Although you might not expect an accomplished neurosurgeon to have the rugged qualities associated with a bona fide “Mountain Man”, I am proud to say that I am often confused with one none the less. It could be the beard, it could be the long hair, or maybe it’s just the groundhog skin loincloth.

If you’re not a computer programmer you may not understand the game’s reference to “Hello World”. And that means you may also not be worthy of my presence – be gone impudent toad!

Admit it, you’ve always wanted to punch a robot duck in a top hat. And as always, I provide. Yet for some reason I’ve never received a single gift basket in return…

*hint hint*

Surely this can only mean that the terrible planet of the puppies will soon be upon us.

My dad once told me that one day I’d find my own “cursed treasure”. He said it’s also called “a loveless marriage”. Then he started singing jazz standards to the dog and threw up in the ash tray (he only throws up when he drinks the cheap scotch).

I would be giddy as a schoolgirl if in 10 years time everyone was gliding around on one of these things.

Yeah yeah yeah it’s breakfast time again!

I’m pretty sure the pixels in the first computer game I ever played were bigger than the pixels in this game. Maybe not taller, but definitely wider. That computer wouldn’t start unless it had this giant floppy disk in it, and if you forgot it would go AAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHH

Oh Bobulous, I was so much more excited when I thought you were called Boobulous.

If any of you Brits are confused by what this game is, the title translated into proper British would be, “Queue Simulator, pip pip cheerio fish n’ chips Margret Thatcher pint of ale”.

Lazy Horse Mattress is the best in town.

Combine delicious sushi, a fat, perfectly spherical cat and Plinko and you get Sushi Cat. Then when you’re done playing you can buy me an Asahi Super Lucky Cat. Just look at him, he’s off the wagon. Aww.

Spread the zombie virus on a global scale in the latest installment of the Infectonator series.

Angry Husky: *poooooooooops*

My mission today is to verify the thread count of my bedsheets.

Think you’re a good gamer? Try playing this one with your less dominant hand. Think you’re a great gamer? Try playing using your foot. Think you’re a gaming god? Go outside and get some fresh air.

As Flying Spaghetti Monster as my witness, I swear I will build a monument to my greatness using the bones of all those who comment that they couldn’t play because they don’t have a mouse.

Touch the Rainbow. Taste the Rainbow. Digest the Rainbow.

DIGYOUROWNGRAVE – blastin’ baddies and blastin’ dookies since 2005.

Finally, R&B is tolerable. Thank you barnyard animal.

Well fruitcakes, it’s Christmas time, when we let in light and we banish shade. Wait, what? Nevermind. Anyways, I hope you all have a great Christmas (or whatever other holidays you baby Jesus haters might participate in), and remember – if you don’t get the gifts you want, don’t be sad, just make someone pay.

Starlight, starbright, denim pants I’ve removed tonight. Wish I may, wish I might, have no visitors while I’m watching Stargate Atlantis reruns tonight.

If I were a zombie I wouldn’t bother running around trying to bite people in order to spread my undead infection. Instead, I would setup beside the road on days of large marathons and hand out water to runners from a barrel infected with my zombie saliva. See? Even dead I’m still brilliant.

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to play a video game looking through one of those giant magnifying glasses that old people use to read the newspaper, well… today is your lucky day!

Why oh why did I choose guitar over the clarinet? I bet guys who rock the clarinet get all the chicks.

Is it me, or does Dralien look a little… uh… what’s the politically correct term here? A little sofa king. A little sofa king we Todd did, if you know what I’m saying. *cough*

I will always have a soft spot in my heart for llamas, mainly due to that chilly night in Denmark back in 2008. I had a little too much to drink, got separated from my friends and was lost. We talked for a bit and took a little walk down by the river, and that’s when she showed me all about that special “Danish hospitality” I had been hearing about.

In today’s game, Col- wait a second… is that a “u”? Son of a… looks like a Canadian got in here. Guys, if I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times, you can’t just use spray – you also have to leave poison food traps so the worker Canadians carry the food back to the Canadian Queen. Otherwise she just keeps laying eggs and they never stop coming.

Obechi, what a pity, you don’t understand. You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand…

There better be a talking dog after level 12. And it better frickin’ love me even though it just met me.

My favorite episode was the one where the Andy Dick hologram acted all scared and fruity.

