I wonder what an actual ninja brawl would sound like. Probably like old ladies whispering.

Adam Waddell of Wyoming steals the ball, goes for a dunk, and almost breaks his entire body.

Pardon my interruption, but did I hear somebody say Medieval Rampage?

Can Charlie save the future, all the while declining the advances of a particularly possessive starfish?

While you were entering this world, who was departing?

When I see a game entitled “BO: Secret of Steel”, I expect a two things: body odor, and a deodorant strong enough for a man but made for a woman (possibly being applied to a pair of sweaty armpits by the DC comicbook hero Steel). Surprisingly, this game contains none of the above.

If this game was about falling puppies I would master it. I would play it until I could play it forever without letting a single adorable little puppy die. It is all I would do until the end of time. Kittens… meh.

If there’s one thing that the internet has taught us over these past few years, it’s that it’s fun and perfectly safe to play with fire.

iTS JUST ANOTER TOWER DEFENCE GAME iM TOTALY BOARD OF THEES TYPES OF GAMES

There, I said it so you don’t have to. Now we can use the comments section to talk about our favorite types of cookies!

Snowboarding looks pretty cool, but personally I prefer sports that are performed in a much warmer climate. And don’t require a space helmet for safety. Or bind my legs. Or make me hemorrhage into my skull. I’m just not a big fan of brain swelling.

The story is that people enjoy playing Guitar Hero because it makes them feel like they can actually play the guitar. So does that mean that people enjoy playing this game because it makes them feel like their parents actually love them enough to buy them Guitar Hero?

I think John McCain has his finger on the pulse of the nation.

Weiner dog… weiner dog? Weiner dog! Weiner dog weiner dog weiner dog.

(dachshund)

Storm the House 3… errr.. *cough* excuse me, Stickman Madness 3 is finally out!

Swim away fugu fish, swim away, or you might get pulled in to the vortex of Steve’s negativity and not enjoy this new Charlie the Unicorn adventure.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

Here is the eagerly anticipated summer-blockbuster game Bowman 2. Not that I’ve ever played Bowman 1, but I’m sure this one is miles ahead in both special effects and plot twists. Be sure to try ‘Bird Hunting’ mode; pretend they’re all pigeons and exterminate with extreme prejiduce!

There’s an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, smash those *#$&%s into the ground with the largest club you can find. Fill the streets with their sour citrus blood until not a single one is left whole”. Or… something like that.

Well here’s your last game for 2007. And there have been so many games! So which one was your favorite? Vector Runner? How about besides Vector Runner? Oh, the Huge Manatee? Oh gosh, you guys flatter me.

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
What happened to the old highscores?

Feathers, Cadillac and Tom Cruise, the flamboyant unicorns wished into existence by an eight-year-old gay boy named Shannon, experience the joys of Christmas for the first time.

AAHHHH!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAHHHH? Ah? Ah! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh…

Dig Your Own Grave and unicorns have had a rather storied past, and this certainly isn’t going to help matters. So without further ado, let’s give it up for Feathers, ooo ooo Cadillac, and Tom Cruise!

That’s not a knife, this is a… holy crap, wait that is a knife.

I’ll be honest, this game isn’t really what I had imagined when I fantasize about being a zombie. First off, armor? Second, friends? And I had imagined a lot more brain eating. Also – less talking, more groaning.

This one’s a bit like Unreal Tournament, only without that overrated third dimension. And without limbs either. Those are overrated too.

Lately we’ve been doing a lot of bubble-popping, candy-coddling, and sushi-rolling, so today we’re going to have you kill unsuspecting innocent people by shooting them in the head. It’s all part of a balanced lifestyle.

The Christmas season is upon us, so here is a Family Guy clip only tangentially related to Christmas. I can’t get this stupid song out of my head.

Do you love Guitar Hero? Do your parents not love you enough to buy it for you? Well stop crying cry-baby! Now thanks to the internet you can play this two-dimensional Guitar Hero clone that features a collection of songs by people who aren’t famous!

Those Japanese bastards have done it again. Is nothing sacred to these animals?

Finally, a geography game that targets the entire world. Now all of you showoffs can prove how worldly you really are (with a Rankosaurus screenshot of course). I would post my own score, but honestly I can’t find my own apartment most nights. Thank goodness for bus shelters.

See that guy on the left? That’s your enemy. Now I don’t know about you, but if I looked like that I would chew off my own leg and use it to beat every living thing within eyesight into a coma. Be glad you’ve got that chain mail armor, my friends.

Question 1: When you guys ask me to put up a game, what do I do? Answer: I put it up. Question 2: Why do I do that? Answer: Because I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Question 3: Why am I so awesome? Answer: Not entirely sure, maybe genetics.

As far as I can tell, Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy is just like an episode of Family Guy, only with everything stripped out except the “it’s like the time when…” parts. So yeah, it’s awesome.

If you have been in a coma for the past few years, you may have missed the Badger Song when it first appeared on the internet. If that is the case, I have come to your rescue like the great hero I am!
Badge badger badger
Mushroom mushroom!

This game is, as the French say, ‘wickedly awesome’. The performance can be pretty bad, so before starting I recommend you go into the game’s configuration menu and turn motion blur and FPS Stability to OFF. Then tape a LEAVE ME ALONE note to the back of your head because you’ve got places to be (your computer) and people to see (zombies).

This YouTube video of the new Wario Land game is really clever. I didn’t even realize what was happening at first.

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

What is it about kittens that makes a person want to let them plummet to their deaths, or to fire them out of a cannon?

It’s time to dust off your copy of Hagakure and put that warrior spirit to good use. There’s a plague of evil wannabe samurais loose in the fields, and they need their bodies separated from their heads – post haste!

Some things are just so ridiculous that they command respect. Like for instance, this game, or the Hungarian Komondor.

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.

Main Entry: rage
Pronunciation: \ˈrāj\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin rabia, from Latin rabies rage, madness, from rabere to be mad; to be forced to wear pants

In the highly anticipated sequel to Storm the House 2, more advanced storming algorithms combined with the latest in cutting-edge house rendering technology provide the player with a completely new* gaming experience.

*similar

I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got the monkey?

After seeing today’s game, you may find yourself asking, “How many Bloons games is too many Bloons games?”. However, the sophisticated among us will stick to more important questions like “should I not have eaten that?”, or “say, do you mind if I put that down my pants?”, and my personal favorite, “can I speak to my lawyer now?”