You guys really seemed to like that Fantastic Contraption game, so I thought you might enjoy this one too. Personally, I haven’t tried it – way too many buttons. I only need two buttons in my games, PLAY and LAUNCH TACTICAL NUCLEAR WARHEADS.

I’m not sure, but this video makes me suspect that my family has been replaced with robots.

If you love trousers made of leather, or just not wearing any trousers at all, you’ll love this song. Yama yama ha.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don’t let your son become a stuntman.
(NSFW due to the swearing during the inevitable.)

I really wanted to make up for yesterday’s blunder by ruining your weekend extra badly today. However, today’s game has turned out to be quite fun, relatively easy, and somewhat short. As punishment, I shall spend the entire weekend in not just pants, but snowpants, listen to 50 Cent’s new album in it’s entirety, and eat only gluten-free foods.

I think we can all agree that Zombie Baseball is about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball. But let’s be honest, clipping your toenails is also about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball.

Main Entry: rage
Pronunciation: \ˈrāj\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin rabia, from Latin rabies rage, madness, from rabere to be mad; to be forced to wear pants

It’s a proven scientific fact that whenever you combine two things, it makes a new thing that’s better than both the original things. Like for instance, a side-scrolling shooter and a tower defense game. Or say, a golden retriever puppy and a stripper. That’s cute and sexy. Oh, but… crap, does that mean I’m a furry?

Well here I was thinking this was a Halloween game, but turns out those aren’t piles of zombies – they’re piles of clones. I suck. Halloween is ruined.

Mother nature must really want us dead.

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.

Learn about the importance of personal hygiene from a couple of creepy marionettes and a scary clown.

This is Loops of Zen, sequel to the lesser known but equally enjoyable game, Poops of Zen. Played by me. This morning. On the toilet.

There is a great war waging among the stars above us. A war that only non-epileptics can win.

An interactive website user interface that doesn’t require using mouse clicks. Works better than you might think…

I have been called many things in my time… lover, fighter, hero, douchebag, and yes, even a maverick.

Way back in 1972, a company called Atari released what many people believe was the first ever video game. And today, 36 years of human and technological advancement has finally brought us the sequel.

Those Japanese bastards have done it again. Is nothing sacred to these animals?

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

Here is the eagerly anticipated summer-blockbuster game Bowman 2. Not that I’ve ever played Bowman 1, but I’m sure this one is miles ahead in both special effects and plot twists. Be sure to try ‘Bird Hunting’ mode; pretend they’re all pigeons and exterminate with extreme prejiduce!

This YouTube video of the new Wario Land game is really clever. I didn’t even realize what was happening at first.

I always face a bit of a moral quandary when I post a game involving drugs. In the end I usually dedide that it’s not my place to try and tell you whether or not I think drugs are bad. That’s something you have to decide on your own. By taking mountains of drugs. And seeing if they make you feel awesome or not.

Sure, it starts off innocent enough. Turn left, turn right, move forward. Flip on the light. Then next thing you know SkyNet goes online and there’s a nuclear storm raging across the planet, searing the flesh from our bones and reducing Mother Nature to ash. But go ahead, play your little game.

This is so much cooler than our find the painted eggs hidden by a giant rabbit Easters.

Molten lava is no laughing matter. Unless you pour it down your friend’s pants – then it’s hilarious!

Everyone knows that inhaling helium will cause your voice to become very high. Inhaling sulfur hexafluoride on the other hand, will turn you into a demon. No, I’m serious. You literally turn into a demon.

Relieve your childhood dreams in this surrealistic art game. Now… not to split hairs, but my childhood dreams usually involved Transformers and GI Joe. Maybe they show up in the later levels?

Socotra is an archipelago of four islands off the Horn of Africa, where all the plant life looks like it was transplanted from another planet. I think they should call them the Tuber Islands.

A full-face helmet would have come in handy here… or maybe not.

To get an idea of what playing this game is like on a laptop touchpad, copy the following simple steps:

1) If you are right-handed, place the mouse in your left hand (or vise versa).
2) Wrap the mouse cord around your neck and leap out the nearest window.

Question 1: When you guys ask me to put up a game, what do I do? Answer: I put it up. Question 2: Why do I do that? Answer: Because I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Question 3: Why am I so awesome? Answer: Not entirely sure, maybe genetics.

The character classes in World of Warcraft each have different dances, and they all take their inspiration from the real world. So if you’ve ever thought, during your sweaty Hot Pocket fuelled hours of playing, that a dance looked familiar but you couldn’t quite place it, this video has the answer you need.

I am so there.

What is this gorilla doing? Is it masturbating to a Phil Collins song? God I hope not.

It’s not a tumour!

LazyTown is an addictive Icelandic children’s television show that preaches exercise and healthy eating, all to an awesome Vengaboys-esque soundtrack. This song is about baking a cake, because cake is an essential part of any well balanced diet.

