My top 3 reasons not to visit Iraq:

1. tons of stuff S-PLODE-ing.
2. camel spiders.
3. sandstorms.

I can’t say I know much about elephant seals, in fact I was unaware of their existence until viewing this very video, but I can say that they’re terribly loud and quite a bit like the sock puppet asteroid monster from The Empire Strikes Back.

The plot twist in this commercial literally jumps out of the screen and slams you into the floor with a patented WWF inverted back-breaker. Then it helps you up, apologizes to you, and promptly sleeps with your sister. Never before has mortgage broker advertising been so exciting!

And now we present to you an important life lesson from Spikey McMarbles.

Stephen Colbert razzes Stephen Hawking and then does a picture perfect impression of him.

The same thing happens to me. Every. Single. Morning.

Hot on the tail of reason #462 never to visit Japan comes reason #463, from the same show no less.

I don’t even know where to begin… such joy.

(PS: whoever is the first to identify the video in the thumbnail is officially The Baaaadest Ass.)

What do you get when you combine Japan, anthropomorphic tigers and talking excrement? Why a potty training video of course!

I’ll bet you didn’t know that Christopher Walken auditioned for a part in Star Wars. What about Walther Matthau? Saturday Night Live (SNL) shows us these lost Star Wars screen tests.

It’s no secret that I like to rag on the Japanese. It’s not because I’m racist, I just think they’re all totally crazy. But I wonder what the Japanese think of us? What better way to find out than by investigating the phrases they think are the most important to learn before coming to the United States of Fantastica. And our good friend Ortchel has found just the video! Uh… exercise video.

Question 34: When your car is about to skid in to the rear end of another car at low speeds, it is best to jump out of your moving car like a moron. (True/False)

The woman’s sly wink at the end suggests that Mego was aware of the double entendre, but that just makes this commercial even more surreal.

This may be a hilarious parody and all, but let’s keep in mind that the Japanese have actual gameshows that are even more batshit crazy than this one. Remember the children with meat strapped to their heads vs. the giant lizard? Really, how could you forget.

This is a pretty interesting little video of the Australian Lyrebird, the Master of Mimicry. I’m telling you, this bird is so much like me: neat freak, fantastic with the chicks, great plumage, amazing mimicking skills, fantastic with the chicks, etc. Check it out.

What better way could we celebrate our country’s independence than by getting together with our friends and blowing up 16,000 firecrackers? I know, how about sitting in your underwear in front of the computer watching a video on the Internet of other people blowing up 16,000 firecrackers and also eating peanut butter right out of the jar. Sounds like the home of the brave to me. Yeeeee-haaaaaa!

From the Olympics of Ancient Greece, to the epic ladder races of today, humans have created some truly stupid sports. Seriously though, this is pretty impressive. When I get half way up a ladder, I freeze because I imagine myself falling to my death from the incredible six foot height.

It’s time to revist the epic saga of Raindrop vs. Mike Glambin: the Worst Rap Battle Ever. Will Raindrop’s stylin’ flows be able to withstand the cutting rhymes of Mike “I don’t know what to say” Glambin? Watch and find out.

This Maury Povich guest is really afriad of penises… I mean pickles.

In what will be our last installment until he does something absolutely batshit crazy again, Carl Monday ambushes a chronic drunk driver outside a seedy restaurant bathroom. Unfortunately for Carl Monday, none of what you see here could actually be considered journalism.