I was recently shocked to discover that many academic establishments find this website to be Tasteless and Offensive. Well I don’t take things lying down over here, so in an effort to correct this situation, every game from here on out will be educational in nature. Today’s game helps you learn about physics. Tomorrow’s game will help you learn about tossing midgets.

They may look like cute little stuffed animals, but when I think of Pickies all I can see is a jar full of scabs with with the label pIckIeZ scotch taped to it. Don’t ask. You don’t want to know.

Woo-hoo, 16 mini-games all rolled into one. Does this mean I can take the next 16 days off?

In the future, mankind will travel the vast interstellar void of space in square ships that can only travel in four directions. It will make about as much sense as Dune.

The members of this family want but two things - to cross the river, and to beat each other into unconsciousness. One task is significantly easier than the other as you will soon find out.

You see? You should have actually paid attention in math class instead of just passing notes and snapping girl’s bras. Now aliens are going to destroy the world and it’s pretty much all your fault.

Yeeehaw! It’s time to dust off that cowboy hat and put on your sexiest pair of assless chaps. Thanks to this game, you can now live out your embarrassing wild-west gunslinger fantasy from the safety of your own home. And who knows, if you keep practicing maybe one day you’ll be as good as this guy.

Quick! Escape the kitchen before it’s too late! Lord knows you wouldn’t want to accidentally make yourself a delicious sandwich.

Remember that game Spin The Bottle we used to play as kids? The one where you’d sit in a circle and spin a bottle, and whoever it landed on would have to make out with a girl in the closet? Only your friends tricked you and instead you made out with another guy, permanently scarring you and causing lasting trust and relationship issues that haunt you to this day? Well this game is nothing like that.

Jump from skull to skull to make your way down the river. You know, just how you’d make your way down a river in real life.

So long as there is breath in my lungs and movement in my fingers, I will never be able to resist the siren song of the colored block game.

With my busy schedule of rocket sciencetry and supermodel dating, I find it hard to get out and treasure hunt like I used to. And to be honest, being a multi-billionaire has kind of taken the excitement out of finding chests of gold.

Life is unfair. The sooner you kids learn this, the better off you’ll be. When you get older you can expect everyday life to be exactly like this game. Well, you don’t die as much - unless you count dying on the inside.

Did I ever tell you guys I could have been a ninja? I dunno, I just figured being a brain surgeon was a more noble profession. It’s also a lot easier on the joints.

I think I remember this game - only when I played it I was on my stomach behind the television trying to figure out what was wrong with the surround sound. And it suuuuucked.

Not since R.S.V.P - The Racial Segregation Party have I been so disgusted with a game. How many years has it taken us to overcome our prejudices? And then a little game like this comes along and tries to teach us that it does matter whether you’re black or white. Well shame on you game developers. SHAME ON YOU!

AAHHHH!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAHHHH? Ah? Ah! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh…

Click groups of three or more like-colored blocks to make them disappear. Don’t let the blocks reach the top or something bad will happen. I’m not going to say exactly what, but it may involve your mom, three stray cats, 1 jar of spaghetti sauce, former UFC heavyweight champion Tim ‘The Maniac’ Sylvia, and a lightbulb.

In the game of Multiball Madness, I can guarantee you will experience two things. The first is balls. Multiple balls. The second is madness. Pure, unadulterated madness.

You’re on your own for this one guys. I have a fear of spiders that is all too real, and a reaction to seeing them that is all too feminine. As soon as those fat mutants started crawling down the screen I yelped like a chihuahua and ran straight into the bathroom.