That Maury Povich is a real sadist. First he torments Pickle Girl with a trip to the pickle factory and a free platter of pickles, and now he has men dress up as cotton ball monsters and chase around a woman afraid of cotton balls!

So… did she just die?

There is a stinky grey coconut shaped thing inside your skull. Some people call it a “brain” although you may have heard it referred to as “the enemy of the thing in your pants” or perhaps “your greatest disapointment”. Anyways, you’re going to need it for this one…

Maybe if some games took place in Canada we wouldn’t have to deal with all these locked doors?

Ask yourself, are you ready for The MindScape? Do you have a beanbag chair? Sit in it. Do you have friends? Forget them. Alcohol? Consume it. Pants? Remove them.

Now you are ready.

After I discovered this Christmas edition of Bloons 2, I admit I had one of my minor “episodes” and had to take a fistful of pills to settle down. But now that I’m all chillaxed I couldn’t care less if they make one for each of the 12 days of Christmas and OH GOD MY HANDS ARE HUGE

Any game that can incorporate Victorian era women using the phrase “What the deuce?” gets immediately posted here. It’s one of those rules that can’t be broken… what do you call them? Right, a Commandment.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

In one of my past lives I was ruler of a small kingdom in Eastern Europe. I was a benevolent and generous ruler, so when the peasants gathered around my castle with torches and pitchforks yelling Feed Us I just wanted to comply. Unfortunately for all involved, Feed Us sounds an awful lot like one of the stages of prenatal development.

Dig Your Own Grave would like to make it very clear that we feel suicide is no laughing matter. Unless a clown is committing suicide. Those big shoes are hilarious.

For the scores, enter a time of 04:35:853 as 4.35853.

Have you guys seen that new movie Paranormal Activity? I never thought I could be so scared watching two douchebags sleep. Next Halloween I’m going to dress up as a whiny yuppie with a sleeping disorder. Boo!

Happy Thanksgiving guys! So what sorts of things are you thankful for? I’m thankful for the internet, turbaconduckens, and girls with low self esteem.

Call me Ish…Admin. Some years ago – never mind how long precisely – having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me outside the internet, I thought I would set up a site and see the part of the world where all the weirdness collides.

The Stephen Merchant voiced character from Portal 2 is now in puppet form, and I am going to hold my breath until I have one. Starting… now!
… … … … … … … …
Where am I?

Maybe instead of running around searching for gifts to give to this girl, he should just save some time and cut out pieces of his heart with a butter knife and then bleed out in front of her. It works for me.

You can take my tall toilet when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Just remember… it’s never lupus.

Feeling dumb? Life got you down? Don’t worry, it’s just cause you’re dumb. But there’s hope! Just play through this game a few times and start training those defective mental faculties. You’ll still be dumb when you’re done, but at least you’ll be that much closer to sweet peaceful death.

This is the game that will finally make your brain pack up its bags and take a midnight train to anywhere. In five years expect an autobiography documenting tales of horrendous abuse and neglect.

Admin: This is the first zombie game in months, and trust me- it has nothing to do with a lack of zombie games out there. I was just trying to protect my new crocs.

Angry Husky: This is the first poop I’m gonna take in months, and trust me- it has nothing to do with the frequency of my bowel movements. I was just holding it in.

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to play a video game looking through one of those giant magnifying glasses that old people use to read the newspaper, well… today is your lucky day!

Drop dead credit card bill. Drop dead Chinese neighbor who listens to European dance music at 3am. Drop dead strange growth under my armpit.

Now I understand why I had to tranquilize all those sheep.

Every once and a while a game comes along that makes your brain want to sit on the toilet for an hour and your fists want to punch babies for two hours. My friends, this is one of those games – and I couldn’t be more pleased to ruin your weekend with it.

In this classic Saturday Night Live skit, Chris Farley finds himself on a sadistic Japanese game show.

If there’s anything I like more than pointing, clicking, and adventuring, it’s goat men, negotiable snowmen, and walkthroughs. BTW this game is big, so don’t get your panties all bunched up if you just see a white screen for a while before it starts loading.

