Not only can your new iPhone be used for making phone calls and playing Vector Conflict, it can also be used for recording tears in our universe.

I need to refine my earlier prediction. Twenty years from now, humans will be running down rubble strewn alleys away from these things riding those other things.

So… did she just die?

Every time I see/hear the word Hood, I remember my East Oakland adventure. In retrospective, walking through Brookfield Village at 1 a.m. with The Bangles-Greatest Hits coming out of the boombox on my shoulder probably wasn’t a great idea.

Uruguayan soccer player, Walter Pandiani, goes for a swim during a grueling press conference.

NASA scientists, no doubt in a down period between shuttle explosions, give spiders various drugs and take photographs of the resulting webs. There’s a prize for guessing which drug results in the most dysfunctional web! (The prize is love.)

This is clearly the best bear driving simulation ever and it’s available on PC, iPhone & iPad, and Android.

Whenever I can’t sleep I have what my mom used to make for me when I was little: a nice cup of warm milk heated on the stove, with a shot of gin and two shots of anti-freeze.

She could teach those goth ravers a thing or two.

Shaun of the Dead’s Simon Pegg and Nick Frost set out to create a shot for shot remake of the original Star Wars. I think they succeeded beyond anyone’s wildest dreams.

Trust no one. Not even your brain.

You can take my tall toilet when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

I am going to lead that whale to freedom.

I should have gotten my wisdom teeth removed in Jaipur.

How does this work? Better ask some Juggalos.

I know how much you guys like seeing children get shot…

This is the game that will finally make your brain pack up its bags and take a midnight train to anywhere. In five years expect an autobiography documenting tales of horrendous abuse and neglect.

Being free from the tyranny of my pants means I don’t have this problem.

I wouldn’t even begin to know how to describe this, so instead just watch these two videos.

A glowing bald guy and a disembodied black head. What more could you ask for?

Once again I present to you a game from the developers of the classic Don’t S**t Your Pants, and once again there is a serious deficit of both s**t and pants. I’m thinking of writing these guys a sulky email and attaching an audio file containing 45 minutes of me whimpering.

No, not vibrators. I’m disappointed too.

You kids look like you could use a delicious fruity beverage and some Space Potatoes.

So the robot is cool again? I guess I didn’t waste the 80s.

In Soviet Russia giraffe watches you fight for dominance with your neck, makes a video of it and posts it on YouTube for other giraffes to enjoy.

People on Facebook who think The Onion is real.

Now you can fool your friends in to thinking you’re a skilled hacker just like the terrible actors on NCIS or CSI. Just press Hack! and start typing like a retarded actress.

This video makes me think about how all the money spent on a certain war could have been used instead to have us well on our way to having people living on Mars. But whatevs, let’s just blow up some more sand.

And now, a dramatic reading of a real breakup letter from a real person.

You know what they say about assassins – they make an ass out of ass and in… uh, in.. fact yes. Hello. Where am I?

Every once and a while a game comes along that really pushes the limits of… my html layouts. I’m serious, this thing is frickin’ wide.

Hocus pocus you’re an even better musician.

Abracadabra you’re a musician.

Now you’re all going to hell too. (Music is slightly NSFW.)

I think everyone involved in the making of this movie was insane. How else do you explain the fact that no one put their foot down and said “We need to stop this. We’re hurting humanity.”?

Having been known to peeiek at the sight of even the smallest house spider, I consider myself just about everything but an “arachnophile”. Today’s article (by guest writer dizrali), delves into the psyche of these outcasts of humanity.

peeiek (verb) – to simultaneously pee ones pants and shriek like an 8-year girl.

The moral of the story is: nothing good ever happens at geographical locations that contain the word candy.

You: Admin, you are lame and we hate you for posting two upgrade games in a row. Also, we never read your intros.

I am on a drug – it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once you will die, your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

And to think, this is a commercial for herbal tea.

If I didn’t know better, I’d swear this was a Tim & Eric video.

Watson, IBM’s natural language processing computer, takes on Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter in a three game Jeopardy match starting tonight. Valentine’s Day just got cancelled.

