As if Mondays weren’t bad enough already…

Life is unfair. The sooner you kids learn this, the better off you’ll be. When you get older you can expect everyday life to be exactly like this game. Well, you don’t die as much – unless you count dying on the inside.

This dog and I have a lot in common. We both hate balloons because of their terrible, terrible smell. We also both have fleas.

Before the invention of the photocopier, copiers were people who worked in large warehouse-like rooms, copying polygons for the military so that the United States did not fall behind in the Shape Race. Prepare to relive this exotic history with Dupligon.

The Monkey is back. He laughs at your suffering.

We are the Digital Youth Optimized for Gratification. How appropriate.

Those crazy Japanese bug men are back, and this time they’re trying to close some patio doors. Should they fail, the bug women are waiting in the wings to blow stinky tube breath in their face.

If you’re not already living your life in a state of fear and paranoia due to the constant threat of terrorist attack, then this Google Maps mashup is sure to help you along the way. Find out what horrible event (or boring false alarm) happened in a town near you.

Some Russian artists have created a headset that allows you to view the world like Neo from the Matrix, or like someone who has licked one toad too many.

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.

The ability to set Dig Your Own Grave Favorites has now been added to your accounts. To add or remove a post from your favorites, click the little heart in the titlebar of the post. To view your favorites, click the ‘Favorites’ link at the top of the site. Today’s post will take you to my own set of favorites from over the years. Enjoy!

If I were a brilliant electrical engineer, I… wait a minute, let me start over… Being one of the world’s most brilliant electrical engineers, I find it silly that people like building robots for fighting. Robots should be created for much more noble purposes, like medical procedures or washing my car.

I’m seriously considering using this prank to scare and subsequently rob old people. I know it’s wrong, but I’m tired of sleeping in the bathroom at Denny’s.

Fear not, citizens of Earth! When goofy galactic robots invade, you will be there to fight off the invasion. The government has surgically removed your skeleton to provide you with greater agility, and attached powerful automatic weapons to your hands for combat (they are also auditing you for the 2006 tax year to increase your aggression).

We’re all pretty smart here. ‘Edumacated’ and what not. I know you don’t need me to tell you about Newton’s most famous Law, the Third Law of Motion. That one that states for each and every reaction there is another thing that happens, and that I’m super cool, and score with all the ladies, and all that. Common knowledge, right?

In Crayon Physics Deluxe, the things you draw come true. It’s a lot like this academic program, except it’s actually a game and you should hopefully be able to buy it without requiring several rounds of academic funding.

Halloween is coming, and I for one am so excited that every time I think about it I pee in my pants a little bit. To help set the mood, let’s start the week off with some decapitations!

Finally a point-and-click adventure that doesn’t involve a supercomputer to calculate the solution by clicking every permutation of every pixel on the screen in every conceivable order just to pass the first level. Plus, it’s getting close to Halloween and this game is frightfully delicious (and magically nutritious).

This game is pretty gross, but hey, what’s Halloween without a little blood and body parts? Why, it would be like having Christmas without snow! (and blood and body parts.)

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!

You know, I always said that the one thing Doom was missing was a stereotypical Italian plumber… That and mushrooms. Lots of mushrooms. Magic mushrooms.

After seeing today’s game, you may find yourself asking, “How many Bloons games is too many Bloons games?”. However, the sophisticated among us will stick to more important questions like “should I not have eaten that?”, or “say, do you mind if I put that down my pants?”, and my personal favorite, “can I speak to my lawyer now?”

You’ve got to hand it to China. When they’re not adding melamine to food products meant for animal and human consumption, they’re building a giant knockoff of Disneyland, featuring such original creations as Rickey Rouse, and Monald Muck.

This is a police officer. This is drugs. This is a police officer on drugs.

Any questions?

It looks like Halo’s Master Chief suffers from the same affliction as The Hoff. Here’s hoping he gets all the help he needs.

This site is about protesting the inclusion of Hummer toys in Happy Meals, but I don’t really care about that. Don’t get me wrong, I have no love for the H2, but I’d rather just use their site to create silly signs.

