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Sneak Peek: Xaat Disi
Sneak Peek: Xaat Disi

Teale Fristoe, the man and the magic behind Arachnophilia, is hard at work on a new game called Xaat Disi: The Salmon Run Game. Today we’re offering you a special 2 level sneak peek. You may see a short survey after you play – filling it out will help Teale make the game better, and help me deal with these painful foot bunions.

I have just met you and I love you.
I have just met you and I love you.

I’m pretty sure Dug the dog from Pixar’s new movie Up is exactly what a talking dog would really be like.

The Arrow of Time
The Arrow of Time

I like games where you can combine things to make limitless combinations of other things. Actually I just like the idea of combining things in general. For instance, combining pets to make the perfect pet – like the head of a puppy, the body of a penguin, the tail of a piglet, and the bum of a robot that doesn’t poop. Perfection.

GemCraft: Chapter 0
GemCraft: Chapter 0

Bonus points for anyone who knows what I named the achievements after – without using a search engine. And without sacrificing their heterosexuality, which might be impossible. (That was a clue).

PS: You submit your score in the stats menu.

Effing Hail
Effing Hail

I wasn’t very good at this game at first, but then I just made believe the city was Oakland. Submit your score in millions (ie: if you score 23,567 million, enter your score as 23567).

Music Catch 2
Music Catch 2

Music Catch – so relaxing it’s guaranteed to make you forget to breathe, or at the very least poop your pants. Here’s hoping for the latter.

For those interested, the music in the game is by Isaac Shepard.

Superstar Combo
Superstar Combo

So the other day this pretty influential guy was talking to me, and he was like, “Admin, you are so super cool the way you make games and stuff”. And I was like, “Thanks God, you’re pretty cool yourself, the way you created the universe and stuff. Oh, except for the part where you made testicles on the outside.” Seriously, what’s up with that?

Bring your crappy stick figure drawings to life!
Bring your crappy stick figure drawings to life!

Thanks to recent advances in technology, you can create your own private dancer, a dancer for money, he’ll do what you want him to do. Just click paint and let your dreams do the talking.

Happy Ferret Song
Happy Ferret Song

From the creators of Charlie the Unicorn and Detective Mittens, comes a really sadistic ferret.

Thor’s Hammer
Thor’s Hammer

I’ve no idea what this celebration is, or how it originated, but it is explosilicious. Do yourself a favor and watch until the end.

Magnet Towers
Magnet Towers

Going back to yesterday’s discussion about RPGs, I will say they do have one common upside – no techno soundtracks.

Sin Mark
Sin Mark

I normally don’t post RPG games, and here’s why: I don’t like RPGs. Also, I’m not really into Dungeons and Dragons type stuff, mainly because I don’t want to end up like these guys.

Brick Yard
Brick Yard

You know who would be good at this game? This guy.

Press L to submit your score. Use any game mode you want.

Castle Clout
Castle Clout

If I built a castle and it looked even half as silly as some of these, I would construct a trebuchet using the bones of my wife, the tendons from my children, and the hide of my dog. I would launch my own body at the castle over and over until it was completely destroyed and any trace of the shame it brought to me was erased from existence.

Detective Mittens
Detective Mittens

From the same minds that brought us the hilarious Charlie the Unicorn comes Detective Mittens, the crime solving cat. Meow meow meow meow meow.

Icy Candy
Icy Candy

Crying candies. My gosh, have you ever heard of anything so sad? Somebody give those little guys a cuddle!

Mario Combat
Mario Combat

Sweep the leg. No mercy.

Storm the House 3
Storm the House 3

In the highly anticipated sequel to Storm the House 2, more advanced storming algorithms combined with the latest in cutting-edge house rendering technology provide the player with a completely new* gaming experience.

*similar

Warzone Tower Defense
Warzone Tower Defense

iTS JUST ANOTER TOWER DEFENCE GAME iM TOTALY BOARD OF THEES TYPES OF GAMES

There, I said it so you don’t have to. Now we can use the comments section to talk about our favorite types of cookies!

