From the creator of PEL, comes Alphabre…eh… Alphabeh… Alphabrekika… comes a brand new game.

Children’s programming just gets crazier and crazier. The bright neon-colored antics of Nick Jr.’s Yo Gabba Gabba! just might give the Japanese a run for their money.

Are you seeing this Germany? THIS is how you bastardize a cheeseburger.

Recently I became a Pastafarian because their heaven has a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano! Unfortunately the state of Kansas School Board is trying to discriminate against us.

Characters from Halo explain the difference between real life and the internet. It’s quite accurate I think. It’s also pretty funny, primarily due to excessive use of the word ‘masturbate’.

Maybe it’s apple juice.

There’s a what going on in Ira… wah?

You take a block from the bottom, and you put it on top, you… take a.. somethin and a somethin.. and.. uh… Jenga, Jenga, J-J-J-Jenga.

I’d like to order a fat slice of love. Double cheese and extra-saucy please.

In this exciting team-based tactical shooter, you play as Ervil LeBaron, fighting your way through hordes of vicious enemies accompanied by your 16 AI-controlled wives. Collect powerups and gold to upgrade… oh wait, Polygonal Fury. Sorry, wrong game.

I’m pretty sure Dug the dog from Pixar’s new movie Up is exactly what a talking dog would really be like.

Apple’s advertising campaigns are consistently creative, so what’s their secret? Well sometimes they borrow artists’ work and forget to get permission. My civics teacher, Ms. Whitehead, used to yell at me about that sort of thing all the time. Well who’s yelling now Ms. Whitehead? ASHAJFHDSHFSD!

So as it turns out, god is a DJ. Or DJs are necromancers. Or this one is made of magic. I’m not really sure to be honest, but this short film has apparently won a lot of awards.

Hey little buddy, maybe your family’s not so weird after all.

Finally, a game that scientists and creationists can both enjoy equally. The logical among you will appreciate the realistic simulation of the Laws of Physics, while the faithful can marvel at the mystical crayon powered by the magic of Jesus.

When the world of professional photo retouching meets the world of everyday incompetence, only good things can happen. You have to dig through some of the posts to find the real gems, but they’re in there.

So the other day this pretty influential guy was talking to me, and he was like, “Admin, you are so super cool the way you make games and stuff”. And I was like, “Thanks God, you’re pretty cool yourself, the way you created the universe and stuff. Oh, except for the part where you made testicles on the outside.” Seriously, what’s up with that?

After all the color blinders complaining about games they can’t play because they’re color blind (wa wa wa), I’ve decided to post a game perfectly suited to their vile disease. (And the game isn’t broken – you just have to choose your country from the list in the bottom before playing.)

I eat Jell-O in slow motion every chance I get. Nom… nom… nom.

I had no idea that the King was such a SpongeBob pervert.

This game reminds me of the hours days okay fine, weeks I flushed down the pooper playing Civ3 and Dice Wars. The desire for revenge I feel when territory is stolen from me immediately overrides all natural instincts to eat, bathe, blink, and feed the goldfish. Forgive me Bubbles and Lexus! FORGIVE ME!

In Rand McNally, they wear hats on their feet and watermelons eat people.

So, the game is good and all but… what exactly am I looking at here? Are those little guys the storks? I fully understand the process of human procreation – it starts with kissing and ends with a room full of babies, but I’m a little hazy on the in between details.

Yay! The Magic Pen is back. Use it to guide the donut to the flags, or use it to create the perfect cyber-girlfriend out of slabs of inanimate stone and call her Laura. The choice is yours. I know you know what I’m doing.

I’m Batman.

I may not know where Sassari is, but if they made one of these for Taco Bells and strip clubs within a 10 mile radius I would destroy you guys.

That purple globular mass may look like grape jelly, but this webmaster can assure you that it most definitely is not. It neither tastes like grape jelly, nor possesses the soothing qualities of grape jelly when placed in the trousers. It is nothing more than a cruel electronic facade.

