From the creator of PEL, comes Alphabre…eh… Alphabeh… Alphabrekika… comes a brand new game.

You know who would be good at this game? This guy.

Press L to submit your score. Use any game mode you want.

If I built a castle and it looked even half as silly as some of these, I would construct a trebuchet using the bones of my wife, the tendons from my children, and the hide of my dog. I would launch my own body at the castle over and over until it was completely destroyed and any trace of the shame it brought to me was erased from existence.

I don’t know what it is with these panda sniper games, but even though I know I’m not supposed to, the first thing I ALWAYS do is shoot the panda in the head. It’s like some sort of temporary mind control. And these aren’t the droids we’re looking for, move along. Wait, what?

If 2008 was The Year of Physics Puzzle Games, then 2009 is shaping up to be the… uh… hmmmm… The Year of Physics Puzzle Games. Damn you physics, damn you.

If you have OCD, playing this game is the equivalent of eating a gasoline and match sandwich with a side of firecrackers. You will literally play this game until you’ve ruined Christmas.

I tried this game a couple weeks ago and it nearly put me to sleep, but apparently THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE INTERNET thinks it’s the bees knees. So now I’m in this bizarre situation where I have to consider that I might have actually been wrong. Let me know what you think – I’ve got my seppuku blade sharpened and ready to go.

What do you get when you combine a nuclear holocaust, zombies, Bomberman for the Nintendo, 3 under-ripened tomatoes, and bottle of Valentin Bianchi Cabernet Sauvignon?

Honestly, I have no idea. Possibly a decent spaghetti sauce.

Leela: Didn’t you have ads in the 20th century?
Fry: Well, sure, but not in our dreams. Only on TV and radio. And in magazines and movies and at ball games and on buses and milk cartons and t-shirts and written in the sky. But not in dreams. No siree!

meow meow meow meow meow, TIME TRAVEL.

If there’s one thing that the internet has taught us over these past few years, it’s that it’s fun and perfectly safe to play with fire.

Your wildest Plinko fantasies have just come true.

Well fruitcakes, another Christmas is upon us. I hope yours is very merry and you have a safe and happy time over the holidays. And always remember the lessons the baby jesus has taught us: it is your birthright to receive gifts today, and webmasters are super sexy.

Question 1: When you guys ask me to put up a game, what do I do? Answer: I put it up. Question 2: Why do I do that? Answer: Because I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Question 3: Why am I so awesome? Answer: Not entirely sure, maybe genetics.

I was originally going to call this post Fancy What’s In My Pants?, but I decided that would have been highly inappropriate for a post title. Yet somehow highly appropriate for the post content. I know you guys never even read what I write here anyways.

This game is pretty gross, but hey, what’s Halloween without a little blood and body parts? Why, it would be like having Christmas without snow! (and blood and body parts.)

Oh noes! Some bad fuzzy bears have robbed a bank and taken hostages! You control a crack team of 4 special agent Warbears sent in to save the day. When you’re done you can just tell me what to do, because so far I’ve only been able to make the one bear blow up his bear buddy. And that, unfortunately, is not part of the mission.

If you’re anything like me, the first thing that comes to mind when you hear ‘pool’, is ’swimming pool’. And thinking of a swimming pool makes me want to pee in it, because it’s such a warm, friendly feeling. And by this point I’ve usually wet my pants.

Does anyone remember that old board game Crossbows and Catapults? I loved that game so much it made me enjoy childhood despite the constant beatings.

Finally, a game that scientists and creationists can both enjoy equally. The logical among you will appreciate the realistic simulation of the Laws of Physics, while the faithful can marvel at the mystical crayon powered by the magic of Jesus.

A funny little animated gif of a guy smashing himself to bits and pieces at his computer.

Thanks to a bit of fancypants new technology, you can now submit highscores for some games – like this one – without a screenshot. Just login and submit your score in-game at the end. And it’s also got an achievement! That’s right kiddos, Christmas did just come early.

