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Resident Hussar's Favorite Posts:

Five
categories: Games

My ritual of high-fiving everyone after a successful poop was appreciated during college, but for some reason seems almost frowned upon in the office. I don’t understand why, a flawlessly executed bowel movement is totally worthy of a high-five.

Monster Bark
categories: Games

Monster bark reminds me of the sounds coming out of my neighbor’s apartment on Saturday nights when he gets visited by this nice lady dressed in leather. I met her in the elevator once – her name is Mistress Vonwhip and she said she’s training him. Vocal training for the Animal Farm play at the local amateur theater, I assume.

Pixelhate
categories: Games

If you hate pixels, you don’t belong here. Also, your mom dresses you funny.

Bloom Defender
categories: Games

Coincidentally, the very first game I ever put up on DYOG was a little flower puzzler called Bloomin’ Gardens. That was back in 2005, and looking at these two games you can really see how far Flash games have progressed over the past 6 years. They… uh… who am I kidding they look exactly the same.

Lab Of The Dead
categories: Games

Admin: Starting in 2011, game developers are (as it seems) contractually obligated to include zombies in Halloween games , so I’m just gonna take all my shoes and hide them in a mobile neutering clinic for the time being.

Angry Husky: That is harsh dude.

Fisher-Diver
categories: Games

Coincidentally, a night out on the town for me starts off by fishing for compliments and ends with diving in the murky waters of self loathing with an overweight woman who has a misplelled chinese proverb tattooed on her back.

Rebuild 2
categories: Games

Angry Husky: The only rebuilding I’ll be doing today is to the backside of my jeggings. I blew them out when I dealt with Admin’s shoe for posting yet another zombie game. What? The image of a husky in jeggings disturbs you greatly? Tough noogies.

Kingdom Rush
categories: Games

Due to certain distractions yesterday (supermodels – more than I can count), the game posted was not entirely… legit. So for those of you left disappointed by this error, please enjoy it over at Armor Games today. And now if you’ll excuse me, these ladies aren’t going to tattoo my name on their behinds by themselves.

The Last Stand: Union City
categories: Games

Admin: I hope Husky won’t react to this one, at least it’s a good zombie game.

Angry Husky: It’s a valid argument, so I promise you my poop will also be good. I know that for a fact because I ate a snake carcass with a rat carcass inside its belly. It was like a kinder surprise egg.

Creeper World: User Space
categories: Games

In late 2009 I posted the prequel to today’s game and introduced you to my now infamous dog Angry Husky. Is there anything you want to say to your fans, Husky?

Angry Husky: ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND AN AGED CARCASS TO ROLL IN?

Diamond Hollow II
categories: Games

I’ve never been to Diamond Hollow, do they have an IHOP there?

Vector Stunt

I know you guys were looking forward to the latest Hannah Montana Kissing Cousins game, but you’re going to have to settle for this new DYOG exclusive instead. If you want a mental picture of this beast, imagine Vector Runner mixed with Dolphin Olympics, but with more vectors and an extra serving of dolphin sexual assault.

Feed Us
categories: Games

In one of my past lives I was ruler of a small kingdom in Eastern Europe. I was a benevolent and generous ruler, so when the peasants gathered around my castle with torches and pitchforks yelling Feed Us I just wanted to comply. Unfortunately for all involved, Feed Us sounds an awful lot like one of the stages of prenatal development.

Infestor
categories: Games

Had I known that airport authorities consider tapeworm possession a good reason to put an infestation threat stamp in my passport, I never would have taken Jonathan on a roadtrip across Europe with me.

Robokill 2
categories: Games

Apparently this game is about robots that just go around and kill, for the second time. Feel free to let me know if it’s not.

The Book Of Living Magic
categories: Games

I haven’t clicked this much since my great Minesweeper bender in the summer of ’98.

Vampire Vision
categories: Games

If Edward from Twilight and Waldo from Where’s Waldo actually had reproductive organs and decided to make sweet nerd love, somehow their baby would be this game. And shortly afterwards the universe would collapse in on itself.

Wonderputt

Wonderputt reminds me of Wünderputz – something you can ask for in any respectable German “massage parlor”. Just don’t be surprised when a “masseuse” walks in holding a 3 foot homemade knackwurst sausage, accompanied by a baby cow in a gimp suit.

BioGems

I am the proud owner of two biogems that contain a precious biological material which will repopulate the Earth after some sort of disaster. I don’t know if it’s gonna be a nuke or power hungry apes – I just know my gems are all set and ready to go.

CycloManiacs 2
categories: Games

He’s a maniac, maniac on the bike,
And he’s biking like he’s never biked before.

Granny Strikes Back
categories: Games

It took me awhile, but I learned the hard way that grannies do in fact strike back. Every single time.

Soul Tax
categories: Games

So Obama wants to tax our souls now??? When will this stop!? Born Free, Taxed to Death! It’s time to bring family values back from Liberal perversions my people – take to the streets! Hmmmm? Just a game? Right, nevermind.

Steamlands
categories: Games

This game steams like a hot pile of poop on your neighbor’s porch on a crisp November morning. What, this British guy who just moved in next door told me I look chipper. That’s an insult, right?