Ted Kefalinos, the most innocent and adorable racist in the world, just can’t understand what all the fuss is about concerning his Drunken Negro Face cookies.

The Monkey was originally planning on ruining your Christmas cheer by licking all your candy canes and pooping in your stocking, but instead he has chosen to make you suffer through 50 excruciating Christmas-themed Bloons levels.

How does it feel to be entangled… in my love?

Having been a keen student of evolutionary algorithms during my academic years, I was able to really apprecia… wait, what? No, I’m serious. I did! What, have I ever lied to you guys?

Okay, I realize yesterday’s game might have been a little too academic for some, so today we’re just going to blow holes in stuff. Blow holes in your knowledge of architecture and geography that is! Huzzah!

I think we can all agree that Zombie Baseball is about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball. But let’s be honest, clipping your toenails is also about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball.

I believe this dance-off actually took place.

Chickety China the Chinese Chicken
You have a drum stick and your brain stops ticking

In the future as I see it, cars will still be cars, except instead of steering wheels and pedals, there will just be a giant set of WASD keys on the dashboard. Also, the engine will be powered by urine.

So this is why so many hip-hop songs are obnoxiously vocoded these days.

Although the medicinal effects of popping balloons have never been scientifically proven, the South African Supahfa-izzle tribe have been using the technique for over a century. Critically ill tribe members are give a large pin and placed in an enclosure filled with giant, colorful balloons. And although the patients still die, at least they die smelling of balloons.

I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got the monkey?

hhheeeeeeeeeee’ssssss baaaaaaack…

It’s tough for me to decide what I like better, Bejeweled clones, or Poppit clones. It’s kind of like trying to decide between death by fuzzy puppy kisses, or death by Brazilian supermodel kisses. It just depends on my mood.

As if Mondays weren’t bad enough already…

The Monkey is back. He laughs at your suffering.

After seeing today’s game, you may find yourself asking, “How many Bloons games is too many Bloons games?”. However, the sophisticated among us will stick to more important questions like “should I not have eaten that?”, or “say, do you mind if I put that down my pants?”, and my personal favorite, “can I speak to my lawyer now?”

I’ll tell you when the suffering will end. It ends when that monkey is lying face-down in a pool of his own blood.

I told myself I was done with tower defense games, but along came that damn monkey and his balloons again. I swear he must have been a crack dealer in another life.

Here are another 50 levels of Bloons, but this time they are created by the fans. I haven’t gotten that far, but some of these levels seem pretty ridonculous. I don’t know about you, but if I were making a Bloons level it would have 5 balloons, 20 darts, and you’d be able to kill that damn monkey.

I almost feel like I need to apologize for this post.

Botox is the real life equivalent of the Photoshop smudge tool.

Uhhhh…… wow.

We are the Digital Youth Optimized for Gratification. How appropriate.

Now officially available: the illusion that made baby jesus cry. Those bean-like things are moving so much I want to slap them, but they’re actually not moving at all. Seriously.

Have you ever wondered what a stack of one million pennies looks like? How about a trillion? Or maybe one quadrillion? Perhaps a quintillion? Did you even know there was such a number as one quintillion? I didn’t. This site is all sorts of useful.

Photographers catch George Bush writing Condi Rice a secret note during the Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit. Behind every great man…

What is that nutty dog trying to do? He’s going to hurt someone! Either that or burn down the farm! Sheeeeeeesh!

This is a Java application that runs in a browser window. You can use the Perception Laboratory’s Face Transformer to change the age, race or sex of a facial image, to transform it to the style of a famous artist, to make an exagerated caricature or even make an ape of yourself!

Needlepoint just stopped being polite and got real. Cross stitching gets subversive

I find this incredibly hypnotizing, and I think I went to highschool with this girl. Actually, I think everyone went to highschool with this girl. (Warning: Loud music out of nowhere!)

This is a cool little flash app. It could be completely useless but I think I could probably spend the rest of my life playing with it. The fellow in the picture to the left is named Beaver. If you think he looks familiar then you are wrong, because I MADE HIM.