From the creators of Charlie the Unicorn and Detective Mittens, comes a really sadistic ferret.

I’ve never seen this many dolphins before, and I’ve been to Sea World.

In case you were wondering – and I know you were – a squid is not a fish, but is actually a cephalopod.

This fact could one day save your life.

Destroy All Zombies III? But what about Destroy All Zombies I? and II? Look, everybody knows that the third installment of a trilogy is always the best. You don’t agree? Well how about Terminator III: Judgement Day? Or Return of the Jedi? Jurassic Park III anyone? Case closed!

The Monkey was originally planning on ruining your Christmas cheer by licking all your candy canes and pooping in your stocking, but instead he has chosen to make you suffer through 50 excruciating Christmas-themed Bloons levels.

Snowboarding looks pretty cool, but personally I prefer sports that are performed in a much warmer climate. And don’t require a space helmet for safety. Or bind my legs. Or make me hemorrhage into my skull. I’m just not a big fan of brain swelling.

Drag your little dot friend to the safety of the grey square. But watch out for those blocks and sticks! They are cheeky, naughty little blocks and sticks and they will mess with you. They deserve nothing less than a good spanking, and had their parents had any sort of common sense they would have shown their behinds the hard side of a measuring stick long ago! Rant over!

After their journey to the Royal Palace to meet the King, Reemus and Liam rewarded themselves with a weekend spa and deep chemical peeling. Their pores never felt cleaner and tighter, but the bliss would soon come to and end – trouble was lurking not far away…

Okay, I apologize. I’m sorry I made you read instructions. I’m sorry I made you use your memory. I’m ashamed of myself for trying to make you engage your mental faculties. We can go back to killing things now.

From the same minds that brought us the hilarious Charlie the Unicorn comes Detective Mittens, the crime solving cat. Meow meow meow meow meow.

Phew! Check this game out. I haven’t seen that many polar bears since the Furry Convention back in Schaumburg last year. Not that I was there or anything. I just heard about it from some friends who were there. Friends who aren’t Furries. Friends of friends, actually. I’m completely hairless truth be told.

Here’s another game. This one is a little easier to figure out and it only has two objectives: 1) throw the cards into the hat, 2) don’t die of boredom.

It is a time of great magic and chivalry. You are an über D&D nerd, sitting behind a… oh wait, I mean you are a brave knight, defending your kingdom from the onslaught of the enemy hordes. Your skills with myspace pages are… oh damn, I mean your skills with the bow-and-arrow are legendary. Go forth and defend your kingdom, brave knight!

Sweep the leg. No mercy.

With the imminent deployment of the National Missile Defense System, the great country of America no longer needs to fear the once dreaded “Mutually Assured Destruction” doomsday scenario. Now we can focus our fears on issues closer to home, such as, “Is there something under my bed?”, “Will I die alone?”, and “OMG I just burped in her face I hope she couldn’t smell that”.

I don’t know what this is, but it’s mesmerizing and will steal 20 minutes of your life from you if you’re not careful.

I always felt that Bruce Wayne was a little off, what with fighting crime dressed up as a giant bat and all. But it all makes sense now, he’s actually just slightly retarded.

It’s just like Starship Troopers, except with no busty babes and no Doogie Howser. Sadly, I’m not sure which I miss more.

Main Entry: rage
Pronunciation: \ˈrāj\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin rabia, from Latin rabies rage, madness, from rabere to be mad; to be forced to wear pants

I really wanted to make up for yesterday’s blunder by ruining your weekend extra badly today. However, today’s game has turned out to be quite fun, relatively easy, and somewhat short. As punishment, I shall spend the entire weekend in not just pants, but snowpants, listen to 50 Cent’s new album in it’s entirety, and eat only gluten-free foods.

Count me out folks. As you know, I don’t do games involving balls and crushing, and by association I also don’t do games involving balls and factories. Bad things can happen in factories. Bad, bad things.