Riddle Transfer
categories: Games

If there’s anything I like more than pointing, clicking, and adventuring, it’s goat men, negotiable snowmen, and walkthroughs. BTW this game is big, so don’t get your panties all bunched up if you just see a white screen for a while before it starts loading.

Cardboard Box Assembler
categories: Games

I promise that tomorrow’s game will not contain Ass in the title- but only because I can’t think of another word that would serve the purpose. Except Ass alone, which always serves a purpose. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Dude And Zombies
categories: Games

Admin: This is the first zombie game in months, and trust me- it has nothing to do with a lack of zombie games out there. I was just trying to protect my new crocs.

Angry Husky: This is the first poop I’m gonna take in months, and trust me- it has nothing to do with the frequency of my bowel movements. I was just holding it in.

Top Defense
categories: Games

You know what they say, there’s no defense like a good offense. And there’s no top defense like a good bottom offense. And if you’re wondering what a good bottom offense is, it usually starts with your hand and ends with a restraining order or a few nights in jail depending on the pressure applied.

Fault Line
categories: Games

Everyone knows how I like to live on the edge, so I’ve decided to build a house on the intersection of two large fault lines on one of the Tongan islands. But until then I’ll get my thrills by sitting closer to the TV than the recommended distance.

Diepix Arena 2
categories: Games

Have you ever played one of these games and wondered who pilots the endless waves of killing machines? What sort of soulless creatures are at the helm? The answer is more sinister than you think, my friends.

The Gauntlet
categories: Games

Being of noble lineage, I try to live my life following the rules of The Knights Code of Chivalry. This includes my duties to countrymen and fellow Christians (flushing after I poop), being gracious to all women (except uglies), and throwing down the gauntlet whenever I feel challenged. In this case the gauntlet is my pants.

The Infinite Ocean
categories: Games

Coincidentally, “the infinite ocean” is also the term I use for my bladder after drinking a 7-Eleven Super Big Gulp.

GemCraft Labyrinth
categories: Games

I have a fever, and the only cure is moar tower defense games. Actually, the only cure is taking my pants off and watching a My Life As Liz weekend marathon.

Monster Castle Defense
categories: Games

There’s no offense like a good defense, and there’s no defense like a good steel and bullet-resistant fibreglass panic room. I have three.

GemCraft: Chapter 0

Bonus points for anyone who knows what I named the achievements after – without using a search engine. And without sacrificing their heterosexuality, which might be impossible. (That was a clue).

PS: You submit your score in the stats menu.

Upgrade Completer
categories: Games

This sequel is just a painful reminder of how my life has not upgraded at all in the last two years and is miserably incomplete. But it can all be fixed with a simple fruit basket. *hint hint*

Elephant Quest
categories: Games

We all know nobody wants to talk about the elephant in the room, though I can’t help but wonder if it would be different if he was carrying ten balloons, a teddy bear, and a couple of golden keys. I bet everyone would wanna talk about that guy.

The Man With The Invisible Trousers
categories: Games

I have a pantsless decade and a dozen public indecency charges under my belt (pardon the pun), but I have never once thought of defending myself with something as simple as “I do have my trousers on… but they’re invisible“. It’s brilliant.

Legend Of The Gold Robot
categories: Games

Speaking of gold, funny story: after I made my first million I decided I wanted a gold plated bathroom. It was all fine and dandy until I told the contractor I wanted my shower to be done as well. What happened next was the base for a decade of psychotherapy.

Rebuild
categories: Games

Sorry guys, Angry Husky couldn’t make it into the post today. He said he had to go to the Mexican Cantina down the street that was just closed by the health inspectors. He wants to eat all the old burritos out of their trash… I’m not sure why, he was mumbling something about shipping my booze into oblivion?

Tasty Planet
categories: Games

I initially left this post blank to see how long it would take before I started getting emails from people begging me to fill the horrible void they were feeling in their souls due to its absence. But when I didn’t get any messages after almost 4 hours I realized you were all probably committing mass suicide instead, so I decided to stop the experiment.

Effing Meteors
categories: Games

Effing meteors is right! If it wasn’t for them I’d be giving my baby triceratops Portia a bath before flying to Europe on my pterodactyl Nigel. No one touches your swimsuit area before you board a pterodactyl, I know that much.

Bubble Tanks 3
categories: Games

It’s only a matter of time before the Bubble Boys of the world form a union and design real life Bubble Tanks during their next conference in Las Vegas.
Then they’re going to conquer the world just like the Moops did.

Give Up Robot 2
categories: Games

Are you a quitter? Always giving up? Here’s a life lesson kids – nobody likes a quitter. Except for other quitters. And competitive people. And moms of quitters. And dogs probably love quitters if their owners are quitters. So the moral of the story is there’s still lots of love to go around for quitters. Quit away!

I Am An Insane Rogue AI
categories: Games

I for one welcome the inevitable Robocalypse. It can only mean faster download speeds and more Wi-Fi hotspots for me to update my Facebook status and tweet about changes to my body caused by nuclear fallout.

Armor Mayhem
categories: Games

Warning: this game may or may not cause nausea, impotence, hair loss, teenage pregnancy in adults and adult pregnancy in teenagers.