Most people aren’t aware that the Governator is a big fan of hippity hop, but that’s all going to change with the release of his cover of Ludacris’ Area Codes. It’s all just clicks and whistles to me though.

I tell you, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Halo characters celebrating good times, or a group of Master Chiefs doing the chicken dance.

Possibly the greatest music video ever created.

Protect yer ship from th’ oncomin’ hordes. An’ dasn’t ye dare leave a comment without puttin’ ‘t through th’ Buccanneer Translator (ya bilge rat!)

After yesterday’s game you should be all set to handle the challenges of today’s game, Boombot. You sure like blowing stuff up, don’t you? Kinda makes you feel good doesn’t it? WELL I GOT MY EYE ON YOU AL-QAEDA!

Ever since the beginning of THE WAR ON TERROR, one has to be very careful about using the B-word in public. You know what I’m talking about, right? The B-thing that does the e-thing? Yeah? The… you know… a… *cough* bomb *cough* So anyways, this game OH GOD THEY’VE FOUND ME PLEASE I’M A WEBMASTER NOT A TERRORI-

I’m glad I didn’t go to a school with school lunches, because these pictures of the lunch options from the Harrisonburg, Virginia school system, are truly disgusting.

It seems as though the youth of today will not be happy until the roads of the Information Super Highway are lined with the bleached skulls of innocent ragdolls. Please write to your local congressman or member of parliament and beg them, Stop the Ragdoll Genocide!

I’ve got nothing folks. Here we have yet another game featuring a screen full of balls, but after all these years there is not a single joke left in the great Encyclopedia Balltanica. I am in desperate need of some new material! Maybe someone could create a game where you have to strangle chickens? Or punish a naughty monkey…

“That’s gotta hurt!”

(Warning: A little gross.)

There is a stinky grey coconut shaped thing inside your skull. Some people call it a “brain” although you may have heard it referred to as “the enemy of the thing in your pants” or perhaps “your greatest disapointment”. Anyways, you’re going to need it for this one…

Todo List:
Kidnap Mormon and use him as a sex slave.
Sell house, and use proceeds to clone puppies for $50,000.
Do something even more crazy.

Some things are just so ridiculous that they command respect. Like for instance, this game, or the Hungarian Komondor.

The game may not look like much, but you should give it a shot. Believe me kids, looks aren’t everything. I realize that might sound silly coming from a man who has amassed a multimillion dollar fortune through male modeling contracts, but a little bit of heart goes a long way too.

It’s almost not fair for me to put up 3D avoider games, since this is the birthplace of the shining light in all our lives known as Vector Runner – however – I do like the style of this one. The house music soundtrack actually inspired me to crack and shake my very last glowstick. Unfortunately that old hit of ecstasy I had doesn’t seem to be work… wait… I… want to make love to my lamp.

Not a lot of people know this, but Sesame Street isn’t for children anymore. In their efforts to reach the coveted young adult demographic, I think they’ve crossed the line.

Baby sloths are much cuter than baby humans, so I hope one day to be the father of a human-sloth chimera.

You’ve seen her freak out about rainbows in a sprinkler, and now you can see the rest of her absolutely insane videos on her YouTube account. Did you know that the government has aimed a directed energy weapon at her house that causes it to vibrate?

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time ’till touchdown brings me round again. To find I’m not the man they think I am at home, oh no no no…

There’s been so much shooting and violence here lately that I thought it might be nice to play a game that’s just all about a little red ball, and drawing with a fat marker, and relaxing clunking sounds, and really really really awful music. Throw in a pork burrito and I’m pretty much in heaven.

Ask yourself, are you ready for The MindScape? Do you have a beanbag chair? Sit in it. Do you have friends? Forget them. Alcohol? Consume it. Pants? Remove them.

Now you are ready.

If there’s one thing that bees love, its coins. And stinging other bees. And thus is the paradox of your life as a bee. Collecting coins but not getting stung by your fellow bees while you do it. And rocking hard, don’t forget you always got to rock it hard.

Now that you’ve had all this practice playing Double Wires, you can move on to the more challenging Pendulumeca. The principle is the same but you’ve only got one wire and it’s faster paced. And crappier. Kind of like your score compared to mine. Which was 220m.

Help the poor little boneless man avoid the metal spikes raining down from the sky! I was able to dodge 135. Coincidentally that is the same number of pushups I do every morning. Right before I head off to male supermodel school. Just some little facts I thought you might be interested in… *cough* ladies.

This video has been making the rounds on the Internet lately, purportedly as the worst fight scene ever, but I think we know the truth.

Scaly man-fish looking for love. Likes drinking creamy Baileys from a shoe, doing watercolors, and the boat times.

This makes me wonder how many penises have been hidden in all the cartoons I’ve watched over the years.