YESSSSSssssss…

Reedilly deedliy deedliy deedliy deedliy deedliy

Not since Nintendo’s 1983 hit Elevator Action have I seen so much exciting elevator action in a game. And bleeding ghosts.

Wrah wrah wrah wrah wrah.

Mena-mena-mena-mena!

Spoiler Alert: Grandma gets eaten.

Note to self: That is one crazy, crazy bitch.

I don’t know what that giant pink thing with the boogers is, but I may have pooped it out yesterday morning. If it was me, I apologize.

PPL DONT YOU JUS LV PIXELS SO MUCH DIZ MY FAV THINGS EVA!!!!

This message has been brought to you by the gems in my inbox.

Although I have lots of practice taking naked pictures of myself in the mirror, I was never smiling in any of them – until the phalloplasty, that is.

Sometimes when I play a game I can hear a song for it in my head right away. Like this one goes: cat, cat, cat – ticka-ticka – cat, cat cat (robotvoice)WAAAATERM-E-L-L-O-N *guitar solo*

Texting while driving? Can anyone actually do that? My hands are way too busy flipping people off and putting on eyeliner.

Not so fun when the shoe’s on the other foot, is it jerks?

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy fairybug runestone thing.

Do you want to know what else the rabbit wants? Your blood.

Wild squirrels, dioramas, nuts, madness!

This game requires Flash Player 10. A lot of them do now. Maybe it’s time to update.

Are you seeing this Germany? THIS is how you bastardize a cheeseburger.

Look, I know it’s not much but it’s summer holidays and all the game developers are on vacation. And let’s face it, in 1982 1.5 million people spent a month’s worth of allowance on E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial for the Atari 2600 and they LOVED it. What’s that? Voted worst game of all time? Jeeez, you guys and your facts…

Today’s magical assemblage of interactive colored pixels complements 1066, a historical drama created by the UK’s Channel 4. Now start clickin’ on it ye rump-fed chicken!

Finally the year of auto-tune has brought us something worthwhile.

Hey, you know what else is complete? YOUR FAILURE TO PLEASE ME. Guys, it is already 2 days into summer and I have yet to receive a fruit basket.

In this exciting team-based tactical shooter, you play as Ervil LeBaron, fighting your way through hordes of vicious enemies accompanied by your 16 AI-controlled wives. Collect powerups and gold to upgrade… oh wait, Polygonal Fury. Sorry, wrong game.

We’ve all seen The Matrix, Terminator, Battlestar Galactica… so what, now we’re supposed to help the robots? Ha ha, no way! Nice try robots!

I’m pretty sure Dug the dog from Pixar’s new movie Up is exactly what a talking dog would really be like.

And so begins the strangest jazz performance you’ve ever seen.

Hey little buddy, maybe your family’s not so weird after all.

I said ear flap, ear flap, ear flap.

Just remember… it’s never lupus.

I recently had a conversation with my brother about food poisoning, and like many brothers before us we came to a deadlock on the age old question – which is worse, explosive diarrhea or vomiting? Thankfully we can now solve this problem scientifically using a poll.

The most useless, yet most hilarious, soundboard ever. AHH HAAAAA YEAAAAH!

Little known fact: Neon lights were invented in 1893 by Tibetan monks as a way to make strip club signs more visible from great distances. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. I think they were called “working men’s clubs” back then. Or nipple derbies?

The full title wouldn’t fit so I had to abbreviate it.

Teale Fristoe, the man and the magic behind Arachnophilia, is hard at work on a new game called Xaat Disi: The Salmon Run Game. Today we’re offering you a special 2 level sneak peek. You may see a short survey after you play – filling it out will help Teale make the game better, and help me deal with these painful foot bunions.

Do you know what else I love? Papercuts. I love them.

After all the color blinders complaining about games they can’t play because they’re color blind (wa wa wa), I’ve decided to post a game perfectly suited to their vile disease. (And the game isn’t broken – you just have to choose your country from the list in the bottom before playing.)

Can Charlie save the future, all the while declining the advances of a particularly possessive starfish?

I wasn’t very good at this game at first, but then I just made believe the city was Oakland. Submit your score in millions (ie: if you score 23,567 million, enter your score as 23567).

Super Mario Bros (pronounced Sooper Mary-o Bras!) is a classic game of lost love, addiction, forbidden desire, and mushrooms. Much like my pants are a classic story of itchiness, abuse, neglect, and absence from my legs.

