The only thing worse than a bug is a giant bug, and the only thing worse than a giant bug is a giant bug that comes out of giant egg sack.

One day they won’t be called vending machines anymore. They will be called REPLICATORS, and cruiseships will be called starships and everyone will wear tights. Everyday will be a new and exciting adventure, except for days in the holodeck. Those will be kind of boring.

By just reading the title you might assume this game is about poops – but don’t worry, that would be gross. It’s actually about a water logged corpse.

I wonder what an actual ninja brawl would sound like. Probably like old ladies whispering.

And by “lawn” I mean the 3 foot radius around my computer. And by “get off” I mean just take a step back so you’re not in my personal space, but please stay and talk to me because I’m lonely. So very very lonely.

PPL DONT YOU JUS LV PIXELS SO MUCH DIZ MY FAV THINGS EVA!!!!

This message has been brought to you by the gems in my inbox.

Although I have lots of practice taking naked pictures of myself in the mirror, I was never smiling in any of them – until the phalloplasty, that is.

Sometimes when I play a game I can hear a song for it in my head right away. Like this one goes: cat, cat, cat – ticka-ticka – cat, cat cat (robotvoice)WAAAATERM-E-L-L-O-N *guitar solo*

What is your favorite part of point and click adventures?
a) Pointing
b) Clicking
c) Adventuring

Texting while driving? Can anyone actually do that? My hands are way too busy flipping people off and putting on eyeliner.

It actually takes very little to raise a dragon. Just leave it in a room with some canned ravioli, toilet paper, and a television. It will turn out fine – just like me. Now if you’ll excuse me, my Hannah Montana torrent is almost done and I need to get into my polar bear suit before I can watch.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy fairybug runestone thing.

Do you want to know what else the rabbit wants? Your blood.

Boom goes the dynamite.

Everybody knows the best way to remove red is using cold water and regular soap. Removing it before the item is washed and dried is essential. Just ask Horatio Caine.

So this orc walks into a bar with a duck, and he says to the bartender… Actually wait – before I go any further are we sure that’s an orc? Is there a nerd out there who can confirm whether that’s an orc or not?

I was originally calling 2009 The Year of the Physics Puzzle Games, however I am now officially changing 2009 to be The Year of the Jumping/Throwing and Upgrading In Between Games. Somebody please let China know – I’d do it myself but it’s my morning mocha time over here.

If we didn’t build bridges we could still cross a body of water by draining all the liquid out with a giant water sucking plane. It might be more expensive than building a bridge, but the water could then be flown to Afghanistan and used to flush terrorists out of their mountain holes. Think about it, and write your local congressman if you agree.

This game requires Flash Player 10. A lot of them do now. Maybe it’s time to update.