I never realized dogs had such strict building codes for their castles. No wonder Mr. Scruffers ran away on me.

Just when you thought nothing could ever make you feel as motorically challenged as QWOP, they decided to make GIRP.

This makes me laugh every time!

When I read the title I wasn’t sure if the game was appropriate, but then I realized it’s about smashing a vending machine – not about writing a complaint email to an escort service.

Think you’re a good gamer? Try playing this one with your less dominant hand. Think you’re a great gamer? Try playing using your foot. Think you’re a gaming god? Go outside and get some fresh air.

Never before has molecular engineering been so much fun. And never before have my pants felt so tight.

I feel like if my dog was a ninja there would be a lot less of cutting fruit off trees and a lot more of eating cigarette butts and dead frogs, and voracious stuffed animal humping. So basically not much would change except he’d be more quiet and efficient at it.

It’s time to throw building codes to the side, and enter the international race to build the world’s tallest tower. Put on your hardhat and get to it – your country is depending on you!

Hocus pocus you’re an even better musician.

Abracadabra you’re a musician.

The video so good it blew CouchDestroyer‘s mind, and he’s a destroyer of couches.

If 2008 was The Year of Physics Puzzle Games, then 2009 is shaping up to be the… uh… hmmmm… The Year of Physics Puzzle Games. Damn you physics, damn you.

FINALLY. A way to kill the monkey.

Whether it’s a turtle or a tortoise, this is their king.

We all know nobody wants to talk about the elephant in the room, though I can’t help but wonder if it would be different if he was carrying ten balloons, a teddy bear, and a couple of golden keys. I bet everyone would wanna talk about that guy.

I’d like to order a fat slice of love. Double cheese and extra-saucy please.

There’s no better way to start a work week than by obtaining a You’re a Horrible Person badge for destroying all earthly animals. It fills up my senses with enough evil energy to get me through another misanthropic week in my cubicle.

Touch the Rainbow. Taste the Rainbow. Digest the Rainbow.

Have a great Halloween weekend folks. Remember: don’t accept loose candy, and if you see some guy wandering around dressed up as Awesome, that’s just me without my costume.

Believe it or not, there are people who haven’t heard of Sushi Cat. I learned this lesson the hard way, and I’ll generously share the story with you. When you go to a sushi restaurant for an important business lunch, do not:
1) yell SUSHI FRENZY! when the order arrives and manically start stuffing your face.
2) unbutton your pants and announce FULL BELLY ACHIEVED when you’re done.

A new Internet phenomenon is emerging – live action reenactments of classic Garfield cartoons followed by mind altering music videos staring the characters. I have no idea who is responsible for these videos, or why, but I suspect foul play and I have no doubt the Japanese are somehow involved.

And to think, this is a commercial for herbal tea.

Weiner dog… weiner dog? Weiner dog! Weiner dog weiner dog weiner dog.

(dachshund)

If you wish to make an awesome game from scratch, you must first invent the universe.

The crappy thing about public school is that these kids are probably not very popular, despite clearly being awesome.

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA meow

Speaking of gold, funny story: after I made my first million I decided I wanted a gold plated bathroom. It was all fine and dandy until I told the contractor I wanted my shower to be done as well. What happened next was the base for a decade of psychotherapy.

I guess this carries on our accidental crazy awesome pianist theme, but mostly I just love this song.

More french people, more go-karts and more bananas.

*whispers* I have absolutely no idea what’s going on.

We’ve all seen The Matrix, Terminator, Battlestar Galactica… so what, now we’re supposed to help the robots? Ha ha, no way! Nice try robots!

Spider-Man has never looked like such a dandy.

Derek Glover, a 72 year old man who lost his hearing 15 years ago, was 7,000 feet up on a ski lift in the Italian Dolomites when he heard a loud pop and his hearing returned.

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet earth meow meow meow

I’ll bet you didn’t know that this is where cats come from.

