It’s just like Star Wars, but with rafts instead of stars. Also, no lightsabers.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

Life is unfair. The sooner you kids learn this, the better off you’ll be. When you get older you can expect everyday life to be exactly like this game. Well, you don’t die as much – unless you count dying on the inside.

Bowja’s back. Bow Chicka Bow Wow.

Remember that time you had Taco Bell and then had to find a bathroom really (really really) quickly? This game picks up where that fateful afternoon left off.

PS: Contains NSFW language. Lots of it.

It’s the one year anniversary of everyone’s favorite game, IndestructoTank! To celebrate, the creator has released a special Anniversary Edition. This version features improved gameplay, new features, slick graphics, and a crazy new twist: in this version your tank is INDESTRUCTIBLE! Yes, I know! It’s crazy!

It should come as a shock to no one that the creator of today’s game is this guy.

I implore you, EAT THE COOKIES FASTER.

Grab the parrot, throw on your sexiest pair of tights, and buckle your swashes (swash your buckles?) – there is treasure to be found, but only the fastest pirate gets the boot-boot-booty.

If my deep understanding of women has taught me one thing, it’s that women love guys with big trucks. And beer bellies. So play hard at this game, and start drinking cheap beer as soon as local law will allow.

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.

Well here I was thinking this was a Halloween game, but turns out those aren’t piles of zombies – they’re piles of clones. I suck. Halloween is ruined.

I think we can all agree that Zombie Baseball is about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball. But let’s be honest, clipping your toenails is also about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball.

Another simple little flash game. The point of this one is to throw your knives directly into the girls face. And it’s pretty damn hard unl… hmmmmm? What? Well that’s what I said: throw the knives into the targets without hitting the girl in the face. Duh.

No, you’re sick.

Here is a little St. Patrick’s Day themed 4 leaf clover game. Hurry up and find those clovers before a leprechaun crawls up your leg and bites your privates!

There is no point to what is at the other end of this link, but I bet you $100 that you’ll spend at least 30 seconds playing with it. I’m serious. If you can honestly say you don’t play with this wiggily little guy for at least 30 seconds, send me your address and I’ll send you $100. Also send me your girlfriends address. And a pack of smokes.

Finally a game that takes me back to my roots! Anyone who says they can beat my top average speed of 0.192 seconds will be accused of lying, sentenced to death, executed, reincarnated as a sheep, and promptly tranquilized by me in well under point 2 seconds. I am just that good.

Help the poor little boneless man avoid the metal spikes raining down from the sky! I was able to dodge 135. Coincidentally that is the same number of pushups I do every morning. Right before I head off to male supermodel school. Just some little facts I thought you might be interested in… *cough* ladies.

While it isn’t a game in the sense that there are no scores, and no goal, this is still a fun little time waster. Draw lines to create the sledding hill you always dreamed of as a kid, and then watch your pixel-comprised alter ego plunge down with wild abandon. I just wish there was an eraser tool.

What is it about kittens that makes a person want to let them plummet to their deaths, or to fire them out of a cannon?

Here’s a fluffy white snowball game to start off your week. The object of the game is to roll your balls so that they are at least as big as my balls. And mine, if I hadn’t mentioned it already, are absolutely gigantic. You have your mission.

This game is not Pacman. It is something far better. It is Pacxon. Do not play Pacxon if you are sensitive to or have ever had an allergic reaction to it. Do not play Pacxon for at least 14 days after taking a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAO inhibitor) such as the antidepressants Nardil and Parnate. Pacxon and MAO inhibitors may interact to cause a sharp, potentially life-threatening rise in blood pressure.

One of the oldest and most popular games on Dig Your Own Grave is Cubefield. It’s so simple a two-fingered monkey could play it, but at the same time it’s so fun that you will spontaneously burst into tears of joy while playing it. And, we’ve just set it up with our new High Scores system, so you might want to check that all out before you officially become the lamest lame-o on the block.

Line Rider is back, this time with two different track types, a zoom tool, and an eraser tool!

I was shocked to hear that some people were a little offended by yesterday’s donkey-dung kicking game. To those that were offended I humbly offer you my apologies, and also an alternate game for you to play that has nothing to do with pooping or farting. It is called ‘Fart Fart’ and it is about farting.

I think this game should have a second game mode where you get to play as the geek. In that version as soon as the cheater gets too close you get to shoot him in the face. Either that or start crying, which is what I used to do *cough* I mean, that’s what the geeks used to do when I cheated off them. Which I did all the time. I’m such a badass!

If there’s one thing that bees love, its coins. And stinging other bees. And thus is the paradox of your life as a bee. Collecting coins but not getting stung by your fellow bees while you do it. And rocking hard, don’t forget you always got to rock it hard.

Coincidentally, I have my very own set of real life “Indestructotanks”. I call them “my fists”. Get it? My fists. HULK ANGRY! ME SMASH!

I don’t think we do enough educational stuff on this site. Sure we have some fun, but in what way do you exercise your mental muscle by visiting Dig Your Own Grave? WELL THAT ALL CHANGES TODAY. It’s time to figure out some wordz and your gonna need to do sum spellinz and if you don’t you’re going to die a horrible, horrible, horrible death.

Yes, it’s the Fourth of July, and hey look, a fireworks game! I’m not going to try and tell you that this is an awesome game, but I want to point out that if you play this for half an hour it’s as good as going out in public and watching the real ones. And staying inside on holidays is always a good idea. Especially when you don’t have pants on. Learn from my mistakes people.

Quite possibly the greatest game in the history of mankind. And probably the only game in the history of eternity to feature a ‘Critical Slap’.

You kids and your trendy ‘old skool’ 8-bit games… Bah! When I was a kid we only had 1-bit games and our monitors were 1×1 resolution. Basically the screen would just flash black and white until you vomited, so don’t you dare complain about this sweet little Atari 2600 Dodge ‘Em knock-off.

Good news, it’s time to finally put your civil engineering degree to use. Somebody needs you to build the tallest tower in the world, and they don’t care if you use the earthquake building codes as toilet paper. So what are you waiting for? Get off your duff and get into that crane!

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

Fear not, citizens of Earth! When goofy galactic robots invade, you will be there to fight off the invasion. The government has surgically removed your skeleton to provide you with greater agility, and attached powerful automatic weapons to your hands for combat (they are also auditing you for the 2006 tax year to increase your aggression).

Phew! Check this game out. I haven’t seen that many polar bears since the Furry Convention back in Schaumburg last year. Not that I was there or anything. I just heard about it from some friends who were there. Friends who aren’t Furries. Friends of friends, actually. I’m completely hairless truth be told.

I decided that for this year’s Thanksgiving post I would do a Google search for “shoot turkeys and or pilgrims game” and take the first relevant result I could find. And this is it. And it’s also the last time I’m ever going to do that.

If I had known gold digging was this easy I might have considered another career path. Being a male model can be so tiresome…

Admittedly, this game isn’t my #1 paddle related pastime, however it is a close second.

With my busy schedule of rocket sciencetry and supermodel dating, I find it hard to get out and treasure hunt like I used to. And to be honest, being a multi-billionaire has kind of taken the excitement out of finding chests of gold.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

It’s time to throw building codes to the side, and enter the international race to build the world’s tallest tower. Put on your hardhat and get to it – your country is depending on you!

Can there be a better way to put an engineering education to use than to develop a game simulating the fluid dynamics of mucus? Well if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

If I built a castle and it looked even half as silly as some of these, I would construct a trebuchet using the bones of my wife, the tendons from my children, and the hide of my dog. I would launch my own body at the castle over and over until it was completely destroyed and any trace of the shame it brought to me was erased from existence.