Robot Clashes
categories: Games

I deal with robot clashes on a daily basis: my toenail clipping bot is always fighting with my peanut butter sandwich making bot. It’s probably because they’re both in love with my bellybutton fluff removal girl-bot.

Hack Slash Crawl
categories: Games

On my list of favorite activities “hack slash crawl” is a close second to “kneel bark paddle”.

Doodle Devil
categories: Games

You know, I like this game, but the only problem is that its logic really doesn’t conform with what my brain tells me. How does woman + lust not equal Kelly Brook? And how does gluttony + chaos not make the Bellagio Buffet in Vegas?

Vertigo: Gravity Llama
categories: Games

Did you ever play a game and think, “sure it’s a gravity defying llama, which is pretty awesome, but it’s not like it has laser beams shooting from its eyes and killing enemies or anything” And then the llama starts shooting laser beams out of its eyes and killing enemies.

Into Space!
categories: Games

I couldn’t even play this game. Just looking at it made me re-live an old trauma involving a toy rocket and my mom’s miniature pinscher, Pablo. How was I supposed to know dogs are flammable, I was only nine! Or nineteen.

Nuclearoids

Shortly after I broke my personal record for the longest time sitting on the couch without getting up (84 hours), I developed something my doctor referred to as “Nuclearoids”. Basically it’s a hemorrhoid that evolves to the point where it can reproduce asexually and forge medieval era weapons.

Treadmillasaurus Rex
categories: Games

Everyone uses different tricks to keep things sorted out in their head. I for instance believe that everything can be related to the 1990s pop phenomenon The Spice Girls. Take today’s game – Jesusaurus Rex is to Posh Spice as Treadmillasaurus Rex is to Sporty Spice (with a top hat). See, the world makes so much more sense now, doesn’t it?

Haunt the House
categories: Games

This Halloween instead of following the herd and dressing up as Antoine Dodson, how about dressing up as your friendly neighborhood DYOG Admin? All you need to do is act awesome, take off your pants, and try not to get arrested. Facial reconstructive surgery to make you look like a 1980s era Harry Hamlin might also help.

Bunny Flags
categories: Games

Bunnies with guns?? Bunny rage bars? See, this is what happens when you remove them from their natural habitat (their natural habitat is cups and bowls).

Shattered Colony
categories: Games

Admin: In this zombie tower defense game…

Angry Husky: Wait a second. Zombie and tower defense? How about we add some bloons and Katy Perry dressup to this cliche party? I think I’m gonna accidentally lose bowel control right over your new Pumas. *poops*

Pixel Purge
categories: Games

What a disappointment. Before I played this I imagined the game would feature some emo pixels binge eating mac and cheese, and then shoving little pixel fingers into their mouths before having a box of ex-lax for dinner. Maybe even cutting their little pixel arms with a little pixel blade? Meh, I guess it’s okay this way too.

Achievement Unlocked 2
categories: Games

Yup, it’s another blue elephant game. Honestly I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do in this one. I’ve just been sitting in front of the computer randomly hitting the arrow keys, and that feels pretty gratifying. Though maybe that’s because I removed my pants? Yes, it’s definitely because I removed my pants.

SugarRush

Due to the delicate age of some of the members here, I was going to post an educational PSA talking about how eating too much candy is bad for your teeth, yadda yadda yadda. But then I remembered that getting cavities eventually leads to feeling like you’re in a Jefferson Airplane song, so go right ahead, but don’t forget to share your post-dentist appointment videos.

Catapult Madness
categories: Games

This game brings back some good memories of my past life when I was a king of.. some country with a weird accent. Anyways, I told this impudent toad to build me a catapult and convinced some of my peasants that launching them in the air and turning themselves into a bloody mess was for the good of the country, while in reality it was simply for my morbid amusement. Good times, good times…

Epic Combo!
categories: Games

If a week ago someone told me I would be smashing cute little turtles with a giant sledge hammer, I would have clenched my fists in rage and shown them that (rejected) poster I made for PETA where I’m lying naked with a porcupine covering my funny parts (ouch). But that was a week ago.

The Ugly Dance
categories: Funny, Music

Who knew that our resident Angry Husky was such a good dancer? Post your dancers in the comments.

Flakboy 2
categories: Games

Over the past week we’ve safely established that you don’t like thinking, music, iPhone games, or competitions ending in a tie. So today we’ll see if you sickos like torturing people. I’m thinking that you do, which is why I’ve got my phone out and I’ve already dialed 9-1. I’m going to let Homeland Security know about you perverts. They might want to give you a job.

Bubble Tanks Arenas
categories: Games

Smoking a bubble pipe won’t necessarily make you a more sophisticated person, but on the other hand not smoking a bubble pipe also won’t make you a more sophisticated person. Did you ever think about that?

*takes drag off bubble pipe*

Mushroom Madness 2
categories: Games

Coincidentally, there was an evening back in my second year of college that I refer to as “Mushroom Madness 2″. It was a good time, but unfortunately ended in a sword fight with a (now deceased) ferret named Hugbert.

Inferno
categories: Games

I was initially disappointed with this one, since I expected that by controlling a “Firebot” I was going to get to burn some **** down. But I shouldn’t complain, games are supposed to be a break from reality after all.