This video demonstrates how easy it is to defeat most cylinder locks, and consequently how easy it is to break in to most houses, without leaving any trace as to the method of entry. So now you know where I’ve been getting all of those pies.

Although just as talented and hard-working as Darth, a few tough breaks in Chad’s life forced him to follow a less ambitious career path than his brother. Hopefully one day he’ll catch that lucky break.

Enjoy your terrorist training simulation, you godless hippie communists. I’m off to hunt ducks and light a candle at the secret Ronald Reagan shrine.

The day this kid gets hit by a bus is the day that Yankee Candle’s sales plummet.

I think Indians might just possess super speed.

The ability to set Dig Your Own Grave Favorites has now been added to your accounts. To add or remove a post from your favorites, click the little heart in the titlebar of the post. To view your favorites, click the ‘Favorites’ link at the top of the site. Today’s post will take you to my own set of favorites from over the years. Enjoy!

So not only are the Japanese planning to crush us with their human controlled robots, but IBM has created an artificial intelligence to best even the great Mormon scholar Ken Jennings.

Mitchell and Webb are back with their take on those polite lies we say to people we care about.

From the creators of Charlie the Unicorn and Detective Mittens, comes a really sadistic ferret.

From the same minds that brought us the hilarious Charlie the Unicorn comes Detective Mittens, the crime solving cat. Meow meow meow meow meow.

Walking while texting can be hazardous to one’s health… and shoes.

There’s tons of bats in this game. I bet The Count would love to **** them.

This Big Bird eats children and sustains itself with their precious dreams.

Magically, week after week, Nickelodeon was able to find kids who seemingly had no experience with either video games or popular culture.

Crank
Stay down
Shoulder! Chin! Shoulder shoulder shoulder!
Double dream hands

Pop Quiz: You’re the Vatican Events Director and a team of topless male acrobats (strippers) offer to perform for the Pope. Do you?
a) Invite them in and video tape it.
b) Not do that because you’re not insane.

Seeing “neon” related to a car in any way brings back bad memories of this time in college when the captain of the cheerleading squad asked if I wanted to take a ride in her new Dodge Neon. The rest of the story is just a mush of photos of me in spiderman undies, evil laughter, and a substantial amount of pig blood.

At least I know what to blame my terrible wisdom teeth on… MY GIANT BRAIN.

This guy can play the carrot better than you can play the clarinet.

Danny Masterson learns about trigger control from his creepy grandpa with the soothing voice and amazing mustache.

Who’s going to be the first person to buy me this world-colliding Wiimote?

I just saved you all from having to go on an expensive trip to Japan, where they don’t have any respect for normal sized eyeballs. Of course they do have those beer vending machines… I need to call a travel agent.

Wait, is this still going on? I guess that explains the move in to politics.

Before he was Weird Al, he was just weird.

Spider-Man has never looked like such a dandy.

I for one appreciate Ed’s honesty. I’m voting for him and Clint Webb this November.

How come only that one guy actually got to go to the beach?

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA meow

Well, I gotta say I didn’t find this sequel too hard – probably because my life also revolves around suspicious clubs in the bad part of town, mushrooms, poorly kept public restrooms and bizarre text messages.

Now that’s what I’d call a watermelon facial.

His name is Marvin Caribou, he’s the new Antoine Dodson, and he likes to living on the street and doing drugs.

Alright guys, tape me in and get me my spatula. It’s wasp killing time.

I think Mr. Wong does the song’s lyrics more justice than the original.

Is that you Japanese God? It’s me, Admin.

Look, just because I own a villa in Aspen it doesn’t mean I know how to ski. I just got it so when I bring supermodels there they have a reason to wear those cute fuzzy boots.

Over the past week we’ve safely established that you don’t like thinking, music, iPhone games, or competitions ending in a tie. So today we’ll see if you sickos like torturing people. I’m thinking that you do, which is why I’ve got my phone out and I’ve already dialed 9-1. I’m going to let Homeland Security know about you perverts. They might want to give you a job.

That crazy washing machine video becomes kind of sad with the addition of googly eyes.