It was between this video of one of the cutest dogs ever and DJ Kitty, but in the end I had to go with the master race.

As this world’s shortest game of hide and seek illustrates.

Arble garble garble, I am ANGRY.

Yup, it’s another blue elephant game. Honestly I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do in this one. I’ve just been sitting in front of the computer randomly hitting the arrow keys, and that feels pretty gratifying. Though maybe that’s because I removed my pants? Yes, it’s definitely because I removed my pants.

An interactive website user interface that doesn’t require using mouse clicks. Works better than you might think…

I initially left this post blank to see how long it would take before I started getting emails from people begging me to fill the horrible void they were feeling in their souls due to its absence. But when I didn’t get any messages after almost 4 hours I realized you were all probably committing mass suicide instead, so I decided to stop the experiment.

I don’t want to nitpick, but I would assume the 3rd Little Pig used mortar when building his brick house. Also, I don’t think the Three Little Pigs counts as a legend.

As Flying Spaghetti Monster as my witness, I swear I will build a monument to my greatness using the bones of all those who comment that they couldn’t play because they don’t have a mouse.

I used to have a coworker that was definitely a Man in Gap. I never saw him wear anything but Gap shirts, pants, jackets and accessories. And after my suggestion for No-Pants-Wednesdays was greeted with great enthusiasm, I unfortunately found out his classic briefs are also Gap.

Hurr durr derp delicious.

I am not liable for the tears.

What do you get when you combine the philosophical stylings of Loved, the strategic elements of Hex Empire, and the graphical shine of Little Wheel? You get… not this.

Although you might not expect an accomplished neurosurgeon to have the rugged qualities associated with a bona fide “Mountain Man”, I am proud to say that I am often confused with one none the less. It could be the beard, it could be the long hair, or maybe it’s just the groundhog skin loincloth.

It wouldn’t be so bad if it was the one with Megan Fox and the butterscotch pudding.

Why oh why did they give the monkey a loaded gun?

Hell of Sand is yet another game with no point other than to waste time. It is also an oddly titled game. I would have called it Joy of Relaxing Sand. Make sure you experiment with all of the options at the bottom.

I don’t know why, but this game is not nearly as easy as you’d think it would be. My brain just can’t seem to decide what it’s supposed to do. Red-to-red, blue-to-blue, blue-to-blue, red-to-blue, no! Ahhh! Madness!

Mitchell and Webb are back with their take on those polite lies we say to people we care about.

Drag your little dot friend to the safety of the grey square. But watch out for those blocks and sticks! They are cheeky, naughty little blocks and sticks and they will mess with you. They deserve nothing less than a good spanking, and had their parents had any sort of common sense they would have shown their behinds the hard side of a measuring stick long ago! Rant over!

Bringing the F-U-N back into racial segregation!

So not only are the Japanese planning to crush us with their human controlled robots, but IBM has created an artificial intelligence to best even the great Mormon scholar Ken Jennings.

On my list of favorite activities “hack slash crawl” is a close second to “kneel bark paddle”.

Well I may not have achieved my primary goal for the week, or my secondary goal, but I did complete my lessor known 3rd goal of being a complete failure in everything I do. Mission accomplished! Ho-yeah.

Well speaking of dreams, some of us in the forums are speaking of our own dreams, and some of them are pretty wacky.

He is Dr. Mario and he is saving lives.

This was a triumph.
I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Who knew that our resident Angry Husky was such a good dancer? Post your dancers in the comments.

Ya ya dayaya daba ya? da babba yay daa

Stick around until the lyrics start. It will blow your mind.

And it’s the second grossest way of blowing bubbles.

Pizza Hut totally saved my small intestine in India, so I’m going to overlook this madness.

Jack Black’s dance on the kid’s show Yo Gabba Gabba is mesmerizing.

I’m pretty sure Game Show Engineer is an actual degree program in Japan.

Is that you Japanese God? It’s me, Admin.

cynnicysm has been plagued with death threats ever since he discovered, and subsequently hoarded the nation’s supply of giant Nutella jars. Thankfully Amazon has averted his kidnapping and murder by a mysterious pantsless man, and now everyone can have enough Nutella to smother a large cat.