Okay, I realize yesterday’s game might have been a little too academic for some, so today we’re just going to blow holes in stuff. Blow holes in your knowledge of architecture and geography that is! Huzzah!

iTS JUST ANOTER TOWER DEFENCE GAME iM TOTALY BOARD OF THEES TYPES OF GAMES

There, I said it so you don’t have to. Now we can use the comments section to talk about our favorite types of cookies!

Ah, sweet sweet crude, aka petroleum, aka “The Black Gold”. Not to be confused with “The Brown Gold”, known to many by it’s consumer name, Nutella. I would smear that stuff into my eyes if it made the taste last longer (it doesn’t, I tried).

Well instead of 2008 being the year of playing with yourself, I think it’s definitely shaping up to be the year of physics puzzle games. So it turns out game developers aren’t perverts, they’re just gigantic nerds.

FINALLY. A way to kill the monkey.

A game based on animals performing ritual suicide is great and all, but to make it really excellent there needs to be a way to make all the cats go first.

Although just as talented and hard-working as Darth, a few tough breaks in Chad’s life forced him to follow a less ambitious career path than his brother. Hopefully one day he’ll catch that lucky break.

Finally a game that takes me back to my roots! Anyone who says they can beat my top average speed of 0.192 seconds will be accused of lying, sentenced to death, executed, reincarnated as a sheep, and promptly tranquilized by me in well under point 2 seconds. I am just that good.

Here’s a fluffy white snowball game to start off your week. The object of the game is to roll your balls so that they are at least as big as my balls. And mine, if I hadn’t mentioned it already, are absolutely gigantic. You have your mission.

Hell of Sand is yet another game with no point other than to waste time. It is also an oddly titled game. I would have called it Joy of Relaxing Sand. Make sure you experiment with all of the options at the bottom.

Do you hate one-eyed one-horned monsters? Me too! Let’s smash their heads with a hammer. This game may seem easy at first, but it starts messing with you after a while… trust me. And if the game doesn’t seem easy at first, it’s because you’re playing it with the number keys at the top of the keyboard and not the ones on the number-pad silly!

Easily the greatest game on this site since the last game we posted, I am proud to present you with Tilt! This game has some pretty heavy social and political undertones, adult themes, strong language, and brief nudity. For that reason we’ve decided to give it an NC-17 rating. I’ve also decided to give my high score of 2984 a triple-X rating, since its so damn hot! Ssssssss!

Wake up silly sleepy-heads! Charlie’s going to Candy Mountain, a land of sweets and joy and joyness. It’ll be an adventure!

An interactive website user interface that doesn’t require using mouse clicks. Works better than you might think…

Songwriters aren’t even trying anymore are they?

Finally, a little game for the Emo in all of us.

YOU: Hey, this game is just like the last drunken beer balancing game you put up!
ME: Yes it is.
YOU: You’re an idiot! Your website sucks! You’re gay!

There, I saved you the trouble.

I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like you to meet Meat Boy. GET IT? You see what I just did there? That is how you roll a pun my friends. Damn! I am good. Okay, nap time.

I think the lesson here is, that when you’re making a reverse-psychology celebrities-are-smarter-than-you video, make sure it’s funny and entertaining. (NSFW due to the f-word.)

Ignite People on Fire is the eagerly anticipated sequel to last year’s hit game, Light People on Fire. This version features faster paced gameplay, better special effects, and chubbies. Burn fatty, burn.

Storm the House 3… errr.. *cough* excuse me, Stickman Madness 3 is finally out!

I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got the monkey?

Move yer mouse left and right to help me keep me pint steady. TRY NOT TO SPILL ALL MY BLOODY BEER.

Now that’s pants!

This is one of those classic spot-the-difference games. I find it pretty hard. In fact, I’ve played it I don’t know how many times now and I haven’t won once. So if you can win at least one game then I guess you’re better than me. Although that would also make you nerdier and unsexier than me, so there. Pick your poison smarty pants.

Yellow. Black. Running, gunning. And evil robot alligators. I just don’t know what else to say. I guess they could be evil robot crocodiles. Heck, maybe they’re not even evil. Maybe they’re just misunderstood.