You Got the Endoplasmic Reticulum!
categories: Games

Alright biology nerds, keep your pants on. Actually, you know what? Hold off on that. I think I’m going to need to evaluate each of you on a case-by-case basis. Please send over a recent picture, full body, good lighting, and I’ll get back to you by eod wednesday.

Mechanical Commando 2
categories: Games

From Wikipedia: Going mechanical commando is the practice of not wearing underwear while piloting one’s mechanized assault vehicle.

BoomsticK

Boom Chicka Boom. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

Catnarok! Longcat Rampage!

What do you get when you combine the philosophical stylings of Loved, the strategic elements of Hex Empire, and the graphical shine of Little Wheel? You get… not this.

Light Bot 2
categories: Games

This programming themed game may be all good times for some of you, but for others it’s a painful reminder of my their mundane day-to-day existence.

*tears*

Super Mario Bros. Crossover
categories: Games

This game reminds me of a dream I had when I was 14. It involved me developing the ability to fly, Eddie Van Halen giving me his guitar, winning the lottery, and my Samantha Fox poster coming to life.

Sprocket Rocket
categories: Games

I’ve been trying to make a realistic middle-finger egg ship for a while now, but this is the best I can do. My talents in neurosurgery and supermodel seduction just aren’t translating well to this task.

Star Relic
categories: Games

As flagship website for The Littlegrey Network, Dig Your Own Grave is required by law to post any game referencing aliens with pointy heads. Incidentally, the same rule also applies to puppies and He-Man.

The Final Death Wish
categories: Games

I think I made it clear a long time ago that my final death wish is death by puppies.

Cursed Treasure
categories: Games

My dad once told me that one day I’d find my own “cursed treasure”. He said it’s also called “a loveless marriage”. Then he started singing jazz standards to the dog and threw up in the ash tray (he only throws up when he drinks the cheap scotch).

Sydney Shark

Silly game, everyone knows in Australia they’re not called sharks, they’re called wallamawimwams. Anyways, have a great weekend folks – and watch out for bees!

Cover Orange Players Pack
categories: Games

Once more you are being asked to protect a bunch of jittery citrus fruits from the the horrors of acid rain. Is it an innocent online game, or more global warming scare tactics from a liberal government whose only agenda is to convert America into a communist state populated by godless hippies? YOU DECIDE.

I was hungry but there were cannons
categories: Games

Some games need to be posted based on their title alone, just as some videos need to be voted for based on their title alone.

Infectonator : World Dominator
categories: Games

Spread the zombie virus on a global scale in the latest installment of the Infectonator series.

Angry Husky: *poooooooooops*

Stick War
categories: Games

Aim for the heads. For logistical reasons all stickman vital organs are crammed into their cranial region. Except for the lower intestine, which travels in a straight line from their head right down to the poop chute. Now see? Don’t tell me you never learn anything from coming here.

Reclamation
categories: Games

If you’re having trouble getting a highscore, just remember that if a giant isopod gets a hold of your body it’s going to do this.

Mecharon
categories: Games

If any of you were totally freaked out by yesterday’s Hellspawn Huntsman Spider video, today I’m providing you with some free psychotherapy by letting you blast similar mutants from within the confines of an armored battle mech. They need to start selling those in Australia.

Creeper World
categories: Games

Today I’d like to introduce you to a new member of our DYOG family: Angry Husky. So what do you think of this game Angry Husky?

Angry Husky: THE TUTORIAL IS TOO LONG AND MY BUM IS ITCHY

Weapon
categories: Games

These are my pants. There are many like them, but these ones are mine. My pants are my worst enemy. They are my death. I must master my pants as I must master my life. My pants, without me, are useless. Without my pants, I am invincible.

I Hate Traffic
categories: Games

I also hate drama, pants, cold fingers, and smelly towels.

Continuity
categories: Games

Maybe if some games took place in Canada we wouldn’t have to deal with all these locked doors?

Obey the Game
categories: Games

Well I may not have achieved my primary goal for the week, or my secondary goal, but I did complete my lessor known 3rd goal of being a complete failure in everything I do. Mission accomplished! Ho-yeah.

Infectonator!
categories: Games

If I were a zombie I wouldn’t bother running around trying to bite people in order to spread my undead infection. Instead, I would setup beside the road on days of large marathons and hand out water to runners from a barrel infected with my zombie saliva. See? Even dead I’m still brilliant.

Siege Tank Defence
categories: Games

So far my goal for the week is right on track. I think we can all agree that this game doesn’t involve any serious thinking, and as for hobos… well I’m pretty sure I saw one in wave 27.

Level Up!
categories: Games

No need to say it… I’m getting as sick of jumping around and collecting sparkling things as you are. I need some stuff to shoot. And I need that stuff to explode in a blinding hail of blood, organs and gold coins that I can use to buy weapon upgrades that will make things explode even harder. And if I can’t find such a game soon I’m just going to make it myself.

The Kill Kar II: Revenge
categories: Games

Well I finally found a game where we can let loose a little aggression, though I’m a bit disappointed I have to do all this “DRIVING” nonsense. I had really imagined a game where I could unleash my fury from within a beach chair or something like that. Maybe with a cocktail ordering mini-game?