Now that’s what I’d call a watermelon facial.

An ant mill occurs when a group of army ants lose the pheromone track and begin following one another, forming a continuously rotating circle until they die of exhaustion.

If there were land octopuses we’d all be dead. Dead I tell you!

I’m going to cover myself in angora rabbits.

This is like something right out of that episode of Seinfeld where George becomes a hand model.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the lab (garage) doing science (disassembling bicycles).

the blue elephant
escapes into confinement
for endless seasons

Join Panda and his quantum powered Poo Tardis on a quest for the most delicious denim garments in existence.

I have mixed feelings about the characters in this game. The last bunny I met in a leather mask did not respect my safeword, which is not something I forgive easily. Though perhaps CARROT wasn’t the best word to use…

How do food products compare to the images on their packaging? What kind of crazy crap do Germans eat? The answers to both these mysteries await you inside.

The screenshot may look pretty, but 5 minutes in and you’ll be wishing for death. Lucky for you suicide will be difficult because the tendons in your wrist should have seized up by then.

Over the past week we’ve safely established that you don’t like thinking, music, iPhone games, or competitions ending in a tie. So today we’ll see if you sickos like torturing people. I’m thinking that you do, which is why I’ve got my phone out and I’ve already dialed 9-1. I’m going to let Homeland Security know about you perverts. They might want to give you a job.

You say toe-may-toe, I say toe-mah-toe,
you fire catapults and I fire trebuchets.
Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe, catapults, trebuchets,
let’s call the whole thing off!

Is it me, or does the dog look a little chubbier? Lets assume the kitty was the main course and the ice cream is for dessert.

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is:

a) coated 200 mg Advil tablets.
b) more cowbell.
c) raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

And so The Great Fish Week of 2008 comes to a close. Truthfully, I’m a little sad. We had some good times with those slimey little guys, but all good things must come to an end. Anyways, I gotta get this trout out of my pants now.

(Use your prettiest fishiest picture for the highscores!)

There’s an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, smash those *#$&%s into the ground with the largest club you can find. Fill the streets with their sour citrus blood until not a single one is left whole”. Or… something like that.

I wanna be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is my real test
To train them is my cause

Look, I’m 100% behind the movement to name games as descriptively as possible, but I think online games need to take a lesson from viral videos in this department. For instance, when you read the title of this video, you pretty much know exactly what you’re going to get: Cockatiel Bangs Bird Then Sings About It

This Halloween instead of following the herd and dressing up as Antoine Dodson, how about dressing up as your friendly neighborhood DYOG Admin? All you need to do is act awesome, take off your pants, and try not to get arrested. Facial reconstructive surgery to make you look like a 1980s era Harry Hamlin might also help.

Games like this make me happy for one second and then depressed for the rest of the day. Why can’t *I* have a pet T-Rex that I would name George Percival Junior? I would keep him in my villa (215 square foot basement studio), ride him to the beach (community pool) and use him to protect me from hired assassins (11 year-old neighbor with a slingshot).

Longtime visitors to DYOG know that I have a colorful history with crabs, and anytime a crab-themed game appears on the internet I feel an obligation to post it as a sign of respect towards my bitter nemesis. I also pay homage to our continued battles with a beautiful backlit display case of empty medicated shampoo bottles I’ve collected. You really should see it.

Some games need to be posted based on their title alone, just as some videos need to be voted for based on their title alone.

Ever since 1987 my brain is basically conditioned to fuse the words ‘balls’ and ‘space’ into Spaceballs. It’s also conditioned to use ‘May the schwartz be with you!’ instead of ‘hello’, ‘goodbye’, ‘thank you’ and ‘bless you’ when someone sneezes – which might explain why I am so alone. So very very alone…

If a week ago someone told me I would be smashing cute little turtles with a giant sledge hammer, I would have clenched my fists in rage and shown them that (rejected) poster I made for PETA where I’m lying naked with a porcupine covering my funny parts (ouch). But that was a week ago.

