What kinds of things would you put in a super briefcase do you think? Not just boring old papers. I imagine it would be filled with gold bullion, East German pickles, futuristic weapons, and one of those Swiss Army Knives that has like a HUNDRED things in it.

You take a block from the bottom, and you put it on top, you… take a.. somethin and a somethin.. and.. uh… Jenga, Jenga, J-J-J-Jenga.

They may look like cute little stuffed animals, but when I think of Pickies all I can see is a jar full of scabs with with the label pIckIeZ scotch taped to it. Don’t ask. You don’t want to know.

Little known fact: I invented bridges in 1635.

Are those gems in my pockets? Gosh no, I’m just happy to see you. Very happy. Alright you got me, those are gems.

It’s not like I enjoy putting up games that can’t be played by the color blind, it’s just that… well… I’ll be honest, I do enjoy it. I enjoy it very much.

My concept of lab survival is nothing more than protecting my beautiful face from all the deadly acid and possible explosions. Male supermodel and facial burns do not a good sandwich make.

This game reminds me of the hours days okay fine, weeks I flushed down the pooper playing Civ3 and Dice Wars. The desire for revenge I feel when territory is stolen from me immediately overrides all natural instincts to eat, bathe, blink, and feed the goldfish. Forgive me Bubbles and Lexus! FORGIVE ME!

When I see a game entitled “BO: Secret of Steel”, I expect a two things: body odor, and a deodorant strong enough for a man but made for a woman (possibly being applied to a pair of sweaty armpits by the DC comicbook hero Steel). Surprisingly, this game contains none of the above.

The most annoying thing about monstars is that they’re scary and occupy valuable closet space. The most annoying thing about Death is that he’s always trying to end my life and sometimes he forgets to flush. So Death wins this round in my books.

Mondays… Now I don’t want to be at work any more than you do, but there are easier ways to get fired. So put your pants back on and let’s do it the right way by playing flying hamster games on the company dime. This one is a lot like Kitten Cannon, only it’s a little less random because you can use your mouse to control how the hamster glides.

If right now you have the option of trying this game or instead heading to the bathroom and smoking a giant brick of crack cocaine, I would highly recommend that sweet, sweet crack cocaine. It’s scientifically proven to be less addictive, and who needs teeth anyways?

I like to think of myself as a pretty smart guy, but I cannot get past level two of this ‘kids game’. Some guy has apparently gotten to level 30, which isn’t too hard to believe if you also believe in unicorns and monsters made of cheesecake.

I’m not going to go into details, but the last time I experienced a giant diamond being tossed into the ocean under a beautiful sunset was my famous botched wedding proposal of 1997. Note to self: next time try waiting for the restraining order to expire before proposing.

So the other day this pretty influential guy was talking to me, and he was like, “Admin, you are so super cool the way you make games and stuff”. And I was like, “Thanks God, you’re pretty cool yourself, the way you created the universe and stuff. Oh, except for the part where you made testicles on the outside.” Seriously, what’s up with that?

The title of this game promised me cursors. When I read “Cursor Chaos” I picture an orgy of multi-colored arrows, hourglasses, and pointing fingers, all shooting me, shooting each other, insulting my mother, crying, peeing on my couch, and making out with Cindy Seabrook in the closet. I’m not going to lie, I was a little disappointed.

From the creator of PEL, comes Alphabre…eh… Alphabeh… Alphabrekika… comes a brand new game.

In Peekaboo – SaveAnAlien, it’s your job to save little alien clones by… uh… electrocuting them with probes? Oh, and Peekaboo!

Your wildest Plinko fantasies have just come true.

Okay, I realize yesterday’s game might have been a little too academic for some, so today we’re just going to blow holes in stuff. Blow holes in your knowledge of architecture and geography that is! Huzzah!

Does anyone remember that old board game Crossbows and Catapults? I loved that game so much it made me enjoy childhood despite the constant beatings.

Since what I wrote for the last Sling Jumper post confused so many people, this is actually the perfect opportunity for me to try and clarify. 1) Some folks call it a slingblade, Karl calls it a kaiserblade. 2) Karl likes french fried pertaters.

Consider yourself schooled.

Some folks call it a sling jumper, I call it a kaiser jumper. Mmm… mmph.. reckon you make me some biscuits.. Mmmm… mmm.. mmph… I like them French fried potaters.

Bombs, skulls, explosions… throw in some hookers and it’s practically GTA 4.

A little stock tip for you guys: don’t trade in your Google shares for ‘precious sparkle gems’. Turns out that’s not even a real form of currency.

If I had known gold digging was this easy I might have considered another career path. Being a male model can be so tiresome…