I have a feeling these Creeper World games are multiplying rapidly by binary fission, and I’m concerned they’re mutating so fast that they’ll soon merge with the swine flu virus in order to form a super virus. Maybe somebody should call the CDC? I’d phone them myself but they blocked my number in 2007.

Based on the amount of primal joy humans feel when smashing stacks of blocks, I fully expect my offspring to be playing Blosics 59 on some sort of holographic RFID controlled computablet in the foreseeable future.

Embrace your inner Michael Douglas and release all that Occupy Wall Street anti-establishment rage in this chaotic highway racing game. And to be clear, we’re talking Falling Down Michael Douglas – not Wonder Boys Michael Douglas.

Angry Husky didn’t seem too upset that I’m posting another Creeper game so soon, but he did make me fill out an odd questionnaire last night covering topics such as my work schedule, my most treasured possessions, and my personal feelings towards dog barf.

I like my supermodel girlfriends like I like my coat hangers: so thin they buckle under a heavy sweater, and light enough that my Pygmy servant Mbuti can throw them out if they get too belligerent.

In late 2009 I posted the prequel to today’s game and introduced you to my now infamous dog Angry Husky. Is there anything you want to say to your fans, Husky?

Angry Husky: ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND AN AGED CARCASS TO ROLL IN?

pLS LOv3 tHS gAME oR I WiLL cUT mYSELf. :’(

This sequel is just a painful reminder of how my life has not upgraded at all in the last two years and is miserably incomplete. But it can all be fixed with a simple fruit basket. *hint hint*

In light of the fact that today is International Women’s Day, I’m posting a game called Testicle Wars as a gift to all the ladies out there. Though I do admit Purple Menace in this context sounds a bit too much like something that requires an appointment with a dermatovenerologist.

It’s only a matter of time before the Bubble Boys of the world form a union and design real life Bubble Tanks during their next conference in Las Vegas.
Then they’re going to conquer the world just like the Moops did.

Well I hate to break this streak of Christmas themed games, but when I see a game called Testicle Wars, it pretty much demands to be posted. I mean – what kind of pervert dreams up a game about dueling male reproductive organs?? What kind of pervert indeed.

Ever since watching Airwolf as a child, it has always been my dream to pilot an attack helicopter. That dream is second only to my dream of being a pot-bellied pig owned by George Clooney.

There is only one reasonable explanation for the existence of the laws of physics, and that is that stacks of things are meant to be smashed to the ground in as violent a way as possible. This theory can also apply to sandcastles and Monopoly boards (but only when losing).

Little known fact: my butler Jeeves has a twin brother, Jolls. Unlike his brother, Jolls chose a life of self-introspection. He lives in my basement, smokes a lot of weed, and may have eaten my cat.

One day soon Star Jesus will return to earth and defeat the Star Beast, in the battle of Starmageddon. Star Jesus looks just like regular Jesus, except he has a fish bowl on his head.

Experience the thrill of driving a truck around a nickel mine in Sudbury, Ontario – all from the comfort of your own home. Video games are great!

It’s like South Park, but without poop jokes, killing Kenny, transsexual teachers, hatred towards gingers and Canadians (especially Canadian gingers), anal probes, and limbs. So basically a physics puzzle with South Park faces.

Swwwwwwishhhh!

Hooray, everyone’s favorite ball factory is back open for business. And I know how much you perverts love balls!

Wreckin’ stuff – almost as satisfying as scaring cats.

I’m convinced that mechanical engineers are warlocks. Burn them at the stake!

Finally, a game that I excel at thanks to my rocket sciencestry background. The point is to hurl all the creatures into the chasm, right?

Little known fact: I invented bridges in 1635.

Weekend’s here folks! I’d love to say something about this game, but I gotta get on the horn and have a KFC Variety Big Box Meal delivered – for breakfast. Gonna start this weekend off right.

No matter how cute you try and draw a cartoon hedgehog, it will never, ever, ever ever ever, look as cute as a real life hedgehog. I think it’s one of the laws of physics.

It’s the one year anniversary of everyone’s favorite game, IndestructoTank! To celebrate, the creator has released a special Anniversary Edition. This version features improved gameplay, new features, slick graphics, and a crazy new twist: in this version your tank is INDESTRUCTIBLE! Yes, I know! It’s crazy!

You guys really seemed to like that Fantastic Contraption game, so I thought you might enjoy this one too. Personally, I haven’t tried it – way too many buttons. I only need two buttons in my games, PLAY and LAUNCH TACTICAL NUCLEAR WARHEADS.

Some folks call it a sling jumper, I call it a kaiser jumper. Mmm… mmph.. reckon you make me some biscuits.. Mmmm… mmm.. mmph… I like them French fried potaters.

Since what I wrote for the last Sling Jumper post confused so many people, this is actually the perfect opportunity for me to try and clarify. 1) Some folks call it a slingblade, Karl calls it a kaiserblade. 2) Karl likes french fried pertaters.

Consider yourself schooled.

It’s a proven scientific fact that whenever you combine two things, it makes a new thing that’s better than both the original things. Like for instance, a side-scrolling shooter and a tower defense game. Or say, a golden retriever puppy and a stripper. That’s cute and sexy. Oh, but… crap, does that mean I’m a furry?

I think we can all agree that Zombie Baseball is about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball. But let’s be honest, clipping your toenails is also about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball.

Finally, a little game for the Emo in all of us.

I really wanted to make up for yesterday’s blunder by ruining your weekend extra badly today. However, today’s game has turned out to be quite fun, relatively easy, and somewhat short. As punishment, I shall spend the entire weekend in not just pants, but snowpants, listen to 50 Cent’s new album in it’s entirety, and eat only gluten-free foods.