This is awesome! Wait… we’re talking about the heroics of vertically dropping your pants in the symbolic act of rejecting conformity, correct?

I wanna know what love is
I want Scarlett Johansson to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know she can show me
Aaaah woah-oh-ooh

Coign of Vantage (pronounced “Heeeeyoooo”), is a very innovative little game that tests your spatial perception. Spatial perception comes in handy for things like not killing cyclists while driving, and keeping your pee in the toilet while peeing. It’s practically one of my favorite perceptions.

Best. Screenshot. Evaaaaaaaar, folks.

Some things are just so ridiculous that they command respect. Like for instance, this game, or the Hungarian Komondor.

That’s not a knife, this is a… holy crap, wait that is a knife.

Doesn’t the existence of this game contradict the very existence of it’s predecessor? I’m not sure the space-time continuum can handle these shenanigans. It’s like it just went back in time and killed it’s own mother for god’s sake.

This game reminds me of a dream I had when I was 14. It involved me developing the ability to fly, Eddie Van Halen giving me his guitar, winning the lottery, and my Samantha Fox poster coming to life.

It’s not that easy being green, having to spend each day the color of the leaves (and geometric AI anomalies).

Wake up silly sleepy-heads! Charlie’s going to Candy Mountain, a land of sweets and joy and joyness. It’ll be an adventure!

Everyone uses different tricks to keep things sorted out in their head. I for instance believe that everything can be related to the 1990s pop phenomenon The Spice Girls. Take today’s game – Jesusaurus Rex is to Posh Spice as Treadmillasaurus Rex is to Sporty Spice (with a top hat). See, the world makes so much more sense now, doesn’t it?

It’s just like Risk, only faster and funner. And you don’t have to talk to people. And I can’t stop playing it. Every time another side takes over one of my areas my rage is so great I want to rip their dice right out of the computer monitor and devour them. And every time my dice win I want to hug them and squeeze them until they explode! Such joy!

Ah, to be loved. I know the feeling well. Too well to be truthful. Sometimes it can feel a little suffocating being surrounded by so many people that love me so much. People like my mom, and… my cat, and uh… OH GOD I AM SO ALONE

That pervy evil genius from the seventies is back, and this time he’s left the fugly mistress in the white dress at home. I don’t want to get into too many details about what’s going to happen to you if you lose, but let’s just say I hope you look good in white.

The payoff is her final whispered comment.

What comes to mind first when you hear the word flight? For me it’s all about consuming enough stiff drinks to convince myself that giant metal tubes really can fly, and to turn that embarrassing TSA pat-down into a memorable sexual experience.

This Big Bird eats children and sustains itself with their precious dreams.

So fruitcakes, what are your plans for New Years Eve? I’m going to rent a limo with my friends and drive around drinking cocktails and picking up supermodels. Oh who am I kidding… I’ll be staying at home in my limo-sized apartment with my gerbil Nicholas Cage and working on my thousand origami cranes.

“Ahhh yes, Granite Man, from the debut album of Bad Sadbath, featuring the vocal talents of Oggy Oddboard. Oggy did a great job on the song Wacky Choo-Choo as well. Good times…”
- Youtube User dalejunior8888

top·sy-tur·vy - the feeling you get in your stomach when that special someone you’ve been staring at for months notices you for the first time and smiles. Or, the feeling you get in your stomach after licking the underside of a public toilet seat.

Do you remember that game Armor Picross? Of course you do, it’s the reason your wife left you. Well in the off chance you’ve been able to start up a new relationship, here’s another Picross game to send that one down the toilet.

I don’t know what this is, but it’s mesmerizing and will steal 20 minutes of your life from you if you’re not careful.

An old viral advertisement for American Express credit cards featuring Jerry Seinfeld and Superman. Oh yes, Wyoming!

(When the page loads, click on ‘The Uniform’. You can also watch ‘Hindsight’, which is too short.)

One two three four five six seven eight nine ten… eleven TWELLLLLLLLLVE!

