When in doubt, pick the… nevermind.

You take a block from the bottom, and you put it on top, you… take a.. somethin and a somethin.. and.. uh… Jenga, Jenga, J-J-J-Jenga.

I’d like to order a fat slice of love. Double cheese and extra-saucy please.

We’ve all seen The Matrix, Terminator, Battlestar Galactica… so what, now we’re supposed to help the robots? Ha ha, no way! Nice try robots!

In this exciting team-based tactical shooter, you play as Ervil LeBaron, fighting your way through hordes of vicious enemies accompanied by your 16 AI-controlled wives. Collect powerups and gold to upgrade… oh wait, Polygonal Fury. Sorry, wrong game.

Well look at that… two assassin games in a row. Coincidence? Or do you think someone is paying me $1 for every time I say the word ass in a post? Because so far this week I’d already be at ass – I mean eleven. Actually twelve including that last ass. Thirteen!

You know what they say about assassins – they make an ass out of ass and in… uh, in.. fact yes. Hello. Where am I?

For some reason my towers always end up looking the same.

The premise is simple: take your average motel based mystery, ie: “where is that smell coming from?” or “what is that nasty brown stain on the bed?”, and then kick it up a notch.

 Stay on target!

I often dream I am falling, and wake up having fallen from the bed. Psychology tells me this is due to deep seated insecurities, but I say it’s because I sleep on a coffee table covered in baby oil.

Admin: Hello. I’m looking for the best game evar. I missed you my OutZone. I love you. You complete me. And I just…

OutZone: Shut up Admin. Just shut up. You had me at hello.

Bonus points for anyone who knows what I named the achievements after – without using a search engine. And without sacrificing their heterosexuality, which might be impossible. (That was a clue).

PS: You submit your score in the stats menu.

I like games where you can combine things to make limitless combinations of other things. Actually I just like the idea of combining things in general. For instance, combining pets to make the perfect pet – like the head of a puppy, the body of a penguin, the tail of a piglet, and the bum of a robot that doesn’t poop. Perfection.

I have no idea how to submit scores in this game and that giant hand looks way too much like a spider for me to want to stick around and figure it out. You’re on your own kids! I’m off to get a burrito and a Thai massage. Okay, maybe just a burrito.

I’ll be honest with you, I had a lot of reservations posting this game knowing that we’ll have to listen to looc ask us to touch his meebles for the next two weeks. But ultimately justice prevailed.

Meeblings = Justice

Most men believe, though few will admit, that the true measure of a man is the amount of urine he pees out in a given trip to the bathroom. And even if you don’t agree, you have to admit it’s embarrassing when nothing comes out.

I know you guys love the achievements, so I spent the weekend adding some to a few of the older games: Pickies, Boomstick, Ninja Glove, and I added a hard achievement to Cargo Bridge. Now… just to be clear that’s not all I did this weekend. I also watched some Friends reruns. And cried. There was lots of crying.

Are those gems in my pockets? Gosh no, I’m just happy to see you. Very happy. Alright you got me, those are gems.

Not since I met Shifty Eyes McGee at the 1993 Carp Fair have I had an experience so… shifty.