Oh dear. Sorry guys. Now not only do you have to stress over the fact that I, webmaster extraordinaire, p0wn you in all of our online games, but now there’s all these animals that are better than you too!

This little boy is really concerned with the well-being of his baby brother. I used to throw things at mine.

If you want to get fired from your job or be forced to attend a full day of sexual sensitivity training, then I recommend you try this at work. If you want to get arrested, then I recommend you try this in the park. (Somewhat NSFW.)

Защищай вас ядерный арсенал из американских свиней. Я ненавижу брюки!

How do Mormons react to door-to-door proselytizing by a couple of atheists trafficking in The Origin of Species? About as well as I do when those Latter-day Saints c*#kf!*kers ring my doorbell at 10 in the morning!

Argyria is a rare condition that turns a person’s skin bluish-gray. It’s caused by ingesting silver dust, which some people believe gives them magical medical powers. In reality, it turns them in to something Gargamel wants to eat.

Gigantes del Norte is a Brazilian soccer team made up entirely of players suffering from dwarfism. They play against under-13 teams, drawing huge crowds, and it’s all to raise awareness of sizeism.

I generally make it a point not to argue with giant stone heads that vomit guns out of their mouths, but I think Zardoz may be a little off the mark here.

Hey chief, you make body into shapes for extra excitement good times, or you splash in a pool!

That Maury Povich is a real sadist. First he torments Pickle Girl with a trip to the pickle factory and a free platter of pickles, and now he has men dress up as cotton ball monsters and chase around a woman afraid of cotton balls!

The SnÅ«zNLÅ«z alarm clock utilizes a rather ingenious method to wake you up in the morning – the fear of separating you from your hard earned money by giving it to an organization that you hate! Every time you hit the snooze button, a donation will be made from your bank account to the hated organization of your choosing.

What do you get when you combine Jason Bateman, Alyssa Milano, Mario, Luigi, a 1930s Princess Peach and Mr. Belvedere? Why a cringe inducing version of Super Mario Bros. On Ice of course!

So did these guys think this gyration-filled rap video would make them look sexy? Because it definitely has the opposite effect. NSFW due to massive amounts of male gyration.

Cover your mouth, because you’re about to yell “oh s***!”

Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood is a lot more surreal than I remember it, though that probably could be said for a lot of children’s television. In this episode, Mister Rogers invites over a 12 year old neighbor to demonstrate some breakdancing, and ends up trying his hand at some waving and the moonwalk.

IM IN UR RECITAL

LOSING MY MIND

I can’t imagine how long this took to make, and the only thing that could have possibly made it any better is if it repeated indefinitely.

This fight scene has everything from oily men to cheesy gore. It also has something I don’t even know how to describe… grunting? Lots of grunting. Non-stop grunting.

This is what you get when you combine Pong, fluid dynamics and neon! Check out the video, and then download a free copy of the game.

I hate telemarketers, but not as much as this woman hates them. She also hates taking her medication.

419eaters.com is a site dedicated to the art of ‘scambaiting’. Scambaiting involves turning the tables on Nigerian email scammers (a.k.a. 419 scammers) and getting them to do silly and humiliating things. The link will take you to the hilariously unbelievable story of John Boko and The Incredible Shrinking Artwork. A story of Internet Justice!

You can learn a lot of useful things from looking at old advertisements. For instance, you shouldn’t pee through a fence in a yard full of geese, and you shouldn’t have sex with prostitutes. Also, it’s never too early for a baby to start shaving or smoking. And they’ll never have to worry about feeling over-smoked. That’s the Miracle of Marlboro!

Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. Experts who have studied the US navy’s cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying ‘toxic dart’ guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet’s smartest.

You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the beans?

PS: Who is your favorite bean?

Good news, it’s time to finally put your civil engineering degree to use. Somebody needs you to build the tallest tower in the world, and they don’t care if you use the earthquake building codes as toilet paper. So what are you waiting for? Get off your duff and get into that crane!

Can you solve the mysterious puzzle of Heady Steinberg? There’s a prize if you can! (The prize is hugs and cuddles.)

There’s an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, smash those *#$&%s into the ground with the largest club you can find. Fill the streets with their sour citrus blood until not a single one is left whole”. Or… something like that.

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

Phew! Check this game out. I haven’t seen that many polar bears since the Furry Convention back in Schaumburg last year. Not that I was there or anything. I just heard about it from some friends who were there. Friends who aren’t Furries. Friends of friends, actually. I’m completely hairless truth be told.

AAHHHH!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAHHHH? Ah? Ah! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh…

I thought after all the fish love last week you might enjoy something with lots o’ splodjuns and militarie armorzments. PS FIRST COMMENT WOOO!!1

I’m convinced that mechanical engineers are warlocks. Burn them at the stake!

Or to be more accurate, oobleck, a mixture of corn starch and water. It has the properties of a non-Newtonian fluid, which behaves like a solid when force is applied.