He’s climbin in your windows
He’s snatchin your people up
Hide your kids, hide your wife
Hide your kids, hide your wife

There’s an important lesson to be learned here – as a Roman emperor, if you base your reign upon cruelty, extravagance, and sexual perversity, you get awesome online games made in your honor. If you base your reign upon political and military conquest, you get a salad named after you.

Somebody give that chubby pixel a Graham Cracker!

Sounds like someone’s got a case of the Catdays.

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.

So what would you do if you could clone yourself? Most people would probably send their clone to work in their place, but that would just mean mine would be sitting here on the couch beside me all day. And I definitely don’t want that, because he smells like old salami and he keeps putting his hand on my leg.

You can learn a lot of useful things from looking at old advertisements. For instance, you shouldn’t pee through a fence in a yard full of geese, and you shouldn’t have sex with prostitutes. Also, it’s never too early for a baby to start shaving or smoking. And they’ll never have to worry about feeling over-smoked. That’s the Miracle of Marlboro!

It wouldn’t be so bad if it was the one with Megan Fox and the butterscotch pudding.

Ah, to be loved. I know the feeling well. Too well to be truthful. Sometimes it can feel a little suffocating being surrounded by so many people that love me so much. People like my mom, and… my cat, and uh… OH GOD I AM SO ALONE

What do you get when you combine the philosophical stylings of Loved, the strategic elements of Hex Empire, and the graphical shine of Little Wheel? You get… not this.

If I could play god and reinvent the world from scratch I have to admit I wouldn’t do much differently. I would however forgo the giant armored sea spiders in favor of something a little more useful, like say a mix between a puppy and a vending machine.

Well it’s been over 4 months now, and STILL no one has bought me an Asahi Super Lucky Cat. I could start posting dressup games you know?

Oh, so that was the story of Batman Begins. I must have blacked out in the theater.

The Swedish Chef attempts to make some delicious popcorn shrimp.

You know I’m not normally down with encouraging the swearing, but in honor of today’s game I think we should all feel free to eff things up a bit.

A prerequisite for being a news reporter these days must be mental retardation.
(Yeah, the audio’s not in sync, but this is the news station’s official Youtube channel. I think this lends evidence to my theory.)

This is one commercial you’ll want to watch twice.

I am not liable for the tears.

When you absolutely, positively got to accidentally set yourself on fire.

One could never make a truly accurate Ewok out of Lego. Their lips are just too full and shiny.

Do you struggle with the simplest of physical tasks? Then _____ is for you!

Your trusty canine companion will bravely follow you into battle with his new impenetrable armor. Also, don’t forget squirrel armor for your tiny pal- Mr. Nutters.

I fully realize some of you may be too young to have experienced the full glory of Geocities, and that is astounding to my mighty brain, but fear not! Now you can see what the Internet used to be.

This game reminds me of a dream I had when I was 14. It involved me developing the ability to fly, Eddie Van Halen giving me his guitar, winning the lottery, and my Samantha Fox poster coming to life.

Spread the zombie virus on a global scale in the latest installment of the Infectonator series.

Angry Husky: *poooooooooops*

Tamil Nadu superstar Wilbur Sargunaraj is ready to take the world by storm, and he does not want arrange marriage.

You’re closer to hamburger time if you don’t see a doctor.

As this commercial clearly demonstrates.

For when you’ve almost stopped trying.

He’s on a horse.

The Jersey Shore… Possibly Wildwood. I’m not sure of the specifics.

I’ll admit I was expecting something a little different when I read the title – something involving UAC marines, cyber demons, and a BFG – but this is cool too.

Why oh why did they give the monkey a loaded gun?

If you haven’t already, you probably want to play Episode 1 or you might get a little lost. And if you get stuck on a puzzle, try purchasing Vector Runner for the iPhone to help you out (yes, even if you don’t have an iPhone). Look people, I know it doesn’t make sense but I’m not the one making up these crazy rules.

Whenever I find myself in a room with a dead hooker *cough* I mean girl, I follow these three simple steps my dad taught me: “Stop, Drop, and Roll”. That stands for: stop what you were doing, drop everything, and roll on outta there.