Workers of all countries: Unite! The Red Star will never fall – it will soon rise to even greater heights thanks to the socialist regime of Comrade Obama. Death to fascism! Freedom to the people!

So, the game is good and all but… what exactly am I looking at here? Are those little guys the storks? I fully understand the process of human procreation – it starts with kissing and ends with a room full of babies, but I’m a little hazy on the in between details.

We’ve got sheep pong, sheep fireworks, sheep sheep and so much more.

Even 8-bit spiders terrify me.

Because public urination isn’t just for registered sex offenders.

Weekend’s here folks! I’d love to say something about this game, but I gotta get on the horn and have a KFC Variety Big Box Meal delivered – for breakfast. Gonna start this weekend off right.

Music Catch – so relaxing it’s guaranteed to make you forget to breathe, or at the very least poop your pants. Here’s hoping for the latter.

For those interested, the music in the game is by Isaac Shepard.

Trees. For centuries, man’s most hated enemy. A day has never passed in my entire life where I haven’t fallen to my knees and prayed for the end of their retched race.

When a thin layer of water covers the Salar de Uyuni salt flats in southwestern Bolivia, they reflect the sky, creating what looks like the best place on earth… unless you’re thirsty.

The most annoying thing about monstars is that they’re scary and occupy valuable closet space. The most annoying thing about Death is that he’s always trying to end my life and sometimes he forgets to flush. So Death wins this round in my books.

Hans and the Jedi save the planets from the evil Counsellor.

Crap Mo Stank and Bartle Doo!

Bowja’s back. Bow Chicka Bow Wow.

Oh sure, the Japanese have no respect for libraries, personal space or waiters, but at least they respect the sanctity of the conveyor belt sushi restaurant.

Remember that time you had Taco Bell and then had to find a bathroom really (really really) quickly? This game picks up where that fateful afternoon left off.

PS: Contains NSFW language. Lots of it.

Not satisfied with their growing crime syndicate of denim thievery, rogue pandas are now branching into space travel to continue their illicit activities outside the watchful eye of the law.

People often ask me how I choose what games to post on Dig Your Own Grave. Basically I follow a simple 2-step system: First, I start up the game and begin playing. Second, I play for about 5 minutes and wait to see if any bunnies come on the screen, jump in the air, and fire large poop pellets at me. If it happens, I post the game.

The title of this game promised me cursors. When I read “Cursor Chaos” I picture an orgy of multi-colored arrows, hourglasses, and pointing fingers, all shooting me, shooting each other, insulting my mother, crying, peeing on my couch, and making out with Cindy Seabrook in the closet. I’m not going to lie, I was a little disappointed.

Oh Family Guy, is there anything you can’t make wonderful?

Electricity is all sorts of useful. For instance, electricity is used to power snowmobiles, to make cars move (but not hybrids), and without electricity there would be no plants or animals. Think of how quiet and lonely the world would be without electricity! It would just be us and the robots.

I’m not going to go into details, but the last time I experienced a giant diamond being tossed into the ocean under a beautiful sunset was my famous botched wedding proposal of 1997. Note to self: next time try waiting for the restraining order to expire before proposing.

Now the way I was raised, the term “Eskimo” is not considered very politically correct. The preferred term is actually “Inuit”. And we all know what that means – it’s time for you to rise up and fight this injustice. And it’s time for me to see what’s on the Tivo.

So the other day this pretty influential guy was talking to me, and he was like, “Admin, you are so super cool the way you make games and stuff”. And I was like, “Thanks God, you’re pretty cool yourself, the way you created the universe and stuff. Oh, except for the part where you made testicles on the outside.” Seriously, what’s up with that?

Eyebrows and awesome music combine to make you… want chocolate?

Well today is President’s Day in the US, and we all know what that means. It means I can sit here on my couch in pantless glory until midnight and nobody can say a damn thing about it. Sometimes I like to refer to this particular holiday by it’s more common name – “Monday”.

DYOG Commenting Rules Article 5, subsection 2: Any member using the comments section to refer to a game as ‘easy’ does so with full understanding that such comment is in fact an admission that their mother is actually the one that is ‘easy’. So easy in fact, that she is manager in charge of easiness at the Easy Factory in Easington.