This is a cool little flash app. It could be completely useless but I think I could probably spend the rest of my life playing with it. The fellow in the picture to the left is named Beaver. If you think he looks familiar then you are wrong, because I MADE HIM.

Graphic design elitism at its best. The site lets you preview what your shirt will look like before you buy. The sheer simplicity. 55 characters allowed, all of which will be placed in all-caps Helvetica 48pt left-justified on a shirt of your color choice. continue reading… »

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail-in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.

One of the coolest art websites I’ve seen. There’s lots to explore and the art is great… but avoid the photos section (trust me).

Pop Quiz: You’re a famous webmaster, committed to posting a brand new game every weekday. One night you’re stuck in a hotel with internet so bad it makes you long for the days of 56K dialup modems – what do you do?

Answer: Repost a really cool game from 4 years ago and hope nobody notices.

If you have been in a coma for the past few years, you may have missed the Badger Song when it first appeared on the internet. If that is the case, I have come to your rescue like the great hero I am!
Badge badger badger
Mushroom mushroom!

Mr. Lickers usually wasn’t allowed to give his owner slobbery wet kisses, but for some reason this time his owner didn’t seem to mind. This made Mr. Lickers very happy.

Who do you think this little rascal is chasing down in his dream? I bet it’s a dandelion field full of fluffy bunnies. But I’ll tell you why he should really be running… because I’m after him, and when I catch him I’m going to zurbert that pink little belly of his. It’s all part of my tough love program.

And now, a dramatic reading of a real breakup letter from a real person.

Although not well known, Jesusasaurus Rex was by far the most feared of the dinosaurs, possessing the ability to rise from the grave and bore other dinosaurs to death with speeches about kindness.

Intrepid freelance photojournalist Frank West is covering the zombie outbreak in Willamette, Colorado, in this video from Mega64.

Okay, seriously, why is this product in the shape of a teddy bear? Is anyone else a little weirded out by that? And why is the bear so sad looking?

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don’t go in to the ocean.

You may have recently heard about how the residents of Boston turned retarded. It seems they could not tell the difference between a Lite-Brite of the Mooninite Ignignokt from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and an explosive device. The two men hired to put up the ads have been charged with placing “hoax devices”, and in this press conference they treat the situation with the respect it deserves.

Remember that Dove Evolution commercial? Well… some people with far more intelligence and free time than I will ever have, went and made a clever little parody. And in appreciation of all their hard work I will now burp or possibly pass wind, whichever comes first.

Everybody hates emo kids, and now you can pass on that completely justified hatred to the little kids in your family with this new toy available at Hot Topic. Tickle Me Emo is the tortured, angst ridden cousin of Elmo, and boy is he sad.

That handsome little devil is Kuato from the Arnold Schwarzenegger sci-fi movie Total Recall. Kuato is a mutant that lives in the belly of George, an ordinary human. Kuato has great mental and telephatic abilities and is the leader of the group on Mars that is resisting the corporation that runs it. He is also a hopeless romantic.

Most people are not aware that Casper the Friendly Ghost has a brother named Jasper. Well he does, and let me tell you, Jasper is a douchebag! He used to be such a nice boy…

I am not ashamed to admit that Kiwi! makes me teary-eyed. He’s got the heart of a champion!

You may think that being the CEO of Burger King, one of the largest fast-food chains in the world, would be all fun and riches. It is not. It is a life of drama, fear, tragedy, and heartbreak. And Triple Bacon King Burgers. On sale now at participating locations.

In what may be the most awesome physical embodiment of the term ‘too much time on your hands’, I present you with The Great Album Cover Battle. Enjoy, all you old-school rockers. Oh, and a special prize goes to anyone who can identify all of the album covers featured in the video. As usual, the special prize is love.

Most of you are probably familiar with the 5 stages a giraffe goes through when he gets stuck in quicksand, but if you aren’t then here they are. Tomorrow’s lesson: the five stages of nerdly-arousal I go through when I watch Battlestar Galactica.

Burger & Fries is angry, so very angry. Maybe it’s because he’s at the vet. Maybe it’s because he’s named Burger & Fries.

The folks over at How it Should Have Ended bring us their latest installment Superman: How it Should Have Ended. Note that this is the original Superman movie, not Superman Returns. So if you’re any younger than 62 you probably won’t get it.

At least he was able to maintain his composure.

Not only is this a preview for a real action movie, it’s for the best action movie of all time, full of ass kickings and hot dickings!

I’m sure you’ve all seen at least one stick figure fighting video before, but this one is done really well and has a few surprises up its sleeve.

Does it make me a bad person if I laugh out loud every time I watch this? No? Okay, good. So what about if it turns me on? Not that it does or anything, but that’s no big deal right?

I love Alaskan Senator, Ted “senile grandpa” Stevens, and the level of understanding he shows while serving as chairman of the United States Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation is astounding. He clearly understands that the internet is not a truck, but rather a series of tubes, and Paul Holcomb has made a techno remix of his now famous speech.

