Bonus points for anyone who knows what I named the achievements after – without using a search engine. And without sacrificing their heterosexuality, which might be impossible. (That was a clue).

PS: You submit your score in the stats menu.

I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got the monkey?

No matter how cute you try and draw a cartoon hedgehog, it will never, ever, ever ever ever, look as cute as a real life hedgehog. I think it’s one of the laws of physics.

I like to think of myself as a pretty smart guy, but I cannot get past level two of this ‘kids game’. Some guy has apparently gotten to level 30, which isn’t too hard to believe if you also believe in unicorns and monsters made of cheesecake.

Puzzles are great and all, but I understand that some days you just want to get your shoot on.

There is a great war waging among the stars above us. A war that only non-epileptics can win.

It is a well documented fact that decorated World War II Air Chief Marshal Sir Foxley Neilson, refused to wear pants while flying missions on Wednesdays. Henceforth, Wednesdays have been commonly referred to as “Nopantsdays”, and only jerks wear pants on this, the most sacred of all weekdays.

I really wanted to make up for yesterday’s blunder by ruining your weekend extra badly today. However, today’s game has turned out to be quite fun, relatively easy, and somewhat short. As punishment, I shall spend the entire weekend in not just pants, but snowpants, listen to 50 Cent’s new album in it’s entirety, and eat only gluten-free foods.

Sweep the leg. No mercy.

Ah, sweet sweet crude, aka petroleum, aka “The Black Gold”. Not to be confused with “The Brown Gold”, known to many by it’s consumer name, Nutella. I would smear that stuff into my eyes if it made the taste last longer (it doesn’t, I tried).

iTS JUST ANOTER TOWER DEFENCE GAME iM TOTALY BOARD OF THEES TYPES OF GAMES

There, I said it so you don’t have to. Now we can use the comments section to talk about our favorite types of cookies!

It’s like the Special Olympics for your fingers.

Well fruitcakes, another Christmas is upon us. I hope yours is very merry and you have a safe and happy time over the holidays. And always remember the lessons the baby jesus has taught us: it is your birthright to receive gifts today, and webmasters are super sexy.

If there’s one thing that the internet has taught us over these past few years, it’s that it’s fun and perfectly safe to play with fire.

If I built a castle and it looked even half as silly as some of these, I would construct a trebuchet using the bones of my wife, the tendons from my children, and the hide of my dog. I would launch my own body at the castle over and over until it was completely destroyed and any trace of the shame it brought to me was erased from existence.

I don’t really have time to say too much about this game. It’s the start of a brand new day over here, and I’ve got some very important business to attend to. I can’t reveal exactly what that business is, but it starts with ‘p’ and rhymes with ‘pooping’. I mean… wait.. damn.

After yesterday’s game you should be all set to handle the challenges of today’s game, Boombot. You sure like blowing stuff up, don’t you? Kinda makes you feel good doesn’t it? WELL I GOT MY EYE ON YOU AL-QAEDA!