KILL IT WITH FOREHEAD

Believe it fruitcakes. If you have an iPhone or iPod Touch, just do the clickity-click to get yourself the greatest app since iBoobs. And I know you all don’t have iPhones to appreciate this with, so to celebrate I’ve re-released the original Flash version of Vector Runner and added 3 new achievements.

Ah, sweet sweet crude, aka petroleum, aka “The Black Gold”. Not to be confused with “The Brown Gold”, known to many by it’s consumer name, Nutella. I would smear that stuff into my eyes if it made the taste last longer (it doesn’t, I tried).

Jack Black’s dance on the kid’s show Yo Gabba Gabba is mesmerizing.

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends.

I was going to post a quote from Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, but I remembered last time I did that everyone thought I was getting married in two days.

PS: There’s a bug with highscore submission: If you’re playing more than once, refresh the page each time you play if you want your scores to submit.

Lately we’ve been doing a lot of bubble-popping, candy-coddling, and sushi-rolling, so today we’re going to have you kill unsuspecting innocent people by shooting them in the head. It’s all part of a balanced lifestyle.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

Okay okay okay, she doesn’t eat the car, but that would be fantastic wouldn’t it? Bet you’d click on that link. But this is pretty good. Sit back and enjoy the story of the granny, the Benz, and an airbag.

There truly is nothing worse for the budding space Olympian than to be told by a space albino that Space Disk is totally cancelled.

Captain Picard delights and educates with song.

Twitter: For friendless narcissists.

I was such a bimbo before Dr. Steve Brule’s helpful advice for everyday living.

Going back to yesterday’s discussion about RPGs, I will say they do have one common upside – no techno soundtracks.

The Cylons were created by Dinosaurs. They rebelled. They evolved. They look – and feel – Dinosaur. Some are programmed to think they are Dinosaur. There are many copies. And they have a plan.

Spoiler Alert: Grandma gets eaten.

Looks… delicious.

Just one question: Does the A stand for ass?

Patrick Stewart’s seen everything.

I don’t think we do enough educational stuff on this site. Sure we have some fun, but in what way do you exercise your mental muscle by visiting Dig Your Own Grave? WELL THAT ALL CHANGES TODAY. It’s time to figure out some wordz and your gonna need to do sum spellinz and if you don’t you’re going to die a horrible, horrible, horrible death.

And by “lawn” I mean the 3 foot radius around my computer. And by “get off” I mean just take a step back so you’re not in my personal space, but please stay and talk to me because I’m lonely. So very very lonely.

Sometimes when I play a game I can hear a song for it in my head right away. Like this one goes: cat, cat, cat – ticka-ticka – cat, cat cat (robotvoice)WAAAATERM-E-L-L-O-N *guitar solo*

You need a dinette set? A new bedroom? Why go to a furniture superstore when you can go to the Montgomery flea market? It’s just like, it’s just like, a mini mall. A mini mall.

A professional in an astronaut suit is still a professional.

Not so fun when the shoe’s on the other foot, is it jerks?

Genesis 19: Total insanity.

(NSFW because of swearing)

A funny little animated gif of a guy smashing himself to bits and pieces at his computer.

From the Renaissance to Impressionism to Contempory art, Star Wars improves everything it touches.

People have already removed Garfield’s thought bubbles from Garfield comics with surprisingly good results, but this goes that logical step further – removing Garfield from the equation entirely. The result is a darkly humorous comic about the depressions of modern life.

The sheep market is a collection of 10,000 sheep created by workers on Amazon’s Mechanical Turk. Each worker was paid $.02 (US) to “draw a sheep facing left.”

It all makes perfect sense once you look at the site. Perfect nonsense.

It’s just like Risk, only faster and funner. And you don’t have to talk to people. And I can’t stop playing it. Every time another side takes over one of my areas my rage is so great I want to rip their dice right out of the computer monitor and devour them. And every time my dice win I want to hug them and squeeze them until they explode! Such joy!

“What the hell is an aluminum falcon?”

Yesterday’s penis pulverizing video was such a crotchtastic success that today we bring you the Trigon commercial boy. Mr. Kicked Him In the Penis. Don’t hate him, he just tells it like it is.