Everyone loves water balloons. Well, everyone except fat, slow kids, but that’s just natual selection at work baby! If you don’t like it, stop pounding back the Oscar Meyers man! Anyway, here’s what liquid evolution looks like when filmed with a high-speed camera.

The New York Times recently did a neat photo essay comparing real-life gamers to their in-game avatars. It’s worth knowing that the next time you’re playing Lineage II and feeling all proud of yourself for chatting up some cute little number in pigtails and a miniskirt, it’s probably just Mr. Bubble-Tea over there.

The character classes in World of Warcraft each have different dances, and they all take their inspiration from the real world. So if you’ve ever thought, during your sweaty Hot Pocket fuelled hours of playing, that a dance looked familiar but you couldn’t quite place it, this video has the answer you need.

This is a very cool little puzzle game that I think even the non-gamers will enjoy. All you have to do is get the bloxor into the hole. It’s sort of like golf, only with a big brick instead of a ball, and no clubs, and you don’t hit anything, you just sort of roll around. So like I said, nothing like golf.

One day our pets will learn that the only reason we like dressing them up so much is because they look so humiliated when we do it. Bottom line – dress them up as much as you can now, before they figure it out.

Avatar Machine is a system which replicates the aesthetics and visuals of third person gaming, allowing the user to view themselves as a virtual character in real space via a head mounted interface.

Now you can finally hit up those parties that you were too shy to before!

I hope one day this Piñata will grant you guys all your wishes. Like crab cakes, aerosol cheese, or even an amicable divorce.

Behold, the dancing inmates of CPDRC prison in the Philippines. Why do they dance? Because the music flows through them. They live the music. They breathe it! Also, they’re in prison and pretty bored.

In this strange Japanese game show, contestants have to sit on a pad at the bottom of a tub of really hot water. While they sit on the pad, they gain points, and a woman in a bikini bounces around. I’m not making this up. (Possibly NSFW, due to scantily clad jiggling boobies.)

I’m not even sure how to describe this one. It combines the classic song Unchained Melody by the Everly Brothers with standing motionless on a rotating platform, and somehow manages to come up with a game that would actually make me excited to go to a casino.

Nintendo deemed these games inappropriate for their target Wii Play audience, so we were stuck with Fishing, and Table Tennis. It’s a real shame, because WiiPii looks like fun.

The future of human-computer interaction is here with the speech recognition built in to Windows Vista! Indeed, it is so seamless that you may even start pretending that you are Captain Jean-Luc Pricard talking to the computer of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

For years I’ve been praying that someone would make a game involving a ball you move around the screen with your keyboard. WELL TODAY ALL OF OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.

Some people say that violent video games are a bad influence on our children, but I say we should just shoot those people to make them shut up. Try to break the logic in that statement my friends. It’s a little something I like to call absolute brilliance.

This is a 2D version of Valve Software’s innovative game Portal. The goal of the game is to use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device to complete a series of increasingly difficult room puzzles, all so that you can eat some delicious cake and listen to the crazy Portal song until you throw-up.

This one’s a bit like Unreal Tournament, only without that overrated third dimension. And without limbs either. Those are overrated too.

In this game you have to try and save Sir Whitey McBlockster from a deadly pool of rising lava. It takes a combination of luck, strategy, and patience to do well, but with practice you can actually get some pretty high scores.

You’re not going to let me keep that gold, are you?

There is a stinky grey coconut shaped thing inside your skull. Some people call it a “brain” although you may have heard it referred to as “the enemy of the thing in your pants” or perhaps “your greatest disapointment”. Anyways, you’re going to need it for this one…

Quite possibly the greatest game in the history of mankind. And probably the only game in the history of eternity to feature a ‘Critical Slap’.

This makes me wonder how many penises have been hidden in all the cartoons I’ve watched over the years.

Those Japanese bastards have done it again. Is nothing sacred to these animals?

I’ve never been much into reading the Bible. When given a choice between a) Tivo and burning in the eternal lake of fire, or b) reading a really long book with lots of names, Tivo wins every time. But now thanks to The Brick Testament I can enjoy the most violent lessons of the Bible in easy to follow LEGO format. And as an added bonus I am no longer condemned to eternity in Hell! (right?)

