So the other day this pretty influential guy was talking to me, and he was like, “Admin, you are so super cool the way you make games and stuff”. And I was like, “Thanks God, you’re pretty cool yourself, the way you created the universe and stuff. Oh, except for the part where you made testicles on the outside.” Seriously, what’s up with that?

It’s tough for me to decide what I like better, Bejeweled clones, or Poppit clones. It’s kind of like trying to decide between death by fuzzy puppy kisses, or death by Brazilian supermodel kisses. It just depends on my mood.

It’s a proven scientific fact that whenever you combine two things, it makes a new thing that’s better than both the original things. Like for instance, a side-scrolling shooter and a tower defense game. Or say, a golden retriever puppy and a stripper. That’s cute and sexy. Oh, but… crap, does that mean I’m a furry?

You might think that being a sushi chef would be pretty easy, you know, because you don’t even have to cook anything. But, as usual, you would be TOTALLY WRONG.

I think I remember this game – only when I played it I was on my stomach behind the television trying to figure out what was wrong with the surround sound. And it suuuuucked.

Did I ever tell you guys I could have been a ninja? I dunno, I just figured being a brain surgeon was a more noble profession. It’s also a lot easier on the joints.

Life is unfair. The sooner you kids learn this, the better off you’ll be. When you get older you can expect everyday life to be exactly like this game. Well, you don’t die as much – unless you count dying on the inside.

Woo-hoo, 16 mini-games all rolled into one. Does this mean I can take the next 16 days off?

Phun is a free, downloadable 2D physics sandbox. You can do pretty much anything in it. I was actually able to model Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and send a crudely drawn square back in time to kill it’s own parents, thereby erasing itself from existence. Either that or I pressed the undo button, I’m not sure. Video of Phun-in-action after the jump.

Hey, I could have sworn just a second ago this game was about a redneck upgrading his trailer? And not an epic battle to defend the earth from incoming asteroids. Someone must have put peyote in my coffee again…

My favorite part of tower defense games is that 30 seconds between waves. Some people like to use the time to upgrade their units, but I like to use it to take a breather from the game and do something in the real world. Like make out with a supermodel, or maybe go online and buy a new yacht.

I can neither confirm nor deny that this is the world’s hardest game, simply because I cannot get past the first level.

Touch all the black and white shapes before they reach the bottom of the screen. But don’t touch any of the colored ones, or this cute little puppy gets it.*

* it = big kiss on the forehead

Finally, a game that scientists and creationists can both enjoy equally. The logical among you will appreciate the realistic simulation of the Laws of Physics, while the faithful can marvel at the mystical crayon powered by the magic of Jesus.

Dragons. Goblins. Slaughter Bonus. ‘Nuff said.

This is kind of like the anti-Guitar Hero. Lots of work involved, and even when you get it right it still sounds wrong. Good times my friends. Good times.

Bombs, skulls, explosions… throw in some hookers and it’s practically GTA 4.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.