be called REPLICATORS, and cruiseships will be called starships and everyone will wear tights. Everyday will be a new and exciting adventure, except for days in the holodeck. Those will be kind of boring.

I was actually thinking the other day that a penguin would make the perfect pet – if it wasn’t for the constant pooping. You could bring him in the bath, he wouldn’t take much room on the bed, I bet he’d love watching tv and sharing popcorn… It really is a shame about the pooping.

Teale Fristoe, the man and the magic behind Arachnophilia, is hard at work on a new game called Xaat Disi: The Salmon Run Game. Today we’re offering you a special 2 level sneak peek. You may see a short survey after you play – filling it out will help Teale make the game better, and help me deal with these painful foot bunions.

After all the color blinders complaining about games they can’t play because they’re color blind (wa wa wa), I’ve decided to post a game perfectly suited to their vile disease. (And the game isn’t broken – you just have to choose your country from the list in the bottom before playing.)

This sports anchor is so nervous, he almost puts the nervous kid to shame.

Adam Waddell of Wyoming steals the ball, goes for a dunk, and almost breaks his entire body.

All Dig Your OwnGrave Multiplayer Games are currently undergoing public beta testing. Please look at the Dig Your Own Grave Multiplayer Games forum thread for more information, and to report bugs or ask questions.

The most annoying thing about monstars is that they’re scary and occupy valuable closet space. The most annoying thing about Death is that he’s always trying to end my life and sometimes he forgets to flush. So Death wins this round in my books.

Music Catch – so relaxing it’s guaranteed to make you forget to breathe, or at the very least poop your pants. Here’s hoping for the latter.

For those interested, the music in the game is by Isaac Shepard.

Destroy All Zombies III? But what about Destroy All Zombies I? and II? Look, everybody knows that the third installment of a trilogy is always the best. You don’t agree? Well how about Terminator III: Judgement Day? Or Return of the Jedi? Jurassic Park III anyone? Case closed!

I have been called many things in my time… lover, fighter, hero, douchebag, and yes, even a maverick.

It’s time to dust off your copy of Hagakure and put that warrior spirit to good use. There’s a plague of evil wannabe samurais loose in the fields, and they need their bodies separated from their heads – post haste!

I think the lesson here is, that when you’re making a reverse-psychology celebrities-are-smarter-than-you video, make sure it’s funny and entertaining. (NSFW due to the f-word.)

Well here I was thinking this was a Halloween game, but turns out those aren’t piles of zombies – they’re piles of clones. I suck. Halloween is ruined.

I think we can all agree that Zombie Baseball is about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball. But let’s be honest, clipping your toenails is also about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball.

Main Entry: rage
Pronunciation: \ˈrāj\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin rabia, from Latin rabies rage, madness, from rabere to be mad; to be forced to wear pants

I really wanted to make up for yesterday’s blunder by ruining your weekend extra badly today. However, today’s game has turned out to be quite fun, relatively easy, and somewhat short. As punishment, I shall spend the entire weekend in not just pants, but snowpants, listen to 50 Cent’s new album in it’s entirety, and eat only gluten-free foods.

Finally, a little game for the Emo in all of us.

David Blaine Meets His Match, in the form of a puppet that isn’t afraid to call him a dangling douche.

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.

Protect yer ship from th’ oncomin’ hordes. An’ dasn’t ye dare leave a comment without puttin’ ‘t through th’ Buccanneer Translator (ya bilge rat!)

Tip of the day: Getting caught soliciting a minor can be pretty stressful and can lead to dizzy spells, so always be sure to tape a pillow securely to your head before you leave the house for your date.

This game demands to be played while puffing on a toy bubble pipe and wearing a musty tweed smoking jacket.

PS: Sorry if you’ve been getting hammered with popups today. I am trying to track down the offending advertiser.

Puzzles are great and all, but I understand that some days you just want to get your shoot on.

That’s not a knife, this is a… holy crap, wait that is a knife.

It’s almost not fair for me to put up 3D avoider games, since this is the birthplace of the shining light in all our lives known as Vector Runner – however – I do like the style of this one. The house music soundtrack actually inspired me to crack and shake my very last glowstick. Unfortunately that old hit of ecstasy I had doesn’t seem to be work… wait… I… want to make love to my lamp.

Littlegrey Forum funnyman, Nathan Barnatt, plays Rick, a simple cable-access show host who just wants faux celebrities to help him figure out what’s going on around here.

See that guy on the left? That’s your enemy. Now I don’t know about you, but if I looked like that I would chew off my own leg and use it to beat every living thing within eyesight into a coma. Be glad you’ve got that chain mail armor, my friends.

I think John McCain has his finger on the pulse of the nation.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

Ignite People on Fire is the eagerly anticipated sequel to last year’s hit game, Light People on Fire. This version features faster paced gameplay, better special effects, and chubbies. Burn fatty, burn.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing stylings of Music Catch. Enjoy it for hours with a warm cup of herbal tea and feel all your tensions slowly melt awa.. OH GOD THE BABY HAS CRAWLED OFF THE BALCONY

This one is just like that movie Drop Zone, except instead of Gary Busey the lead villain is a 15-foot tall electric fan.

Christopher Walken is a man who is afraid of plants. And who can really blame him? One can never know what they’re thinking.

You see? You should have actually paid attention in math class instead of just passing notes and snapping girl’s bras. Now aliens are going to destroy the world and it’s pretty much all your fault.

Here’s another avoider-esque game, but with a twist: all of the events in the game are synchronized to the music. So for the proper effect you should have your speakers on. Although if you don’t have any, it might not be a bad thing as I guarantee the music in this game will make you want to kill puppies.

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

Now that you’ve had all this practice playing Double Wires, you can move on to the more challenging Pendulumeca. The principle is the same but you’ve only got one wire and it’s faster paced. And crappier. Kind of like your score compared to mine. Which was 220m.

There’s been so much shooting and violence here lately that I thought it might be nice to play a game that’s just all about a little red ball, and drawing with a fat marker, and relaxing clunking sounds, and really really really awful music. Throw in a pork burrito and I’m pretty much in heaven.

I was originally going to call this post Fancy What’s In My Pants?, but I decided that would have been highly inappropriate for a post title. Yet somehow highly appropriate for the post content. I know you guys never even read what I write here anyways.

Tim, like King Midas from Greek mythology, has an amazing power that is both a gift and a curse. I bet he’s tired of eating Skittles.

The Monkey is back. He laughs at your suffering.

I’ve been staring at the screen for 10 minutes now, and I can’t think of a single innuendo about balls. What’s happening to me? Maybe I need a vacation.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Zen-ness of this game as it is, but throw in some swimming zombies and strap an assault weapon to the dolphin’s head and I think we would have Game of the Year.

Admittedly, this game isn’t my #1 paddle related pastime, however it is a close second.

It’s just like Star Wars, but with rafts instead of stars. Also, no lightsabers.