Mr. Tew, a 21-year-old student from England, created the home page milliondollarhomepage.com and divided the screen into 10,000 small squares of 100 pixels each. His plan was to sell the squares to advertisers at a price of $1 per pixel. He is currently $644,600 towards his goal.

I like to call it ‘The Wall of Spam’. But that’s probably because I’m jealous.

This image is from an online contest Virgin Digital is running. It contains references to 74 popular band names. How many can you spot? I’ll get you started: the flower stand in the front left has bouquets of “Guns and Roses”. Okay, that’s one…

Okay smarty pants, here is a grade 3 US geography game for you. I dare anyone to beat my high score of 22/48. That may not seem very good but keep in mind I’m a little drunk, and by ‘a little’ I mean ‘fantastically’. Also, my co-workers keep coming into my cubicle and distracting me so it’s hard to concentrate.

Go to futureme.org and write yourself an email to be delivered to you up to 30 years in the future. I already tried it and asked myself how LOST will end, or more specifically what happens if they don’t press the button and will Jack and Kate ever do it, but so far I have not heard back.

More Family Guy audio fun! Who’s a tumor?

The Simpsomaker lets you design your own Simpsons character. The guy to the left is based off of me. Not surprisingly he turned out to be the coolest, cutest, best Simpsons character there has ever been. Fancy that!

The Partnership for a Drug-Free America has put together a disturbing little site featuring “before and after” shots of meth-heads. If you’ve ever wanted to try meth, you should probably have a look at this link. And if you’ve ever wanted your face to be covered in strange disgusting scabs, then you should probably try meth.

Draw a sketch, submit it, and have some random person’s sketch sent back to you. It’s pretty fun! And because the submitted sketches are moderated you don’t get sketches of penises, boobs, or ‘FaCKs YOUz LoOS3R’s like you would expect from your fellow ‘humans’ on the internet.

YOU: Hey, this game is just like the last drunken beer balancing game you put up!
ME: Yes it is.
YOU: You’re an idiot! Your website sucks! You’re gay!

There, I saved you the trouble.

I can’t begin to tell you how hard it was to decide on what picture from this site to use along with the post. I’m sure that after the human race has nuked itself to death it won’t be cockroaches that inherit the earth. It will be penguins.

This post is for my brother, the ice-bicycle champion.

This is a very unique and addictive puzzle game. It’s all about balance. Unfortunately it doesn’t have any metric for scoring or levels, so I’ll just say I got as far as the big gray head and that as usual I am the best and you all live in my shadow (which is also awesomer than you and gets more chicks).

I remember when I was a wee-kiddo I used to spin my Led Zeppelin records backwards and try to hear the hidden satanic messages. Now, thanks to the Internet and technology I can’t even begin to understand, all we have to do is press buttons! Oh! And Britney Spears has backwards messages too!

Continuing the tribute to The Muppet Show, which was apparently the most entertaining variety show ever, I present to you those pink guys that sing that catchy song. Do do do do

So how was your drive into work this morning? I’m going to guess that it was just about nothing like driving to work in India. This video is mesmerizing… Is it special effects? Telepathy? Why are they bothering to honk? Well whatever, excuse me while I bend down and kiss this sweet, sweet American soil.

Yip yip yip yip yip! Remember those aliens from sesame street? They were funnier than you remember. Mooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I don’t know what this is, but it’s mesmerizing and will steal 20 minutes of your life from you if you’re not careful.

“What the hell is an aluminum falcon?”

I can only assume that sometime within the next couple of weeks the lawyers at Philips Norelco (who have obviously been out of town for a while) are going to come back to work, check out the new online ad campaign for the Philips Bodygroom, laugh, cry, fire every employee in the company, and finally take down this crazy ad. So watch it while you can.

Remember when you were less than five feet tall and retarded? That was the third grade, and now you can relive that time by listening to narrated entries from Amy Forstadt’s third grade diary… out of the toilet!