“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully…”

It’s like Robot High School for the geriatric set.

I’d like to order a fat slice of love. Double cheese and extra-saucy please.

Oh believe me, I will.

Hey, you know what else is complete? YOUR FAILURE TO PLEASE ME. Guys, it is already 2 days into summer and I have yet to receive a fruit basket.

I was actually thinking the other day that a penguin would make the perfect pet – if it wasn’t for the constant pooping. You could bring him in the bath, he wouldn’t take much room on the bed, I bet he’d love watching tv and sharing popcorn… It really is a shame about the pooping.

British comedy duo Mitchell & Webb ask the question at least some SS soldiers must have been wondering.

Recently I became a Pastafarian because their heaven has a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano! Unfortunately the state of Kansas School Board is trying to discriminate against us.

I believe this dance-off actually took place.

I’ve posted a link to this guy’s work before, but here is a gallery with lots more pictures and some extra information.

Julian Beever creates ‘anamorphic illusions’, drawn in a special distortion to create the impression of 3 dimensions when seen from one particular viewpoint.

A Star Trek redux of the Nine Inch Nails Closer video, drawing attention to the repressed homo-erotic relationship between Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. This will make absolutely no sense to you unless you are at least a moderate NIN/Star Trek fan, or possibly of the species gothica-über-nerdling-maximus. PS: some people may find the song rather offensive (and NSFW!)

Toby Jones is back with Jones’ Good Ass BBQ & Foot Massage. As long as it’s fryable or edible, he’ll make it deliciousitible. And then if you pay him enough, Toby or one of his foot specialists will massage your feet in sensual sauces.

Perhaps you’ve seen retractable security bollards outside of your local U.S. Embassy, and wondered how effective they would actually be against a speeding truck. Luckily for you, the answer to that question makes for good television.

FileSwap is in the same vein as SketchSwap. Upload a file and receive a random file in return. Will it be porn or will it be a virus? Will you get fired for masturbating at work, or for taking down the corporate network? It’s always an adventure with FileSwap!

Teale Fristoe, the man and the magic behind Arachnophilia, is hard at work on a new game called Xaat Disi: The Salmon Run Game. Today we’re offering you a special 2 level sneak peek. You may see a short survey after you play – filling it out will help Teale make the game better, and help me deal with these painful foot bunions.

This video is actually a favorite of mine from back in the time before I had broadband Internet access. It is the tale of a group of intrepid young video game characters playing Dungeons & Dragons for the first time.

Warning: DYOG may cause increased gambling, sexual, or other overpowering urges. The way DYOG works is not entirely understood.

How could someone so annoying create something so wonderful?

Videogame nerds rejoice! A fellow videogame nerd who is far more nerdly than you could ever be, has created a fan video of Halo’s Master Chief fighting Samus Aran from Metroid. And it is nerd-o-riffic. I have no idea how it was done, but my guess is probably with magic or through the power of prayer. Possibly a combination of the two, and almost certainly a computer was involved.

This thing can be used to “install” three dimensional sausages into real space, sort of. I have no idea what I would do with it but I want one so badly just the same.

An interactive website user interface that doesn’t require using mouse clicks. Works better than you might think…

Not only is this a preview for a real action movie, it’s for the best action movie of all time, full of ass kickings and hot dickings!

Most people are not aware that Casper the Friendly Ghost has a brother named Jasper. Well he does, and let me tell you, Jasper is a douchebag! He used to be such a nice boy…

You may think that being the CEO of Burger King, one of the largest fast-food chains in the world, would be all fun and riches. It is not. It is a life of drama, fear, tragedy, and heartbreak. And Triple Bacon King Burgers. On sale now at participating locations.

I had no idea that the King was such a SpongeBob pervert.

The inside of a fridge is a pretty boring place unless you purposely locked a cat inside, but this is the first 360 degree panorama I’ve ever seen and that almost makes up for the subject matter.

In Rand McNally, they wear hats on their feet and watermelons eat people.

