Due to certain distractions yesterday (supermodels – more than I can count), the game posted was not entirely… legit. So for those of you left disappointed by this error, please enjoy it over at Armor Games today. And now if you’ll excuse me, these ladies aren’t going to tattoo my name on their behinds by themselves.

I’ve no idea what this celebration is, or how it originated, but it is explosilicious. Do yourself a favor and watch until the end.

This dog must have been chasing atomic-super-rabbits.

If we could walk with the animals, talk with the animals,
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the animals,
They’d ask us to stop hitting them with our awesome dolphin boats

Every year in Gloucestershire England, people hurl themselves down a very steep hill in pursuit of a cheese wheel. And once we have nationalized health care over here, we’ll be able to have the same sort of wacky competitions.

Little known fact: I invented bridges in 1635.

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

The directions for this game are a bit complicated, so read carefully: CLUB SMASH, CLUB SMASH HEAD. SMASH GOOD. Spacebar will pause the game, and SMASH GOOD, OG LOVE SMASH.

If I had known gold digging was this easy I might have considered another career path. Being a male model can be so tiresome…

With my busy schedule of rocket sciencetry and supermodel dating, I find it hard to get out and treasure hunt like I used to. And to be honest, being a multi-billionaire has kind of taken the excitement out of finding chests of gold.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

Can there be a better way to put an engineering education to use than to develop a game simulating the fluid dynamics of mucus? Well if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

Remember, these are just stickmen. It’s not considered real violence if your victims are two-dimensional and faceless. And yes, that would also apply to Lindsay Lohan if you happen to run into her.

No matter how cute you try and draw a cartoon hedgehog, it will never, ever, ever ever ever, look as cute as a real life hedgehog. I think it’s one of the laws of physics.

Finally, a game that I excel at thanks to my rocket sciencestry background. The point is to hurl all the creatures into the chasm, right?

And here we are, screwed again by gravity. Seriously, name one good thing about gravity. Going to the bathroom? Hmmmm… okay, maybe gravity’s not so bad.

I’m convinced that mechanical engineers are warlocks. Burn them at the stake!

It is a well documented fact that decorated World War II Air Chief Marshal Sir Foxley Neilson, refused to wear pants while flying missions on Wednesdays. Henceforth, Wednesdays have been commonly referred to as “Nopantsdays”, and only jerks wear pants on this, the most sacred of all weekdays.

Finally, a little game for the Emo in all of us.

Well here I was thinking this was a Halloween game, but turns out those aren’t piles of zombies – they’re piles of clones. I suck. Halloween is ruined.

I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!!!

Does anyone remember that old board game Crossbows and Catapults? I loved that game so much it made me enjoy childhood despite the constant beatings.

If I built a castle and it looked even half as silly as some of these, I would construct a trebuchet using the bones of my wife, the tendons from my children, and the hide of my dog. I would launch my own body at the castle over and over until it was completely destroyed and any trace of the shame it brought to me was erased from existence.