Level Editor
categories: Games

Personally I don’t consider any level editor complete unless it has tools for pancake dispensers, puppy generators, and stripper factory installations.

Llama Adventure
categories: Games

I will always have a soft spot in my heart for llamas, mainly due to that chilly night in Denmark back in 2008. I had a little too much to drink, got separated from my friends and was lost. We talked for a bit and took a little walk down by the river, and that’s when she showed me all about that special “Danish hospitality” I had been hearing about.

Flood Fill
categories: Games

I know you feisty Canadians are probably getting all aroused seeing that orgy of U’s on the instructions page – but know this! I am coming for you. I’m wearing a cowboy hat, driving my H2 hummer with a Coors Light in one hand and a Walmart brand rifle in the other, and all your precious free health care won’t be enough to save you from my wrath!

The Gun Game
categories: Games

Finally, a game perfectly suited for the youth of today. Although Oakland kids might have an unfair advantage.

Max Connect
categories: Games

Twenty-five levels of electricimicating puzzles await you, and as an added bonus upon completion you will be rewarded with your wildest fantasy come true. Assuming of course that your wildest fantasy involves finishing an online puzzle game. Trust me – sometimes it’s good to set that bar low.

Juggerdome
categories: Games

SO disappointed. With a name like Juggerdome I was expecting at least one performance by Insane Clown Posse and some Pauly Shore standup. I guess I’ll have to wait for the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos.

Trap Master
categories: Games

This is my monster Tony. He is a level 12 Trap Master, a level 6 No Pants Wearing Master, and a level 4 Debating Master. He’ll trap you in his traps, out-casual you with his pants-free lifestyle, and master debate you under the table any day of the week!

The Tickler
categories: Games

And so begins an epic battle for the #1 Google result for “The Tickler”. Who will win, the innocently named Flash game, or the not-so-innocently named latex contraceptive?

Vector Conflict: The Siege

I know you guys think I spend all my time oil wrestling supermodels and saving forest animals from the California wildfires, but honestly that’s only about 95% of my day. The other 5% I spend making terrific games like this one. It’s sort of a retro post-apocalyptic shooter with – UH OH GISELE HAS ME IN AN ARMBAR BRB

Death vs Monstars
categories: Games

The most annoying thing about monstars is that they’re scary and occupy valuable closet space. The most annoying thing about Death is that he’s always trying to end my life and sometimes he forgets to flush. So Death wins this round in my books.

Hex Empire
categories: Games

This game reminds me of the hours days okay fine, weeks I flushed down the pooper playing Civ3 and Dice Wars. The desire for revenge I feel when territory is stolen from me immediately overrides all natural instincts to eat, bathe, blink, and feed the goldfish. Forgive me Bubbles and Lexus! FORGIVE ME!

1066: The Game
categories: Games

Today’s magical assemblage of interactive colored pixels complements 1066, a historical drama created by the UK’s Channel 4. Now start clickin’ on it ye rump-fed chicken!

Friendly Fire: Blood and Gore
categories: Games

A little tip for the guys out there, there is nothing – nothing – better for picking up chicks than a monocle. A monocle says a) I’m rich, b) I’m smart, and c) I’m so off my ass crazy that I will stalk you and boil your pets alive if you don’t love me forever so don’t even humor the idea of rejection.

Artillery Tower
categories: Games

It’s like a tower defense game, but it’s not a tower defense game. But it’s tower defense. I can’t explain! It’s madness!

Don’t look back
categories: Games

Even 8-bit spiders terrify me.

Shields of Gemland
categories: Games

My least favorite part is getting smothered by the balls.

99 Bricks: The Legend of Garry
categories: Games

There’s an age-old saying where I come from: if it looks like Tetris, if it feels like Tetris, and if it tastes like Tetris when you smother your monitor in long loving licks, then it is Tetris.

Vox Populi Vox Dei
categories: Games

Werewolves are nothing to be afraid of, just think of them as really grumpy furries. If you trap them in a room with internet access they’ll be quite happy using the time to update their LiveJournal page instead of eating you.

This is the Only Level
categories: Games

Traversed by a grey skinned fellow,
With tusks a whiteish-yellow,
and kisses like shots of Grape Jello.

Red Code 2
categories: Games

The only thing worse than a bug is a giant bug, and the only thing worse than a giant bug is a giant bug that comes out of giant egg sack.

Hexcelle
categories: Games

I’ve been trying to figure out why this game is called Hexcelle. My best guess so far is that it was created by Sir Hextor Cellesis and that he named the game after his only son, who is also named Hextor. This is all speculation of course.

GOBTRON
categories: Games

I don’t know what that giant pink thing with the boogers is, but I may have pooped it out yesterday morning. If it was me, I apologize.

Cube Colossus
categories: Games

Hooray! It’s the weekend. Who’s got exciting plans? I’m not doing much, just gonna catch up on True Blood episodes and pick the porcupine quills out of my lips. Hey, don’t judge – those things look just like groundhogs from far away.