Continuing the tribute to The Muppet Show, which was apparently the most entertaining variety show ever, I present to you those pink guys that sing that catchy song. Do do do do

This game has haunted me since I was a child. That sound it makes when you lose is the sound of all my life’s failures rolled into one gut-wrenching mechanical groan of disapointment. BWRAAAAAWRR(you’re dumb)RRRRR(you’re a failure)RRRRR(stupid)RRR……

Since nobody seemed to appreciate the utter hilarity of the Swedish Chef ringtone from last week, I decided that you all must not have any idea who he is. For that reason I am forcing you to sit through a classic sketch from The Muppet Show of him making chocolate mousse.

Once there was this kid who got into games on DYOG and couldn’t come to school.
But when he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white.
He said that it was from when the games were just too intense.
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

In the Year of Online Gaming, 2010, the game developers of this planet devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing the Past. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created ‘THE BIRDINATOR’.

I’ll be honest with you, I haven’t taken the time to figure out if all the levers and dials in this game actually do anything special. I’m a busy man, I’ve got important things to do, and this chest isn’t going to shave itself.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing stylings of Music Catch. Enjoy it for hours with a warm cup of herbal tea and feel all your tensions slowly melt awa.. OH GOD THE BABY HAS CRAWLED OFF THE BALCONY

I think this game is broken. I can’t find the Yahtzee button anywhere.

This game is similar to the falling sand game. Half of you will hate it and will probably say I suck, because the game has no point. The other half will fall in to a relaxation induced coma while learning about gravity and/or magnetism.

So simple, yet so mesmerizing. Can you look away before your eyes melt?

This is a bit like a puzzle game. At the other end of this link is a picture of a crime scene. An orange substance has been removed from the container it was being held in and the culprit must be found! There are a number of visual clues as to what happened hidden in the image. Using these, see if you can solve the mystery.

I’ll have you know I was very hesitant to file this under ‘funny’, but I will admit it is a bit funny since it didn’t happen to me.

“…if school officials decide to use [the ice machine] again, it will be cleaned thoroughly.”

Ever since watching Airwolf as a child, it has always been my dream to pilot an attack helicopter. That dream is second only to my dream of being a pot-bellied pig owned by George Clooney.

Snickers!

It’s becoming evident
He landed in excrement
But never fear ’cause Minty’s here
To make Christmas excellent!

I’m a guy that enjoys all sorts of ballin’. But without a doubt my favorite type of ballin’ is eyeballin’. I like eyeballin’ fancy cars, eyeballin’ purdy ladies, and especially – especially – eyeballin’ geometries.

Ever since the talented Mr. Teale Fristoe released his first game Arachnophilia, there has been public outcry demanding another of his creations to worship. Gaming nerds have camped on his lawn like it’s Harry Potter release night, and tides of women have offered him their first born, almost enough to make my harem of supermodels seem insignificant (I said almost). Well my friends, today is the day.

You may say that we are dreamerz
But we’re not the only onez
I hope someday you’ll join uz
And the world will be az one

Don’t ask me how to play because I didn’t bother reading the instructions either. Just make your own pixel monster, press some buttons, and at some point take a screenshot so you can show him off to the rest of us. My guy over there is modelled off of me in that he is very skilled at smashing things but at the same time not nearly as good-looking.

There’s only one thing you need to build a house, and that one thing is your brain. Wood, nails, hammers, ladders, all that stuff is for wussies. You just need your brain and maybe some large yellow cubes. Your house will suck, and you’ll die if you live in it, but that’s still all you need!

I don’t know about you, but this game gave me an excellent idea for a personalized Christmas card to send to my family and close friends. Now all I need is some hypo-allergenic house paint, a decent camera, a sock to cover my privates – and voilà!

Now before you write this one off as just another Shopping Cart Hero clone, let’s look at an important fact: that squirrel is being thrown to the left people. The left!

Magically, week after week, Nickelodeon was able to find kids who seemingly had no experience with either video games or popular culture.