During the last San Francisco mayoral race, The Wave Magazine interviewed the candidates in an attempt to determine which are human and which are in fact replicants. They are among us!

Uhhhh…… wow.

Now officially available: the illusion that made baby jesus cry. Those bean-like things are moving so much I want to slap them, but they’re actually not moving at all. Seriously.

The Big Lebowski is full of obscenities and nihilists, so you can imagine that things might get a little strange when it is edited for broadcast on American television.

The funniest thing ever to be associated with Jimmy Kimmel (excluding Sarah Silverman) is the Nervous Kid.

At Jones’ Big ASS Truck Rental and Storage, Toby Jones will store anything for $10.99 a month!!!

Hysterical. Viral. Dropping the Hamiltons at the movies. West Side.

The most annoying thing about monstars is that they’re scary and occupy valuable closet space. The most annoying thing about Death is that he’s always trying to end my life and sometimes he forgets to flush. So Death wins this round in my books.

When I see a game entitled “BO: Secret of Steel”, I expect a two things: body odor, and a deodorant strong enough for a man but made for a woman (possibly being applied to a pair of sweaty armpits by the DC comicbook hero Steel). Surprisingly, this game contains none of the above.

Bad-ass shirt-folding techniques from the ninjas in asia. The shit works, I just tried it. Possibly brought to you from the same people who provided the helpful video on How To Not Look Asian.

I wasn’t in the Chess Club at school, so I don’t really know too much about the game. Back then I based all my extra curricular activities around where the chicks were at – namely the Math Club. Hello, woman of my dreams.

I always face a bit of a moral quandary when I post a game involving drugs. In the end I usually dedide that it’s not my place to try and tell you whether or not I think drugs are bad. That’s something you have to decide on your own. By taking mountains of drugs. And seeing if they make you feel awesome or not.

So as it turns out, god is a DJ. Or DJs are necromancers. Or this one is made of magic. I’m not really sure to be honest, but this short film has apparently won a lot of awards.

World famous celebrity superstar Nathan Barnatt has made some videos promoting DigYourOwnGrave.com, and they are as sexy as you’d imagine.

I was pretty torn up trying to decide who to link to in this post – The Real Life Shopping Cart Hero or my favorite Lil’ Jukebox Hero. And then it got me thinking… in a fight to the death, who would win?

Because public urination isn’t just for registered sex offenders.

Music Catch – so relaxing it’s guaranteed to make you forget to breathe, or at the very least poop your pants. Here’s hoping for the latter.

For those interested, the music in the game is by Isaac Shepard.

Not since Michael Jackson’s groundbreaking Black Or White music video, has the world been exposed to such ground breaking morphing technology. I hear that in level 16 they pay homage by morphing your ship from a panther into a pedophile.

And here I was thinking that the shells were the wings. Thank you Internet.

As a world renowned rocket surgeon, I don’t get much downtime, so I really relish the hour a week I spend at the salon getting my locks moisturized. Now with this holophonic recording of a barbershop, I can recreate that relaxing sensation in my rocket laboratory. Make sure you listen to this with headphones, and close your eyes and picture yourself in a barbershop for extra effect!

Well I know what I’m doing tonight. After a short stop at the ping-pong ball store.

Pro Hot Tip: Of all the things to possibly save money on for your wedding, make sure the cake isn’t one of them.

He’s got the heart of a champion!

I am not ashamed to admit that Kiwi! makes me teary-eyed. He’s got the heart of a champion!

Pandora is that friend you once had who knew everything about music and was always turning you on to new stuff. It is internet radio with a brain. Just drop the name of one of your favorite songs or artists into Pandora and it will quickly scan its entire world of analyzed music to find songs with interesting musical similarities to your choice.

If you love trousers made of leather, or just not wearing any trousers at all, you’ll love this song. Yama yama ha.

meow meow meow meow meow, TIME TRAVEL.

Coign of Vantage (pronounced “Heeeeyoooo”), is a very innovative little game that tests your spatial perception. Spatial perception comes in handy for things like not killing cyclists while driving, and keeping your pee in the toilet while peeing. It’s practically one of my favorite perceptions.

How long can you spin?

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!