Probably definitely the creepiest commercial you will ever see. Unless you’re normally into hairy beard snakes?

In the spring of 1999, the Family Learning Channel commissioned animator Don Hertzfeldt to produce promotional segments for their network. The cartoons were completed in five weeks. The Family Learning Channel rejected all of them upon review, and they were never aired…

You’ve seen the wonder of the firework carrying dog, now see the amazing sleeping man with fireworks tied to his legs!

If this game was about falling puppies I would master it. I would play it until I could play it forever without letting a single adorable little puppy die. It is all I would do until the end of time. Kittens… meh.

This Maury Povich guest is really afriad of penises… I mean pickles.

It’s just like Risk, only faster and funner. And you don’t have to talk to people. And I can’t stop playing it. Every time another side takes over one of my areas my rage is so great I want to rip their dice right out of the computer monitor and devour them. And every time my dice win I want to hug them and squeeze them until they explode! Such joy!

The woman’s sly wink at the end suggests that Mego was aware of the double entendre, but that just makes this commercial even more surreal.

This may be a hilarious parody and all, but let’s keep in mind that the Japanese have actual gameshows that are even more batshit crazy than this one. Remember the children with meat strapped to their heads vs. the giant lizard? Really, how could you forget.

Perhaps if I had been using this table saw in my wood shop I would still have my penis. (Make sure you check out the hot dog video on the left of the page.)

Here is the eagerly anticipated summer-blockbuster game Bowman 2. Not that I’ve ever played Bowman 1, but I’m sure this one is miles ahead in both special effects and plot twists. Be sure to try ‘Bird Hunting’ mode; pretend they’re all pigeons and exterminate with extreme prejiduce!

The Setting: Iron Chef America, the Final Tasting.

The Ingredient: Peas.

Oh no! A bunch of adorable lemmings are in grave danger and need your help! Setup the jumppads to bounce their cute blue little bodies into the safety of the green crosshairs. Wait, crosshairs? That doesn’t sound safe. And since when are lemmings blue? And limbless? I’m so confused.

Janice!

Help the poor little boneless man avoid the metal spikes raining down from the sky! I was able to dodge 135. Coincidentally that is the same number of pushups I do every morning. Right before I head off to male supermodel school. Just some little facts I thought you might be interested in… *cough* ladies.

Remember those mix-and-match animal cards from when you were a kid? You know, where you could put an elephant’s head on a giraffe’s body? This is just the same, but with people. Who can come up with the weirdest face?

UPDATE: Now with 3 different versions!

While it isn’t a game in the sense that there are no scores, and no goal, this is still a fun little time waster. Draw lines to create the sledding hill you always dreamed of as a kid, and then watch your pixel-comprised alter ego plunge down with wild abandon. I just wish there was an eraser tool.

In what may be the most awesome physical embodiment of the term ‘too much time on your hands’, I present you with The Great Album Cover Battle. Enjoy, all you old-school rockers. Oh, and a special prize goes to anyone who can identify all of the album covers featured in the video. As usual, the special prize is love.

Quick! Jump into you futuristic paddle-ship and defend yourself! An army of evil immobile blocks is threatening to just sit there until you smash them with a ball! The fate of the world lies in your hands brave young warrior!

Hell of Sand is yet another game with no point other than to waste time. It is also an oddly titled game. I would have called it Joy of Relaxing Sand. Make sure you experiment with all of the options at the bottom.

After the success of The Creepy Burger King Guy, the folks at BK Inc. have apparently decided to stick with the ‘bizarre sells burgers’ philosophy. This time, well… just go have a look for yourself. I’m far too busy trying to unhinge my jaw so I can scarf down this delicious (and nutritious) Triple Whopper.

…fantastic? Handsome? Both? Surely not both.

Fantastically handsome?

If Mr. T had cybersex with Mr. Potato Head (while poor heartbroken Mrs. Potato Head sobbed in the bedroom), this would be the result. Mr. T looks really good as some kind of black Italian foreman, but I wish there were more items to play with.

