The only thing that could make this Quake III Simpsons Map any better would be to include a time machine back to the year 2000, when people actually played Quake III.

Well today is President’s Day in the US, and we all know what that means. It means I can sit here on my couch in pantless glory until midnight and nobody can say a damn thing about it. Sometimes I like to refer to this particular holiday by it’s more common name – “Monday”.

Move yer mouse left and right to help me keep me pint steady. TRY NOT TO SPILL ALL MY BLOODY BEER.

Now that’s pants!

So you call yourself a gamer?

It’s time to dust off your copy of Hagakure and put that warrior spirit to good use. There’s a plague of evil wannabe samurais loose in the fields, and they need their bodies separated from their heads – post haste!

I think we can all agree that Zombie Baseball is about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball. But let’s be honest, clipping your toenails is also about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball.

Main Entry: rage
Pronunciation: \ˈrāj\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin rabia, from Latin rabies rage, madness, from rabere to be mad; to be forced to wear pants

If you’re anything like me, the first thing that comes to mind when you hear ‘pool’, is ‘swimming pool’. And thinking of a swimming pool makes me want to pee in it, because it’s such a warm, friendly feeling. And by this point I’ve usually wet my pants.

Snowboarding looks pretty cool, but personally I prefer sports that are performed in a much warmer climate. And don’t require a space helmet for safety. Or bind my legs. Or make me hemorrhage into my skull. I’m just not a big fan of brain swelling.

I may not know where Sassari is, but if they made one of these for Taco Bells and strip clubs within a 10 mile radius I would destroy you guys.

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!

Does anyone remember that old board game Crossbows and Catapults? I loved that game so much it made me enjoy childhood despite the constant beatings.

Thanks to a bit of fancypants new technology, you can now submit highscores for some games – like this one – without a screenshot. Just login and submit your score in-game at the end. And it’s also got an achievement! That’s right kiddos, Christmas did just come early.

Pip, Pip, Cheerio!

Well I don’t know about you kids, but I had a great weekend. From Friday evening to Monday morning a pair of pants never touched my legs, the only air I breathed was recycled from the vent of an XBox 360, and oh! I found a hot dog under the couch cushions. Don’t worry, I got my dog to lick the lint off before I ate it.

When I first read the title of this game I assumed they meant Sass! Zombie Assault, and that all the characters would be… uh.. doing whatever sassy people do. But it gave me the idea that we should have a little game and try to come up with what we think SAS means. First person to give the correct answer is a moron.

I was pretty torn up trying to decide who to link to in this post – The Real Life Shopping Cart Hero or my favorite Lil’ Jukebox Hero. And then it got me thinking… in a fight to the death, who would win?