Hedgehog Launch 2
categories: Games

I was originally calling 2009 The Year of the Physics Puzzle Games, however I am now officially changing 2009 to be The Year of the Jumping/Throwing and Upgrading In Between Games. Somebody please let China know – I’d do it myself but it’s my morning mocha time over here.

Phage Wars 2
categories: Games

This game requires Flash Player 10. A lot of them do now. Maybe it’s time to update.

Little Wheel
categories: Art, Games

We’ve all seen The Matrix, Terminator, Battlestar Galactica… so what, now we’re supposed to help the robots? Ha ha, no way! Nice try robots!

Polygonal Fury
categories: Games

In this exciting team-based tactical shooter, you play as Ervil LeBaron, fighting your way through hordes of vicious enemies accompanied by your 16 AI-controlled wives. Collect powerups and gold to upgrade… oh wait, Polygonal Fury. Sorry, wrong game.

Liquid Measure
categories: Games

Most men believe, though few will admit, that the true measure of a man is the amount of urine he pees out in a given trip to the bathroom. And even if you don’t agree, you have to admit it’s embarrassing when nothing comes out.

Bunny Charm
categories: Games

I have no idea how to submit scores in this game and that giant hand looks way too much like a spider for me to want to stick around and figure it out. You’re on your own kids! I’m off to get a burrito and a Thai massage. Okay, maybe just a burrito.

Learn to Fly
categories: Games

I was actually thinking the other day that a penguin would make the perfect pet – if it wasn’t for the constant pooping. You could bring him in the bath, he wouldn’t take much room on the bed, I bet he’d love watching tv and sharing popcorn… It really is a shame about the pooping.

Black Knight Insurrection
categories: Games

I wasn’t in the Chess Club at school, so I don’t really know too much about the game. Back then I based all my extra curricular activities around where the chicks were at – namely the Math Club. Hello, woman of my dreams.

Mecha Martyr
categories: Games

When I was a kid I used to dream of stomping through the countryside in a giant robotic suit. Now I just dream of stomping through my apartment in a black rubber suit with… you know, lets just forget I said that.

Bring your crappy stick figure drawings to life!
categories: Art, Videos

Thanks to recent advances in technology, you can create your own private dancer, a dancer for money, he’ll do what you want him to do. Just click paint and let your dreams do the talking.

Evolution Squared
categories: Games

Personally I was hoping to evolve an extra eyeball or maybe a second head, but I guess a monocle is pretty cool too. Chicks love monocles.

Lucky Coins

Your wildest Plinko fantasies have just come true.

Bubble Tanks 2
categories: Games

This game demands to be played while puffing on a toy bubble pipe and wearing a musty tweed smoking jacket.

PS: Sorry if you’ve been getting hammered with popups today. I am trying to track down the offending advertiser.

Potion Panic
categories: Games

It fires the potion at the hordes, it does this whenever it’s told. It fires the potion at the hordes or else it gets the hose again. Now it places the potion in the basket…

Warbears
categories: Games

Oh noes! Some bad fuzzy bears have robbed a bank and taken hostages! You control a crack team of 4 special agent Warbears sent in to save the day. When you’re done you can just tell me what to do, because so far I’ve only been able to make the one bear blow up his bear buddy. And that, unfortunately, is not part of the mission.

Territory WAR
categories: Games

Question 1: When you guys ask me to put up a game, what do I do? Answer: I put it up. Question 2: Why do I do that? Answer: Because I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Question 3: Why am I so awesome? Answer: Not entirely sure, maybe genetics.

Attractive Balls
categories: Games

This game is similar to the falling sand game. Half of you will hate it and will probably say I suck, because the game has no point. The other half will fall in to a relaxation induced coma while learning about gravity and/or magnetism.

Hell of Sand – Falling Sand Game
categories: Games

Hell of Sand is yet another game with no point other than to waste time. It is also an oddly titled game. I would have called it Joy of Relaxing Sand. Make sure you experiment with all of the options at the bottom.

Bow Man 2
categories: Games

Here is the eagerly anticipated summer-blockbuster game Bowman 2. Not that I’ve ever played Bowman 1, but I’m sure this one is miles ahead in both special effects and plot twists. Be sure to try ‘Bird Hunting’ mode; pretend they’re all pigeons and exterminate with extreme prejiduce!

Final Fortress
categories: Games

Final Fortress. It’s like Final Fantasy, only instead of a fantasy there’s a fortress. And instead of creepy androgynous japanese sci-fi magic there’s mines and cannons and explosions. Which makes it so much better than Final Fantasy that I just wet myself.

Puzzle Bobble
categories: Games

I used to play this game at an arcade, but now I don’t have to, which is good because I’m afraid to leave my house.

wpnFire
categories: Games

This game is, as the French say, ‘wickedly awesome’. The performance can be pretty bad, so before starting I recommend you go into the game’s configuration menu and turn motion blur and FPS Stability to OFF. Then tape a LEAVE ME ALONE note to the back of your head because you’ve got places to be (your computer) and people to see (zombies).

Dry Fire
categories: Games

This game almost gets it right. No secret levels, no puzzles, no keys to unlock doors, no ‘moving around’. Just shooting lots of things that die really easily and sometimes even explode. Now if we could just incorporate a few topless women into the background or something I think we would have a winner. And maybe Korn in the soundtrack. Is Korn still cool? Okay, Slipknot then.