The SnÅ«zNLÅ«z alarm clock utilizes a rather ingenious method to wake you up in the morning – the fear of separating you from your hard earned money by giving it to an organization that you hate! Every time you hit the snooze button, a donation will be made from your bank account to the hated organization of your choosing.

Hey chief, you make body into shapes for extra excitement good times, or you splash in a pool!

Here’s yet another creative challenge from a Japanese game show. But you know, I’d rather watch a game show where a creepy bald guy asks people to randomly pick a briefcase that might contain money. The Japanese should create a show like that.

It’s just like Risk, only faster and funner. And you don’t have to talk to people. And I can’t stop playing it. Every time another side takes over one of my areas my rage is so great I want to rip their dice right out of the computer monitor and devour them. And every time my dice win I want to hug them and squeeze them until they explode! Such joy!

Hell of Sand is yet another game with no point other than to waste time. It is also an oddly titled game. I would have called it Joy of Relaxing Sand. Make sure you experiment with all of the options at the bottom.

One of the oldest and most popular games on Dig Your Own Grave is Cubefield. It’s so simple a two-fingered monkey could play it, but at the same time it’s so fun that you will spontaneously burst into tears of joy while playing it. And, we’ve just set it up with our new High Scores system, so you might want to check that all out before you officially become the lamest lame-o on the block.

ZOMBIES COMIN’ UP THE HELL RIGHT NOW! SHOOT ‘EM IN THE HEAD! SHOOT ‘EM!! HIS AXE IS ON FIRE! HE KILLED YOUR PARENTS! SHOOT ‘EM IN THE HEAD!! JUMP GYPSY, JUMP!!

All you gotta do in this one is grow your tree branches through the pretty golden rings. If you don’t, your pet puppy dog will get eaten by a tree. No, no, just kidding. But if you don’t send this game to 5 of your friends within the next minute, your pet puppy dog will get eaten by a tree.

This is what you get when you combine Pong, fluid dynamics and neon! Check out the video, and then download a free copy of the game.

Although the medicinal effects of popping balloons have never been scientifically proven, the South African Supahfa-izzle tribe have been using the technique for over a century. Critically ill tribe members are give a large pin and placed in an enclosure filled with giant, colorful balloons. And although the patients still die, at least they die smelling of balloons.

Oh noes! Some bad fuzzy bears have robbed a bank and taken hostages! You control a crack team of 4 special agent Warbears sent in to save the day. When you’re done you can just tell me what to do, because so far I’ve only been able to make the one bear blow up his bear buddy. And that, unfortunately, is not part of the mission.

I almost feel like I need to apologize for this post.

Ask yourself, are you ready for The MindScape? Do you have a beanbag chair? Sit in it. Do you have friends? Forget them. Alcohol? Consume it. Pants? Remove them.

Now you are ready.

Pop open the bubbly, it’s time to celebrate! Fans of Boxhead: More Rooms are sure to enjoy ’2Play’, the next installment in the box zombie series. And if you’re lucky enough to have a friend sitting beside you, or perhaps a conjoined twin, then you can also enjoy the new co-op and deathmatch modes!

Here are another 50 levels of Bloons, but this time they are created by the fans. I haven’t gotten that far, but some of these levels seem pretty ridonculous. I don’t know about you, but if I were making a Bloons level it would have 5 balloons, 20 darts, and you’d be able to kill that damn monkey.

You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the beans?

PS: Who is your favorite bean?

I told myself I was done with tower defense games, but along came that damn monkey and his balloons again. I swear he must have been a crack dealer in another life.

Do you love Guitar Hero? Do your parents not love you enough to buy it for you? Well stop crying cry-baby! Now thanks to the internet you can play this two-dimensional Guitar Hero clone that features a collection of songs by people who aren’t famous!

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

Physics + Balls = Edutainment.

I’ll tell you when the suffering will end. It ends when that monkey is lying face-down in a pool of his own blood.