Relieve your childhood dreams in this surrealistic art game. Now… not to split hairs, but my childhood dreams usually involved Transformers and GI Joe. Maybe they show up in the later levels?

Everyone knows that inhaling helium will cause your voice to become very high. Inhaling sulfur hexafluoride on the other hand, will turn you into a demon. No, I’m serious. You literally turn into a demon.

In this game instead of using the keyboard or mouse to control your ship, you use your voice. For example, when you want to shoot you shout PAH! Kind of fun, kind of embarassing, and most definitely best played while at work.

Hell of Sand is yet another game with no point other than to waste time. It is also an oddly titled game. I would have called it Joy of Relaxing Sand. Make sure you experiment with all of the options at the bottom.

This game is not Pacman. It is something far better. It is Pacxon. Do not play Pacxon if you are sensitive to or have ever had an allergic reaction to it. Do not play Pacxon for at least 14 days after taking a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAO inhibitor) such as the antidepressants Nardil and Parnate. Pacxon and MAO inhibitors may interact to cause a sharp, potentially life-threatening rise in blood pressure.

This is one of those tower-defense-type games, only with this one you get in on the action a little bit. It’s been around for a while, but unlike me not everyone is a walking Flash game encyclopedia, so I thought I’d share. And also unlike me not everyone has the figure and features of a Greek god, but unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about that.

This is what you get when you combine Pong, fluid dynamics and neon! Check out the video, and then download a free copy of the game.

Don’t ask me how to play because I didn’t bother reading the instructions either. Just make your own pixel monster, press some buttons, and at some point take a screenshot so you can show him off to the rest of us. My guy over there is modelled off of me in that he is very skilled at smashing things but at the same time not nearly as good-looking.

Ah, Death by Hinge. Not quite as desirable as Death by Puppies, but still a preferred alternative to Death by Frilled Shark if you ask me.

Quite possibly the greatest game in the history of mankind. And probably the only game in the history of eternity to feature a ‘Critical Slap’.

It may not be Spy Hunter, but it does the job. And a giant man hug to whoever can figure out what the guy is saying in the game over music.

There’s an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, smash those *#$&%s into the ground with the largest club you can find. Fill the streets with their sour citrus blood until not a single one is left whole”. Or… something like that.

Pro Hot Tip: Of all the things to possibly save money on for your wedding, make sure the cake isn’t one of them.

The game may not look like much, but you should give it a shot. Believe me kids, looks aren’t everything. I realize that might sound silly coming from a man who has amassed a multimillion dollar fortune through male modeling contracts, but a little bit of heart goes a long way too.

It has come to my attention that some of you are new to the Internet. I thought this video - one of the first on Dig Your Own Grave - would help ease your transition in to this new and exciting world of 24 hour fetish pornography.

Secret research I have conducted has shown that fully 58.98864% of my readership is pregnant women, so I’ve decided I should do my part to help ensure that the children of tomorrow are not as hopeless as the children of today.

Nothing says Little Red Riding Hood like forest creatures with pendulous bosoms.

This original Gameboy survived a bombing during the Gulf War, and still works… if by works, you mean can be turned on and display the game. I doubt those melted buttons do anything anymore. It’s on display at the Nintendo World store in New York City.

Every American should have the right to defend themselves. And to see things in the dark.

Did you get an Amazon gift certificate for Christmas? Not sure what to use it for? Now your very own facial deformities and terrorist weapons are only a one-click purchase away.

I’ll be honest, this game isn’t really what I had imagined when I fantasize about being a zombie. First off, armor? Second, friends? And I had imagined a lot more brain eating. Also - less talking, more groaning.