Ah, it’s time for another good paddling! I’ll bend ov… I mean, I’ll go get my optical mouse.

Look, I know it’s not much but it’s summer holidays and all the game developers are on vacation. And let’s face it, in 1982 1.5 million people spent a month’s worth of allowance on E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial for the Atari 2600 and they LOVED it. What’s that? Voted worst game of all time? Jeeez, you guys and your facts…

A little tip for the guys out there, there is nothing – nothing – better for picking up chicks than a monocle. A monocle says a) I’m rich, b) I’m smart, and c) I’m so off my ass crazy that I will stalk you and boil your pets alive if you don’t love me forever so don’t even humor the idea of rejection.

Today’s magical assemblage of interactive colored pixels complements 1066, a historical drama created by the UK’s Channel 4. Now start clickin’ on it ye rump-fed chicken!

This game is purdy, unlike your comments, which will still be plain and anonymous looking because I haven’t fixed that bug yet. I’d get to it sooner, but this lack of fruit baskets is really affecting my productivity.

Help Mr. Panda of Panda Tactical Sniper fame travel through time in his Poo Tardis and save the universe from the evil Boxlor.

Hey, you know what else is complete? YOUR FAILURE TO PLEASE ME. Guys, it is already 2 days into summer and I have yet to receive a fruit basket.

I’ve played this game for a while now and although I have seen many many booms I have not seen a single vector. As an experienced game developer I would like to recommend some names that might be a bit more appropriate – for instance, just “Boom”, or “Space Boom”, or maybe “Vince Shlomi and the Sham Wows”.

Can you help the boxmen save the universe from the evil Boxlor? Arm yourself with the Boxinating Phasor Cannon and fight through hordes of… boxes. Look, I’m going to be honest I have not played this game. There was a Hills marathon on last night.

The premise of this game sort of feels like a stress dream to me. I’m running around, slowly painting myself into a corner, and when I finally have no place left to go I fall into oblivion only to start the whole thing over again. Why can’t someone make a game about massaging super models?

When in doubt, pick the… nevermind.

You take a block from the bottom, and you put it on top, you… take a.. somethin and a somethin.. and.. uh… Jenga, Jenga, J-J-J-Jenga.

I’d like to order a fat slice of love. Double cheese and extra-saucy please.

We’ve all seen The Matrix, Terminator, Battlestar Galactica… so what, now we’re supposed to help the robots? Ha ha, no way! Nice try robots!

In this exciting team-based tactical shooter, you play as Ervil LeBaron, fighting your way through hordes of vicious enemies accompanied by your 16 AI-controlled wives. Collect powerups and gold to upgrade… oh wait, Polygonal Fury. Sorry, wrong game.

Well look at that… two assassin games in a row. Coincidence? Or do you think someone is paying me $1 for every time I say the word ass in a post? Because so far this week I’d already be at ass – I mean eleven. Actually twelve including that last ass. Thirteen!

You know what they say about assassins – they make an ass out of ass and in… uh, in.. fact yes. Hello. Where am I?

For some reason my towers always end up looking the same.

The premise is simple: take your average motel based mystery, ie: “where is that smell coming from?” or “what is that nasty brown stain on the bed?”, and then kick it up a notch.

 Stay on target!