The plot twist in this commercial literally jumps out of the screen and slams you into the floor with a patented WWF inverted back-breaker. Then it helps you up, apologizes to you, and promptly sleeps with your sister. Never before has mortgage broker advertising been so exciting!

I can’t say I know much about elephant seals, in fact I was unaware of their existence until viewing this very video, but I can say that they’re terribly loud and quite a bit like the sock puppet asteroid monster from The Empire Strikes Back.

The people running PBS are sick! I can’t believe they’re showing this to children!

Next time you have a hard day at the office, try firing up this game when you get home and smashing some cities. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay more effective than yoga my friends.

Life is unfair. The sooner you kids learn this, the better off you’ll be. When you get older you can expect everyday life to be exactly like this game. Well, you don’t die as much – unless you count dying on the inside.

Live ordinance falling all around you. Fat guy in speedo behind you. Girls beach volleyball tournament ahead in the distance. Run, my friends. Run.

I think John McCain has his finger on the pulse of the nation.

Ghosts aren’t as scary in the light, which is why I have all my rooms bathed in 15-million candlepower spotlights. Incidentally, that’s probably why I can’t see colours anymore.

Here is a handy little test you can use to find out if you are a psychopath. I’m glad I found it because my last test totally wasn’t working. I was supposed to count the number of people I’d bludgeoned to death with a rolling pin in the past week, divide the number by 3, and then kill 2 neighborhood cats. This test makes way more sense!

What do you get when you combine Japan, anthropomorphic tigers and talking excrement? Why a potty training video of course!

This Maury Povich guest is really afriad of penises… I mean pickles.

Ted Stevens is an 89 year old senator representing the state of Alaska, and is chairman of the United States Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation. Recently he spoke on the floor about why he voted against net neutrality, and demonstrated an astounding lack of understanding. Basically, your grandpa is helping to make important decisions about the Internet.

This may be a hilarious parody and all, but let’s keep in mind that the Japanese have actual gameshows that are even more batshit crazy than this one. Remember the children with meat strapped to their heads vs. the giant lizard? Really, how could you forget.

It’s amazing how 10 minutes ago I had no idea what Hot Dog on a Stick was, but now all I want to do is find one and watch some lemonade being made. I’m going to do it too, as long as I can escape from this gluereed.

Normally I would warn you that the audio for this movie is not safe for work, and that you should wear headphones or turn your speakers down. But in the spirt of tourettes, I think you should play this one loud. If your coworkers get offended just ask them if they hate all people with disabilities, or just those with tourettes.

Yellow. Black. Running, gunning. And evil robot alligators. I just don’t know what else to say. I guess they could be evil robot crocodiles. Heck, maybe they’re not even evil. Maybe they’re just misunderstood.

Probably definitely the creepiest commercial you will ever see. Unless you’re normally into hairy beard snakes?

In the spring of 1999, the Family Learning Channel commissioned animator Don Hertzfeldt to produce promotional segments for their network. The cartoons were completed in five weeks. The Family Learning Channel rejected all of them upon review, and they were never aired…

Question: Man tries to talk girlfriend into marriage, runs naked through street, gets shot at. Should we laugh at him or feel sorry for him?

(hint: the correct answer is laugh)

Remember Kirk Cameron, that lovable ragamuffin from television’s Growing Pains? Well he’s back, in exceptionally religious form, and with the help of some Australian guy named Ray Comfort, he’s ready to tell you how a banana is irrefutable proof of the existence of God.

I had always wondered what it was like to have dyslexia, that is until I saw this commercial from the International Dyslexia Association at about one in the morning last weekend. Apparently it’s frustrating… and hilarious!

Life is hard. It is no wonder people turn to religion in the face of so many unanswered questions. Questions like, what is the deal with this cartoon? And where did it come from? And why do I love it so much?

Why write an email when you can send a message written in blood? Bloody Finger Mail has quickly become my number one form of correspondence. Love letters, job applications, you name it!

In typical Wonder Showzen brilliance, by the end of this little story not only have you laughed, cried, and been moderately disgusted, but you actually start to feel a little sorry for Winobot. Why did you make Winobot you bastards??!

Cooler than cats and cuter than puppies, it’s everyone’s favorite pet the octopus. Witness here it’s awesome camouflaging abilities; guaranteed to be the coolest thing you’ll see all day. Believe it, or he’ll squirt you with ink!

All you need to know about The Church of Scientology, including fun facts such as this: Tom Cruise is an Operating Thetan, enlightened beings who are said to have total control over themselves and their environment. OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behavior of, both animals and human beings.

So cool. So gross.

This is an old one, but if you’ve never spent some sexy time with the Subservient Chicken before, you owe it to yourself to drop your pants and tell this hot naughty chicken what to do. Ooooo, someone’s been a bad chicken.