Final Fortress. It’s like Final Fantasy, only instead of a fantasy there’s a fortress. And instead of creepy androgynous japanese sci-fi magic there’s mines and cannons and explosions. Which makes it so much better than Final Fantasy that I just wet myself.

It’s Thursday folks! So uncork that bottle of ‘88 Grand Vin de Leoville, strip down to your underwear, and blast waves of stickmen into bloody heaps in my new favorite game, Stickman Madness. It’s madness I tell you.

While it isn’t a game in the sense that there are no scores, and no goal, this is still a fun little time waster. Draw lines to create the sledding hill you always dreamed of as a kid, and then watch your pixel-comprised alter ego plunge down with wild abandon. I just wish there was an eraser tool.

I was a little worried about putting up this game because I thought it might be a bit ‘culturally insensitive’. I like to run a tight, clean ship around here. I also like to run up and down the street with no socks or pants. Oh, and be sure to play this game with the music on. The full experience is like a big hit off the old ‘peace-pipe’ if you know what I’m saying.

What is it about kittens that makes a person want to let them plummet to their deaths, or to fire them out of a cannon?

Line Rider is back, this time with two different track types, a zoom tool, and an eraser tool!

The Bugheads are back, and they won’t stop until they have eaten your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. To keep your precious organs safe within your body all you need to do is shoot all the Bugheads until your monitor is red with their blood, your eyes have dried open, and your clicking finger is swollen up like a fat Polish sausage.

ZOMBIES COMIN’ UP THE HELL RIGHT NOW! SHOOT ‘EM IN THE HEAD! SHOOT ‘EM!! HIS AXE IS ON FIRE! HE KILLED YOUR PARENTS! SHOOT ‘EM IN THE HEAD!! JUMP GYPSY, JUMP!!

I was shocked to hear that some people were a little offended by yesterday’s donkey-dung kicking game. To those that were offended I humbly offer you my apologies, and also an alternate game for you to play that has nothing to do with pooping or farting. It is called ‘Fart Fart’ and it is about farting.

Although the medicinal effects of popping balloons have never been scientifically proven, the South African Supahfa-izzle tribe have been using the technique for over a century. Critically ill tribe members are give a large pin and placed in an enclosure filled with giant, colorful balloons. And although the patients still die, at least they die smelling of balloons.

I almost feel like I need to apologize for this post.

I don’t think we do enough educational stuff on this site. Sure we have some fun, but in what way do you exercise your mental muscle by visiting Dig Your Own Grave? WELL THAT ALL CHANGES TODAY. It’s time to figure out some wordz and your gonna need to do sum spellinz and if you don’t you’re going to die a horrible, horrible, horrible death.

Pop open the bubbly, it’s time to celebrate! Fans of Boxhead: More Rooms are sure to enjoy ‘2Play’, the next installment in the box zombie series. And if you’re lucky enough to have a friend sitting beside you, or perhaps a conjoined twin, then you can also enjoy the new co-op and deathmatch modes!

It was almost a year ago today. I had just downed my last bottle of ‘88 Grand Vin de Leoville. I stripped down to my underwear, openned a family size tub of Skippy, and spent the rest of the evening getting friendly with a sassy little flash game by the name of Stickman Madness. Ahhhhh… the memories.

Drunken souls… gosh, such a nuisance. I swear I get the apartment sprayed at least once and month and they still keep coming back.

Here are another 50 levels of Bloons, but this time they are created by the fans. I haven’t gotten that far, but some of these levels seem pretty ridonculous. I don’t know about you, but if I were making a Bloons level it would have 5 balloons, 20 darts, and you’d be able to kill that damn monkey.

This is a very cool little puzzle game that I think even the non-gamers will enjoy. All you have to do is get the bloxor into the hole. It’s sort of like golf, only with a big brick instead of a ball, and no clubs, and you don’t hit anything, you just sort of roll around. So like I said, nothing like golf.

