And by “lawn” I mean the 3 foot radius around my computer. And by “get off” I mean just take a step back so you’re not in my personal space, but please stay and talk to me because I’m lonely. So very very lonely.

PPL DONT YOU JUS LV PIXELS SO MUCH DIZ MY FAV THINGS EVA!!!!

This message has been brought to you by the gems in my inbox.

Although I have lots of practice taking naked pictures of myself in the mirror, I was never smiling in any of them – until the phalloplasty, that is.

Sometimes when I play a game I can hear a song for it in my head right away. Like this one goes: cat, cat, cat – ticka-ticka – cat, cat cat (robotvoice)WAAAATERM-E-L-L-O-N *guitar solo*

What is your favorite part of point and click adventures?
a) Pointing
b) Clicking
c) Adventuring

Texting while driving? Can anyone actually do that? My hands are way too busy flipping people off and putting on eyeliner.

It actually takes very little to raise a dragon. Just leave it in a room with some canned ravioli, toilet paper, and a television. It will turn out fine – just like me. Now if you’ll excuse me, my Hannah Montana torrent is almost done and I need to get into my polar bear suit before I can watch.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy fairybug runestone thing.

Do you want to know what else the rabbit wants? Your blood.

Boom goes the dynamite.

Everybody knows the best way to remove red is using cold water and regular soap. Removing it before the item is washed and dried is essential. Just ask Horatio Caine.

So this orc walks into a bar with a duck, and he says to the bartender… Actually wait – before I go any further are we sure that’s an orc? Is there a nerd out there who can confirm whether that’s an orc or not?

I was originally calling 2009 The Year of the Physics Puzzle Games, however I am now officially changing 2009 to be The Year of the Jumping/Throwing and Upgrading In Between Games. Somebody please let China know – I’d do it myself but it’s my morning mocha time over here.

If we didn’t build bridges we could still cross a body of water by draining all the liquid out with a giant water sucking plane. It might be more expensive than building a bridge, but the water could then be flown to Afghanistan and used to flush terrorists out of their mountain holes. Think about it, and write your local congressman if you agree.

This game requires Flash Player 10. A lot of them do now. Maybe it’s time to update.

In the future, all wars will be fought with giant magnets.

In this challenging puzzle game you find yourself as a lowly chef on the famous pirate ship The Queen Anne’s Revenge. You must construct the most nourishing and efficient mid-day meals for your dangerous and hungry crew. Will it be the succulent Scurvy Soup or a steaming slice of Bilge Rat Pie? Don’t overspend your resources or – dangit, I misread the title again didn’t I?

Every time I post a Reemus game I try desperately to convince you that they’re loaded with homoerotic references. But nobody ever believes me, so this time I’m not going to say a word (except to remind you that a picture is worth a thousand words). PS: Happy Fourth Yanks!

In the U.S. military, fragging refers to the act of attacking a superior officer with a fragmentation grenade. The term originated in the Vietnam War and was most commonly used to mean assassination of an unpopular officer of one’s own fighting unit. [from Wikipedia]