Plague of Kittens
Plague of Kittens

If this game was about falling puppies I would master it. I would play it until I could play it forever without letting a single adorable little puppy die. It is all I would do until the end of time. Kittens… meh.

The Five Stages of a Giraffe in Quicksand
The Five Stages of a Giraffe in Quicksand

Most of you are probably familiar with the 5 stages a giraffe goes through when he gets stuck in quicksand, but if you aren’t then here they are. Tomorrow’s lesson: the five stages of nerdly-arousal I go through when I watch Battlestar Galactica.

Chasing Wabbits
Chasing Wabbits

Who do you think this little rascal is chasing down in his dream? I bet it’s a dandelion field full of fluffy bunnies. But I’ll tell you why he should really be running… because I’m after him, and when I catch him I’m going to zurbert that pink little belly of his. It’s all part of my tough love program.

Zilch
Zilch

I think this game is broken. I can’t find the Yahtzee button anywhere.

Nanaca†Crash
Nanaca†Crash

You fruitcakes asked for it, and now you’ve got it: Nanaca†Crash. So pause that episode of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and put down your Jigglypuff doll. It’s time to save the world, crazy-ass Japanese style!

Red
Red

You might think that because this game is called ‘Red’ that it has something to do with Communism. And you would be absolutely right. I base that statement on nothing other than extreme paranoia and what some have called a ‘wild, dangerous’ imagination. Use your breast-shaped turret to blast those commie rocks back into the potato fields of Mother Russia. Freedom and Democracy are counting on you!

Body Ladder
Body Ladder

Well here I was thinking this was a Halloween game, but turns out those aren’t piles of zombies – they’re piles of clones. I suck. Halloween is ruined.

3 Minutes on the Beach
3 Minutes on the Beach

If you played the prequel to this game, 3 Hours in an Outhouse Tank, you may be hesitant to give this one a try. Understandable, but I can assure you that 3 Minutes on the Beach is a much more relaxing and enjoyable experience. Unless you’re into that outhouse stuff, pervert.

BoomsticK
BoomsticK

Boom Chicka Boom. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

Endless Zombie Rampage
Endless Zombie Rampage

Okay, everyone all together now:

NNNNNNNNNNnnn… BRAINNNNNNNnnns…

Musicovery
Musicovery

Musicovery is a webradio application that lets you interactively explore music using many filters such as mood, genre, date, and energy level. If you like discovering new stuff, try unchecking the “Hit” box and check “Discovery”.

Dog Fight II
Dog Fight II

It is a well documented fact that decorated World War II Air Chief Marshal Sir Foxley Neilson, refused to wear pants while flying missions on Wednesdays. Henceforth, Wednesdays have been commonly referred to as “Nopantsdays”, and only jerks wear pants on this, the most sacred of all weekdays.

The Anti-Helium
The Anti-Helium

Everyone knows that inhaling helium will cause your voice to become very high. Inhaling sulfur hexafluoride on the other hand, will turn you into a demon. No, I’m serious. You literally turn into a demon.

Dolphin Cup
Dolphin Cup

You thought I was kidding about Fish Week didn’t you? Honestly I had my doubts as well, but I tell you – it doesn’t matter how crazy your dream is, with a little elbow grease and some help from your friends, anything is possible. Especially if one of your friends is the baby Jesus.

Double Wires
Double Wires

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

N Ninja
N Ninja

Although this game is fantastically cool, I cannot help but think of how much cooler it would be if these talented game developers had made it about a pirate and not a ninja. Instead of lasers there would be cannonballs, and instead of all this silly jumping there would be swashbuckling. And there would also be ale, and a parrot, and eyepatches. I think I’ve made my point.

Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe 3
Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe 3

The story is that people enjoy playing Guitar Hero because it makes them feel like they can actually play the guitar. So does that mean that people enjoy playing this game because it makes them feel like their parents actually love them enough to buy them Guitar Hero?