If David Lynch had written and directed Star Trek: TNG, Jean Luc Picard would have been a midget, Worf would have been mute, and Lt. Commander Data would only speak his sentences backwards. These fan made videos are almost as good though.

The victory of the Mushroom Revolution will be a tangible demonstration before all the Americas that mushrooms are capable of rising up, that they can rise up by themselves right under the very fangs of the monster. It will mean the beginning of the end of colonial domination in America, that is, the definitive beginning of the end for North American imperialism.

By the end of 2009 you will still be unemployed and in debt, 10 pounds heavier, one year closer to death, and will still have never kissed a girl. But – you’ll be most excellent at stacking things.

I’ll be honest, I was looking forward to a lot more screaming.

Protect your heart from hordes of enemy cows.

Yeah, you heard that right.

Pip, Pip, Cheerio!

It’s like having a deja vu that you’re having a deja vu!

Press L to submit your score at anytime.

That purple globular mass may look like grape jelly, but this webmaster can assure you that it most definitely is not. It neither tastes like grape jelly, nor possesses the soothing qualities of grape jelly when placed in the trousers. It is nothing more than a cruel electronic facade.

This game may not be a natural beauty like me or Angelina Jolie, but what it lacks in earth shattering good looks it makes up for in… uh… I forgot what I was going to say. Did I mention I’m good looking?

meow meow meow meow meow, TIME TRAVEL.

This video would be even cuter if the parrot’s claw didn’t look like a terrifying tarantula.

I tried this game a couple weeks ago and it nearly put me to sleep, but apparently THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE INTERNET thinks it’s the bees knees. So now I’m in this bizarre situation where I have to consider that I might have actually been wrong. Let me know what you think – I’ve got my seppuku blade sharpened and ready to go.

Thanks to a bit of fancypants new technology, you can now submit highscores for some games – like this one – without a screenshot. Just login and submit your score in-game at the end. And it’s also got an achievement! That’s right kiddos, Christmas did just come early.

Snowboarding looks pretty cool, but personally I prefer sports that are performed in a much warmer climate. And don’t require a space helmet for safety. Or bind my legs. Or make me hemorrhage into my skull. I’m just not a big fan of brain swelling.

How does it feel to be entangled… in my love?

If I had a Hi-Fi, I’d listen to this Weird Al song all day.

I long for the old days of airfish travel. Those were simpler, more civilized times.

Count me out folks. As you know, I don’t do games involving balls and crushing, and by association I also don’t do games involving balls and factories. Bad things can happen in factories. Bad, bad things.

Running, lasers, upgrades, giant flying saucers, etc. etc. But in other news, did you know that if you leave lettuce in your fridge for long enough, it turns into a liquid? Smells too.

Merry Christmas fruitcakes! It’s time to wipe that sleep from your eyes and head on downstairs to check out your presents! If you can’t find any – don’t worry – it just means that everyone in the world you love probably hates you.

I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!!!

I could watch this cute-dancing-Japanese-girl clock all day.

Everyone knows that inhaling helium will cause your voice to become very high. Inhaling sulfur hexafluoride on the other hand, will turn you into a demon. No, I’m serious. You literally turn into a demon.

This YouTube video of the new Wario Land game is really clever. I didn’t even realize what was happening at first.

Mirrored glass can really get a goose angry.

I’m a guy that enjoys all sorts of ballin’. But without a doubt my favorite type of ballin’ is eyeballin’. I like eyeballin’ fancy cars, eyeballin’ purdy ladies, and especially – especially – eyeballin’ geometries.

Mother nature must really want us dead.

So you call yourself a gamer?

Now this is an Olympic event I can get into. The suspense!

This cat loves baths more than I do. Maybe we should bathe together, or would that be wrong?

While you’re wasting your time building little machines that make the pink thing go into the other pink thing, I will be using the the tools in this game to construct the ultimate virtual girlfriend. She’ll have the most beautiful eyes and be my intellectual equal in every way. Plus branches for arms and wheels for legs.

If ever a cat was going to kill you during the night, it would be this one.

The not-so-Ambiguously Gay Duo from the land of Fredricus are back! Reemus and his furry friend (or friend the Furry?) need to find a king, or a princess, or something like that (although I think his priority should be a shirt). Anyways, don’t worry about it, just click stuff. Clickity click, Barba trick.

Best. Screenshot. Evaaaaaaaar, folks.