Most of you are probably familiar with the 5 stages a giraffe goes through when he gets stuck in quicksand, but if you aren’t then here they are. Tomorrow’s lesson: the five stages of nerdly-arousal I go through when I watch Battlestar Galactica.

After a hard day at work I usually like to de-stress by stripping down and covering my naked body in icy-hot patches. But after watching this video I’ve decided to try a different technique: buying a copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon and inventing hilarious ways to kill computer people.

WARNING! There’s a dangerous serial rapist on the loose, and ABC’s Local Channel 7 News is hot on the case! With your help maybe they can finally track down this elusive deviant.

It’s Halloween! So carve up a creepy Jack-O-Lantern and send it to your friends! Or, carve in the words LOVE ME OR I CARVE YOUR FACE and send it to that Starbucks server you’ve been stalking.

Have you ever wondered if all the poop you’ve ever pooped in your entire life could fill a swimming pool? Me too. Thankfully, the answer awaits us in Heaven.

I don’t know what this is, but it scares me. It scares me real bad.

You may think that being the CEO of Burger King, one of the largest fast-food chains in the world, would be all fun and riches. It is not. It is a life of drama, fear, tragedy, and heartbreak. And Triple Bacon King Burgers. On sale now at participating locations.

What’s better than spending a paltry $85 to have a picture of yourself zombified? Spending $85 to have a picture of yourself zombified, and realizing that you’re still gorgeous even as a zombie.

Question 1: When you guys ask me to put up a game, what do I do? Answer: I put it up. Question 2: Why do I do that? Answer: Because I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Question 3: Why am I so awesome? Answer: Not entirely sure, maybe genetics.

Most people are not aware that Casper the Friendly Ghost has a brother named Jasper. Well he does, and let me tell you, Jasper is a douchebag! He used to be such a nice boy…

There’s been so much shooting and violence here lately that I thought it might be nice to play a game that’s just all about a little red ball, and drawing with a fat marker, and relaxing clunking sounds, and really really really awful music. Throw in a pork burrito and I’m pretty much in heaven.

One of the oldest and most popular games on Dig Your Own Grave is Cubefield. It’s so simple a two-fingered monkey could play it, but at the same time it’s so fun that you will spontaneously burst into tears of joy while playing it. And, we’ve just set it up with our new High Scores system, so you might want to check that all out before you officially become the lamest lame-o on the block.

Remember that Dove Evolution commercial? Well… some people with far more intelligence and free time than I will ever have, went and made a clever little parody. And in appreciation of all their hard work I will now burp or possibly pass wind, whichever comes first.

Everybody hates emo kids, and now you can pass on that completely justified hatred to the little kids in your family with this new toy available at Hot Topic. Tickle Me Emo is the tortured, angst ridden cousin of Elmo, and boy is he sad.

If Ragdoll Avalanche and Squares 2 went and had hot, sweaty Flash game intercourse, then Jazzy Ragdoll would be their love child. And as an added challenge to this game, try listening to the music in the opening menu for over 5 minutes without going completely insane. Two games in one! Hurrah!

Line Rider is back, this time with two different track types, a zoom tool, and an eraser tool!

Beloved hyperactive TV muppet, Elmo, lit himself on fire last night to protest the takeover of Sesame Street by what he called “bad men in suits”. He suffered severe burns to most of his body and was taken to be reupholstered.

A deviant artist by the name of ’spacecoyote’ has up and drawn an anime version of the Simpsons that is sure to have you giggling with delight in no time. The piece is based on this original Simpsons image. And she’s also got an anime version of the characters in Futurama.

I like to create the most beautiful woman I can, followed by a horrendous guy. I then pretend that he’s her boyfriend and that upon seeing the adonis that is your administrator, she dumps his ass and makes out with me. Uh… what I mean by that is that I’m incredibly attractive and have sex with many real women!

