See that guy on the left? That’s your enemy. Now I don’t know about you, but if I looked like that I would chew off my own leg and use it to beat every living thing within eyesight into a coma. Be glad you’ve got that chain mail armor, my friends.

It’s tough for me to decide what I like better, Bejeweled clones, or Poppit clones. It’s kind of like trying to decide between death by fuzzy puppy kisses, or death by Brazilian supermodel kisses. It just depends on my mood.

Some folks call it a sling jumper, I call it a kaiser jumper. Mmm… mmph.. reckon you make me some biscuits.. Mmmm… mmm.. mmph… I like them French fried potaters.

Remember that Ocean’s Eleven movie where a group of master thieves simultaneously rob three Las Vegas casinos and net millions of dollars in a single night? Yeah, nothing like this video.

Weeeeeeeeee!!!! OH GOD *boom*

and repeat.

One of the oldest and most popular games on Dig Your Own Grave is Cubefield. It’s so simple a two-fingered monkey could play it, but at the same time it’s so fun that you will spontaneously burst into tears of joy while playing it. And, we’ve just set it up with our new High Scores system, so you might want to check that all out before you officially become the lamest lame-o on the block.

The next time you and all 75 of your friends get together, you should have some fun, Japanese style!

Working in advertising must be awesome these days. All you have to do is come up with the strangest thing you can imagine, and you’ve got yourself a new Starburst commercial.

If you want to get fired from your job or be forced to attend a full day of sexual sensitivity training, then I recommend you try this at work. If you want to get arrested, then I recommend you try this in the park. (Somewhat NSFW.)

Remember that in a job interview, not only is the company evaluating you as a potential addition to their team, but you should also be evaluating them as the right fit for your career goals. Frankly, if the next floor manager who interviews me doesn’t blow himself up with a grenade, that job can go stuff itself.

What could possibly go wrong?

Nintendo deemed these games inappropriate for their target Wii Play audience, so we were stuck with Fishing, and Table Tennis. It’s a real shame, because WiiPii looks like fun.

If this ridiculously catchy song is any indication, Halo 3 will destroy your marriage and eat your children. Not a bad deal for $60.

Want a dog and have more money than you know what to do with? Then have I got a deal for you! FexPetz is offering to rent you a pet for an exorbitant price. I wonder if they got the idea from this video.

Pork.

Not since R.S.V.P – The Racial Segregation Party have I been so disgusted with a game. How many years has it taken us to overcome our prejudices? And then a little game like this comes along and tries to teach us that it does matter whether you’re black or white. Well shame on you game developers. SHAME ON YOU!

Did I ever tell you guys I could have been a ninja? I dunno, I just figured being a brain surgeon was a more noble profession. It’s also a lot easier on the joints.

Children are like adorable little mental patients. They can go from fear, to joy, to full blown terror in the span of 10 seconds.

If only I had some Mentos when I was a lad. I would have given that Carrie Ferguson something to laugh about!

Every American should have the right to defend themselves. And to see things in the dark.

I’ll admit this is a pretty cool use of a whiteboard, but I generally like to keep the one in my cubicle free for important messages like SOMEBODY SAVE ME and PLEASE FIRE ME.

If you’re not sure you want to spend the time to learn how to play today’s game, it might encourage you to know that Warlords: Call to Arms is the sequel to the immensely popular Supermodels: Call to Swimsuits, and prequel to the highly anticipated Cheetos: Call to my Stomach.

Tired of balancing on chairs and twisting your neck to reach gold coins in those pesky hard to reach places? Let the Pojuko do the work for you! Never before has gold coin collecting been easier. Available now for only four easy payments of $129.99. Limited offer, act now while supplies last.

Unfortunately for Ameriquest, they followed this motto too closely and now they’re out of business. They even gave a mortgage to that strange homeless man that defecates on the sidewalk by my office. Well, I guess he’s not homeless anymore. His house is actually nicer than mine. Still does that sidewalk pooping though.

It’s a good thing he plugged his nose. I hate getting concrete up my nose. It burns! (animated gif)

He’s got the heart of a champion!

Gary Slossen was in the process of creating another mediocre Flash animation when suddenly, and completely inexplicably, the animation came to life and tried to escape the confines of his monitor! Did Gary manage to destroy the animated horror, or was he devoured alive? Watch and find out.

If cute were something you could roll up into a big heavy ball and put into a cannon and fire into your face at point blank range, I imagine it would feel a little like watching this video. Kittens, man.

Probably definitely the creepiest commercial you will ever see. Unless you’re normally into hairy beard snakes?

I have to admit that I don’t care for this video at all. I wasn’t even going to post this, but then everyone started talking about it and I even heard it mentioned on the radio. “It must be good, and I probably have no taste” I thought, so here you go!

Even after you realize what’s going on, it still manages to be entertaining.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for extra headroom on flights. There can never be enough room for my… uh… head. But maybe the 1Time marketing team should have considered addressing the legroom issue first. Am I alone on this?

Does it make me a bad person if I laugh out loud every time I watch this? No? Okay, good. So what about if it turns me on? Not that it does or anything, but that’s no big deal right?

I’m sure you’ve all seen at least one stick figure fighting video before, but this one is done really well and has a few surprises up its sleeve.

Hell of Sand is yet another game with no point other than to waste time. It is also an oddly titled game. I would have called it Joy of Relaxing Sand. Make sure you experiment with all of the options at the bottom.

I was going through some old files on my computer today, and I found this morbidly hilarious commercial for the British Ford Sportka. And for those of you who feel compelled to complain that it’s “like, so 2004″, don’t.

If you really hate someone, you can create a JustGotOwned.com site for them, and then send them the link. Remember Steve the non-believer? Well he just got OWN3D! (Note: Some of the OWN3D images are mildly disturbing, and the music is really loud and annoying, but I guess that’s rather the point.)

What is it about kittens that makes a person want to let them plummet to their deaths, or to fire them out of a cannon?

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

Have you ever wondered if all the poop you’ve ever pooped in your entire life could fill a swimming pool? Me too. Thankfully, the answer awaits us in Heaven.

I am not ashamed to admit that Kiwi! makes me teary-eyed. He’s got the heart of a champion!