This image is from an online contest Virgin Digital is running. It contains references to 74 popular band names. How many can you spot? I’ll get you started: the flower stand in the front left has bouquets of “Guns and Roses”. Okay, that’s one…

For all their writing and following needs.

When you absolutely, positively got to accidentally set yourself on fire.

We’ve got sheep pong, sheep fireworks, sheep sheep and so much more.

Hated Star Wars character, Jar Jar Binks, has fallen on tough times recently (Good.) and has had to turn to acting in insurance commercials in order to pay his massive alimony.

The amazing follow up to the already amazing Carl Sagan – A Glorious Dawn music video. Download the MP3s at The Symphony of Science.

This gigantic gummy worm comes in five flavor combinations, is 26 inches long, weighs three pounds, contains 4000 calories and is only $27.95. Just don’t eat it all at once… because you’ll probably die.

Why can’t we have nice things?

Alright biology nerds, keep your pants on. Actually, you know what? Hold off on that. I think I’m going to need to evaluate each of you on a case-by-case basis. Please send over a recent picture, full body, good lighting, and I’ll get back to you by eod wednesday.

It can be hard to win the heart of that beautiful young Mexican woman during your day trip to Tijuana, when you’ve only had one semester of Spanish class.

If I had a Hi-Fi, I’d listen to this Weird Al song all day.

The Swedish Chef attempts to make some delicious popcorn shrimp.

If this grainy music video (thanks lawyers) doesn’t bring you back to the 80s, nothing will.

Finally the year of auto-tune has brought us something worthwhile.

Yo dawg, I heard you like bubbles so I put bubbles in your bubble so you can watch your bubbles bubble.

The character classes in World of Warcraft each have different dances, and they all take their inspiration from the real world. So if you’ve ever thought, during your sweaty Hot Pocket fuelled hours of playing, that a dance looked familiar but you couldn’t quite place it, this video has the answer you need.

Catch the children. Feed them to the eagle babies. Eagles are an endangered species*. Small children are not. So don’t feel bad.

*maybe not anymore, but whatever.

Do you struggle with the simplest of physical tasks? Then _____ is for you!

Silly game, everyone knows in Australia they’re not called sharks, they’re called wallamawimwams. Anyways, have a great weekend folks – and watch out for bees!

Finally, a game perfectly suited for the youth of today. Although Oakland kids might have an unfair advantage.

Do you guys have any idea how super cool I am?

I will always have a soft spot in my heart for llamas, mainly due to that chilly night in Denmark back in 2008. I had a little too much to drink, got separated from my friends and was lost. We talked for a bit and took a little walk down by the river, and that’s when she showed me all about that special “Danish hospitality” I had been hearing about.

Finally, once and for all, Stephen Colbert has proven that nuclear bombs are awesome.

Beloved hyperactive TV muppet, Elmo, lit himself on fire last night to protest the takeover of Sesame Street by what he called “bad men in suits”. He suffered severe burns to most of his body and was taken to be reupholstered.

Having a muppet for a roommate is not all it’s cracked up to be. Have you ever seen them eat?

That’s right my pretties, it’s time for another installment of Guess Today’s Game. Is it “Sicksquid” a top-down shooter staring a projectile vomiting octopus, or “Pictogrid”, a challenging puzzle game where you slide blocks around with the arrow keys? Click to find out!

She’s got a fever, and the only prescription… is no more cowbell!

Looks like this dog’s entered the Hoth system.

Well hooray for Superbowl weekend. And we all know that means I won’t be around for a couple of days. Because I’ll be playing. In the Superbowl. On the winning team. And saving babies and puppies from burning houses. It also maybe means there might possibly be a couple of funny commercials (perhaps). Like this one! Look! it’s a rocket-sled!

KILL IT WITH FOREHEAD

He’s a robot that turns in to a truck.

If you view this video, someone, somewhere in the world who you don’t know, will die.

Hans and the Jedi save the planets from the evil Counsellor.

Reedilly deedliy deedliy deedliy deedliy deedliy