If right now you have the option of trying this game or instead heading to the bathroom and smoking a giant brick of crack cocaine, I would highly recommend that sweet, sweet crack cocaine. It’s scientifically proven to be less addictive, and who needs teeth anyways?

I’m not sure that this game is any good or not, but damned if it isn’t the most relaxing thing I’ve ever played. The sounds are really gentle, and even the enemies are all slow and laid back. They’re like, “Chill dude, we’re coming to get you, we’re just gonna grab some lunch first; haven’t eaten all day mon amigo!”

Just when I thought I couldn’t get any more excited about tonight’s season premiere of LOST, they up and come out with this new opening theme song that just won’t stop rocking my socks off. Oh Sawyer! He’s so dreamy!

How long can you spin?

ZOMBIES COMIN’ UP THE HELL RIGHT NOW! SHOOT ‘EM IN THE HEAD! SHOOT ‘EM!! HIS AXE IS ON FIRE! HE KILLED YOUR PARENTS! SHOOT ‘EM IN THE HEAD!! JUMP GYPSY, JUMP!!

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I, your intrepid administrator, created every one of these breathtaking sand sculptures. I’m sure you’re wondering how I find the time, what with being America’s greatest surgeon and all. Well, I’m amazing!

Thanks to recent advances in technology, you can create your own private dancer, a dancer for money, he’ll do what you want him to do. Just click paint and let your dreams do the talking.

I hate to disappoint you guys, but today’s game has nothing to do with defecation or flatulation. But you know, that’s what imaginations are for, right? Like right now I’m imagining that I’m sitting in a beanbag chair with no pants on. And it’s totally awesome.

You fruitcakes asked for it, and now you’ve got it: Nanaca†Crash!!. So pause that episode of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and put down your Jigglypuff doll. It’s time to save the world, crazy-ass Japanese style!

Sand Blasters is the Travel Channel’s attempt at making a show about sand sculptures exciting. See, they randomly blow up one of the sculptures… which it turns out is not actually exciting, since none of the sculptors are in the blast zone at the time. But hey, it looks kind of cool, especially in reverse.

Aggressive Alpine Skiing mixes guns, skiing, radical jumps and an original soundtrack reminiscent of bad European techno. Awesome!

This little boy is really concerned with the well-being of his baby brother. I used to throw things at mine.

I hope that despite corporate America’s attempt to swindle us out of the joy of Easter, that you have all had a great holiday weekend none the less. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, watch this video and see what those Cadbury bastards have done to our Easter Creme Eggs. Way to make baby Jesus cry Cadbury!

The SnÅ«zNLÅ«z alarm clock utilizes a rather ingenious method to wake you up in the morning – the fear of separating you from your hard earned money by giving it to an organization that you hate! Every time you hit the snooze button, a donation will be made from your bank account to the hated organization of your choosing.

Rolling a bowling ball towards a large ramp from a fast moving car. What could possibly go wrong?

Working in advertising must be awesome these days. All you have to do is come up with the strangest thing you can imagine, and you’ve got yourself a new Starburst commercial.

The people running PBS are sick! I can’t believe they’re showing this to children!

Look, I get it. You’re a busy individual. Places to go, people to see, myspace friends to add, text messages to text, yadda yadda yadda. So when you need that fix of small children and old ladies getting nailed in the face, you need it fast. I recommend this video. It will be done before you’ve even swallowed the first sip of your Grande Non Fat No Whip Mocha.

Don’t you know it’s weasel stomping day?

When someone you love dies, it is only common sense to get their face tattooed onto your arm. And when you do, spare no expense. Or, spare a lot of expense and get it done at the tattoo parlor behind the Discount Tobacco off Route 8.

I know how much you kids like those new fangled video games, so I put two and two together and thought you might like this Line Rider map made to look like the first level of Super Mario Bros.

The Cordyceps fungus treats its insect hosts not unlike the Xenomorphs treat their hosts in the Alien films. Cordyceps however, at least has the decency to kill its host before bursting forth from its body.

Hey chief, you make body into shapes for extra excitement good times, or you splash in a pool!

