Make Albert Einstein write whatever you want on the chalkboard of this iconic picture. Will you turn him in to a brilliant botanist, or an uncouth upperclassman?

This toy is fun for both children and adults, if you catch my drift. *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

FileSwap is in the same vein as SketchSwap. Upload a file and receive a random file in return. Will it be porn or will it be a virus? Will you get fired for masturbating at work, or for taking down the corporate network? It’s always an adventure with FileSwap!

If you’re not like me at all, you frequently suffer from the problem of your lunch banana getting smushed in your bag. And there’s very little more disgusting than a gooshy banana. But with Banana Guard you can avoid this outcome, and in exchange all you have to do is suffer the embarrassment of carrying around a purple penis.

It’s Halloween! So carve up a creepy Jack-O-Lantern and send it to your friends! Or, carve in the words LOVE ME OR I CARVE YOUR FACE and send it to that Starbucks server you’ve been stalking.

If Mr. T had cybersex with Mr. Potato Head (while poor heartbroken Mrs. Potato Head sobbed in the bedroom), this would be the result. Mr. T looks really good as some kind of black Italian foreman, but I wish there were more items to play with.

Germany has been taken over—conquered, if you will—by a master race of giant insects. There is no stopping them; the insects will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I’d like to remind them that as a trusted Internet personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

I know that this site is your only reliable source of information, so today we are going to enlighten you as to why on the first Monday of every September we celebrate a ‘labor’ day, and do it by engaging in absolutely no labor whatsoever. Sort of like Christmas with no presents. Happy Labor Day!

We’re going to be moving over to a new server this weekend, so don’t be alarmed if the site doesn’t work at some point. The comments will probably be locked Friday evening and throughout the weekend to prevent us from losing any during the switch. Technically the migration should be transparent, but technically no human’s beauty should rival that of a greek god’s, and, well… here I am.

During the last San Francisco mayoral race, The Wave Magazine interviewed the candidates in an attempt to determine which are human and which are in fact replicants. They are among us!

Surfing the web at work leaves you open to the unfortunate possibility of your surpervisor walking by and witnessing you not working. The good folks over at Work Friendly have come up with a solution though! From their page you can look at your favorite web site from a browser window that looks amazingly like an open Microsoft Word document.

I think I can finally bring an end to my search for the best picture on the internet.

In an hilariously misguided attempt to keep the Heaton family’s mentally challenged son off of their property, their neighbours have constructed a less than eloquent sign warning of the son’s presence in the neighbourhood.

Sorry for the site being MIA the past couple days. Things have been going really well lately, and to celebrate I whipped down my pants and urinated all over the server. That, as it turned out, was not a good idea.

Amir Massoud Tofangsazan allegedly sold his broken laptop on eBay, neglecting to inform the buyer that it was broken. Unfortunately for him, the buyer found many embarrassing pictures of, and apparently taken by, Amir on the laptop’s still functioning hard drive, and of course he posted them on the internet for everyone to see.

For any non-Americans who are wondering what exactly Memorial Day is, it is a day that we take off work to celebrate… memorialness. And sleeping in. And not updating websites. And memorial-ity…ish…ness.

Shockabsorber is a British sports bra, and the Bounce-ometer displays computer generated representations of its effectiveness, based on selected bra sizes and activity levels. It also displays the effectiveness of a regular bra, and no bra at all. Add that all up and you’ve got giant jiggling naked boobies! Don’t view this at work.

Why write an email when you can send a message written in blood? Bloody Finger Mail has quickly become my number one form of correspondence. Love letters, job applications, you name it!

One two three four five six seven eight nine ten… eleven TWELLLLLLLLLVE!

I don’t know what this is, but it’s mesmerizing and will steal 20 minutes of your life from you if you’re not careful.