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Games

Wilt: Last Blossom
categories: Games

Last Blossom is actually my Xbox Live username. Out of all my high school friends, I’m the only one still proudly wearing a chastity ring.

People On My Lawn 2
categories: Games

If I had a lawn you can bet I’d tell people to stay off it. Currently I only need to worry about people stepping on the edge of my cardboard box. And technically the alley is city property.

Steppin’ Stones
categories: Games

I’m pretty sure the stepping stones of my life are leading me to become a famous neurosurgeon. That or a door-to-door salesman of tube socks, it’s not quite clear yet.

Enola: Prelude
categories: Games

I heard some guys suffer from preluding too soon, but I don’t know anything about that.

Made in Mafia
categories: Games

I was in the Mafia once. You may have heard of me, I was known by the moniker ‘the Limoncello’. My specialty was torturing people for information by showing them bulldog puppies and not letting them zurbert their bellies.

Monsters TD 2
categories: Games

Sure, TD might stand for Tower Defense, but it might also stand for Teen Drama. And we all know how much you guys love a good teen drama. *air guitars 90210 theme*

Georganism 3
categories: Games

The title of this game brings back bad memories of an unsuccessful experiment I once did. I won’t go into gory details, I’m just gonna share the moral of the story: never ever try to create a human-house centipede hybrid.

Killer Escape
categories: Games

That’s me, Mr. Admin. I crawled through a river of poop and came out clean on the other side.

Defend Your Nuts 2
categories: Games

When push comes to shove, I always defend my nuts before anything else. I can recover from an intracranial hemorrhage (more or less), but we all know the future of humanity is questionable without my genetic material in the pool.

Electric Joint
categories: Games

I’m not sure what’s this game about, but I’m afraid to play it and find out it has nothing to do with illegal substances. After a terrible defeat at the church bingo yesterday, I’m not sure I could survive another disappointment.

SkullFace
categories: Games

I once tried to lose a few pounds by doing this secret Hollywood diet called “The Skullface”. Basically you drink a glass of water every 2 days and a glass of motor oil on the days in between. It worked quite well, although I did end up with a strange metabolic disorder that I wanna describe for you but it’s quite NSFW.

Monkey Go Happy Christmas
categories: Games

I know that Christmas is behind us, but for crying out loud- someone make this monkey happy NOW. I can’t stand it.

Bubble Tanks Tower Defense 2
categories: Games

It starts with a few sweet hits off that bubble pipe, and before you know it you’ve got your face buried in a bubble bong every Saturday night. Then it won’t be long until you’re inviting business men into a bathroom stall so you can buy sheets of bubble wrap to squeeze at night. The bubble pipe is a gateway drug.

Berzerk Ball 2
categories: Games

Okay, now that this whole Christmas ordeal is out of the way I can focus on what’s really important: training for the 2016 Olympics. I just have to pick a discipline, and I’m all set.