This site is about protesting the inclusion of Hummer toys in Happy Meals, but I don’t really care about that. Don’t get me wrong, I have no love for the H2, but I’d rather just use their site to create silly signs.

Everyone loves water balloons. Well, everyone except fat, slow kids, but that’s just natual selection at work baby! If you don’t like it, stop pounding back the Oscar Meyers man! Anyway, here’s what liquid evolution looks like when filmed with a high-speed camera.

In order to promote the upcoming Simpsons movie, 7-Eleven has converted eleven U.S. stores (and one in Canada to be announced today) in to Kwik-E-Marts. Inside you are able to buy Buzz Cola, Squishees, Frosted KrustyO’s and Simpsons inspired donuts. 7-Eleven should just ditch their name and do this to every store.

This isn’t really a game per se, but it does recreate those halcyon moments of burning ants with a magnifying glass, and all without any of that nagging guilt afterwards.

Ah, Death by Hinge. Not quite as desirable as Death by Puppies, but still a preferred alternative to Death by Frilled Shark if you ask me.

In this classic Saturday Night Live skit, Chris Farley finds himself on a sadistic Japanese game show.

We’ve combined pooping with Tetris, and the results were pooperrific. Now it’s time to combine the United States of America with Tetris. And the results are… pooperrific?

You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the beans?

PS: Who is your favorite bean?

Nintendo deemed these games inappropriate for their target Wii Play audience, so we were stuck with Fishing, and Table Tennis. It’s a real shame, because WiiPii looks like fun.

So you thought you did well at Statetris? Well let’s see how you do a little farther from home, with Statetris: Europe Edition. For those of you that don’t know, Europe is a magical land, filled with nations smaller than Delaware and people that speak with silly accents.

I am so there.

In this game you have to try and save Sir Whitey McBlockster from a deadly pool of rising lava. It takes a combination of luck, strategy, and patience to do well, but with practice you can actually get some pretty high scores.

You’re not going to let me keep that gold, are you?

Although not well known, Jesusasaurus Rex was by far the most feared of the dinosaurs, possessing the ability to rise from the grave and bore other dinosaurs to death with speeches about kindness.

Can you solve the mysterious puzzle of Heady Steinberg? There’s a prize if you can! (The prize is hugs and cuddles.)

Breakfast bars have always been pretty tasteless and boring, but not Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain bars. They’re like a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart!

My favorite part of the game is the way he lies there shivering at the bottom of the stairs. Poor little fella… Somebody give that stickman a cuddle!

We all know what happens when you heat up popcorn kernels, right? As the kernel is heated, it turns the internal moisture into a superheated, pressurized steam. The hull ruptures rapidly, causing a rapid expansion of the steam, which expands the starch and proteins inside into an airy foam. And then a baby comes out.

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.

She’s got a blanket, clothes, and four pacifiers!

Musicovery is a webradio application that lets you interactively explore music using many filters such as mood, genre, date, and energy level. If you like discovering new stuff, try unchecking the “Hit” box and check “Discovery”.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!
What happened to the old highscores?

Finally, a geography game that targets the entire world. Now all of you showoffs can prove how worldly you really are (with a Rankosaurus screenshot of course). I would post my own score, but honestly I can’t find my own apartment most nights. Thank goodness for bus shelters.

Eighteen levels of furiously relaxing physics puzzles. Oh, did I just ruin your weekend? I’m sorry.

It’s just like Star Wars, but with rafts instead of stars. Also, no lightsabers.

Songwriters aren’t even trying anymore are they?

The funniest thing ever to be associated with Jimmy Kimmel (excluding Sarah Silverman) is the Nervous Kid.

Welcome to Ganesha’s jungle, baby. You’re gonna die.

If 2007 was the year of games about my balls, then 2008 is shaping up to be the year of games about playing with yourself. Man, game developers are perverts.

Remember that crazy Snowball game from a couple years ago? Well it’s back, and now it’s in glorious 3D. Use your giant icy balls to defeat the forces of evil in the Olympic Kingdom.

