Just remember… it’s never lupus.

Are those gems in my pockets? Gosh no, I’m just happy to see you. Very happy. Alright you got me, those are gems.

Bonus points for anyone who knows what I named the achievements after – without using a search engine. And without sacrificing their heterosexuality, which might be impossible. (That was a clue).

PS: You submit your score in the stats menu.

I feel a little bad posting this game, since it’s such a screaming clone of Winterbells, but I love the gameplay and this version has leaderboards we can use. But at least the guy came up with an original theme – bloons and a monkey. Oh, wait…

Protect your heart from hordes of enemy cows.

Yeah, you heard that right.

I think this game is broken. I can’t find the Yahtzee button anywhere.

Do you love Guitar Hero? Do your parents not love you enough to buy it for you? Well stop crying cry-baby! Now thanks to the internet you can play this two-dimensional Guitar Hero clone that features a collection of songs by people who aren’t famous!

The story is that people enjoy playing Guitar Hero because it makes them feel like they can actually play the guitar. So does that mean that people enjoy playing this game because it makes them feel like their parents actually love them enough to buy them Guitar Hero?

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

Not since R.S.V.P – The Racial Segregation Party have I been so disgusted with a game. How many years has it taken us to overcome our prejudices? And then a little game like this comes along and tries to teach us that it does matter whether you’re black or white. Well shame on you game developers. SHAME ON YOU!

The game may not look like much, but you should give it a shot. Believe me kids, looks aren’t everything. I realize that might sound silly coming from a man who has amassed a multimillion dollar fortune through male modeling contracts, but a little bit of heart goes a long way too.

Do you hate one-eyed one-horned monsters? Me too! Let’s smash their heads with a hammer. This game may seem easy at first, but it starts messing with you after a while… trust me. And if the game doesn’t seem easy at first, it’s because you’re playing it with the number keys at the top of the keyboard and not the ones on the number-pad silly!

Oh noes! You’re the switchboard operator at a hugely important company, and the phones are ringing off the hook! And because your boss didn’t purchase Nortel’s Business Communication System, you’re pretty much going to have to cut off your eyelids just to make it through the day. BLINKING IS FAILURE.

I was a little worried about putting up this game because I thought it might be a bit ‘culturally insensitive’. I like to run a tight, clean ship around here. I also like to run up and down the street with no socks or pants. Oh, and be sure to play this game with the music on. The full experience is like a big hit off the old ‘peace-pipe’ if you know what I’m saying.

What is it about kittens that makes a person want to let them plummet to their deaths, or to fire them out of a cannon?

Woo-hoo, 16 mini-games all rolled into one. Does this mean I can take the next 16 days off?

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
What happened to the old highscores?

In the game of Multiball Madness, I can guarantee you will experience two things. The first is balls. Multiple balls. The second is madness. Pure, unadulterated madness.

So long as there is breath in my lungs and movement in my fingers, I will never be able to resist the siren song of the colored block game.

They may look like cute little stuffed animals, but when I think of Pickies all I can see is a jar full of scabs with with the label pIckIeZ scotch taped to it. Don’t ask. You don’t want to know.

Shooting your friends really isn’t such a big deal. Especially if they’re jerks.

Good news OCDers, today we’ve launched a new feature that lets you earn shiny achievements for your profile by playing Dig Your Own Grave games. So get to it! Anyone who doesn’t have them all by the end of the week is, as the French would say, une odeur de cochon avec de petites testicules.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.