Arcane
categories: Games

See that guy on the left? That’s your enemy. Now I don’t know about you, but if I looked like that I would chew off my own leg and use it to beat every living thing within eyesight into a coma. Be glad you’ve got that chain mail armor, my friends.

Shadez: Black Operations
categories: Games

I don’t really have time to say too much about this game. It’s the start of a brand new day over here, and I’ve got some very important business to attend to. I can’t reveal exactly what that business is, but it starts with ‘p’ and rhymes with ‘pooping’. I mean… wait.. damn.

Ultrablock
categories: Games

Click groups of three or more like-colored blocks to make them disappear. Don’t let the blocks reach the top or something bad will happen. I’m not going to say exactly what, but it may involve your mom, three stray cats, 1 jar of spaghetti sauce, former UFC heavyweight champion Tim ‘The Maniac’ Sylvia, and a lightbulb.

GeoWars2
categories: Games

Octagons, hexagons, pentagons, blah blah blah blah blah. I ask you, what good has geometry ever done anyone? Exactly. It is useless, and therefore must be destroyed.

The Plant
categories: Games

If you still don’t know what you want to do with your life, perhaps this game will help you discover a budding interest hydroponics you never knew you had. Career-wise, I’m not sure what you can do with hydroponic skills, but I’m sure you’ll get high by. *cough*

Rocket Man
categories: Games

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time ’till touchdown brings me round again. To find I’m not the man they think I am at home, oh no no no…

Oiligarchy
categories: Games

Ah, sweet sweet crude, aka petroleum, aka “The Black Gold”. Not to be confused with “The Brown Gold”, known to many by it’s consumer name, Nutella. I would smear that stuff into my eyes if it made the taste last longer (it doesn’t, I tried).

Arachnophilia: The Spider Web Game

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

WhiteboardWar: ChopRaider
categories: Games

I’ll admit this is a pretty cool use of a whiteboard, but I generally like to keep the one in my cubicle free for important messages like SOMEBODY SAVE ME and PLEASE FIRE ME.

Mouse Under Siege
categories: Games

I don’t know what sort of shady stuff you guys have been clicking on over there, but these little guys are not very happy with you.

Let’s Have Some Phun
categories: Games, Geeky

Phun is a free, downloadable 2D physics sandbox. You can do pretty much anything in it. I was actually able to model Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and send a crudely drawn square back in time to kill it’s own parents, thereby erasing itself from existence. Either that or I pressed the undo button, I’m not sure. Video of Phun-in-action after the jump.

Ant City
categories: Games

This isn’t really a game per se, but it does recreate those halcyon moments of burning ants with a magnifying glass, and all without any of that nagging guilt afterwards.

The Elegant Art of Feminine Conflict
categories: Games

Quite possibly the greatest game in the history of mankind. And probably the only game in the history of eternity to feature a ‘Critical Slap’.

Champion
categories: Games

Like me, have you always felt that Green Arrow was the lamest member of the Justice League? I know he had that hot green suit and the awesome pointy goatee, but the bow-and-arrow seemed like such a silly weapon compared to Superman’s heat vision. Well boy were we wrong! The bow-and-arrow is the best weapon ever!

Zilch
categories: Games

I think this game is broken. I can’t find the Yahtzee button anywhere.

Ether War
categories: Games

There is a great war waging among the stars above us. A war that only non-epileptics can win.

Microbe Kombat
categories: Games

There’s nothing I like more on a Friday night than kicking back with a good flash game, a buttery Chardonnay, and a brick of aged Swiss. What about you?

Amorphous+
categories: Games

That’s not a knife, this is a… holy crap, wait that is a knife.

Assembler
categories: Games

You might not think that stacking blocks would be fun, be let’s not forget you felt the same way when I told you to try pouring butterscotch pudding down your pants. And now you can’t leave the house without a little pudding in the pants, can you? It’s just so gosh darned… butterscotchy.

Rage 3
categories: Games

Main Entry: rage
Pronunciation: \ˈrāj\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin rabia, from Latin rabies rage, madness, from rabere to be mad; to be forced to wear pants

Frantic
categories: Games

I really wanted to make up for yesterday’s blunder by ruining your weekend extra badly today. However, today’s game has turned out to be quite fun, relatively easy, and somewhat short. As punishment, I shall spend the entire weekend in not just pants, but snowpants, listen to 50 Cent’s new album in it’s entirety, and eat only gluten-free foods.

Warzone Tower Defense
categories: Games

iTS JUST ANOTER TOWER DEFENCE GAME iM TOTALY BOARD OF THEES TYPES OF GAMES

There, I said it so you don’t have to. Now we can use the comments section to talk about our favorite types of cookies!

IncrediBots
categories: Games

You guys really seemed to like that Fantastic Contraption game, so I thought you might enjoy this one too. Personally, I haven’t tried it – way too many buttons. I only need two buttons in my games, PLAY and LAUNCH TACTICAL NUCLEAR WARHEADS.

Shore Siege
categories: Games

Protect yer ship from th’ oncomin’ hordes. An’ dasn’t ye dare leave a comment without puttin’ ‘t through th’ Buccanneer Translator (ya bilge rat!)