While I don’t know too much about boxing, it turns out that Mike Tyson is quite the poet. Some of the quotations on this page are absolutely brilliant. Most notably one in which he was at a zoo with Robin Givens (his wife at the time) and offered a zookeeper $10,000 to get in a cage with a gorilla so he could “punch it in the snotbox”

This game almost gets it right. No secret levels, no puzzles, no keys to unlock doors, no ‘moving around’. Just shooting lots of things that die really easily and sometimes even explode. Now if we could just incorporate a few topless women into the background or something I think we would have a winner. And maybe Korn in the soundtrack. Is Korn still cool? Okay, Slipknot then.

This charming music video about courtship is most definitely NSFW (not safe for work), unless of course you have headphones and your coworkers enjoy nipple tassels.

FindSounds allows you to search for audio files based on keywords. It seems to work well, though I am basing that entirely on my one search for ‘fart’. The results definitely left me satisfied!

The Tourettes Guy’s psychiatrist puts a giant 4ft. tall statue of a blue M&M next to his bed to see how a person with Tourette’s Syndrome would react if they woke up and saw a giant blue M&M in-front of their bed.

I’m not usually into these homemade webcam music videos, but howdy-do this one is tasteful, artistic, technically impressive and catchy as all heck. I’m smitten!

I’ve posted a link to this guy’s work before, but here is a gallery with lots more pictures and some extra information.

Julian Beever creates ‘anamorphic illusions’, drawn in a special distortion to create the impression of 3 dimensions when seen from one particular viewpoint.

I’ve spoken to people who lived in the United States during the 1950′s and they claim the era wasn’t as disturbing as the advertising makes it seem. With that in mind, I present a series of images of demon children eating demon food during that magical era some refer to as “the good old days” (they weren’t)

Introducing Letchey, the Downtown-Julie-Brown of garden gnomes. The best part of this video has got to be the soundtrack. If I listen to anymore of it I’m going to whip off my pants and start humping ceramics! Bom bom bom bom – bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup – bom bom bom bom…

More Family Guy audio fun! Who’s a tumor?

Remember the Man Dies Having Horse Sex story? This followup article discusses how it was the most read story on the Seattle Times online last year. It also sheds a little light on how Mr. Horse Humper actually died. Turns out it was a ‘perforated colon’. I’m just going to leave you with that. Have a great day.

A 14-year-old girl who received a new Apple iPod opened the sealed box and found raw mystery meat inside.

This guy takes childrens drawings of monsters and superheros and recreates them with his mad artistic skillz. Super cool!

This is all sorts of useful.

Still looking for holiday gifts?? As if we haven’t provided you with enough FANTASTIC SUGGESTIONS so far! Well here’s another then. Keep it lighthearted and give a cuddly version of porphorymonas gingivalis (bad breath) or Rhinovirus (the common cold). For the hardcore, how about snuggly versions of Gonorrhea, HIV, or Ebola to cozy up to on a cold winter’s night?

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or whatever else from all of us at Dig Your Own Grave!

jeffgoldblumiswatchingyoupoop.com encourages it’s viewers to cut out a picture of Jeff Goldblum, and stick it to the inside of public restroom doors. It is so unfair that I can’t come up with ideas like these.

UPDATE: The site has been taken down, but here’s a YTMND tribute to it’s memory.

The Virtual Air Guitar project, developed at the Helsinki University of Technology, adds genuine electric guitar sounds to the air guitar. Using a computer to monitor the hand movements of the ‘player’, it adds riffs and licks to match mid-air finger work. The player wears a pair of brightly coloured gloves, enabling computer vision software to keep track of their hands and detect different gestures.

Yesterday’s penis pulverizing video was such a crotchtastic success that today we bring you the Trigon commercial boy. Mr. Kicked Him In the Penis. Don’t hate him, he just tells it like it is.

This image is from an online contest Virgin Digital is running. It contains references to 74 popular band names. How many can you spot? I’ll get you started: the flower stand in the front left has bouquets of “Guns and Roses”. Okay, that’s one…

Furthering evidence that Canada Rocks the Casbah, we have the Canadian commercial for the Nintendo Gameboy Micro. It features a few guys, a mouse, some cheese, a Game Boy Micro, and some serious humping. Watch the video to see what goes where.

It’s amazing that this video of ‘the worst rap battle ever’ is also coincidentally the video of ‘the greatest rap battle ever’. The kids in it look like they walked right out of a Ren and Stimpy cartoon. SERIOUSLY.

VATNAJ KULL GLACIER, ICELAND – In an emergency session Tuesday, members of the Supreme Metal Council strongly condemned the increasing use of the metal hand sign in lay society, claiming that its meaning has become perverted by overuse.

