What would you do if you owned a real life UFO? Take a trip to the moon? Abduct some cows? Right at this moment, I personally would take it to Dairy Queen. Peanut Buster Parfaits and chicks – need I say more?

Finally, a game that I excel at thanks to my rocket sciencestry background. The point is to hurl all the creatures into the chasm, right?

And here we are, screwed again by gravity. Seriously, name one good thing about gravity. Going to the bathroom? Hmmmm… okay, maybe gravity’s not so bad.

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is:

a) coated 200 mg Advil tablets.
b) more cowbell.
c) raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

Since what I wrote for the last Sling Jumper post confused so many people, this is actually the perfect opportunity for me to try and clarify. 1) Some folks call it a slingblade, Karl calls it a kaiserblade. 2) Karl likes french fried pertaters.

Consider yourself schooled.

Shift 3 is out! Now featuring Adventure Mode. Plus some groovy player packs! And a pack of Lime Jello! Plus a 3-way sprocket wrench! And a hooker!

Unfortunately my degree in advanced human neuroscience didn’t cover fish anatomy, but my suspicion is that Fishy McFisherson here might have a tapeworm.

And so The Great Fish Week of 2008 comes to a close. Truthfully, I’m a little sad. We had some good times with those slimey little guys, but all good things must come to an end. Anyways, I gotta get this trout out of my pants now.

(Use your prettiest fishiest picture for the highscores!)

That’s not a knife, this is a… holy crap, wait that is a knife.

This Nintendo Bomberman clone really reminds me of the gaming days of my youth. And what’s really cool about it is, it has a two player mode so I can play against my imaginary friend. Wait, I mean my real friend. My girlfriend actually. She’s a supermodel. I have 10 of them.

I implore you, EAT THE COOKIES FASTER.

Some folks call it a sling jumper, I call it a kaiser jumper. Mmm… mmph.. reckon you make me some biscuits.. Mmmm… mmm.. mmph… I like them French fried potaters.

Live ordinance falling all around you. Fat guy in speedo behind you. Girls beach volleyball tournament ahead in the distance. Run, my friends. Run.

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.