Aether
categories: Games

Relieve your childhood dreams in this surrealistic art game. Now… not to split hairs, but my childhood dreams usually involved Transformers and GI Joe. Maybe they show up in the later levels?

Mazestopper 2
categories: Games

I don’t want you to feel like you need to get a full 5 star rating in each of these levels before you move on to the next. It’s perfectly fine to just scrape by with the bare minimum. Just like you do with everything else in life. You big fat failure.

Coign of Vantage
categories: Games

Coign of Vantage (pronounced “Heeeeyoooo”), is a very innovative little game that tests your spatial perception. Spatial perception comes in handy for things like not killing cyclists while driving, and keeping your pee in the toilet while peeing. It’s practically one of my favorite perceptions.

Hexiom Connect
categories: Games

Hexiom – it’s just like Dungeons and Dragons, only minus the goblins, trolls, magic missiles, dungeon masters, dark caves, taverns, elves, dwarves, dice, nerds, more elves, chainmail armor, potions, orcs, half-elves, dragons, spells, super-nerds, giant lizard birds that you can fly, kinghts?, maidens, wizards, warlocks, witches, and… what I’m really trying to say is this game has hexagons in it.

Magma Mayhem!
categories: Games

Molten lava is no laughing matter. Unless you pour it down your friend’s pants – then it’s hilarious!

Escape
categories: Games

Well surprise surprise. You’ve gotten yourself trapped in a room again. You know – you might want to consider carrying a bit of C4 in your purse from now on.

(yeah, I said ‘purse’. You got a problem with that, lady?)

Battalion Nemesis
categories: Games

Advance Wars meets Flash meets my absence of pants.

Shift 3
categories: Games

Shift 3 is out! Now featuring Adventure Mode. Plus some groovy player packs! And a pack of Lime Jello! Plus a 3-way sprocket wrench! And a hooker!

AstroFlyer
categories: Games

It’s almost not fair for me to put up 3D avoider games, since this is the birthplace of the shining light in all our lives known as Vector Runner – however – I do like the style of this one. The house music soundtrack actually inspired me to crack and shake my very last glowstick. Unfortunately that old hit of ecstasy I had doesn’t seem to be work… wait… I… want to make love to my lamp.

Stickman Madness 3
categories: Games

Storm the House 3… errr.. *cough* excuse me, Stickman Madness 3 is finally out!

FWG Bridge
categories: Games

Finally, a game that I excel at thanks to my rocket sciencestry background. The point is to hurl all the creatures into the chasm, right?

10 Gnomes (Part VI: The Hall)
categories: Games

I’ll be honest, I don’t really like this latest version of 10 Gnomes as much as I did the previous one (10 Gnomes Part V: The Naked Body of Megan Fox). But it’s still way better than 10 Gnomes Part II: Inside the Trousers of Al Roker. Some things were just never meant to be seen with human eyes.

Hedgehog Launch
categories: Games

No matter how cute you try and draw a cartoon hedgehog, it will never, ever, ever ever ever, look as cute as a real life hedgehog. I think it’s one of the laws of physics.

Through the Machine
categories: Games

In today’s adventure you’re a lowly fly, flying your way through a big bad machine. And if you see any dog poop on the way – what the heck, take a few bites. Let’s see what all that fuss is about.

Cursor Attack 3
categories: Games

I’ve been trying to tell you kids for years now that cursors are pretty much useless. Back in the days of THE DOS OPERATING SYSTEM, we didn’t need cursors. When we wanted to open up the internet we would just… uh… hmmm… what the hell did we do?

Pillage the Village
categories: Games

Yeah, I know it’s old, buy hey – so is your mom!

GemCraft
categories: Games

I know I said I was done with tower defense games, but I swear this isn’t one. I have play tested it thoroughly, and I can guarantee that there is not a single tower in the game, nor do you do any sort of defending. It’s actually more of a OH THE WEB OF LIES PLEASE FOGIVE ME

Toytown Tower Defense
categories: Games

Phew! Check this game out. I haven’t seen that many polar bears since the Furry Convention back in Schaumburg last year. Not that I was there or anything. I just heard about it from some friends who were there. Friends who aren’t Furries. Friends of friends, actually. I’m completely hairless truth be told.

M.I.R.C.
categories: Games

Missile Command + magnetic fields + eye of newt + 2 tbsp salt = M.I.R.C!

SameGame
categories: Games

So long as there is breath in my lungs and movement in my fingers, I will never be able to resist the siren song of the colored block game.

Stair Fall
categories: Games

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

Leading Edge
categories: Games

The time has come again my friends. It’s time to whoop some stickman ass. These dudes went and shot down the Chickencopter! Nobody shoots down the Chickencopter and gets away with it.

Ignite People on Fire
categories: Games

Ignite People on Fire is the eagerly anticipated sequel to last year’s hit game, Light People on Fire. This version features faster paced gameplay, better special effects, and chubbies. Burn fatty, burn.

Smileys War
categories: Games

This one’s a bit like Unreal Tournament, only without that overrated third dimension. And without limbs either. Those are overrated too.