I know this video is from 2003, but let me remind you that the star of it, Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger, is the GOVENOR OF CALIFORNIA. So even if there is only one person who hasn’t seen it out of the million of you that have, it needs to be seen again.

I don’t know what absolutely loving this short film says about a person, but I’m so handsome that I’m not going to worry about it.

This is pretty nuts. I can’t stop watching it. It’s like something from a cartoon!

In case you thought the stories of snakes coming out of toilet bowls were urban legends, here is a nice little BBC story that will have you crouching when you poop for weeks to come.

“The creature has been spotted on several occasions and homeowners have put bricks on toilet seats in a bid to keep the beast from popping out of the pan.”

Here is a funny little commercial from our French friends the French. Someone needs to stuff that kid’s mouth full of freedom fries and send him off to war. Then we’ll see if he still wants to kick a fit over a bag of bon-bons.

Several kids with steaks attached to their heads insert their heads into a “lizard arena” where a giant lizard is encouraged to “menace” them. The lizard is reluctant at first then goes berserk! Hilarity ensues.

This website goes into exquisite detail on how to make weapons out of everyday office supplies. For you my-time-is-money skip-to-the-last-page personality types, just have a look at the Super Maul and tell me you couldn’t kill a medium to large animal with it.

I’ll bet you thought that Superman was a really great guy, what with his saving the Earth from all manner of calamity, but not so I’m afraid. He also has a strong inclination towards homicide, blackmail and just general mean-spiritedness, as evidenced by these comic covers. continue reading… »

Unfortunately we don’t have a ‘Horse Sex’ category, so this one is just going to have to get filed under ‘disturbing’.

If you’re trying to find the video of this ‘event’, you should go to this link.

A collection of (usually) hilarious pictures someone named Jeremy Wilson likes for a variety of reasons. If you have some spare time you can also help me solve the mystery of why so many furries are commenting there.

Peter sings Cleveland a song to comfort him after his wife had an affair and subsequently left him.

Recently I became a Pastafarian because their heaven has a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano! Unfortunately the state of Kansas School Board is trying to discriminate against us.

“This Texas Tech University freshman got the once in a lifetime opportunity to be the football team’s “bell ringer” during their games…”

And then things get funny. I won’t say why but it has to do with masturbating, and masturbating is almost as funny as farting.

Uhhhh…… wow.

Characters from Halo explain the difference between real life and the internet. It’s quite accurate I think. It’s also pretty funny, primarily due to excessive use of the word ‘masturbate’.

We are the Digital Youth Optimized for Gratification. How appropriate.

A funny little animated gif of a guy smashing himself to bits and pieces at his computer.

In 2003, Michael Townsend and seven other “artists” decided to build an apartment in the parking garage of a mall in Providence, Rhode Island. They took turns living in the apartment for up to three weeks at a time, until the end of September 2007 when Michael was caught by mall security.

This is a 2D version of Valve Software’s innovative game Portal. The goal of the game is to use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device to complete a series of increasingly difficult room puzzles, all so that you can eat some delicious cake and listen to the crazy Portal song until you throw-up.

If this ridiculously catchy song is any indication, Halo 3 will destroy your marriage and eat your children. Not a bad deal for $60.

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!

Cows, tired of being mutilated, are fighting back against their alien overlords. The fate of the planet is in their hooves.

The directions for this game are a bit complicated, so read carefully: CLUB SMASH, CLUB SMASH HEAD. SMASH GOOD. Spacebar will pause the game, and SMASH GOOD, OG LOVE SMASH.

Fear not, citizens of Earth! When goofy galactic robots invade, you will be there to fight off the invasion. The government has surgically removed your skeleton to provide you with greater agility, and attached powerful automatic weapons to your hands for combat (they are also auditing you for the 2006 tax year to increase your aggression).

This is the touching story of a morose young man who eventually comes to appreciate just how much the rain enriches his life.

Jake the dog and Pen the human attempt to rescue Princess Bubblegum from the evil Ice King with the help of Princess Bubblegum’s rainacorn.

600 pounds of men, a woman that’s a little plump, and a 13 year-old girl can not be satiated with 12 ounces of sausage, a couple of dozen eggs and some T-bone steaks. They require another four ounces of sausage for their mighty hunger. Don’t try and get them to eat the maple or sage flavored sausage either – those are Yankee flavors.

Or at least we can assume that, since he’s apparently taken the time to learn how to play Queen’s hit song Bohemian Rhapsody entirely with fart noises produced by his hands. If it’s god-given natural talent, well then, I apologize to you farts guy.

Pork.

It’s just like Star Wars, but with rafts instead of stars. Also, no lightsabers.

Warning: The literal interpretation of this and any other Christmas song is known by the state of California to cause the death of Eskimo brothers.

Songwriters aren’t even trying anymore are they?

The funniest thing ever to be associated with Jimmy Kimmel (excluding Sarah Silverman) is the Nervous Kid.