Ah, Death by Hinge. Not quite as desirable as Death by Puppies, but still a preferred alternative to Death by Frilled Shark if you ask me.

Catch the children. Feed them to the eagle babies. Eagles are an endangered species*. Small children are not. So don’t feel bad.

*maybe not anymore, but whatever.

I told myself I was done with tower defense games, but along came that damn monkey and his balloons again. I swear he must have been a crack dealer in another life.

Can you solve the mysterious puzzle of Heady Steinberg? There’s a prize if you can! (The prize is hugs and cuddles.)

There’s an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, smash those *#$&%s into the ground with the largest club you can find. Fill the streets with their sour citrus blood until not a single one is left whole”. Or… something like that.

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.

I’ll tell you when the suffering will end. It ends when that monkey is lying face-down in a pool of his own blood.

Science has proven that even a Proboscis Monkey can spot the differences between these sets of pictures. You’re smarter than a crazy penis-nosed monkey, aren’t you?

The rules of the game are simple enough. Destroy everything in your path in the virtual world, all while destroying your ENTER key in the real world. Make sweet love to the wind, and poop out some tornado babies.

This is a 2D version of Valve Software’s innovative game Portal. The goal of the game is to use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device to complete a series of increasingly difficult room puzzles, all so that you can eat some delicious cake and listen to the crazy Portal song until you throw-up.

After seeing today’s game, you may find yourself asking, “How many Bloons games is too many Bloons games?”. However, the sophisticated among us will stick to more important questions like “should I not have eaten that?”, or “say, do you mind if I put that down my pants?”, and my personal favorite, “can I speak to my lawyer now?”

Look, I don’t want to scare any of you out there, but zombies are coming to eat your brains, and soon. Like tomorrow. Probably around 3pm. We’re planning on grabbing some Taco Bell first, so we may be a little late. Excuse me, they might be a little late. Heh.

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
What happened to the old highscores?

The directions for this game are a bit complicated, so read carefully: CLUB SMASH, CLUB SMASH HEAD. SMASH GOOD. Spacebar will pause the game, and SMASH GOOD, OG LOVE SMASH.

Lately we’ve been doing a lot of bubble-popping, candy-coddling, and sushi-rolling, so today we’re going to have you kill unsuspecting innocent people by shooting them in the head. It’s all part of a balanced lifestyle.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

If 2007 was the year of games about my balls, then 2008 is shaping up to be the year of games about playing with yourself. Man, game developers are perverts.

The Monkey is back. He laughs at your suffering.

I’ll be honest, this game isn’t really what I had imagined when I fantasize about being a zombie. First off, armor? Second, friends? And I had imagined a lot more brain eating. Also – less talking, more groaning.

Not since R.S.V.P – The Racial Segregation Party have I been so disgusted with a game. How many years has it taken us to overcome our prejudices? And then a little game like this comes along and tries to teach us that it does matter whether you’re black or white. Well shame on you game developers. SHAME ON YOU!

AAHHHH!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAHHHH? Ah? Ah! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh…

Life is unfair. The sooner you kids learn this, the better off you’ll be. When you get older you can expect everyday life to be exactly like this game. Well, you don’t die as much – unless you count dying on the inside.

Quick! Escape the kitchen before it’s too late! Lord knows you wouldn’t want to accidentally make yourself a delicious sandwich.

Ha! Balloon armies! Have you ever heard of anything so silly? What next, clown armies? Wait, clown armies would be terrifying.

As if Mondays weren’t bad enough already…

Only a true master of counting can defeat this game. Someone whose obsession with counting is almost… perverse. Someone like this guy.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

This is definitely one of the neatest games I’ve seen so far this year. And as an added bonus, if you make enough bumps it actually starts to look a little like my abs.

Little known fact: 1 in 4 zombies would rather cuddle than eat brains.

PS: JUMP GYPSY, JUMP!

It’s time to throw building codes to the side, and enter the international race to build the world’s tallest tower. Put on your hardhat and get to it – your country is depending on you!