If you’re having trouble with the keys, you need to update your Flash Player.

The screenshot may look pretty, but 5 minutes in and you’ll be wishing for death. Lucky for you suicide will be difficult because the tendons in your wrist should have seized up by then.

Secret research I have conducted has shown that fully 58.98864% of my readership is pregnant women, so I’ve decided I should do my part to help ensure that the children of tomorrow are not as hopeless as the children of today.

In the game of Multiball Madness, I can guarantee you will experience two things. The first is balls. Multiple balls. The second is madness. Pure, unadulterated madness.

Children are like adorable little mental patients. They can go from fear, to joy, to full blown terror in the span of 10 seconds.

Personally I shop at grocery stores where my children are unlikely to end up in homo-erotic servitude.

Little known fact: 1 in 4 zombies would rather cuddle than eat brains.

PS: JUMP GYPSY, JUMP!

This is definitely one of the neatest games I’ve seen so far this year. And as an added bonus, if you make enough bumps it actually starts to look a little like my abs.

Tired of balancing on chairs and twisting your neck to reach gold coins in those pesky hard to reach places? Let the Pojuko do the work for you! Never before has gold coin collecting been easier. Available now for only four easy payments of $129.99. Limited offer, act now while supplies last.

I remember when this game was called Moai. I also remember when I put on my pants this morning. Oh wait… no I don’t.

Can there be a better way to put an engineering education to use than to develop a game simulating the fluid dynamics of mucus? Well if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

I bet this guy gets all the chicks with his toucan hand.

These are the results of a Photoshop contest to create photorealistic versions of cartoon characters as they might look in our human realm. My favorite is Moe Szyslak.

You know it’s going to be an awesome week when you start it off by popping massive quantities of pills.

Now if you’re not going to promise to shout “Weeeeeeeeeee!” while you play this game, I don’t want you to even try it. I’m serious. Don’t you dare click that link.

If you’ve got a thirst for thrill rides even more dangerous than those manned by travelling carnies, head on down to Indiana and give Joph Ivers’ backyard coaster a try.

Ghosts aren’t as scary in the light, which is why I have all my rooms bathed in 15-million candlepower spotlights. Incidentally, that’s probably why I can’t see colours anymore.

It’s almost not fair for me to put up 3D avoider games, since this is the birthplace of the shining light in all our lives known as Vector Runner – however – I do like the style of this one. The house music soundtrack actually inspired me to crack and shake my very last glowstick. Unfortunately that old hit of ecstasy I had doesn’t seem to be work… wait… I… want to make love to my lamp.

If I won the lottery, I’d definitely buy a penguin. But I probably wouldn’t take him flying.

The next time Captain Cool here goes mountain golfing, he should probably bring some tees.

Not a lot of people know this, but Sesame Street isn’t for children anymore. In their efforts to reach the coveted young adult demographic, I think they’ve crossed the line.

After yesterday’s game you should be all set to handle the challenges of today’s game, Boombot. You sure like blowing stuff up, don’t you? Kinda makes you feel good doesn’t it? WELL I GOT MY EYE ON YOU AL-QAEDA!

SumoBall is one of those games that is okay on it’s own, but can be super fun if you have a friend handy. And in case you were wondering, yes, a bottle of Tuscan Merlot counts as a friend.

Everyone knows that inhaling helium will cause your voice to become very high. Inhaling sulfur hexafluoride on the other hand, will turn you into a demon. No, I’m serious. You literally turn into a demon.

Socotra is an archipelago of four islands off the Horn of Africa, where all the plant life looks like it was transplanted from another planet. I think they should call them the Tuber Islands.

CERN switched on the LHC yesterday (September 10th, 2008) at 10:28 AM local time, and to prove to all those wackos that a black hole isn’t going to form and suck in the planet, they’ve setup some webcams so people can watch what’s going on in the facility.

This YouTube video of the new Wario Land game is really clever. I didn’t even realize what was happening at first.