What is Dick Cheney doing in there? What is he planning? Is he going to “accidentally” mistake George Bush for some quail?

Tim, like King Midas from Greek mythology, has an amazing power that is both a gift and a curse. I bet he’s tired of eating Skittles.

Welcome to Ganesha’s jungle, baby. You’re gonna die.

Anti-Gym, of Denver Colorado, is billed as the Extreme Cheddar version of the normal health club, and they have the Extreme banned-from-TV commercial to back it up.

I’ve always said the best way to handle interpersonal issues is with some gasoline and a match.

This video is actually a favorite of mine from back in the time before I had broadband Internet access. It is the tale of a group of intrepid young video game characters playing Dungeons & Dragons for the first time.

Simple as it may be, this is probably my favorite Aqua Teen Hunger Force moment. Ho ho, the screams.

In the future, all battles will be fought with small dogs, ponies and arachnid-like robots, just like in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

The Germans have done it again! First they gave us the master race, and now they bring us cheeseburger in a can! Whether you’re camping in the wilderness, or just a big sad weirdo, you can now enjoy this delicious(?) treat for yourself. I suggest one of our European readers orders this product, then videotapes themselves opening and eating it. I’ll post it on the site. You’ll be famous.

Children are like adorable little mental patients. They can go from fear, to joy, to full blown terror in the span of 10 seconds.

This seems like a good example of why companies should reconsider outsourcing their call centers to magical foreign lands.

Personally I shop at grocery stores where my children are unlikely to end up in homo-erotic servitude.

The Mythbusters are exploring the myth of whether you can shoot down a tree with a gun, or something. Inquiring minds need to know.

If only I had some Mentos when I was a lad. I would have given that Carrie Ferguson something to laugh about!

If, like me, you were having trouble deciding whether your next videogame purchase should be Kingdom Hearts II or Resident Evil 4, this little video narrated by mc chris should clear up the decision for you.

Every American should have the right to defend themselves. And to see things in the dark.

Straight outta MTV Japan comes a cartoon about two rabbits locked up in a Russian prison. Don’t look at me. I don’t know any more than you do.

How do food products compare to the images on their packaging? What kind of crazy crap do Germans eat? The answers to both these mysteries await you inside.

#@@!$!% %$##!@ %$^@!$!%

Finally, a game that scientists and creationists can both enjoy equally. The logical among you will appreciate the realistic simulation of the Laws of Physics, while the faithful can marvel at the mystical crayon powered by the magic of Jesus.

It should come as a shock to no one that the creator of today’s game is this guy.

In this NSFW video, Scottish comedian Billy Connolly describes why it was a very bad idea to drink the water in Ibiza 20 years ago. Maybe it’s better now… who wants to find out?

The Worst Fight Scene Ever has some new competition, care of the U.S.S. Enterprise, and her skipper, James T. Kirk.

Sure, the Festo Airjelly looks cool now, but just wait until an army of them are floating through the air towards your town, brain suckers at the ready.

Unfortunately for Ameriquest, they followed this motto too closely and now they’re out of business. They even gave a mortgage to that strange homeless man that defecates on the sidewalk by my office. Well, I guess he’s not homeless anymore. His house is actually nicer than mine. Still does that sidewalk pooping though.

During the 1990s, Bill Geerhart wrote letters – posing as a 10-year-old boy named Billy – to serial killers and politicians alike, asking for their advice on whether he should drop out of school, and what type of McDonald’s food they like. The responses range from the helpful, to the bizarre.

This one is just like that movie Drop Zone, except instead of Gary Busey the lead villain is a 15-foot tall electric fan.

Ignite People on Fire is the eagerly anticipated sequel to last year’s hit game, Light People on Fire. This version features faster paced gameplay, better special effects, and chubbies. Burn fatty, burn.

Jon Dyer is on a quest to grow every facial hair type on this list. Now that’s the kind of life purpose I can go for. Forget enlightenment, or even happiness – I’m gonna grow myself an Anchor.

What’s better than getting a Roomba and avoiding the horrible chore of vacuuming? Turning the Roomba into Pac-Man!

The latest trend in roller coaster design is 90 degree vertical drops, and the new Fahrenheit coaster in Hershey Park, Pennsylvania, is no exception with a staggering 97 degree fall. That’s right, a drop greater than vertical. Bring another pair of pants.

Little did the resident’s of Boise, Idaho know, but the State government had secretly started dumping nuclear waste beneath the town.

When Dimitri the Lover left Olga two messages on her answering machine, she clearly didn’t know what she was missing by not calling him back.

Although my motocross racing days are behind me (thanks to a massive groin injury), I can still enjoy this… hmmm? Oh, no, the groin injury wasn’t caused by racing. How? Well, I really can’t get into it here… but let’s just say it involved Petra Nemcova, 20 gallons of grape jello, and a full grown whippet.

“Mom! Dad! Check out my new tattoo!”