Admin’s Corollary: Penguins are black and white. This game is black and white. Therefore, this game is a penguin.

I can neither confirm nor deny that this is the world’s hardest game, simply because I cannot get past the first level.

Not long ago, you had to Escape the Kitchen. Now that you are free, unfortunately you also have to escape the living room. Because, heaven forbid, you wouldn’t want to accidentally sit down on a comfy couch and watch some television.

I remember when this game was called Moai. I also remember when I put on my pants this morning. Oh wait… no I don’t.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

Remember, these are just stickmen. It’s not considered real violence if your victims are two-dimensional and faceless. And yes, that would also apply to Lindsay Lohan if you happen to run into her.

Find all the differences in each scene or Bookend Kitty gets the taser. Bzzzzz Bzzzzz Bzzzzz. Look folks, I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.

It’s tough for me to decide what I like better, Bejeweled clones, or Poppit clones. It’s kind of like trying to decide between death by fuzzy puppy kisses, or death by Brazilian supermodel kisses. It just depends on my mood.

So let’s look at what we have here… A big burly man. Tight pants. No shirt, leather vest. Handlebar mustache. Hangs out with a… bear. Look at that, I solved the mystery of Reemus without even pressing Play.

No matter how cute you try and draw a cartoon hedgehog, it will never, ever, ever ever ever, look as cute as a real life hedgehog. I think it’s one of the laws of physics.

hhheeeeeeeeeee’ssssss baaaaaaack…

There is really no reason to fear us zombies. We’re just like you. We like sleeping in late. We read the paper in the morning over a danish and a cup of dark roast. Okay, it’s a brain danish. And a cup of dark brains. And it’s not so much “sleeping” as it is hunting human flesh. But it’s all good, we’re cool homie. What’d you say your address was?

Shift 3 is out! Now featuring Adventure Mode. Plus some groovy player packs! And a pack of Lime Jello! Plus a 3-way sprocket wrench! And a hooker!

Doesn’t the existence of this game contradict the very existence of it’s predecessor? I’m not sure the space-time continuum can handle these shenanigans. It’s like it just went back in time and killed it’s own mother for god’s sake.

Some things are just so ridiculous that they command respect. Like for instance, this game, or the Hungarian Komondor.

After yesterday’s game you should be all set to handle the challenges of today’s game, Boombot. You sure like blowing stuff up, don’t you? Kinda makes you feel good doesn’t it? WELL I GOT MY EYE ON YOU AL-QAEDA!

Well surprise surprise. You’ve gotten yourself trapped in a room again. You know – you might want to consider carrying a bit of C4 in your purse from now on.

(yeah, I said ‘purse’. You got a problem with that, lady?)

The not-so-Ambiguously Gay Duo from the land of Fredricus are back! Reemus and his furry friend (or friend the Furry?) need to find a king, or a princess, or something like that (although I think his priority should be a shirt). Anyways, don’t worry about it, just click stuff. Clickity click, Barba trick.

Best. Screenshot. Evaaaaaaaar, folks.

While you’re wasting your time building little machines that make the pink thing go into the other pink thing, I will be using the the tools in this game to construct the ultimate virtual girlfriend. She’ll have the most beautiful eyes and be my intellectual equal in every way. Plus branches for arms and wheels for legs.

I always face a bit of a moral quandary when I post a game involving drugs. In the end I usually dedide that it’s not my place to try and tell you whether or not I think drugs are bad. That’s something you have to decide on your own. By taking mountains of drugs. And seeing if they make you feel awesome or not.

Way back in 1972, a company called Atari released what many people believe was the first ever video game. And today, 36 years of human and technological advancement has finally brought us the sequel.

There’s nothing I like more on a Friday night than kicking back with a good flash game, a buttery Chardonnay, and a brick of aged Swiss. What about you?

It’s time to dust off your copy of Hagakure and put that warrior spirit to good use. There’s a plague of evil wannabe samurais loose in the fields, and they need their bodies separated from their heads – post haste!

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.