Sorry for the late game folks. For the first time in years I was in a situation where I couldn’t cobble together an internet connection. The old two-potatoes-wrapped-in-tinfoil-connected-by-pipe-cleaners trick didn’t even work. Anyways, now I present to you a game that may or may not feature an Ooga-Booga man. OMG RACISM!

Now before you write this one off as just another Shopping Cart Hero clone, let’s look at an important fact: that squirrel is being thrown to the left people. The left!

How does one prepare for the inevitable rhino escape at a zoo? With constant and mandatory emergency drills which accurately depict the terror that a real rampaging rhinoceros would convey.

I think we can all agree that Zombie Baseball is about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball. But let’s be honest, clipping your toenails is also about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball.

Well here I was thinking this was a Halloween game, but turns out those aren’t piles of zombies – they’re piles of clones. I suck. Halloween is ruined.

Finally a point-and-click adventure that doesn’t involve a supercomputer to calculate the solution by clicking every permutation of every pixel on the screen in every conceivable order just to pass the first level. Plus, it’s getting close to Halloween and this game is frightfully delicious (and magically nutritious).

I’ve got nothing folks. Here we have yet another game featuring a screen full of balls, but after all these years there is not a single joke left in the great Encyclopedia Balltanica. I am in desperate need of some new material! Maybe someone could create a game where you have to strangle chickens? Or punish a naughty monkey…

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

In the game of Multiball Madness, I can guarantee you will experience two things. The first is balls. Multiple balls. The second is madness. Pure, unadulterated madness.

You’re on your own for this one guys. I have a fear of spiders that is all too real, and a reaction to seeing them that is all too feminine. As soon as those fat mutants started crawling down the screen I yelped like a chihuahua and ran straight into the bathroom.

So as it turns out, god is a DJ. Or DJs are necromancers. Or this one is made of magic. I’m not really sure to be honest, but this short film has apparently won a lot of awards.

Now before you start getting all up in the comments with your NOT ANOTHER TOWER DEFENSE GAME!!!!!!1s, I want you to turn off the capslock and ask yourself, do I see any towers? Am I doing any “defending”? Actually, forget that last question. Just answer the one about the towers.

It can be hard to win the heart of that beautiful young Mexican woman during your day trip to Tijuana, when you’ve only had one semester of Spanish class.

Cows, tired of being mutilated, are fighting back against their alien overlords. The fate of the planet is in their hooves.

The directions for this game are a bit complicated, so read carefully: CLUB SMASH, CLUB SMASH HEAD. SMASH GOOD. Spacebar will pause the game, and SMASH GOOD, OG LOVE SMASH.

Ever since discovering the 3D greatness that is Vector Runner, I realize you must regard any game with the term 3D in it’s title with great skepticism. However I can assure you that this game does involve a well rendered three dimensional cube, and the last version was pretty cool so you should at least give it a chance.

We’re all pretty smart here. ‘Edumacated’ and what not. I know you don’t need me to tell you about Newton’s most famous Law, the Third Law of Motion. That one that states for each and every reaction there is another thing that happens, and that I’m super cool, and score with all the ladies, and all that. Common knowledge, right?

Next time you have a hard day at the office, try firing up this game when you get home and smashing some cities. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay more effective than yoga my friends.

Physics + Balls = Edutainment.

Guerrilla art, or an elaborate plan to get the municipal authorities to clean the tunnel? You decide.

Do you hate balls? How about primary colors? Circles get you down? Then for the love of god don’t go anywhere near this game. It hates you as much as you hate it and it will sleep with your wife, make friends with your children, and tell your boss what you really do at work all day.

If I were a brilliant electrical engineer, I… wait a minute, let me start over… Being one of the world’s most brilliant electrical engineers, I find it silly that people like building robots for fighting. Robots should be created for much more noble purposes, like medical procedures or washing my car.

Some people say that violent video games are a bad influence on our children, but I say we should just shoot those people to make them shut up. Try to break the logic in that statement my friends. It’s a little something I like to call absolute brilliance.

If I had any friends you can be sure that I would invite them over for a light switch rave! Afterwards I would probably be back to having no friends. Ah the circle of life.

If, like me, you were having trouble deciding whether your next videogame purchase should be Kingdom Hearts II or Resident Evil 4, this little video narrated by mc chris should clear up the decision for you.

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.

If right now you have the option of trying this game or instead heading to the bathroom and smoking a giant brick of crack cocaine, I would highly recommend that sweet, sweet crack cocaine. It’s scientifically proven to be less addictive, and who needs teeth anyways?

We haven’t done a puzzle game for a while have we? I’m pretty sure we haven’t. This game was originally created ten thousand years ago circa 21 A.D. by ancient Mesopotamian goat farmers as a way to pass the time between their morning chores and Viking attacks. Aaaaaaaand… I just made that up.

It’s just like Risk, only faster and funner. And you don’t have to talk to people. And I can’t stop playing it. Every time another side takes over one of my areas my rage is so great I want to rip their dice right out of the computer monitor and devour them. And every time my dice win I want to hug them and squeeze them until they explode! Such joy!