I’ll be honest with you, I had a lot of reservations posting this game knowing that we’ll have to listen to looc ask us to touch his meebles for the next two weeks. But ultimately justice prevailed.

Meeblings = Justice

Music Catch – so relaxing it’s guaranteed to make you forget to breathe, or at the very least poop your pants. Here’s hoping for the latter.

For those interested, the music in the game is by Isaac Shepard.

Use the arrow keys to guide your trouser snake to the target. Woah woah woah, who just said that? That was totally not me. You guys are perverts.

Going back to yesterday’s discussion about RPGs, I will say they do have one common upside – no techno soundtracks.

I tried this game a couple weeks ago and it nearly put me to sleep, but apparently THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE INTERNET thinks it’s the bees knees. So now I’m in this bizarre situation where I have to consider that I might have actually been wrong. Let me know what you think – I’ve got my seppuku blade sharpened and ready to go.

Just like every other Warbears game I’ve played, I haven’t been able to make it out of the first room on this one. So you guys are just gonna have to tell me how it ends. I’m a busy man, and I’ve got places to go (the couch), and people to see (the stars of General Hospital).

This game confuses me, it’s nothing like my personal experiences with air travel. For instance, I’ve never had to wait in line boarding my private jet. And who are all those other people on the plane? At most I’ve had maybe 2 personal assistants flying with me at once. Oh I get it, those are the strippers!

If you played the prequel to this game, 3 Hours in an Outhouse Tank, you may be hesitant to give this one a try. Understandable, but I can assure you that 3 Minutes on the Beach is a much more relaxing and enjoyable experience. Unless you’re into that outhouse stuff, pervert.

Socotra is an archipelago of four islands off the Horn of Africa, where all the plant life looks like it was transplanted from another planet. I think they should call them the Tuber Islands.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

Put on your yalmulka, here comes Hanukkah. It’s so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah.

Do you like the brain puzzles? Are you obsessive compulsive? Do you need to do anything today other than sit in front of the computer until your butt goes numb? If you answered yes to all of these questions, do NOT click the link.

Spudgy is a lovable, fuzzy Pomeranian who just can’t seem to stay awake. Aww.

If this game was about falling puppies I would master it. I would play it until I could play it forever without letting a single adorable little puppy die. It is all I would do until the end of time. Kittens… meh.

Wake up silly sleepy-heads! Charlie’s going to Candy Mountain, a land of sweets and joy and joyness. It’ll be an adventure!

Does it make me a bad person if I laugh out loud every time I watch this? No? Okay, good. So what about if it turns me on? Not that it does or anything, but that’s no big deal right?

I am not ashamed to admit that Kiwi! makes me teary-eyed. He’s got the heart of a champion!

I love these little games that only take 15 seconds to play. 15 seconds to demonstrate my complete dominance over a pair of balls. Uh… wait… Well anyways, 18.148 seconds to be exact. Beat that show-offs!!

Now that you’ve had all this practice playing Double Wires, you can move on to the more challenging Pendulumeca. The principle is the same but you’ve only got one wire and it’s faster paced. And crappier. Kind of like your score compared to mine. Which was 220m.

This game is not Pacman. It is something far better. It is Pacxon. Do not play Pacxon if you are sensitive to or have ever had an allergic reaction to it. Do not play Pacxon for at least 14 days after taking a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAO inhibitor) such as the antidepressants Nardil and Parnate. Pacxon and MAO inhibitors may interact to cause a sharp, potentially life-threatening rise in blood pressure.

Weeeeeeeeee!!!! OH GOD *boom*

and repeat.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Zen-ness of this game as it is, but throw in some swimming zombies and strap an assault weapon to the dolphin’s head and I think we would have Game of the Year.

Apparently sea otters hold hands while resting together so that they don’t float away from each other, but we know the truth. It’s because they’re married.

Do you hate balls? How about primary colors? Circles get you down? Then for the love of god don’t go anywhere near this game. It hates you as much as you hate it and it will sleep with your wife, make friends with your children, and tell your boss what you really do at work all day.

Most of you are probably familiar with the 5 stages a giraffe goes through when he gets stuck in quicksand, but if you aren’t then here they are. Tomorrow’s lesson: the five stages of nerdly-arousal I go through when I watch Battlestar Galactica.

If right now you have the option of trying this game or instead heading to the bathroom and smoking a giant brick of crack cocaine, I would highly recommend that sweet, sweet crack cocaine. It’s scientifically proven to be less addictive, and who needs teeth anyways?